Teenager doesn't want to go

[Nancyg56]

My youngest son, now 28, has never liked to travel. We took him to WDW when he was 9. By day three he wanted to go home. We stayed the week but he has never wanted to go back. We took him on a cruise when he was 11. He said it was ok, just ok. Tried again during spring break his freshman year of college. He told me then he was done cruising. He just doesn't enjoy being away from home for extended periods of time. We've never pushed the issue. He has never been sulky or grumpy about it but he'd prefer to stay home. I can't see forcing someone to go on a trip, especially if there are options available that make it possible for him to stay home.

My oldest was like that. There were very few places he really liked to travel to. Not everyone likes to vacation, and some simply hate to fly. My son was a little of both, and was uneasy in crowds on top of that.

 

[tcufrog]

Will the grandparents be good about disciplining and setting limits or will they spoil him and let him run wild?

 

[Nayan]

My oldest was like that. There were very few places he really liked to travel to. Not everyone likes to vacation, and some simply hate to fly. My son was a little of both, and was uneasy in crowds on top of that.

This is my son as well. He'll go on a day trip, but he really dislikes extended travel and I never made him go on any of my big trips. We were both happy.

 

[piccolopat]

If the grandparents are OK with this plan, I say let him go there. WDW will likely always be there but his grandparents might not.

 

[Cinderella94]

If the grandparents are OK with this plan, I say let him go there. WDW will likely always be there but his grandparents might not.

Yes, but the opportunity for a family vacation might not be either. Awful to think about but we never know what might happen tomorrow. To me, a family vacation is a family vacation, meaning everyone.
OP, since he hasn't been in 7 years, he has no idea what WDW is like now. Bring him on the vacation and then all go visit the grandparents for your next trip.

 

[Vijoge]

Y To me, a family vacation is a family vacation, meaning everyone.

I understand your point. Perhaps the next step, instead of forcing one member of the family to take a trip he's not interested in, should be to choose a destination that appeals to all members of the group.

 

[Nancyg56]

Yes, but the opportunity for a family vacation might not be either. Awful to think about but we never know what might happen tomorrow. To me, a family vacation is a family vacation, meaning everyone.
OP, since he hasn't been in 7 years, he has no idea what WDW is like now. Bring him on the vacation and then all go visit the grandparents for your next trip.

I think that teens know what they like and whet they do not. I cannot see the benefit of insisting someone join the family on a vacation if that person would be miserable. When my own children were all home we navigated their schedules, and their wants individually as well as a family. Sometimes it makes more sense to acquiesce to a request than to insist on a command performance. In our home family was not just vacations. To be honest, we did not get to take too many, but my oldest would have rather chewed glass and died than ever return to WDW> I would never have dragged him back, but instead I would have planned a trip he would enjoy the next time.

 

[Cinderella94]

I understand your point. Perhaps the next step, instead of forcing one member of the family to take a trip he's not interested in, should be to choose a destination that appeals to all members of the group.

That's certainly not a bad idea. Now, my parents' response to that would have been, "the 16 year old does not get to change the destination of the family vacation." So, at least until I'm in those shoes one day, I'm inclined to think the same way. But, I understand your point as well.
ETA: Planning the next trip and taking everyone's voice into account is a great idea. But changing this already existing trip to accommodate one person's wants, that's different to me.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Yes, but the opportunity for a family vacation might not be either. Awful to think about but we never know what might happen tomorrow. To me, a family vacation is a family vacation, meaning everyone.
OP, since he hasn't been in 7 years, he has no idea what WDW is like now. Bring him on the vacation and then all go visit the grandparents for your next trip.

It's one of the reasons I ultimately come down on the "go" side. My sister was 22 and had no interest in parks, and wasn't gonna go on our FL trip (even though she had no job/college/other things she needed to be doing). This was planned to be one of the last few "all 6 kids in FL with parents" trips, b/c we were all starting to leave the nest (and heck, I was a newlywed). It was big for my parents and they wanted all of us there. Ultimately, 6 months out, my parents decided to pay her whole way (even though my older brother, and I, her younger 21 year old sister, were paying our own way) and she reluctantly agreed to go. 4 weeks before the trip, my dad had emergency surgery and was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at 51. We all wanted to cancel for my dad's health, but the docs said they couldn't start chemo for 6 weeks b/c of the surgery and if my dad was up for it, he should go, take it easy, and enjoy the nice weather. And we did and it was one of our best trips ever. My dad, once chemo started, never recovered and died within 17 months, having never taken another family trip. Not a day goes by that any of us regret that trip - our only regret would have been not going.

 

[Cinderella94]

It's one of the reasons I ultimately come down on the "go" side. My sister was 22 and had no interest in parks, and wasn't gonna go on our FL trip (even though she had no job/college/other things she needed to be doing). This was planned to be one of the last few "all 6 kids in FL with parents" trips, b/c we were all starting to leave the nest (and heck, I was a newlywed). It was big for my parents and they wanted all of us there. Ultimately, 6 months out, my parents decided to pay her whole way (even though my older brother, and I, her younger 21 year old sister, were paying our own way) and she reluctantly agreed to go. 4 weeks before the trip, my dad had emergency surgery and was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at 51. We all wanted to cancel for my dad's health, but the docs said they couldn't start chemo for 6 weeks b/c of the surgery and if my dad was up for it, he should go, take it easy, and enjoy the nice weather. And we did and it was one of our best trips ever. My dad, once chemo started, never recovered and died within 17 months, having never taken another family trip. Not a day goes by that any of us regret that trip - our only regret would have been not going.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

It's all good now (it's been over a decade...which means I'm now getting old.

But it's funny, b/c my spouse never took family trips as a kid, and that was his 1st one, with me and my fam...and the last for my dad. My husband decided that family trips were priceless from that point on...although, we tend to take the "buy in" angle to get everyone wanting to go (like our recent trip to Williamsburg, my oldest 2 were a little put off, until they realized they could ride all the big rides together without us)...they thought they'd be stuck like glue to their little bros, but they didn't know mom planned to let them have a few hours of just girls (while I stood on the ground and waited at ride exits!)

 

[BobbyDukes]

Question: Does your teenager play Pokemon Go? I know I know!!!! But Disney is 100% loaded to help play the game. It will get him going to each park and place with you, especially Disney Springs. I get it though its a stupid game, and keeps their heads staring at the phone, but you at the very least get him there.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

In my family, he'd be going. At 16, he's a minor, you're the parent. He is not yet old enough to call the shots. And I wouldn't be begging or bargaining. He would be going and going easily or his life at home would be miserable. No phone, grounded, no t.v., no extracirriculars. I don't like the precedent of letting a teenager decide things for the family.

 

[piccolopat]

Yes, but the opportunity for a family vacation might not be either. Awful to think about but we never know what might happen tomorrow. To me, a family vacation is a family vacation, meaning everyone.
OP, since he hasn't been in 7 years, he has no idea what WDW is like now. Bring him on the vacation and then all go visit the grandparents for your next trip.

The difference here is that the son lives with his parents and siblings spends time with them everyday while the grandparents are a flight away. Of course anything can happen at any time, but your risk of not being there one day increases as you age. WDW is great for people who love it (as most of us on this board do) but that's not the case for everyone. Show him the latest videos of what's new to see if anything changes his mind. If not, I don't see the point in forcing an older teen to choose lines and make believe over time with his grandparents.

 

[Nayan]

In my family, he'd be going. At 16, he's a minor, you're the parent. He is not yet old enough to call the shots. And I wouldn't be begging or bargaining. He would be going and going easily or his life at home would be miserable. No phone, grounded, no t.v., no extracirriculars. I don't like the precedent of letting a teenager decide things for the family.

At 16 they are also at the age where they will be starting to make their own decisions, especially about their future. He is certainly old enough to call the shots and if he wants to spend time with the Grands (and if the OP wasn't on the fence then this thread wouldn't have been started) I say let him. As a PP said, Disney will always be there.

 

[Disneylover99]

I would definitely let him stay with his grandparents if it's okay with them. Why not? It sounds like a win/win for all.

 

[rigs32]

In my family, he'd be going. At 16, he's a minor, you're the parent. He is not yet old enough to call the shots. And I wouldn't be begging or bargaining. He would be going and going easily or his life at home would be miserable. No phone, grounded, no t.v., no extracirriculars. I don't like the precedent of letting a teenager decide things for the family.

Except.... he's not deciding things for the family. He's deciding for himself. In two short years, he may be away from home for school or work. It's time to start letting him have some agency.

Now, I'm not 100% on the side of letting him stay. I'd look into tailoring some days or a part of every day to his tastes. With the difference in ride tastes, I'm guessing he expects to be sitting around waiting for his much younger siblings most of every park day. Doesn't sound fun to me! Maybe he'd like that card games scavenger hunt (blanking on the name) at MK and things like that.

If a teen didn't like to ski, but the rest of the family did, how would you handle that? Would you expect him to go and suck it up? Stay in the lodge? Stay home? Or would you choose a different destination so the whole family could take part?

 

[Hikergirl]

I would have no problem letting him stay but for this trip does it have to be all WDW?
If it were my kid, I would suggest he come along, and if he didn't want to do the parks with us that would be ok, he could hang out by the pool every day. I would also see if there was something he was actually interested in doing while in Orlando and do that. If he was totally not wanting to do any of it, and willing to stay with the grandparents then I'd let him stay.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

In my family, he'd be going. At 16, he's a minor, you're the parent. He is not yet old enough to call the shots. And I wouldn't be begging or bargaining. He would be going and going easily or his life at home would be miserable. No phone, grounded, no t.v., no extracirriculars. I don't like the precedent of letting a teenager decide things for the family.

If he is respectfully expressing his wishes, not being a brat about it, I think this attitude is 100% counterproductive and destructive to the parent/child relationship. My parents had this "my word is law, you will not question" attitude, and our relationship still suffers for it. I didn't talk to them about anything that really mattered, there was no point, because nothing I said had ANY impact. While I DO NOT think any child should dictate how a family functions, at 16, not taking their concerns or wants into account at all closes the door on communication, because it sends the message that no one is really listening, and nothing you say will change any outcome. You don't want to do that at sixteen.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Except.... he's not deciding things for the family. He's deciding for himself. In two short years, he may be away from home for school or work. It's time to start letting him have some agency.

Now, I'm not 100% on the side of letting him stay. I'd look into tailoring some days or a part of every day to his tastes. With the difference in ride tastes, I'm guessing he expects to be sitting around waiting for his much younger siblings most of every park day. Doesn't sound fun to me! Maybe he'd like that card games scavenger hunt (blanking on the name) at MK and things like that.

If a teen didn't like to ski, but the rest of the family did, how would you handle that? Would you expect him to go and suck it up? Stay in the lodge? Stay home? Or would you choose a different destination so the whole family could take part?

Good for you, trying to make it work. The card game is Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom, and I think it would be a good alternative for him. What else is he into? Is he a foodie, does he like history, trains, science? There are lots of tours and activities that might appeal to his interests. Maybe divide and conquer? One parent with him on a tour and one with the younger boys? As a PP said Disney is a place he could have a large amount of freedom to come and go without you guys for a while as well a break form the littles.