Teenager doesn't want to go

[Justabaseballmom]

I've planed a trip for beginning of June for my DH, me and 3 boys ages 8, 10 & 16. The oldest isn't very interested in going as he's been before and wants to stay with grandparents during vacation. What would you do, make him go or let him stay? On the positive side, vacation would cost less since 1 less dining plan and can get stay in a theme room at Caribbean Beach, he'll get a week with grandparents to himself. Down side, he's not on family vacation. I kind of understand with the age difference he might not have as much fun as his brothers. The 16yo doesn't do roller coasters or any scary rides. The 10yo will ride everything and the 8yo depends on height. We haven't been in 7 years. What are your thoughts? We need to make a decision soon so I can book a plane ticket for him to his grandparents, as they are really cheap right now.

 

[quandrea]

My first instinct is to bring him. I always say to my kids, "You go where I go." He can be given lots of freedom at Disney. He can sleep in, lounge by the pool, come and go at the parks as he pleases, meet up with you for meals. I'm not usually one for the dining plan but if you had it, he could pay for meals on his own while out and about.

 

[brockash]

Is there something that he doesn't want to miss or does he just not want to go? If he just doesn't want to go, then I'might pretty sure I'd make him and try to find something special for him to look forward to there, but either way even though he's a teenager he still spends time with family etc. If there's something the trips conflicting with, sports, school, activities etc., then I'd try to work around the schedule or possibly let him stay home. Unfortunately I think we've reached that point with my oldest -15 and with his sports schedule I think it's come to the point that if he does come this year, it won't be for the whole trip and that's sad for us, but it's just where we're at at this point.

 

[Canooknic]

I wouldn't make him go, it's going to affect everyone's trip if you have a stroppy teenager dragging along behind. It's not like he's planning to run havok while you're away, he's staying with grandparents - and they'll probably enjoy having him to themselves too!

I remember when my brothers all went through the phase, then they hit 18 (19? 20?) and suddenly it was fun to hang out with everyone again and we've had great trips since...now we have our own kids and my nephews are all in the 'I'm not going' phase!!

 

[North of Mouse]

I've planed a trip for beginning of June for my DH, me and 3 boys ages 8, 10 & 16. The oldest isn't very interested in going as he's been before and wants to stay with grandparents during vacation. What would you do, make him go or let him stay? On the positive side, vacation would cost less since 1 less dining plan and can get stay in a theme room at Caribbean Beach, he'll get a week with grandparents to himself. Down side, he's not on family vacation. I kind of understand with the age difference he might not have as much fun as his brothers. The 16yo doesn't do roller coasters or any scary rides. The 10yo will ride everything and the 8yo depends on height. We haven't been in 7 years. What are your thoughts? We need to make a decision soon so I can book a plane ticket for him to his grandparents, as they are really cheap right now.

Did this issue just come up with this vacation, or does it have precedent on other family trips before. Our children always knew family time (vacations) meant just that, so there was never a question until they left home. Actually, the question never came up as this was our norm and we always had a good time together.

Only you can make the decision as you know your son best and what has been done in the past. Cost would not factor in the decision IMO.

 

[Momto2minniemice]

If he does not want to go and staying with a grandparent is an option then let him stay home. A grumpy teen on any given day really is not worth it they would make the whole group just cranky. BUT I would have him write you a letter explaining why he is choosing not to go with the family. They way you understand and when he later is mad that he did not go you can hand him the letter and the proof is in the writing.
Even though the trip would be cheaper I would see if there is something that he would like to do during that time that he is into that fits into the budget. Such as a sleep away camp, joining a club, ect. In the end you can always put the money away for his Senior/College years! Good luck!

 

[Nayan]

Grandparents hands down! This is coming from someone who only met her Grandmother once and never met her Grandfather. I can't tell you how often I wish I had had the chance to spend more time with her (opposite coasts and no money to travel) before she passed. While Disney is fun and such, making memories with the G'Parents to me would be much more worth it.

 

[adisneyaunt]

Cost would not be a factor in my decision. A family vacation is just that. Kids are so fickle. Unless there is is some extraordinary reason, I'd tell him that you d all really miss him ... and maybe this vacation he'd like to try some different/new individual experiences etc.
things don't always go ur way..he ll roll with the punches...
Have a great trip!!

 

[siestakeys04]

I would let him stay home. We begged our 17 year old to go with us on a cruise this past November. He wanted no part he said he was okay he just didn't want to go so his 21 year old sister looked out for him as far as school and food goes. If he said he wanted to stay with friends that would be different for me but since he wants to stay with grandparents I don't see any harm. Just ask him if he would like anything back, our son asked for t-shirts.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would let him stay with his grands if they are okay with it. My DGD woudl stay with us in a heartbeat if her parents went someplace she was not interested in going. SHe has been clear that she is not interested in a WDW vacation this year, but I bet if her parents wanted to go she would love to be with us. Too bad her mom and dad would miss her.....( she told me last summer that she "can't get rid of them" LOL!!!!) I think it's hysterical! SHe is the least needy teen girl I know.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I've planed a trip for beginning of June for my DH, me and 3 boys ages 8, 10 & 16. The oldest isn't very interested in going as he's been before and wants to stay with grandparents during vacation. What would you do, make him go or let him stay? On the positive side, vacation would cost less since 1 less dining plan and can get stay in a theme room at Caribbean Beach, he'll get a week with grandparents to himself. Down side, he's not on family vacation. I kind of understand with the age difference he might not have as much fun as his brothers. The 16yo doesn't do roller coasters or any scary rides. The 10yo will ride everything and the 8yo depends on height. We haven't been in 7 years. What are your thoughts? We need to make a decision soon so I can book a plane ticket for him to his grandparents, as they are really cheap right now.

I'm torn. First, I'd want to make sure the grandparents actually want to AND are up to dealing with him for a week before I ever considered that plan. But, even then, I think rather than lose one of the last vacations I'd take as a fam, I'd alter it to see if there's a way he might be interested. I'm not saying abandon Disney...but could there be 2-3 days set aside to do something not Disney that might really float his (and his brothers') boat? Like surfing in Cocoa Beach? Seeing the Florida swamps by airboat? Hitting the "dark side"? Etc, Etc...

Now, I do send my oldest 2 kids to grandmom every year by train for a week of fun with her and the aunts/uncles/cousins. But, that's not our family vacation - that's more summer camp for them...

 

[22Tink]

I wouldn't make him go. My teenaged son stayed home from our last 2 Disney trips. He'd been to Disney enough times to know that he no longer enjoys those types of trips so I saw no reason to force him to come. I brought him back a couple of souvenirs and he was good with that!

 

[littlbugmom]

I wouldn't have a problem with my 16yr old staying with grandparents for a week but I'd want to find out exactly why he didn't want to go. For instance, not liking big rides isn't enough of a reason to skip the trip....there aren't that many big rides anyway. Also, it's been a long time since he's been there....he was only around 9yrs old when he was last there. Going as a teen would be a very different trip. I'd talk to him about tailoring some of the trip for him. Some families even take a close friend for the teen to hang out with. (There's a lot more involved with that, though.)

If there is something he doesn't want to miss out on happening at home during that time, I'd be more open to him missing the trip but again, we'd need to talk about what that is.

 

[GrumpyDad1974]

Definitely Grandparents... We went with DD when she was 15 and she had the worst attitude, it kind of spoiled the vacation. She said she wanted to go but when we got there she was to busy being too cool and didn't want anything to do with us. Side note she is an only child so if we had know how it was going to be I would have just stayed home and saved the money.

 

[ForMyBoys]

Hmm tough call. It really depends on all the facts. If he's not being bratty about it and has respectfully asked to stay w/ the gparents for this trip I see no harm. Your younger two are at an ideal age to enjoy Disney and if he truly thinks he won't have fun maybe its a good decision. But honestly it would be tough for me to leave one of my kids behind while on vacation.

However, I also think its important for my kids to realize that everything isn't about them and sometimes its just better in life to go with the flow and have a good attitude. I'm sure like others have said you could give him some freedom while on the trip and that could help. Or like others have mentioned maybe a split trip where you do a few days at Disney and a few days doing other stuff. Good Luck!!

 

[MomTo3PrincessesInNJ]

For me, a family vacation means the entire family. I would take him to Disney but ask him what he has in mind for the next big family vacation, since this one is more geared towards his little brothers. Families are all about give and take, compromise. But (to me) family is about being together, too.

 

[a742246]

I would let him stay with his Grandparents. When you come back I would do something special with him alone (you and your spouse) maybe do a concert, a sporting event, or even a dinner.

 

[MudQueen22]

As long as grAndparents are up to it, and they are good with boundaries for him, I would let him stay with them.
In a few years, he will want to go again.

Don't force him. He will come around in a few years.

 

[iivye]

I would let him stay home if that's what he wants to do. Although my teen hasn't wanted to skip any vacations yet, she has stayed behind in the hotel or on the cruise ship while my husband and I do stuff. I learned that forcing her to do things with us just resulted in everyone being miserable.

 

[Vijoge]

My youngest son, now 28, has never liked to travel. We took him to WDW when he was 9. By day three he wanted to go home. We stayed the week but he has never wanted to go back. We took him on a cruise when he was 11. He said it was ok, just ok. Tried again during spring break his freshman year of college. He told me then he was done cruising. He just doesn't enjoy being away from home for extended periods of time. We've never pushed the issue. He has never been sulky or grumpy about it but he'd prefer to stay home. I can't see forcing someone to go on a trip, especially if there are options available that make it possible for him to stay home.