An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)
- Thread starter 1000thhappyhaunt
- Start date
jamal
<font color=blue>Nutwing #4<br><font color=deeppin
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2003
I want to be that family that doesn't fight at Disney, but we never will. I also want a girl on my side. I picture you and Beth here, rolling your eyes and mocking the three gladiators. I especially enjoy it when Shrek gets involved as Mellymen did here.
1000thhappyhaunt
Maelstromer
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2005
As we walked towards The Land, with the boys' song ringing in my ears.
A happyhaunt(ish) Magical Moment.
I was forced to rename "The Land"... Home plate.
In my head.
And was singing along: "When you're sliding into home and your pants are filled with foam... DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!!!!"
Yup.
Me too.
Is it any wonder, tho?
That they are MY boys?
Singing the hymns of my childhood?
Like BABYBUMBLEBEE!
Remember THAT one?
I'm licking up my baby bumblebee. Won't my Mommy be so proud of me?
Well... I taught them all that one. Pretty much as soon as they could speak.
AND... I was proud. TFI.
But... we all file those away. Those rhymes and chants and skipping songs of our playground days. Think about it. I bet you remember a DOZEN yourself.
Like: Alice the camel has... FIVE HUMPS! So go Alice go. Boom boom boom.
THAT one is THE LICK!
And I'll be doin' it till I'm old and grey(ish).
Errr... maybe not.
That particular one may not be suitable for the retirement home (read: The "vacation" residence where breaking a hip is as common as prune juice).
Oh. Chances are I'll be doin' Alice the camel anyhow.
So. We parked the stroller. Our stroller, which on this particular Disney day, has become more of a large, dirty, peed on, smelly, crippled, unwieldy... backpack.
Tommy hasn't even SAT in it. Not once.
But... we hauled it along.
Like a status symbol.
And to carry stuff. TFI.
It's either: I bring a purse. Or Mellyman pushes the backpack stroller.
The stroller holds all: Water bottles, park maps (10), garbage, Disney stickers, KIDCOT stuff (garbage), park maps from ANOTHER Disney park, Calvin's empty wallet, and a raspberry beret.
So we bring it.
We park it by the entrance to The Land. Which is a tricky parking job. For our stroller. Without functioning brakes.
Bascially Mellyman lifted it up and set in in a planter.
No.
Not really. But we checked and double checked the angle of the wheels. And tried to wedge it behind a couple of others.
Or else it was bound to end up in front of Mission Sinise.
Then we went in. To The Land. Looking to score some mau. (Again...phone ZZUB.)
It was past prime mau-time. The food court wasn't too busy.
Which was a good thing for Me(l).
Being as I was about to experience...The HORROR of the FOODCOURT.
If you've been reading this trippie, and for your sake I hope you haven't, you may have noticed that the happyhaunts do not eat at alot of CS. We usually do TS. And we try to avoid FOODCOURTS at all cost.
Because it's just too stressful to Me(l). And, therefore, to the rest of our clan.
I'm a high-maintenance orderer. But... I like everything. Pretty much. Not picky. But... there are just too many choices in a foodcourt.
Which is why I really like the TS at Disney. Only 5 entrees. Of which... three taste exactly the same.
At a foodcourt... I am the person who gets herself a Teen Burger from A&W, but with fries from New York Fries. And a drink from Orange Julius. And, maybe, a side of tzatziki (?) from the greek place. For the fries.
Yup. Too difficult.
Not to mention that everyone else wants stuff from other places. Too.
I also am not a big fan of buffets. Too many choices.
A rabbit trail here: I'm ALSO not a big fan of bacon. Although I will order a Teen Burger just BECAUSE it has bacon. On it. I won't put bacon on any other burger tho. Even if it's free.
Because the happyhaunts are a camping family. And I've spent countless mornings in the hot sun. At a campsite. Cooking up a pound or more of bacon for my pork-loving peeps.
When I'm done... I'm all sweaty and nauseated and I smell like bacon.
Which is good in a way because Mellyman tends to show me some more affection. Than the norm. He'll be all huggy and kissy... and not know why. I know.
It's because I smell like pork. Products.
If only they could bottle that!!!
It would be an eternal honeymoon. In the land of happyhaunt.
Moving on...
Faced with the foodcourt I wander around to look. Everyone else snags a table.
But... not a corner table. TFI.
They don't want to hear me say, "NO ONE PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER!"
Again.
For the hundredth time.
So they grab a nice table in the middle(ish).
I'm standing and looking... looking and standing... when Calvin comes up.
He announces that due to his pizza (ZA) slice... he just wants a treat.
Fine by Me(l).
Same with Beth, he says.
O. K.
I look around for Tommy. To see what he wants.
I can't seem to spy Tommy anywhere.
I play "Where's Waldo?" but, still, no Tommy.
I ask Calvin where his brother is.
He says, "He's outside havin' a smoke". With a perfectly straight face.
Ahhhhh.
Calvin.
That's SO Calvin.
I ignore him.
That's SO Me(l).
I ask him again. And he reports that Mellyman has taken Tommy to the Little Bride's room. To pee.
I continue to look at the menu.
Nuttin'. Nuttin'. And, yet, I'm SO hungry.
That's when I notice the guy standing beside me. Looking too.
He's big, heavy and scary... perhaps smelly, too...long hair, beard... and has a tattoo. On his arm.
It's of Mickey Mouse.
So I'm staring at it for a bite. And he notices me. Staring.
AND looks at me, as if to say: "WHAT???"!
I smile at him and say, "Listen... you look like a gourmand. Like you're all refined palate and whatnot. What's good here?"
He answers, "I don't know what to get. The flatbreads look good. But so do the salads."
No help. There. NONE.
That's when Mellyman and Tommy come back.
Tommy runs up to me and says, "KISS me SO HARD!"
Which he does all the time.
So I growl at him with a mean mean face, "I'M gonna KISS YOU...SO HARD!!"
And we give each other a kiss.
Now I'm completely and utterly distracted from the food choice issue.
Mellyman peruses the menus. And is unsettled by the lack of meat.
A meal, for Mellyman, usually must include a substantial honkin' wad of meat. In the chunk form.
A "skewer" of protein. Is not a meal. To him.
He did not find anything that suited his need for meat. On the foodcourt menu. He got something. Or other. But was not all that happy.
He was missing the meat. Choices.
And, reading ZZUB's currently playing tripe report, I sadly have to concur with his opinion of the foodcourt. In The Land.
Which pains me to no end.
Ahhh. ZZUB... I hate him, I hate him but he's brilliant.
Anyhow... I got an onion sandwich. On foccacciaccaciiaa... bread.
I say "onion" because that's all it tasted of. It was FULL-ON ONION.
Which was gonna come back and haunt me... to the tune of 1000.
But... that's for later. On the PeptoB. Scale.
Tommy wanted green Gatoraide. "Gangrene"... he calls it.
He had Coke instead. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The kids got dessert.
Mellyman and I got pop.
And we all sat down together to feast.
That's when I noticed her.
An older woman, sitting by herself, over at a table near us.
She glanced over. And decided to watch us eat. Our entire meal.
We chatted, laughed, scraped onions out of my sandwich. Complained about the meat. Laughed and talked. Some more.
We were enjoying ourselves. We weren't quiet. But neither were we loud and obnoxious. We weren't neat and tidy. But neither were we too messy.
Her face got darker and darker. Watching us.
It started to bother me. And I kept glancing over at her. To see what was up.
As I sad, she was by herself. She was grumpy looking. And also looked a little done in by the heat of the day.
Ok.
I'll say it.
She was a yuckbabe.
And... I'm being generous here.
But... perhaps I was feeling sensitive because of the whole mishap with Crush. And perhaps I was being less than generous.
But... colour me... HUMAN.
We finished up and gathered our stuff onto trays. Leaving, perhaps, a tiny bit of a mess on the table. There. Not to much. Tho.
Not crazy.
As I walked by her she stared hard at me and sad, "PIGS!"
REALLY LOUD.
With a sneer. In her voice. And her face.
Wow.
Shocked. I was.
I looked at Mellyman... and he looked at me. He was pretty shocked too.
He sad, softly to me, "Take the kids and wait for me by the escalator".
O.K.
We walked away.
And I watched Mellyman walk back to the lady and bend. Down. He whispered right in her ear.
Then...SHE looked SHOCKED.
And he walked back towards us. Poker face.
As we headed out. I asked him what he had said to her.
It was this: Have a MAGICAL DAY!
Heh heh.
That's what he said.
That's all.
But... it was perfect.
And he was perfect.
In that moment.
To me.
Then the moment passed.
Cheers, Mel.
To be continued. Up next: The missing stroller.
RT!!!
A happyhaunt(ish) Magical Moment.
I was forced to rename "The Land"... Home plate.
In my head.
And was singing along: "When you're sliding into home and your pants are filled with foam... DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!!!!"
Yup.
Me too.
Is it any wonder, tho?
That they are MY boys?
Singing the hymns of my childhood?
Like BABYBUMBLEBEE!
Remember THAT one?
I'm licking up my baby bumblebee. Won't my Mommy be so proud of me?
Well... I taught them all that one. Pretty much as soon as they could speak.
AND... I was proud. TFI.
But... we all file those away. Those rhymes and chants and skipping songs of our playground days. Think about it. I bet you remember a DOZEN yourself.
Like: Alice the camel has... FIVE HUMPS! So go Alice go. Boom boom boom.
THAT one is THE LICK!
And I'll be doin' it till I'm old and grey(ish).
Errr... maybe not.
That particular one may not be suitable for the retirement home (read: The "vacation" residence where breaking a hip is as common as prune juice).
Oh. Chances are I'll be doin' Alice the camel anyhow.
So. We parked the stroller. Our stroller, which on this particular Disney day, has become more of a large, dirty, peed on, smelly, crippled, unwieldy... backpack.
Tommy hasn't even SAT in it. Not once.
But... we hauled it along.
Like a status symbol.
And to carry stuff. TFI.
It's either: I bring a purse. Or Mellyman pushes the backpack stroller.
The stroller holds all: Water bottles, park maps (10), garbage, Disney stickers, KIDCOT stuff (garbage), park maps from ANOTHER Disney park, Calvin's empty wallet, and a raspberry beret.
So we bring it.
We park it by the entrance to The Land. Which is a tricky parking job. For our stroller. Without functioning brakes.
Bascially Mellyman lifted it up and set in in a planter.
No.
Not really. But we checked and double checked the angle of the wheels. And tried to wedge it behind a couple of others.
Or else it was bound to end up in front of Mission Sinise.
Then we went in. To The Land. Looking to score some mau. (Again...phone ZZUB.)
It was past prime mau-time. The food court wasn't too busy.
Which was a good thing for Me(l).
Being as I was about to experience...The HORROR of the FOODCOURT.
If you've been reading this trippie, and for your sake I hope you haven't, you may have noticed that the happyhaunts do not eat at alot of CS. We usually do TS. And we try to avoid FOODCOURTS at all cost.
Because it's just too stressful to Me(l). And, therefore, to the rest of our clan.
I'm a high-maintenance orderer. But... I like everything. Pretty much. Not picky. But... there are just too many choices in a foodcourt.
Which is why I really like the TS at Disney. Only 5 entrees. Of which... three taste exactly the same.
At a foodcourt... I am the person who gets herself a Teen Burger from A&W, but with fries from New York Fries. And a drink from Orange Julius. And, maybe, a side of tzatziki (?) from the greek place. For the fries.
Yup. Too difficult.
Not to mention that everyone else wants stuff from other places. Too.
I also am not a big fan of buffets. Too many choices.
A rabbit trail here: I'm ALSO not a big fan of bacon. Although I will order a Teen Burger just BECAUSE it has bacon. On it. I won't put bacon on any other burger tho. Even if it's free.
Because the happyhaunts are a camping family. And I've spent countless mornings in the hot sun. At a campsite. Cooking up a pound or more of bacon for my pork-loving peeps.
When I'm done... I'm all sweaty and nauseated and I smell like bacon.
Which is good in a way because Mellyman tends to show me some more affection. Than the norm. He'll be all huggy and kissy... and not know why. I know.
It's because I smell like pork. Products.
If only they could bottle that!!!
It would be an eternal honeymoon. In the land of happyhaunt.
Moving on...
Faced with the foodcourt I wander around to look. Everyone else snags a table.
But... not a corner table. TFI.
They don't want to hear me say, "NO ONE PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER!"
Again.
For the hundredth time.
So they grab a nice table in the middle(ish).
I'm standing and looking... looking and standing... when Calvin comes up.
He announces that due to his pizza (ZA) slice... he just wants a treat.
Fine by Me(l).
Same with Beth, he says.
O. K.
I look around for Tommy. To see what he wants.
I can't seem to spy Tommy anywhere.
I play "Where's Waldo?" but, still, no Tommy.
I ask Calvin where his brother is.
He says, "He's outside havin' a smoke". With a perfectly straight face.
Ahhhhh.
Calvin.
That's SO Calvin.
I ignore him.
That's SO Me(l).
I ask him again. And he reports that Mellyman has taken Tommy to the Little Bride's room. To pee.
I continue to look at the menu.
Nuttin'. Nuttin'. And, yet, I'm SO hungry.
That's when I notice the guy standing beside me. Looking too.
He's big, heavy and scary... perhaps smelly, too...long hair, beard... and has a tattoo. On his arm.
It's of Mickey Mouse.
So I'm staring at it for a bite. And he notices me. Staring.
AND looks at me, as if to say: "WHAT???"!
I smile at him and say, "Listen... you look like a gourmand. Like you're all refined palate and whatnot. What's good here?"
He answers, "I don't know what to get. The flatbreads look good. But so do the salads."
No help. There. NONE.
That's when Mellyman and Tommy come back.
Tommy runs up to me and says, "KISS me SO HARD!"
Which he does all the time.
So I growl at him with a mean mean face, "I'M gonna KISS YOU...SO HARD!!"
And we give each other a kiss.
Now I'm completely and utterly distracted from the food choice issue.
Mellyman peruses the menus. And is unsettled by the lack of meat.
A meal, for Mellyman, usually must include a substantial honkin' wad of meat. In the chunk form.
A "skewer" of protein. Is not a meal. To him.
He did not find anything that suited his need for meat. On the foodcourt menu. He got something. Or other. But was not all that happy.
He was missing the meat. Choices.
And, reading ZZUB's currently playing tripe report, I sadly have to concur with his opinion of the foodcourt. In The Land.
Which pains me to no end.
Ahhh. ZZUB... I hate him, I hate him but he's brilliant.
Anyhow... I got an onion sandwich. On foccacciaccaciiaa... bread.
I say "onion" because that's all it tasted of. It was FULL-ON ONION.
Which was gonna come back and haunt me... to the tune of 1000.
But... that's for later. On the PeptoB. Scale.
Tommy wanted green Gatoraide. "Gangrene"... he calls it.
He had Coke instead. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The kids got dessert.
Mellyman and I got pop.
And we all sat down together to feast.
That's when I noticed her.
An older woman, sitting by herself, over at a table near us.
She glanced over. And decided to watch us eat. Our entire meal.
We chatted, laughed, scraped onions out of my sandwich. Complained about the meat. Laughed and talked. Some more.
We were enjoying ourselves. We weren't quiet. But neither were we loud and obnoxious. We weren't neat and tidy. But neither were we too messy.
Her face got darker and darker. Watching us.
It started to bother me. And I kept glancing over at her. To see what was up.
As I sad, she was by herself. She was grumpy looking. And also looked a little done in by the heat of the day.
Ok.
I'll say it.
She was a yuckbabe.
And... I'm being generous here.
But... perhaps I was feeling sensitive because of the whole mishap with Crush. And perhaps I was being less than generous.
But... colour me... HUMAN.
We finished up and gathered our stuff onto trays. Leaving, perhaps, a tiny bit of a mess on the table. There. Not to much. Tho.
Not crazy.
As I walked by her she stared hard at me and sad, "PIGS!"
REALLY LOUD.
With a sneer. In her voice. And her face.
Wow.
Shocked. I was.
I looked at Mellyman... and he looked at me. He was pretty shocked too.
He sad, softly to me, "Take the kids and wait for me by the escalator".
O.K.
We walked away.
And I watched Mellyman walk back to the lady and bend. Down. He whispered right in her ear.
Then...SHE looked SHOCKED.
And he walked back towards us. Poker face.
As we headed out. I asked him what he had said to her.
It was this: Have a MAGICAL DAY!
Heh heh.
That's what he said.
That's all.
But... it was perfect.
And he was perfect.
In that moment.
To me.
Then the moment passed.
Cheers, Mel.
To be continued. Up next: The missing stroller.
RT!!!
tinkgurl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2006
HA! That's great! You just made my day with that! I would have LOVED to see that lady's face!
pongoperdigirl
<font color=red>Who wants to go on a pillage<br><f
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2005
Way to go Melly.
Another great installment.
Not much to say, since I am feeling a bit under the weather.
Another great installment.
Not much to say, since I am feeling a bit under the weather.
Chapter 11
<font color=FF3300>I suspect that the list of thin
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2006
Your yuckbabe was an amateur. On our last trip to "The Most Magical Place On Earth" (TM), I said something similar to a similarly grouchy person in a not-too-dissimilar situation, and the response I got back was: "Don't tell me what to do". In a sort of growly tone. Now that, my friend, is a professional.
Cheers! (or whatever the heck it is you Cannuckleheads say).
princessjv
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2005
That is great! Maybe she took this advice. Then went to the bathroom and took a look at her snarly self.
Hopefully didn't break the mirror...
Kay7979
FANTASY NOVEL AUTHOR
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2004
Great installment. It's hard to believe anyone can be so mean and so rude in The Happiest Place on Earth. Mellyman handled the situation beautifully with the Biblical concept of being so nice in return that it's like heaping coals of fire upon the person's head.
Yep, I bet that woman's hair was on fire for the rest of the day!
Yep, I bet that woman's hair was on fire for the rest of the day!
ZZUB
Roll Tide, Mean It
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
That's because you're an idiot.
This is both disturbing and exceptionally funny. Which, parenthetically, is how I describe you to other people. To the extent I describe my Disney message board nemesis to people I know in the real world. Which isn't often.
I feel his pain.
Don't hate me because I'm brilliant. Hate me because you're not me.
1000thhappyhaunt
Maelstromer
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2005
Now THAT has got to be the most self-aggrandizing statement since Paul Simon sang "Hear my words that I might teach you"!!!!!
And, BTW, THAT is a crappy song TOO!
PrincessV
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2006
I heard on the DIS how much fun it would be to leave the stroller at home and make my DS walk. I tried it. I concluded that it would be even more fun to make my DS walk AND bring the stroller... wiht which to carry the stuff. Perfect!
Often, when I encounter someone grumpy, I think back to hucifer and Dan and mentally break out into "It's a gret big beautiful tomorrow...". Now I'll be thinking of the Happyhaunts and wish them a Magical Day! So good to have you back Mel!
LaLa
<font color=green>Hangs with the Mensas<br><font c
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2005
Melly said:
This killed me. DED. Watched Dirty Dancing lately? By any chance?
Poor MellyMan. Missing the meat will do that to you. I would assume.
What? No guacamole from the Mexican place?! No cinnamon rolls from the cinnamon roll place?! I'm NUMB. Orange Julius rules though.
Since when are Coke and pop NOT the same thing?
Loved it Melly. And mad props (whatever that means) to MellyMan for the way he handled the grouchy chick in the foodcourt. Go MellyMan!
celerystalker
<font color=green>Look! I'm yankeepenny!<br><font
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2006
Between you and the corner quote (I do that too - I also say "Let's blow this pop stand" and "Make like a tree and leave" and then I laugh at my own joke like I'm just the funniest person ever), Calvin and the Tommy's smoking bit, Tommy with his kiss me hard and Mellyman with his magical sunshine spreading self, it made me realize I missed you and your family so. I don't even care that you've got to be making it all up at this point. It's so darn entertaining. May your TRs never end. You should bring the general to the next one. Not IRL, just for us for pretend on here.
WheatThins
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2006
Great report. Thanks for sharing.
Wheat Thins
Wheat Thins
1000thhappyhaunt
Maelstromer
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2005
I missed you too. My lil Stalker!
Heh heh.
You're such a yankeepenny.
Whatever that is.
Now then. Don't be a stranger.
BTW... I'm not making it up. That's a lil yoke.
I've got pics.
To remind Me(l).
And... because I have to bring. It. Like ZZUB and La La.
I take notes. Now.
Roll tide.
It's the new red faced constipated guy.
La La told Me(l)
1000thhappyhaunt
Maelstromer
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2005
I don't know who you are.
And, already, I don't like you.
Quit calling ME.
Why do you think I had dust these here Boards(ish)?
I can't abide looking at your face.
Cheers, Mel.
WheatThins
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2006
I don't know who you are.
And, already, I don't like you.
Quit calling ME.
Why do you think I had dust these here Boards(ish)?
I can't abide looking at your face.
Cheers, Mel.
Well, I like you. So there.
Wheat Thins
DebIreland
ಠvಠ
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
Truly hilarious writing! You have a gift.
That is so wrong. They should have let him smoke inside.
Oh my! What a classy DH!
And from way back..... "lightening-fast Banker reflexes" - too funny!
That is so wrong. They should have let him smoke inside.
Oh my! What a classy DH!
And from way back..... "lightening-fast Banker reflexes" - too funny!
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