An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Well, I like you. So there.

Wheat Thins

I must have missed your witty retort.

Or else... I was busy laughing at your lack of entertaining stamina.

As was your wife.


Mel.

 

[WheatThins]

I must have missed your witty retort.

Or else... I was busy laughing at your lack of entertaining stamina.

As was your wife.


Mel.

Oh yeah. Well I think that stupid Haunted Mansion ride is dated, aged, hokey and in need of serious renovation. So there.

Wheat Thins

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Oh yeah. Well I think that stupid Haunted Mansion ride is dated, aged, hokey and in need of serious renovation. So there.

Wheat Thins

While I may be in serious need of renovation... THE HAUNTED MANSION ISN'T.

 

[WheatThins]

While I may be in serious need of renovation... THE HAUNTED MANSION ISN'T.

You don't even know who Luther is now do you? Ever watch Don Knotts in the Ghost and Mr. Chicken? Didn't think so. Canadians generally don't have the keen sense of humor us people in the US of A do. The Haunted Mansion doesn't even merit Fast Pass status.

Wheat Thins

 

[javamom]

Mad props as usual Me(l)...

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Disfan3 ~ I'll see yer thigh-high boots of bootness. And... I'll raise you a micro-mini, a pair of black fishnet stockings and a pink fake fur faux shrug!

Jami ~ JAMI... my whammy bammy Jami!!!! I hear you have a trippie sequel. Of sorts. Now playing?! Gotta check it.

tinkgirliegirl ~ Yeah. It was pretty good. The look on yuckbabe's face. As opposed to her face... itself. That is. NOZZUB. I'm sure you're as lovely as your dear Mom. Heh heh.

Pongopuppy ~ Why the sad puppy eyes? What's wrong? You didn't tell Me(l). Is it that the cat's got yer tongue?

Chappie ~ Short and sweet; your posts are a treat!!!!

Or are they?

Yes. They are. Because YOU, my friend, are the professional!

Princessjv ~ Yuckbabe just needed to turn her frown upside down.

DJR ~ Hey Bud... obviously... THE GENERAL!!!! Heh heh. That cracked Me(l) up. Thanks!

Kay7979 ~ We can only hope and pray.

samc ~ YOU TOO. Roll Tide.

ZZUB ~ Nuttin'. Still nuttin'. I got nuttin'.

PrincessV ~ Thanks, buddy! BTW... nice J.M. Mouse.

Wheat Thins ~ Thanks for lending me the micro-mini, black fishnet stockings and pink poodle shrug, Dude!

La La ~ Who THE HECK is this La La? I got nuttin'. Still.

Deb Ireland ~ Are you REALLY in Ireland? That's pretty cool. Thanks for posting. And, no, checking out your trip report would probably NOT kill Me(l). I hope.

JAVA ~ It's the wonderous and kind coffee-software LADY!!! Who made me my very first avatar!!!! Nice to see ya!!!! Come play with Me(l) more often.


I'll be back.

That's not a promise.

That's a threat.


Cheers, Melly.

 

[WheatThins]

You are welcome.

Wheat Thins

 

[DebIreland]

Deb Ireland ~ Are you REALLY in Ireland? That's pretty cool. Thanks for posting. And, no, checking out your trip report would probably NOT kill Me(l). I hope.

Really really in Ireland. Dunno about the "pretty cool" bit though. It's okay. Canada's on our list of must-see's but if we're boarding a plane heading west it's just so hard to resist the Mouse. Some day though definitely.

 

[mikamah]

I thought I would have to go back and read the whole trip report to refresh my memory of you and your family, but then the licking incident and Calvin's refreshing retorts, and it all comes back to me. I have an only child, and he still fights in disney world. He had a really big fight with a bathroom stall in a very crowded Crystal Palace on his birthday. It would be easier if I had given him a sibling to fight with , but he does well on his own. A little kicking of doors and walls is much less painful than punching or kicking of his mother. I'm having a hard time remembering the other fights he had there. Must be that disney magic. Loving your report.

 

[daly7o9]

Because the happyhaunts are a camping family. And I've spent countless mornings in the hot sun. At a campsite. Cooking up a pound or more of bacon for my pork-loving peeps.

When I'm done... I'm all sweaty and nauseated and I smell like bacon.



As I walked by her she stared hard at me and sad, "PIGS!"

Maybe she was jealous.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I feel the need to begin this chapter with a Disclaimer.

Because I haven't used one in quite awhile. And I sense this part of my trip report. May offend.

Pretty much everyone.

Disclaimer: This will most definitely offend the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, professional basketball players, people not only from Alabama but from its neighbouring states as well, my mother-in-law, ZZUB, ZZUB's mother-in-law, cats, Cats the Musical, Whitney Houston, all my inlaws, most of my immediate family, pop music icons, Katherine Harris and the horse she rode in on and... The French. Of course. So. Proceed if you want to. At your own risk.

Oh.

Maybe not the horse. Afterall. It has already been offended enough.

Here we go:

As the happyhaunts left The Land in a state of giddy delirium, I was seized by a stomach cramp. A big one. A bad one. On the Spinal Tap Scale of 1 to 10... it was an 11.

No joke.

I flopped down onto the ground, clenched myself tightly in the fetal position, seizured twice, flipped over onto my back, raised my arms towards the sky and clawed helplessly. While drooling. Until I passed out. It's my dance I call, "Britney-Spear's-last-conscious-moment-out-on-the-town". Poor girl, tho. You just KNOW Justin Timberlake is thanking his lucky stars she cheated on him these days.

Mellyman asked what was wrong.

I sad, "Britney had a breakdown."

But not really.

I told him I wasn't feeling very well, suddenly, and had to go to The Little Gladiator's Powder Room.

Post-haste!!!

And, also: As fast a possible!!!

Heh heh.

I turned around and dashed back into The Land. Ran around the corner and took the steps down 2 at a time like I always do when running for Soarin' Fastpasses. Causing everyone in the foodcourt to scream, "Why would you run down the stairs in The Land in FLIPFLOPS?!!" with their eyes.

I slapped them with my eyes. Well... the few I had time to eyeslap anyhow.

I was in a bite of a rush.

TFI.

I ran into the bathroom and found there was a freakin' LINE. In there.

But, luckily, not a very long one.

I spent the time doing a little Michael Flatley's Lord of the Bathroom Dance. Except that when I do it... I look a little more masculine. Than he. Does.

What I'm trying to say with all of this is this: The onionwich had not settled well in my stomach. It was threatening a reappearance. Of sorts.

Luckily the line moved. And I got the BIG STALL. Which was fortunate because it would allow the team of paramedics more wiggle room to remove my body. Afterwards.

Yeah. I figured I was gonna die like Elvis. But... even MORE humiliatingly... if possible. In a public washroom. In The Land. Actually... it would be less humiliating. My bare chest would not be smeared with the remains of 17 peanut butter sandwiches.

And, you know, women do not like to go potty in public. Oh NO. We prefer the privacy of our own bathroom. Safe. Private. Except for when the three kids decided to join me and list their homework chores for the day.

Like I'm ANYWHERE else in the HOUSE. But the bathroom.

So. This was bad. Feeling sick in a public washroom.

But... my personal motto has always been: CARPE DIEM!

In this case it suddenly became: CRAPE DIEM! Instead.

I had no choice.

Well... I'll leave the bulk of the detail to the imagination. Just suffice it to say that I left the washroom a little lighter...errrr...later. Wondering what, if anything, a #4. Might be? And I had gained a newfound respect for large mammals. Like ponies. And manatees. Yada blah.

I also emerged rubbing my eyes, without a shirt on... and mumbling to myself about the mesmerizing 3-D Disney Art poster. In the stall.

Or did I?

Anywho... on the PeptoB Scale this was a total write-off lunch. And an incident which we refer to in our household as: The Kramp that Kould'a Killed the King.

I really shouldn't have eaten that sandwich. Not after tasting it and being less than impressed. I should've followed my gut. But, instead, I ate it. And my gut took it's revenge. Like Al Pacino in Scarface. It did.

And, I should KNOW better. I've had real food poisoning before. Not just a little girly-Pop Icon-cramp. But the kind that involves a trip to the hospital carrying a plastic bag... and leaving all personal dignity at home.

That was from a buffet. TFI. A buffet!!!! Just sayin'. Too many choices. Too much food. All at room temperature. Maybe I'm NOT so much of an idiot? Huh?

This is what I want to say: Who's your Commander in Chief, NOW?

Moving on.

What I should have done with the first bite of that foodcourt onionwich was to dispense of it in a way similar to "The London Broil Incident of 1991".

Which was to open my mouth after the first horrible bite and let it la la down my tongue and drop uncerimoniously back onto my plate.

It would have saved me physical pain. Like back then. However, it would not have made me a new friend. In the form of my Mother-in-law.

See... here's the story. My mother-in-law used to videotape family dinners when guest were invited. Weird. So weird. And this occassion was the first time I ever met her. Big family dinner. And Mellyman had told me about the weirdness beforehand. All of it. Not just the camera, tfi. So I should have been prepared.

But what happened was that the dinner was long. Several courses. Appy. Soup. Salad. And by the time we started the entree, I had completely forgotten about the video. In the corner of the room. Kinda hidden behind a plant. But pointed straight at Me(l). And it just happened that Mellyman's mother had gotten up and returned to the kitchen for a moment. When I decided to try my first bite of the meat. Oh the horrible meat!

UGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Now... I didn't actually roll it out my mouth back onto the plate. But I got my napkin up pretty fast to catch it. Is what I'm sayin'. And turned to Mellyman with the biggest yuckface on:

"That is horrible! A corpse would taste better!"

Gag me with a spork. No! Make it a SPIFE! Put me outta my misery!

Mellyman just looked at me in HORROR!

And sad, "ERKJAY! Ixnay the apcray! The apetay is ON-AY!!!

huh.

I was confusselled so I repeated it back. In english. Like an idiot.

"Jerk nix the crap the tape is on..."

OH.

OHHHHHHH!!!!!

Crap!!!!


APCRAY!!!!!

Anywho... should've done that. For the MOST part.

Back in The Land... I felt pretty good again.

And headed back up to meet the rest of the happyhaunts and get on with our afternoon. We had big plans, Test Track, Mission Sinise and then we were scheduled for a late Princess Dinner at Norway. Just for Tommy.

Plus... I wanted to fit in a couple of anti-American rants in World Showcase.

I'm kiddin' of course!

You know I love all... errrr most... things American. You should by now, anyhow.

And I know my audience. Here on the TR Board.

I was gonna trash the French outside Les Chefs, instead!


Stay tuned.


Cheers, Mel.

and

 

[MommyPoppins]

Yowza!

I know all about me some stomach problems...I began my Dec. trip report with them.

I hope this is the last of your vacation of carp issues.

And.

You're right. No lady likes to go to the "bathroom" in a public stall.

That's what the companion bathrooms are for.

 

[pilferk]

I was seized by a stomach "cramp missing an important letter".....now edited to be the correct word.

Freudian slip, perhaps?

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Freudian slip, perhaps?

DED!

(thank you, mean it!)


Mel.

 

[DJR]

All that time away, and you found it necessary to post this at lunch time. How thoughtful; you're on ignore from now on.

 

[Kay7979]

I flopped down onto the ground, clenched myself tightly in the fetal position, seizured twice, flipped over onto my back, raised my arms towards the sky and clawed helplessly. While drooling. Until I passed out.

I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!

Luckily the line moved. And I got the BIG STALL. Which was fortunate because it would allow the team of paramedics more wiggle room to remove my body. Afterwards

What I should have done with the first bite of that foodcourt onionwich was to dispense of it in a way similar to "The London Broil Incident of 1991".

Which was to open my mouth after the first horrible bite and let it la la down my tongue and drop uncerimoniously back onto my plate.

Very descriptive. I can see you doing this! And BTW the London Broil Incident was hysterical.

 

[Sneezie]

When I received the e-mail letting me know that someone had replied to this trip report my first thought was... " Mel is back!" And I immediately got on board to see what was going on.

Welcome back, Mel!!! Been Missing ya, but my aim's getting better!!!

 

[ZZUB]

The French. Of course.

Of course. The French.

"Why would you run down the stairs in The Land in FLIPFLOPS?!!" with their eyes.

It's not like you were standing in the middle of Mainstreet waiting to watch Wishes!

and leaving all personal dignity at home.

So that's where it is. Perhaps it's time you go retrieve it.

Your mother-in-law videotapes dinner parties? And yet another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Your family is one foul-mouthed, chain smoking, booze hound away from being an HBO series. Not that I've ever seen an HBO series. But I hear things.

 

[PrincessV]

I'm offended. I was typing "Sunshine Seasons" into the next trip's Epcot lunch spot when I read this. Now I'll have to start the whole spreadsheet over.

And I'm not Katherine Harris.

Nor am I the horse.

Good stuff, though! Sorry 'bout the cramps.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

So that's where it is. Perhaps it's time you go retrieve it.

Naw.

I prefer to keep it at home when I go out, along with other useless carp.

Like: My manners, femininity, good grammar, proper spelling, my leather-bound copy of your trip reports, my driver's license and a couple of stupid red t-shirts I bought for a friend.

Mel.