Young BFs in the Military

[DLgal]

Nobody is talking about marriage!! I dont even know how this all turned into her maybe or maybe not getting married. I was honestly just worried about him forgetting her and leaving her wasting time waiting for him.....to go back to spending time together/dating. I would hate for her to miss out on parties/prom/events waiting for someone who will not return. Just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this. Nobody is getting married!! Im 1000000% sure neither one of them are thinking of it, especially her who just watched her brother date a girl 10 years before getting married. He would have waited 5 more if he had his way!

But WHY do you feel like he will forget about her? Where is that coming from? He is in Marine boot camp, yes? He's literally surrounded by just other guys 24/7. He probably talks about your daughter ALL the time, as do all the other guys. There are no other women around to fraternize with. He is probably thinking about your daughter more than you think. Boot camp is a hard time. Recruits hang tightly onto the people who bring them comfort. You can't expect communications from him on any sort of regular schedule. The purpose of boot camp is to isolate these recruits, essentially mentally break them down and build them back up again. Trust me, once he is done, he will likely be DYING to see your daughter again. I suspect he worries far more about HER forgetting about him.

Just detach yourself from any responsibility in this relationship. Let your daughter and him navigate it themselves. Be there for her IF it breaks down.

By the way, my husband is the current operations officer for the Boot Camp in San Diego. Covid has made things much more difficult from the perspective of family being able to attend graduations and visiting during graduation weekend. Recruits are no longer given their time off after boot camp, and must go directly to their MOS schools. It is tough on everyone, but the good news is that once they are at their specialty schools, things relax quite a bit and they can have visitors. So, if your daughter can travel to wherever he goes to school, she can visit with him on a weekend.

 

[sonnyjane]

Nobody is talking about marriage!! I dont even know how this all turned into her maybe or maybe not getting married.

LOLOL gosh, I’m the one that brought it up. I’m so sorry you’re being attacked, especially since I’m the one that said it not you! I only said it because you seemed like you didn’t have much military knowledge so I didn’t want you to be shocked it if came up, because it’s a common thing in this community. The fact that some people are equating you to being racist, controlling, military-hating etc. is unfortunate. I totally knew where you were coming from and apologize if I contributed to this disaster lol!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

LOLOL gosh, I’m the one that brought it up. I’m so sorry you’re being attacked, especially since I’m the one that said it not you! I only said it because you seemed like you didn’t have much military knowledge so I didn’t want you to be shocked it if came up, because it’s a common thing in this community. The fact that some people are equating you to being racist, controlling, military-hating etc. is unfortunate. I totally knew where you were coming from and apologize if I contributed to this disaster lol!

Racist? Did I miss something?

 

[sonnyjane]

Racist? Did I miss something?

It was a bit of a stretch... in fact I came back to edit my comment but since you already quoted me too late now lol. On page 3 someone said that the comments reminded them of not letting two people of different races get married.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It was a bit of a stretch... in fact I came back to edit my comment but since you already quoted me too late now lol. On page 3 someone said that the comments reminded them of not letting two people of different races or religions get married.

Ohhh ok I gotcha..sorry to have quoted you before you could edit! Lemmie know if you'd like to me to edit on my side.

 

[DISNEY1975]

I only said it because you seemed like you didn’t have much military knowledge so I didn’t want you to be shocked it if came up,

Thank you for your insight. You are correct. I have ZERO knowledge of the military and really appreciate your information and advise. Others seemed to have ran away with one word you mentioned! I do love the success stories though, and even the breakups, which seemed to be addressed and not just the BF vanishing into thin air. That is what I hope for. Together or apart, I hope they communicate.

Thanks again!

 

[sonnyjane]

Ohhh ok I gotcha..sorry to have quoted you before you could edit! Lemmie know if you'd like to me to edit on my side.

It's fine, I said it. I just thought that was it was an extreme stance for that particular poster to take to compare the prohibition of allowing people of different races or religions to marry with a mom that was just looking for insight on how boot camp might affect young love lol.

 

[DISNEY1975]

But WHY do you feel like he will forget about her? Where is that coming from? He is in Marine boot camp, yes? He's literally surrounded by just other guys 24/7. He probably talks about your daughter ALL the time, as do all the other guys. There are no other women around to fraternize with. He is probably thinking about your daughter more than you think. Boot camp is a hard time. Recruits hang tightly onto the people who bring them comfort. You can't expect communications from him on any sort of regular schedule. The purpose of boot camp is to isolate these recruits, essentially mentally break them down and build them back up again. Trust me, once he is done, he will likely be DYING to see your daughter again. I suspect he worries far more about HER forgetting about him.

Just detach yourself from any responsibility in this relationship. Let your daughter and him navigate it themselves. Be there for her IF it breaks down.

By the way, my husband is the current operations officer for the Boot Camp in San Diego. Covid has made things much more difficult from the perspective of family being able to attend graduations and visiting during graduation weekend. Recruits are no longer given their time off after boot camp, and must go directly to their MOS schools. It is tough on everyone, but the good news is that once they are at their specialty schools, things relax quite a bit and they can have visitors. So, if your daughter can travel to wherever he goes to school, she can visit with him on a weekend.

WOW.....Im debating showing this post to her. It will literally make her day! But she'd kill me for posting about it! Good to know on the school, although its literally across the country..cant get any further! Yes, family day has been cancelled and graduation is closed to the public

Kudos to your husband for continuing his service. Ive been watching videos of the boot camp and now see why the USMC is considered the best of the best. If I didnt see with my own eyes how many graduate each year, I would say it was impossible. I honestly dont know how they do it. They deserve the ultimate respect.

After bootcamp, he goes to infantry training. Does he not get any leave after ITB before heading to his MOS? When he left, it was a possibility. Not sure where they are at with that restriction. Thanks for any insight.

 

[Donald13]

It was a bit of a stretch... in fact I came back to edit my comment but since you already quoted me too late now lol. On page 3 someone said that the comments reminded them of not letting two people of different races get married.

That’s so ridiculous. And literally the dis in a nutshell.

 

[DLgal]

WOW.....Im debating showing this post to her. It will literally make her day! But she'd kill me for posting about it! Good to know on the school, although its literally across the country..cant get any further! Yes, family day has been cancelled and graduation is closed to the public

Kudos to your husband for continuing his service. Ive been watching videos of the boot camp and now see why the USMC is considered the best of the best. If I didnt see with my own eyes how many graduate each year, I would say it was impossible. I honestly dont know how they do it. They deserve the ultimate respect.

After bootcamp, he goes to infantry training. Does he not get any leave after ITB before heading to his MOS? When he left, it was a possibility. Not sure where they are at with that restriction. Thanks for any insight.

He should get leave after he is done at ITB. That is considered a PCS (permanent change of station) and will be the time he goes home to collect his things that he wants to bring with him to his first duty station. He should get a 2 week leave period to do all that.

The reason for no leave after boot camp is because the Marine Corps has already invested significant time and expense making sure these new Marines are heading to their schools virus free, and any break in that chain slows down the progression of the tight timelines of all the specialty schools. They cannot afford to have Marines quarantine again for 14 days at the start of school. They do all the quarantine and testing on the front end when they arrive at boot camp so they don't have to worry about it again down the line.

This is also why graduations have been closed to friends and family, any exposure throws the whole well oiled machine into disarray and they would then have to repeat the quarantines. It has been quite a logistical challenge to set up the quarantine protocol for the boot camp. It's not practical to have to do that at all the various schools as well.

By the way, there are 2 infantry schools. CA and NC. He will go to whatever infantry school is assigned to his boot camp, geographically (Parris Island Marines go to School of Infantry at Camp Lejeune, NC and MCRD San Diego Marines go to school of infantry at Camp Pendleton, CA. Not sure how you assume he will be "across the country." What state are you in now?

 

[goofyernmost]

Has anyone dated someone who went off to the military when they were young? This just happened to my DD. Im not sure what to say to her. She is clinging to hope. I want to tell her to not be a fool, but Im just staying out of it and letting it run its course.

Not judging, just curious, why do you think she is being a fool. Young love is grand. You don't know how many times I wished when I was in Vietnam that I had a girl friend at home waiting for me to return. It seemed to give others are real sense of determination to do the job and get back home. I came home to my family (mother, father and sister) but really that is a required welcoming committee and not someone that was there because they had that feeling inside. If you make any attempt to control that situation or try to convince her that she is foolish to be longing it will only strengthen her resolve to continue. When they are together again, over time, it will either blossom into a long term thing or they will find another route to travel. It's funny how things work given enough time.

 

[goofyernmost]

WOW.....Im debating showing this post to her. It will literally make her day! But she'd kill me for posting about it! Good to know on the school, although its literally across the country..cant get any further! Yes, family day has been cancelled and graduation is closed to the public

Kudos to your husband for continuing his service. Ive been watching videos of the boot camp and now see why the USMC is considered the best of the best. If I didnt see with my own eyes how many graduate each year, I would say it was impossible. I honestly dont know how they do it. They deserve the ultimate respect.

After bootcamp, he goes to infantry training. Does he not get any leave after ITB before heading to his MOS? When he left, it was a possibility. Not sure where they are at with that restriction. Thanks for any insight.

That situation usually works from the person at home. Starting out in the military is an exercise in everything except relationships. Especially in basic. Survival is the key word for that. The chances are that if anyone were to have the opportunity to forget or stray, he would be the one to be concerned. I got a "Dear John" while in tech school after basic. I was upset, but they didn't give me time to react to it and by the time I had the time, the sting was over.

 

[DISNEY1975]

He should get leave after he is done at ITB. That is considered a PCS (permanent change of station) and will be the time he goes home to collect his things that he wants to bring with him to his first duty station. He should get a 2 week leave period to do all that.

The reason for no leave after boot camp is because the Marine Corps has already invested significant time and expense making sure these new Marines are heading to their schools virus free, and any break in that chain slows down the progression of the tight timelines of all the specialty schools. They cannot afford to have Marines quarantine again for 14 days at the start of school. They do all the quarantine and testing on the front end when they arrive at boot camp so they don't have to worry about it again down the line.

This is also why graduations have been closed to friends and family, any exposure throws the whole well oiled machine into disarray and they would then have to repeat the quarantines. It has been quite a logistical challenge to set up the quarantine protocol for the boot camp. It's not practical to have to do that at all the various schools as well.

By the way, there are 2 infantry schools. CA and NC. He will go to whatever infantry school is assigned to his boot camp, geographically (Parris Island Marines go to School of Infantry at Camp Lejeune, NC and MCRD San Diego Marines go to school of infantry at Camp Pendleton, CA. Not sure how you assume he will be "across the country." What state are you in now?

I completely understand the quarantine, and no time off after boot camp. I would even understand no time off before leaving to the next place or the next place. I was just curious. I think she'd (and everyone) would rather know either way than not know at all.

Im not sure we are allowed to talk about where he is or what he is doing. I do know after SOI he will be going across the country for more training. I assumed this place was his ??MOS??. Not sure. He explained it all to my daughter, who told me. Think of the game "telephone" !!

 

[sonnyjane]

I completely understand the quarantine, and no time off after boot camp. I would even understand no time off before leaving to the next place or the next place. I was just curious. I think she'd (and everyone) would rather know either way than not know at all.

Im not sure we are allowed to talk about where he is or what he is doing. I do know after SOI he will be going across the country for more training. I assumed this place was his ??MOS??. Not sure. He explained it all to my daughter, who told me. Think of the game "telephone" !!

Ha at the telephone line. MOS is his job working the military (short for military occupational specialty). He may go to additional schools elsewhere depending on that his MOS is.

I also had to politely laugh at your comment, “I think she'd (and everyone) would rather know either way than not know at all.” Unfortunately, get used to not ever knowing. My husband leaves for deployment next Wednesday. We don’t know where he’s going, and we don’t know how long he will be gone (between 6-9 months). When we got married, we ran away at Christmas because the military couldn’t promise us leave so we didn’t bother planning anything and took a gamble that Christmas would be ok. Our first move, we listed three choices of where we’d like to go... and got none of them. You just shut up and deal sadly! Sometimes you don’t know where your new home will be even when the movers come to pack up your old home!

To address your other point though, yes, for security reasons, it’s best you not give too many details online!

 

[DLgal]

I completely understand the quarantine, and no time off after boot camp. I would even understand no time off before leaving to the next place or the next place. I was just curious. I think she'd (and everyone) would rather know either way than not know at all.

Im not sure we are allowed to talk about where he is or what he is doing. I do know after SOI he will be going across the country for more training. I assumed this place was his ??MOS??. Not sure. He explained it all to my daughter, who told me. Think of the game "telephone" !!

You can just tell me where you live and I'll know which boot camp he is at. You can even just say "east of the Mississippi" or "west of the Mississippi."

The location of Marine boot camp isn't a secret. It's very well publicized. Deployments are another story, and you definitely don't want to share those details with others who don't need to know.

 

[DISNEY1975]

You can just tell me where you live and I'll know which boot camp he is at. You can even just say "east of the Mississippi" or "west of the Mississippi."

The location of Marine boot camp isn't a secret. It's very well publicized. Deployments are another story, and you definitely don't want to share those details with others who don't need to know.

Being unfamiliar with the military, I dont know what I can disclose and what I can not. Since he is an adult and I am not his parent, its not my place to disclose anything, regardless of military rules.

I do appreciate all the info you have given me. Thank you so much!

 

[jackers]

Im just hoping their is some closure or discussion and he doesnt just leave her waiting, with her thinking he is training and that is the reason for no letters/calls.

Well, him being in boot camp IS the reason for few letters/no calls. Marine boot camp is intense. Even when they get a few minutes to themselves, there is often things other than writing that needs to be done. My son was there 6 years ago and I got zero calls and about 5 letters during that time.

My anecdote: DS and his girlfriend started dating the last day of high school and he left for training in August. I wasn’t sure what would happen while he was gone, but she was there to meet him when he got off the plane on leave. They maintained their relationship with two overseas deployments and living 4 states apart for most of his 4 years. To be fair, they had a child and married during that time (but still lived apart due to timing of all these events) so there was certainly more pressure to make it work, but my point is it can be done. But as others have mentioned, they do change while in the military so it will definitely depend on the two individuals and if they are still compatible afterwards. Only time will tell, but I think you need to let your daughter figure that out.

 

[LovesTimone]

I have several girl friends from high school... that got married to their boyfriends when they got out of basic training... I will say for the most part they are all still together, two of my friends spouse's where killed in combat during Dessert storm, and when they remarried they both married activity duty and are still married to them. One of the others friend's DH was killed serving his country not very long ago, she was never told where, when or how he died, except he was on a mission, and saved several of his brothers, and was a true hero...he gave the last full measure to his country, and his brothers... he is laid to rest at Arlington. Even with all of that she said she would do it over again, even knowing the outcome...

He will change drastically, he will be a man when he comes home... the teenager was left behind when he got on the bus... When I saw my brother when he came home after basic, he was completely different, while he looked the same, the way he moved and walked and even how he talked was very different.

As always, I would like to Thank the men and women who serve in the military, law enforcement... who keep us safe, who are standing on the wall, and Thank you to their families for keeping the home fires burning, and supporting their spouse... God's Blessing on you all...

 

[clh2]

My nephew (DN)started dating a girl in high school, I’ll call her GF, just before they turned 16.

DN joined the army after high school. After boot camp, he went to a base in Texas, and was at that base (except for 2 deployments). GF went to college while she he was in Texas. At some point, they got engaged, and had a wedding planned for June 2018, GF graduated from college in 2018.

The Army had other plans. They found out that DN was most likely going to be deployed in the April/May timeframe, so they pushed up their wedding to October 2017, a very small, but beautiful event (all parents, bride’s sister and the pastor).

DN was ultimately deployed from late April 2018, GF graduated from college in May 2018. The original 6/2018 wedding got delayed into a vow renewal in July 2019. DN got back from his deployment in 12/2018. GF moved to Texas until DN finished up his Army time in May 2014. They moved from Texas back to Wisconsin.

We all had a great time at their vow renewal. DN and GF bought a house about 6 months ago, and now have a cute golden retriever puppy.

Probably the biggest reason this worked, was both sets of parents were super-supportive.

 

[DISNEY1975]

Thanks!