Need vs Want

[Pigeon]

I agree. Lauradis, you are certainly entitled to live your life the way that you wish and if you wish to live a life that follows traditional gender roles for women and men, knock yourself out! If you want to suggest that OP live that life as well since it makes you happy, go for it! But where you and I part ways is when you belittle women who do not agree with you by saying they swallow "fem koolaid", accuse them of "playing games" and treating their husbands "wrong" and insinuate that they do not love and cherish them dearly. Frankly, I think you need to give a little respect to people who do not live the same life you do if you expect them to respect you in return.

I also think that pretending that an able bodied adult male deserves a medal for performing some basic household chore constitutes "playing games." We don't need sticker charts for grown men in my house.

 

[robinb]

I also think that pretending that an able bodied adult male deserves a medal for performing some basic household chore constitutes "playing games." We don't need sticker charts for grown men in my house.

I dunno ... there is something to be said for kindness and mutual appreciation in a relationship even when it comes to basic household chores.

 

[Pigeon]

I dunno ... there is something to be said for kindness and mutual appreciation in a relationship even when it comes to basic household chores.

I don't disagree. But neither am I going to pretend like my husband has done something extraordinary if he puts away some laundry or washes some dishes. Nor do I expect him to do that for me. He's an adult who helped create the mess, he needs to help clean up the mess.

 

[North of Mouse]

I've read so many 'he should - no, she should' posts that I'm dizzy!

Maybe the reason dh & I have been happily married for 47 years is that we don't worry about who should do what, we just get everything done together. Whoever is best at something does it, the other one does something just as important. I have never had to wash my car - it's always spotless! Many things we are thankful to each other for - and don't mind telling each other either. Marriage is work - but we work together.

 

[North of Mouse]

I dunno ... there is something to be said for kindness and mutual appreciation in a relationship even when it comes to basic household chores.

I agree! Didn't notice your post before I just posted.

 

[tina.tina]

I am a certified thread killer and I think this one needs to die, so I am posting here!

Having a 2 month old baby and a husband who didn't help out by washing dishes when we agreed it was his job, would probably throw me into postpartum depression. But, even if I had to throw the dishes away, I would never have dirty dishes that sat there for 2 weeks. (I actually might throw something away that sat there that long. At least I would soak it in bleach.) I don't care how much rinsing you do, germs are there. They're just invisible without a microscope!!!

Just FYI, I know a person with cancer and a compromised immune system who was told by her physicians not to eat from dishes that hadn't been sanitized by a dishwasher because the high heat kills germs that hand washing can't.

DH and I have been together 25 years and married 17.5 of those. Early in our marriage, DH was taking me (and my domestic skills) for granted. Talking to him did not get the point across, so I washed only my laundry for a few days. I don't feel like I was "punishing" him. We are both adults and both able to do laundry. It wasn't my fault that he chose not to make sure his clothes were clean! He got the message and life has been fine ever since. I totally get why a PP would make herself single portions of food to drive home a valid point. Sometimes, a picture or demonstration is worth 1,000 words!

 

[Skywalker]

I refuse to play all the games that most woman do or treat him wrong for not doing 50/50 house hold chores.

Most, really? Seems you are on a bit of a high horse there with little respect for other women. I can't believe you really think that.

 

[auralia]

Late to the game but I guarantee your husband has no idea how much work the baby and house are. My DH didn't figure it out until ds #2 was about 1. I finally got too fed up with what was expected of me and left the kids with him for2 days came home at night of course) and called frequently to check on them. When I came home the house was a disaster and he understood the effort it takes to keep things moving. He had done the dishes ever since. I still do everything else including yard work and house hold repairs but just having the dishes off my plate made me much more relaxed.