Young BFs in the Military

[DISNEY1975]

Has anyone dated someone who went off to the military when they were young? This just happened to my DD. Im not sure what to say to her. She is clinging to hope. I want to tell her to not be a fool, but Im just staying out of it and letting it run its course.

 

[sonnyjane]

My husband joined the military when he was 17 (with parental consent), but I didn't meet him until he was 21. Their entire life changes when they join...and while it's nice to have someone at home "waiting for you", if she is not 100% positive and supportive, it could honestly ruin his career as well as his emotional well-being.

I think the best advice would be to let her know to be a good friend to him right now, but not to have too many expectations. The next several months are going to be dedicated to him passing through basic, choosing a career path, finding out where he'll be stationed, etc. etc. etc.

 

[Micca]

I want to tell her to not be a fool, but Im just staying out of it and letting it run its course.

This is likely the best way to look at it. Anything else and somehow you'll end up being the "bad guy." It's the beauty of being a parent: You'll never stop worrying!"

 

[DISNEY1975]

My husband joined the military when he was 17 (with parental consent), but I didn't meet him until he was 21. Their entire life changes when they join...and while it's nice to have someone at home "waiting for you", if she is not 100% positive and supportive, it could honestly ruin his career as well as his emotional well-being.

I think the best advice would be to let her know to be a good friend to him right now, but not to have too many expectations. The next several months are going to be dedicated to him passing through basic, choosing a career path, finding out where he'll be stationed, etc. etc. etc.

So far, she is, but he is only 6 weeks into bootcamp. Im sure she will stay supportive, but I have a feeling he is growing up really quickly, and she is still a "teen". Id hate for her to sit around waiting for a year+, just to have her heart broken. Due to Covid, there is no leave in the near future, even after graduation.

 

[sonnyjane]

So far, she is, but he is only 6 weeks into bootcamp. Im sure she will stay supportive, but I have a feeling he is growing up really quickly, and she is still a "teen". Id hate for her to sit around waiting for a year+, just to have her heart broken. Due to Covid, there is no leave in the near future, even after graduation.

Yeah. My husband is still in the military (deploying next week actually... joy) and they're being very restrictive in their COVID protocols. Oh man. It's tough. I've been in "this game" for almost 15 years now. One thing to be aware of, if you aren't already, is that quite a lot of military folks get married young. Young young. 18 young. I know a lot of people that got married right out of boot camp. Some are still together, a lot are not. They get some increased financial and housing benefits if they are married, so sometimes it seems like an appealing idea that wouldn't be on the table for a normal young teen couple. I only say that to prepare you so you're not shocked if it comes up! I guess you can cross that bridge if you get there...

 

[Skippy918]

My cousin’s son enlisted 2 years ago at 18. He went to boot camp a year ago and got engaged last Christmas. Not sure when the wedding is or how far he is stationed from his fiancée. COVID is another challenge with wedding planning though.

 

[AuntieMe3]

One thing to be aware of, if you aren't already, is that quite a lot of military folks get married young. Young young. 18 young. I know a lot of people that got married right out of boot camp. Some are still together, a lot are not. They get some increased financial and housing benefits if they are married, so sometimes it seems like an appealing idea that wouldn't be on the table for a normal young teen couple. I only say that to prepare you so you're not shocked if it comes up! I guess you can cross that bridge if you get there...

Yes this...Dh was already in the military when we met and married, we were 21 and 23 and we were the "old" couple....many of the other military couples we knew had been married right out of boot camp and had a couple of kids by the time they were 20 yo. Honestly when we got married, we kinda rushed it because he was getting ready to deploy and we wanted to get started on the benefits before he left.

 

[brockash]

Has anyone dated someone who went off to the military when they were young? This just happened to my DD. Im not sure what to say to her. She is clinging to hope. I want to tell her to not be a fool, but Im just staying out of it and letting it run its course.

Well, I met my dh when I was 17, he was 19 and in the military. He deployed the first time when I was 18... it's 22 years later, we're still together with 3 kids. Having said that, it's certainly not an easy life and we most definitely don't have anything near a perfect marriage and have had some very rough times, but it does happen if that's your question. I'll be honest I don't want any of my kids getting married as young as I did.

 

[JLTraveling]

I was 15 when I met and started dating a 19 year old guy in the Navy. He was in A school at the Orlando base. It was fantastic while he was in training and we saw each other all the time. But reality hit when it neared time for graduation. I had already graduated from high school and was mostly finished with my AA degree, and my parents said if I really wanted to, they'd give permission for me to get married when I turned 16--they had been a young Navy couple, not quite *that* young but they had friends who were. Anyway, we were engaged for awhile, but then I panicked. Just wasn't emotionally ready to get married and move away. We talked about long distance dating, but it just didn't seem right. So we ended up breaking up. Tried getting back together when he got out four years later, but at that point it was like we were from different worlds. Ended up being a dramatic relationship that ended very painfully. Years later we're friends, and I always wonder what if, but we've lived entirely different lives.

That's the thing with the military. You really have to decide if you're all in and ready/willing to do the military marriage thing, or you have to break up. There isn't a middle ground, because the military changes you so much. I'm sure there are exceptions, but that was my experience and that of several friends who also dated guys from the Orlando base.

 

[DISNEY1975]

Marriage is not an option (at least not anytime soon)! At that point, I WILL jump in. Best case scenario is she sees him again and make some sort of decision face to face. Right now Im just thinking she will be sitting here waiting, and he will forget all about her. It will be devastating to break up without closure. Do I prep her for that possibility? Keep my mouth shut? I just dont know.

 

[sonnyjane]

Marriage is not an option (at least not anytime soon)! At that point, I WILL jump in. Best case scenario is she sees him again and make some sort of decision face to face. Right now Im just thinking she will be sitting here waiting, and he will forget all about her. It will be devastating to break up without closure. Do I prep her for that possibility? Keep my mouth shut? I just dont know.

I’d stay quiet and just address things as they arise. He hasn’t called her in a couple weeks? Explain how busy his life is and that the military takes priority when they’re at that stage of their life. He says he thinks they should break up? Explain that military relationships are hard for even the best couples and that maybe it’s a good opportunity to date around. Yadda yadda you see where I’m going

 

[DISNEY1975]

I’d stay quiet and just address things as they arise. He hasn’t called her in a couple weeks? Explain how busy his life is and that the military takes priority when they’re at that stage of their life. He says he thinks they should break up? Explain that military relationships are hard for even the best couples and that maybe it’s a good opportunity to date around. Yadda yadda you see where I’m going

Thanks.

 

[chickapin parterre]

well....covid could save the relationship....but if he went to any coed advanced training facility .....chances are pretty slim , even worse if he is stationed at a coed company as permeant duty....but again this was the 80s and no covid. Much like a senior high school student going to university and leaving behind a sophmore friend stillin high school....unless they are true childhood sweethearts....no much hope.

as for leave for graduation ....what service is he in? US army transfers immediate to AIT training. As for phone calls....in the 80s phone calls were punishably by prison time in boot camp.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I was 15 when I met and started dating a 19 year old guy in the Navy. He was in A school at the Orlando base. It was fantastic while he was in training and we saw each other all the time. But reality hit when it neared time for graduation. I had already graduated from high school and was mostly finished with my AA degree, and my parents said if I really wanted to, they'd give permission for me to get married when I turned 16--they had been a young Navy couple, not quite *that* young but they had friends who were. Anyway, we were engaged for awhile, but then I panicked. Just wasn't emotionally ready to get married and move away. We talked about long distance dating, but it just didn't seem right. So we ended up breaking up. Tried getting back together when he got out four years later, but at that point it was like we were from different worlds. Ended up being a dramatic relationship that ended very painfully. Years later we're friends, and I always wonder what if, but we've lived entirely different lives.

That's the thing with the military. You really have to decide if you're all in and ready/willing to do the military marriage thing, or you have to break up. There isn't a middle ground, because the military changes you so much. I'm sure there are exceptions, but that was my experience and that of several friends who also dated guys from the Orlando base.

I agree with this. Joining the military has definitely changed the personality of the people I know well. There's a good chance they'll find they're no longer compatible, if they're apart for a long time.

 

[low-key]

I was the same when I came out, but we all know they are way to young to even think about forever, just give her words of encouragement, and hope they break up, LOL

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I was the same when I came out, but we all know they are way to young to even think about forever, just give her words of encouragement, and hope they break up, LOL

Just curious, how long were you in the military? The people I'm referring to are career military.

 

[low-key]

Just curious, how long were you in the military? The people I'm referring to are career military.

ohh, I was just in the Navy for 4 years to pick up babes

 

[tarheelmjfan]

ohh, I was just in the Navy for 4 years to pick up babes

Why does that not surprise me?

 

[disykat]

I agree to stay quiet and let them handle whatever happens. It could just as easily be her breaking up with him. This happens when an older boyfriend/girlfriend goes off to college leaving a high school sweetheart home too. It's hard being a parent, isn't it?

We live in a military community and know quite a few people who started dating in high school, joined the military, and went back to marry their high school sweethearts.

 

[low-key]

Why does that not surprise me?

chics dig the navy uniform