Need vs Want

[North of Mouse]

In asking my husband to do the dishes which had been sitting in the sink for two weeks (I cook and grocery shop, he does dishes) because I need to be able to cook at home he informed me that cooking at home was a *WANT* and not a *NEED*

Opinions? Because I just don't even know what to say to that.

I don't want to the dishes done everyday, twice or even once a week i could live with. We do own a dishwasher but he thinks it leaves a film on the dishes so prefers to hand wash the dishes.

You don't want dishes washed everyday, and could even 'settle' for once a week??? Unwanted 'pests' (for a nicer word) could take over your house in that length of time!

Now, I don't even know what to say to 'that'!!!!

Cooking at home is a 'want'????

Wow, just flabbergasted at all this - never heard these things before. Sounds like both need to do some serious 'growing up'!!!

You asked for opinions, and that's mine! No dirty dishes in my sink overnight!!

 

[North of Mouse]

This is faulty logic because it assumes eating at home doesn't have a cost too! I love it when people forget that bringing food from home or eating at home while *much* cheaper than eating out still has a cost, realistically given what I would like are eating habits to be, food would still cost 5% of our gross pay (granted I would love 5% of our take home to go to Disney, we could have a nice vacation every year) My husband wouldn't suggest eating out if we weren't first funding retirement, we both consider that a *need* although we may vary in what % of income should be put away. We found the extra in the budget for daycare from the extra we were putting towards paying the house off early (still putting a little extra towards it but it's peanuts compared to before). We are also talking about putting up a fence and we said were going to trim the budget by $300 to help repay savings for this expense. I agree we are not on the same page about how that was going to happen, because I thought it was going to come from eating at home (and even doing cheap meals at home vs prepackaged/pre-made ones). We'll figure it out, if it was a black and white need vs want issue and the bills were in jeopardy of not being paid we'd eat beans and rice, luckily that's not the issue.

The dishes I described had been taken care of the night before I posted this. I only added that information for background because I've seen many a person post in other threads looking for more background information.

I agree that some posts have been judgmental, I'm a firm believer in if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything, but this is also a internet message board and somewhat to be expected, I wouldn't post if I didn't have a thick skin.
IMHO - Judgmental = That's disgusting or you're childish grow up
Helpful - I wouldn't personally let the dishes go that long, or think how that will impact the baby (which I am, thats why I'm trying to create the healthy pattern now)

I can handle advice I don't agree with or that points out *my* flaws, but being negative to be negative doesn't help anyone, except to maybe make the giver feel superior (I don't care personally, but I do see this alot on these boards and thought I would offer my constructive opinion)

We've been married 12 years, we'll work this out, its just finding a new rhythm with the baby.

I just would have never said eating at home is a *WANT* I'm so budget minded that something which saves so much money and is healthier vs the more expensive option is clearly the better choice and therefor a *NEED*

Funny enough I was reminded last night how good my DH is at the 'big stuff'. Washing machine wouldn't work last night and while we have an extended warranty (which it may or may not still be under) he decided to look at the problem. The door locking mechanism is busted $50 Part is on order and will be here Friday. We do save money by him being handy around the house.

After this post, I 'really' don't get why in the world you were asking for opinions when you seem to have 'all' the answers you were 'wanting' right here all the time!!

What other opinions were you looking for? Did you actually not realize people would think 1-2 weeks (or more) dirty dishes in the sink would be gross, unhealthy, smelly, and on and on---------

Count your blessings, 'do' the dishes your way, and let hubby do other chores.
He doesn't 'like', let him 're do' them his way as a 'repeat'.

 

[wallawallakids]

You don't want dishes washed everyday, and could even 'settle' for once a week??? Unwanted 'pests' (for a nicer word) could take over your house in that length of time!

Now, I don't even know what to say to 'that'!!!!

Cooking at home is a 'want'????

Wow, just flabbergasted at all this - never heard these things before. Sounds like both need to do some serious 'growing up'!!!

You asked for opinions, and that's mine! No dirty dishes in my sink overnight!!

No offense, but if you are only doing dishes once or twice a week, you should not be cooking at home. That is not sanitary! Esp with baby bottles being near by. I know I am kind of a neat freak, as I can't let dishes sit more then an hour, but I am sure I am not alone in saying that having them sit for days is not ok. Bugs, flies, ants, rats, mice...all of these things are attracted to those dishes. Why invite that into your home? Esp. with a baby?

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I'm an overly neat person so as dishes get used they get rinsed and put in the dishwasher.

I think dirty dishes in the sink at all is gross, I think it's gross that people put dishes in the dishwasher with stuff still on them.

Not everybody has the same ideas. I see a lot of people just calling out how gross and unsanitary it is to have dishes sitting in the sink for that long.

OP mentioned in the thread that the dishes get rinsed. I don't get why rinse them and not just finish the job, but I digress, I don't think they're going to get mice and roaches from a pile of rinsed dishes and I can't imagine it has that much of an odor. I'd think it was more clutter at that point.

It's hard differing with somebody you live with on clean/tidy levels. I can't live in clutter but having dated people who can I quickly resent feeling like the maid because I think it's ridiculous to have old boxes and clothes and papers piled around the house.

It sometimes feels childish and I can understand everybody saying "just grow up and do the dishes" but it can cause a lot of turmoil and resentment when one person feels like the help because the other is happy to live in squalor. Especially when both parties work outside the home.

 

[mom2rtk]

It sometimes feels childish and I can understand everybody saying "just grow up and do the dishes" but it can cause a lot of turmoil and resentment when one person feels like the help because the other is happy to live in squalor. Especially when both parties work outside the home.

 

[buckirj1]

Seems like two people in a power play. So needless, and typical of today's modern families who think they need to do everything together. Here's an easy fix: The wife wants to eat at home? Do so, and clean up after yourself. Let the husband eat out if that's his preference. The husband has no need to do dishes if he eats out, and deserves no opinion as to how dishes should be done. The wife can then do dishes in the dishwasher if that's her preference. Why is this so hard to figure out? The time-honored rule is: whoever makes the mess cleans it up.

 

[Disneyluv111]

I can kinda see his point, eating itself is the basic need. where we do that is the want part.

For example, my house is generally empty now. the kids are young adults and between the three of us with various schedules cooking dinner and eating in, is actually the luxury.

What's been happening with us is that I cook a full meal and end up wasting money, even when the boys swear they're eating dinner, stuff happens and I end up throwing out so much of the meal after day 2 or 3.

Now eating out can get expensive, so usually what I do is put it to my family as a choice. Yes, we can eat out more often BUT that means some thing else has to give.

Funny how you said eating in is a luxury and I agree! There are three people in this home. Cooking is a huge chore for 3 people. I usually cook and also have to throw things away because between 2 adults and a little one, how much do we "really" eat? Not much! I find that eating out sometimes is a lot cheaper than going to the grocery stores to get all the ingredients and stuff. My grocery bill for three is pretty high. Eating out bill? Not very high.
Still trying to decipher which to focus on more, cutting the grocery bill by eating out or what!

 

[MrsPete]

In asking my husband to do the dishes which had been sitting in the sink for two weeks (I cook and grocery shop, he does dishes) because I need to be able to cook at home he informed me that cooking at home was a *WANT* and not a *NEED*

Opinions? Because I just don't even know what to say to that.

Background - We have a history of eating out/fast food more than we should, which we justified by being Dual Income No Kids however we now have a two month old baby boy. I have done my best to minimize dishes, for example Caesar salad kit and chicken fingers is a decent dinner and only dirties two forks (we use paper plates, we have nice dishes but paper plates are so cheap i gave up that fight) or even less if there is plasticware in the house. Another meal would be a one skillet meal that dirties a pan+lid and two bowls to serve it in. Otherwise there is no way two weeks of dishes would fit in our tiny sink. I don't want to the dishes done everyday, twice or even once a week i could live with. We do own a dishwasher but he thinks it leaves a film on the dishes so prefers to hand wash the dishes.

Note: As we are now switching to bottles that creates even more to be cleaned, but those we are both taking turns daily to do and are not included in what we consider 'dishes'

I'm not suggesting we never get takeout/eatout but the default should be eat at home not takeout

Also we have a grocery store that for $5 you order online all your groceries and then drive up to the front to pick them up, so saying eating out saves us time on grocery shopping doesn't even count.

Eating out everyday would be about 10% of our gross pay to try to put it in perspective.

At a glance, it's easy to say that eating is a need -- and, obviously, it is, but take it a step further. How does HOW you eat become a need or a want?

At one end of the spectrum, you eat simply to prevent being hungry -- and if that's the goal, crappy, cheap fast food will do. But it will catch up to you in the long run in terms of health. On the other end of that spectrum, you can eat good, healthy vegetables and lean meats to nourish your body and maintain optimal health. Realistically, most of us live somewhere "in the middle" of these two extremes: We eat the occasional McDonald's burger, but we also do good, healthy meals.

Then there's the social aspect of eating: You can ignore it completely and pile everyone in front of the TV . . . or you can establish a habit now of sitting down together as a family and talking about your day as you enjoy your dinner. LOTS of research shows that this is one of the BEST THINGS you can do for your child. No excuses about being busy or whatever. And, realistically, you can do a family meal in your own home or at a restaurant.

My bottom line thoughts: You're new parents, and you are establishing your "family habits". Get them right NOW because it's easier to establish a good habit from the start than it is to break a bad habit. Habits that could be helpful:

- Learn to "batch cook". That is, when pork chops are on sale, put together 2-3 pork chop casseroles, and freeze the extras. Instant meals. Ideally you'd put these into reusable containers, but start by buying a bunch of throw-away aluminum tins from ebay.
- Paper plates are an okay option. Considering that you don't use water to wash them, and they do decompose in the landfill, they might be part of your solution. But plastic forks are plastic forks forever -- wash your real ones.
- Make dinner time fun: Lots of talking, include the baby. Make it an event to look forward to each evening.

You say eating out would cost 10% of your pay. Too much. And if you establish that habit now, it'll cost MORE in the future when your child (and other children) start eating adult meals. Plus there's the cost in excessive sodium and fat and the overeating.

I've got to say, that this sounds a bit more like a battle of wills rather than the "need versus want" of eating out. My suggestion to you.... lead by example. Rather than battle him over the dishes, do them yourself. Or at LEAST load the dishwasher and run it. And do it with a smile. Doing it with resentment in your mind and heart is harmful to you and your relationship.

I've been married to a wonderful man for 22 years.... but he is a slob and I truly held out NO HOPE that he would EVER work around the house in any capacity. I gave up asking years ago. But he has slowly (ever so slowly) come around .... partially because he knows it reduces my stress level 100 times over to come into a CLEAN kitchen at the end of the day. And "happy wife, happy life", right???

Every time I cleaned up something that I felt like wasn't "my" responsibility, I would feel anger and resentment and frustration. But when I put those feelings aside and just did it for the "greater good" of the family and of the relationship, it truly put a new perspective on things.

I'm also surprised that your DH doesn't want to use the dishwasher because it might leave a "film" but he is okay with dirty dishes sitting around for two weeks? Icky and smelly! My house would end up with flies and fruit flies if I left stuff around for that long.

Anyhow..... not really answering your question about wants versus needs.... but offering some advise from a long-married couple who have had housework disputes in the past. Lead by example with a happy heart (or at least FAKE it with a smile ) and it may change the perspective on things. Best of luck................P

Did I write this? Well, I could have. When my husband and I were first married, we fought about household chores fairly often. After a while, I accepted that he was NEVER going to change, and I had two options:

- Accept him as he is, knowing that I will always do near 100% of the household chores . . . and instead focus on the things he does well: He is a wonderful husband, father, and provider.
- Continue to fight about the chores, make both of us upset, and end up doing the chores myself anyway.

Fair? No, but those are my realistic options.

 

[eliza61]

I'm an overly neat person so as dishes get used they get rinsed and put in the dishwasher.

I think dirty dishes in the sink at all is gross, I think it's gross that people put dishes in the dishwasher with stuff still on them.

Not everybody has the same ideas. I see a lot of people just calling out how gross and unsanitary it is to have dishes sitting in the sink for that long.

OP mentioned in the thread that the dishes get rinsed. I don't get why rinse them and not just finish the job, but I digress, I don't think they're going to get mice and roaches from a pile of rinsed dishes and I can't imagine it has that much of an odor. I'd think it was more clutter at that point.

It's hard differing with somebody you live with on clean/tidy levels. I can't live in clutter but having dated people who can I quickly resent feeling like the maid because I think it's ridiculous to have old boxes and clothes and papers piled around the house.

It sometimes feels childish and I can understand everybody saying "just grow up and do the dishes" but it can cause a lot of turmoil and resentment when one person feels like the help because the other is happy to live in squalor. Especially when both parties work outside the home.

But the thing is what you consider squalor may be different. Fur example you mention old papers, I keep old travel and leisure magazines since I'm an avid traveler and yes they tend to scatter. Lol so a person calling it squalor and not being flexible would be a bigger issue.
So unless you marry some exactly like you, what do you do? Every disagreement throw hissy fits? What happens when the differences are big? Believe me, when both of you are sitting at the foot of a hospital bed because your 9 month old has some thing called RSV and can't breathe , who does the dishes ain't even thought of.

28 years of marriage, there were definitely times I wanted to set my old guy on fire. Lol

So yeah some times you do have to suck it up and move on

 

[AquaDame]

In asking my husband to do the dishes which had been sitting in the sink for two weeks (I cook and grocery shop, he does dishes) because I need to be able to cook at home he informed me that cooking at home was a *WANT* and not a *NEED*

Opinions? Because I just don't even know what to say to that.

Background - We have a history of eating out/fast food more than we should, which we justified by being Dual Income No Kids however we now have a two month old baby boy. I have done my best to minimize dishes, for example Caesar salad kit and chicken fingers is a decent dinner and only dirties two forks (we use paper plates, we have nice dishes but paper plates are so cheap i gave up that fight) or even less if there is plasticware in the house. Another meal would be a one skillet meal that dirties a pan+lid and two bowls to serve it in. Otherwise there is no way two weeks of dishes would fit in our tiny sink. I don't want to the dishes done everyday, twice or even once a week i could live with. We do own a dishwasher but he thinks it leaves a film on the dishes so prefers to hand wash the dishes.

Note: As we are now switching to bottles that creates even more to be cleaned, but those we are both taking turns daily to do and are not included in what we consider 'dishes'

I'm not suggesting we never get takeout/eatout but the default should be eat at home not takeout

Also we have a grocery store that for $5 you order online all your groceries and then drive up to the front to pick them up, so saying eating out saves us time on grocery shopping doesn't even count.

Eating out everyday would be about 10% of our gross pay to try to put it in perspective.

Use the dishwasher. If the film bugs him that much he'll beat you to them. Dishes in the sink for two weeks is considered a health hazard in my house (I do not want to leave out food/sauces/etc for the odd fly that might get in)... heck anything over a day is too much in my opinion unless the dishwasher is still running when we go to bed. Regardless, everything is rinsed and food chunks removed before it gets to sit in my sink.

Technically you get to define your "needs" vs. "wants". If he feels eating at home to save a sizeable chunk of money and time (it takes us far longer to drive to the restaurant, sit down, order, eat, pay and get home than cooking most meals) is not a "need" for him then it will be an uphill battle of emotions and preconceived notions.

Funny how you said eating in is a luxury and I agree! There are three people in this home. Cooking is a huge chore for 3 people. I usually cook and also have to throw things away because between 2 adults and a little one, how much do we "really" eat? Not much! I find that eating out sometimes is a lot cheaper than going to the grocery stores to get all the ingredients and stuff. My grocery bill for three is pretty high. Eating out bill? Not very high.
Still trying to decipher which to focus on more, cutting the grocery bill by eating out or what!

We are two and again, it takes less time than eating out plus we tend to gain weight when we eat out too often since portion control goes out the window.

When you cook at home often you have most of the basics close to hand and the grocery bill goes down. If you're only cooking a couple times a week, then yeah, stuff is going to go bad before you can get to it. We buy only what we need for the recipe, no more, no less and if we HAVE to buy more, then I try to focus more meals around using those items up. If you guys DON'T eat much, then your grocery bill should be able to reflect that unless you need saffron for one recipe, capers for another, and aren't OK with substituting sometimes when an ingredient is expensive and not likely to be used again. If I have leftover peppers or onions or meat or leftovers into the freezer they go! Waste not want not. Lettuce is the main waste culprit with us... that and chips going stale.

 

[SEA333]

OP, you mentioned that your DH is handy around the house?

Do the dishes yourself. Clean the bathroom yourself.

Take the garbage bag out of the can when it is full, tie it up, and place it in front of the back door for your DH to bring out to the outside can on his next trip to the car.

Let him worry about broken faucets, toilets, doorknobs, lightbulbs, random wildlife that may enter (in our first house, we got 5 birds - about one a year until DH finally figured out where they came from (the furnace vent on the roof)- in the 5 years we lived there, and DH took care of them all while I hid in the bedroom LOL. And a possum in the garage - yuck!!). In our defense about the birds - we were young! We bought our first house together when we were 22 and 24 years old.

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtub drain. Or gotten under my car and fixed the brakes or figured out how to replace a $15 belt instead of having the mechanic do it for $300.

Do I love every minute of doing the dishes Every Single Day for DH and three kids? No. But do I suck it up and do it for the greater good? Yes. Because, honestly, I really do not want to take out the garbage, shovel snow, or fix my own gas line in my car.

And....once my kids got older, they started to help me. Now it's a team effort. And I STILL don't have to worry about figuring out why the darn hot water isn't working in my kitchen sink. All I had to do last night was say "DH, I'm not getting any hot water in the sink. Can you look at this and see if you can figure out what happened?" Ten minutes later, he figured out that the water line (a flexible hose) was kinked. Voila`! Hot water once again, and I was happily back to loading the dishwasher.

Work with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

 

[Carina]

OP, you mentioned that your DH is handy around the house?

Do the dishes yourself. Clean the bathroom yourself.

Take the garbage bag out of the can when it is full, tie it up, and place it in front of the back door for your DH to bring out to the outside can on his next trip to the car.

Let him worry about broken faucets, toilets, doorknobs, lightbulbs, random wildlife that may enter (in our first house, we got 5 birds - about one a year until DH finally figured out where they came from (the furnace vent on the roof)- in the 5 years we lived there, and DH took care of them all while I hid in the bedroom LOL. And a possum in the garage - yuck!!). In our defense about the birds - we were young! We bought our first house together when we were 22 and 24 years old.

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtub drain. Or gotten under my car and fixed the brakes or figured out how to replace a $15 belt instead of having the mechanic do it for $300.

Do I love every minute of doing the dishes Every Single Day for DH and three kids? No. But do I suck it up and do it for the greater good? Yes. Because, honestly, I really do not want to take out the garbage, shovel snow, or fix my own gas line in my car.

And....once my kids got older, they started to help me. Now it's a team effort. And I STILL don't have to worry about figuring out why the darn hot water isn't working in my kitchen sink. All I had to do last night was say "DH, I'm not getting any hot water in the sink. Can you look at this and see if you can figure out what happened?" Ten minutes later, he figured out that the water line (a flexible hose) was kinked. Voila`! Hot water once again, and I was happily back to loading the dishwasher.

Work with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

Thumbs up for good advice written in a positive tone

OP take note of that post, its a GEM!

 

[whtyger97]

Dinner this week:
Chinese Delivery
Panera Bread
Chips and Guacamole - Yes we made a dinner of this, I think we both snacked on the half a Honeybaked ham in the fridge too
Pizza from the pizza delivery place of DH choice though I jokingly told him it was the washing machine repair man's choice

Sink is clean

 

[Canajan]

First of all, OP, congratulations on your new baby!

No judgment here, but I do feel I have to tell you about something real. I would worry much more about germs than anything else. Here's why: When my baby spent a long time in hospital, she was often beside another baby whose lovely family I got to know. The other little girl had been born perfectly healthy, but as a young infant, she contracted salmonella. That sweet little girl spent her first birthday in hospital, then her first Christmas, and then her second birthday, in and out of intensive care. Finally, she died. . . .

I'm no neatnick, so I won't judge. I have heaps of clean laundry to fold and paperwork to organize. That said, it's clear to me that keeping a hygenic kitchen is absolutely required for safety when you have little ones.

I hope that you and your husband can work out a routine that works for both of you.

 

[lakelandgal70]

OP, you mentioned that your DH is handy around the house?

Do the dishes yourself. Clean the bathroom yourself.

Take the garbage bag out of the can when it is full, tie it up, and place it in front of the back door for your DH to bring out to the outside can on his next trip to the car.

Let him worry about broken faucets, toilets, doorknobs, lightbulbs, random wildlife that may enter (in our first house, we got 5 birds - about one a year until DH finally figured out where they came from (the furnace vent on the roof)- in the 5 years we lived there, and DH took care of them all while I hid in the bedroom LOL. And a possum in the garage - yuck!!). In our defense about the birds - we were young! We bought our first house together when we were 22 and 24 years old.

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtub drain. Or gotten under my car and fixed the brakes or figured out how to replace a $15 belt instead of having the mechanic do it for $300.

Do I love every minute of doing the dishes Every Single Day for DH and three kids? No. But do I suck it up and do it for the greater good? Yes. Because, honestly, I really do not want to take out the garbage, shovel snow, or fix my own gas line in my car.

And....once my kids got older, they started to help me. Now it's a team effort. And I STILL don't have to worry about figuring out why the darn hot water isn't working in my kitchen sink. All I had to do last night was say "DH, I'm not getting any hot water in the sink. Can you look at this and see if you can figure out what happened?" Ten minutes later, he figured out that the water line (a flexible hose) was kinked. Voila`! Hot water once again, and I was happily back to loading the dishwasher.

Work with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

This!! Amazing advice! My hubby takes care of the outside and I take care of the inside. Life is just too short to fight about stuff like this.

 

[KKB]

This!! Amazing advice! My hubby takes care of the outside and I take care of the inside. Life is just too short to fight about stuff like this.

As long as he is doing SOMETHING it really doesn't matter...if you both work outside of the home, it definitely should be 50/50 (NOT perfect--but both contributing, relatively equally). If you are a SAHM, this might not be as close to 50/50--BUT he should not expect you to do ALL household chores, either. You ARE working while at home. (unless when he comes home he takes 100% of kid duty--then maybe you could justify expecting you to do all household chores...)

A marriage is a team--both need to compromise & both need to do their fair share in all duties. Hope you guys find a solution!

 

[ceecee]

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtubWork with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

I never thought of it that way before!!! I must tell DH how much I appreciate him! All the $ we saved over the years probably paid for a few WDW trips!

 

[Figmentmommy]

OP, you mentioned that your DH is handy around the house?

Do the dishes yourself. Clean the bathroom yourself.

Take the garbage bag out of the can when it is full, tie it up, and place it in front of the back door for your DH to bring out to the outside can on his next trip to the car.

Let him worry about broken faucets, toilets, doorknobs, lightbulbs, random wildlife that may enter (in our first house, we got 5 birds - about one a year until DH finally figured out where they came from (the furnace vent on the roof)- in the 5 years we lived there, and DH took care of them all while I hid in the bedroom LOL. And a possum in the garage - yuck!!). In our defense about the birds - we were young! We bought our first house together when we were 22 and 24 years old.

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtub drain. Or gotten under my car and fixed the brakes or figured out how to replace a $15 belt instead of having the mechanic do it for $300.

Do I love every minute of doing the dishes Every Single Day for DH and three kids? No. But do I suck it up and do it for the greater good? Yes. Because, honestly, I really do not want to take out the garbage, shovel snow, or fix my own gas line in my car.

And....once my kids got older, they started to help me. Now it's a team effort. And I STILL don't have to worry about figuring out why the darn hot water isn't working in my kitchen sink. All I had to do last night was say "DH, I'm not getting any hot water in the sink. Can you look at this and see if you can figure out what happened?" Ten minutes later, he figured out that the water line (a flexible hose) was kinked. Voila`! Hot water once again, and I was happily back to loading the dishwasher.

Work with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

. Well said....I couldn't agree more!

 

[Disneyluv111]

OP, you mentioned that your DH is handy around the house?

Do the dishes yourself. Clean the bathroom yourself.

Take the garbage bag out of the can when it is full, tie it up, and place it in front of the back door for your DH to bring out to the outside can on his next trip to the car.

Let him worry about broken faucets, toilets, doorknobs, lightbulbs, random wildlife that may enter (in our first house, we got 5 birds - about one a year until DH finally figured out where they came from (the furnace vent on the roof)- in the 5 years we lived there, and DH took care of them all while I hid in the bedroom LOL. And a possum in the garage - yuck!!). In our defense about the birds - we were young! We bought our first house together when we were 22 and 24 years old.

I have also never mowed or edged the lawn or cleaned out the garage. or cleaned out a sink/bathtub drain. Or gotten under my car and fixed the brakes or figured out how to replace a $15 belt instead of having the mechanic do it for $300.

Do I love every minute of doing the dishes Every Single Day for DH and three kids? No. But do I suck it up and do it for the greater good? Yes. Because, honestly, I really do not want to take out the garbage, shovel snow, or fix my own gas line in my car.

And....once my kids got older, they started to help me. Now it's a team effort. And I STILL don't have to worry about figuring out why the darn hot water isn't working in my kitchen sink. All I had to do last night was say "DH, I'm not getting any hot water in the sink. Can you look at this and see if you can figure out what happened?" Ten minutes later, he figured out that the water line (a flexible hose) was kinked. Voila`! Hot water once again, and I was happily back to loading the dishwasher.

Work with each other's strengths. Stop fighting about the dumb stuff. I'd do dishes 50 times over just in appreciation of all the money DH has saved us over the years by being handy around the house.

I agree 100 percent! For me, arguing about petty (it is to me) stuff is a waste of my energy and emotions. I'd rather focus on the positive and use that energy to do other things or take care of my child.
Life isn't always perfect or easy, but things needs to get done. Let's not argue over this or that, there are many on the street with food let alone dishes. Be grateful, work together, do what you can, use your energy for the positive stuff, because arguing will make drain you, make you tired, lose your strength, etc. Being grateful no matter what will give you strength and appreciate all that you have.

 

[North of Mouse]

Think the OP has been long gone!!