My SIL Exposed My Mom to Covid

[mi*vida*loca]

There's all kinds of stupid going on right now. Two weeks ago, a coworker of my husband decided to come to work. He started with symptoms over the weekend and went out and got tested. Despite feeling ill and awaiting results, he decided to come to work while awaiting results (and not tell anyone). I'm sure he didn't want to lose pay. Two days after being at work, he gets his positive test. They ended up having to shut the whole job down (several hundred people) and send everyone home to get tested. Fortunately DH is negative but he will lose 8 days of pay now (as will the other several hundred employees).

Until places start paying their employees to be out for two weeks then people will be quiet and go to work after being exposed or go to work sick. I don’t think that’s stupidity. Some people can’t afford two weeks without pay. Especially after being out of work for months when covid first hit or after being forced to use up all of their PTO when covid first hit.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

So are you mad at your brother too. He had to have been the one to give it to your sister in law. Your mom wouldn’t have been exposed if he hadn’t gotten it first.

Wouldn't that depend if the brother knew and did not tell wife not to go over. You can't blame someone for catching unless you knew how thye caught.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Wouldn't that depend if the brother knew and did not tell wife not to go over. You can't blame someone for catching unless you knew how thye caught.

Wouldn't that go for the author of the thread too? She said she was going to visit her mom for her birthday what if the mom got covid from her and not from the sister-in-law (assuming the mom had gotten covid)? I'm sure the author of the thread would be taking precautions but unless both the author of the thread and the mom quarantined for 2 weeks beforehand and 2 weeks after....I'm not saying that's the situation here just saying it falls in line with your above comment I don't agree with the other person who said the brother had to be the one to give it to the sister-in-law, it's probable but not 100% known. The mom would need to not go out and about before the author of the thread coming over, both should stay outside ideally (or have windows open and stay apart from each other inside), both should be wearing masks if close together, and frequently handwashing, both would need to not share food, etc.

A person with a positive test result is very high risk but a person who is asymptomatic without a test result is also very high risk and we all have the ability to be asymptomatic. And a test result only gives us a moment in time.

 

[Christine]

Until places start paying their employees to be out for two weeks then people will be quiet and go to work after being exposed or go to work sick. I don’t think that’s stupidity. Some people can’t afford two weeks without pay. Especially after being out of work for months when covid first hit or after being forced to use up all of their PTO when covid first hit.

I get it; however, now the guy caused several hundred people to lose 8 days of pay. It won't be pretty when they all go back to work. Not to mention what the company lost for having to stop all operations for 8 days. Honestly, for the risk he caused to others (knowingly) and the widespread loss of money for people on the job, he should be fired.

But I agree, there needs to be protections so that people feel okay about staying home.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I get it; however, now the guy caused several hundred people to lose 8 days of pay. It won't be pretty when they all go back to work. Not to mention what the company lost for having to stop all operations for 8 days. Honestly, for the risk he caused to others (knowingly) and the widespread loss of money for people on the job, he should be fired.

But I agree, there needs to be protections so that people feel okay about staying home.

IMO the fault lies with the employer Not the employee. If I worked there I would understand where my coworker was coming from and be mad at the powers that be. Not the little guy.

 

[Christine]

IMO the fault lies with the employer Not the employee. If I worked there I would understand where my coworker was coming from and be mad at the powers that be. Not the little guy.

In any sense, it is wrong to go to work sick at this time. Sick enough that you knew you needed to get a test.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I get it; however, now the guy caused several hundred people to lose 8 days of pay. It won't be pretty when they all go back to work. Not to mention what the company lost for having to stop all operations for 8 days. Honestly, for the risk he caused to others (knowingly) and the widespread loss of money for people on the job, he should be fired.

But I agree, there needs to be protections so that people feel okay about staying home.

That would depend on the company's policy. If the guy was supposed to tell his company and it was considered a fireable offense yes I could see firing but like it or not these companies do have culpability and on a very large part our society.

I'm sure a good amount of those workers will be upset at the 8 days of lost pay but I'm also equally sure that some of them could be in that pinch where if they were in that spot they aren't quite sure what they would do if they were in that guy's spot (stay home and lose pay or go to work and get pay even knowing that's not right).

You could turn it around and say what was the cost for the company to giving paid time off vs what was the cost to the company as a whole for those 8 days.

In any sense, it is wrong to go to work sick at this time. Sick enough that you knew you needed to get a test.

I think the person isn't saying it isn't wrong just laying it out that it is what it is because of this and that.

 

[Christine]

That would depend on the company's policy. If the guy was supposed to tell his company and it was considered a fireable offense yes I could see firing but like it or not these companies do have culpability and on a very large part our society.

I'm sure a good amount of those workers will be upset at the 8 days of lost pay but I'm also equally sure that some of them could be in that pinch where if they were in that spot they aren't quite sure what they would do if they were in that guy's spot (stay home and lose pay or go to work and get pay even knowing that's not right).

You could turn it around and say what was the cost for the company to giving paid time off vs what was the cost to the company as a whole for those 8 days.

I think the person isn't saying it isn't wrong just laying it out that it is what it is because of this and that.

As I said, I get not wanting to lose pay. Believe me, our household just lost 8 days of it. They've had other guys get sick and do the right thing. This was the first. People are furious. To be honest, had he taken the required time off, everyone else would have remained working and felt bad for him--probably would have all chipped in for food gift cards, etc. And if it had been JUST HIM who stayed home and did the right thing, he probably would have gotten paid. Because it would have been ONE GUY. But I agree that if the company would be more open about that then this worker likely wouldn't have made that poor choice.

 

[smokeyblue]

So are you mad at your brother too. He had to have been the one to give it to your sister in law. Your mom wouldn’t have been exposed if he hadn’t gotten it first.

Yes. I am mad at him to a degree. He took the risk of being at deer camp with people that came from out of state. This is likely where it was contracted because others have now come up positive. Nobody was aware at the time they were infected and didn't wittingly pass it on to anyone so I don't see him being as culpable, but culpable never the less.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

As I said, I get not wanting to lose pay. Believe me, our household just lost 8 days of it. They've had other guys get sick and do the right thing. This was the first. People are furious. To be honest, had he taken the required time off, everyone else would have remained working and felt bad for him--probably would have all chipped in for food gift cards, etc. And if it had been JUST HIM who stayed home and did the right thing, he probably would have gotten paid. Because it would have been ONE GUY. But I agree that if the company would be more open about that then this worker likely wouldn't have made that poor choice.

But look at it from the guy's perspective. He's just supposed to hope that his coworkers give him food and gift cards? That's not their obligation to do so and no one can just count on that even as charitable as I generally find people are in times of need.

I know people are furious what I'm saying is put them in the same position as he was in and well the lines might be blurred for at least some of them. We were talking the other night with my spouse's sister. She has to have security clearance which includes a background financial check and it includes continual background financial checks insofar that if your financial situation changes dramatically you are supposed to tell them. They mean situations like you're going through bankruptcy or you have a costly medical diagnosis, etc. The reason for this on the surface is like "why would you need to know that" but you dig a bit deeper and the answer was they are concerned that someone will approach you (and yes it does happen) to get details such that are considered under security clearances and pressure you to tell in exchange for something. My mother in law was so aghast at the thought of someone turning in details, and while you would know it was wrong both myself and my sister in law said "well what if you had a cancer diagnosis and couldn't pay the bills or something like that?" we weren't saying it was right but under pressure...that is why the company had such a policy. The situation above isn't the same as what we're talking about here necessarily with your husband's company but it's an example of financial pressure and what it can have.

No one is saying it's right, just explaining the other side of the coin. Poor choice can be placed on the company too; poor choice not to pay workers to stay home in a situation such that we are in, that will run the risk of someone going into work in order to get pay. That's what I meant about the company's cost. How much would it cost to give pay for the odds and ends workers who need to stay home due to exposure or a positive test pay for those days versus how much did it cost the company to be completely shut down for 8 days and how much will it cost them if that happens again. It's not about being more open abut that it's about the company hedging their bet and in this case they probably lost out. I don't mean to vilify the company necessarily, that's why I said it's a large part of our society. We push people to work because working shows productivity, working shows drive and work ethic and working in various companies is a work and be paid or don't work and don't be paid situation, etc. If the guy could be fully paid and his work performance unimpacted then the guy doesn't really have an excuse in working, but without those two things it's muddy even if completely saying it wasn't right for him to go to work, right doesn't always pay the bills that's for sure.

 

[wdwfan51]

I am so sorry you are going through this. My brother visited our 86 year old mom, knowing he wasn’t feeling well, just to see her new dog. He tested positive for Covid several days later when he went to hospital because he was having breathing difficulties. He believed Covid was a hoax. He exposed my mother and niece(who quarantined prior to her visit to my mom). Luckily they have both tested negative. My brother spent 11 days in hospital. He now realizes how foolish he was but it’s a bit late for that. You and your mom will be in my thoughts.

 

[lisaviolet]

I am so very sorry smokeyblue. Hopefully there are good outcomes for all involved. Hope your brother recovers soon. And your sister-in- law as well. And of course that your mom got lucky with the exposure.

This is exactly what I have been trying to convey on another thread. The possible emotional repercussions, long term ones for some outcomes, of choices that we all make. Some stupid, some defiant, some straightforward errors in judgement of being human, some potentially life changing ones - with of course no malicious intent.

No one wants to bring possible harm to a loved one. No one wants to live with the repercussions.

But do some not think about the possibilities at all? I guess some don't. And some definitely think love and friendship is some kind of superpower against this virus.

Those thoughts guide my choices daily, so it is hard for me to understand. And they do not overwhelm me or leave me without personal freedom. But they damn well guide me. I would not emotionally be okay in any sense, even through innocence, being the reason that someone is hospitalized - alone and suffering. Or a worse outcome. That is a heavy load.

I personally think, and it truly worries me for others' wellbeing, that humans underestimate their emotional ability not to carry such errors in judgement over time. Even if they profess they don't - or won't - have an issue. Time often has a different answer. Especially in the quiet of one's life.

Grace has become a big word for me this year.
Hoping that everything turns for the better for your family smokeyblue.

 

[bobbiwoz]

I really hope your mom is ok.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

Sorry to hear that she was exposed due to the stupidity of your SIL.

I really wonder how people who do this type of thing live with themselves? I can't imagine the idea of getting someone else sick with this, especially someone who is likely in a higher risk group. And for what? To spend an hour visiting? Was there anything that was done while she was there that couldn't have been done over the phone? Ugh.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I'm sending all of the good vibes I have to your family. I hope your Mom is okay and that your brother comes through it okay and you can work things out with him and his wife. This terrible pandemic is tearing families apart.

My aunt still wants to have the annual Christmas Eve party. She was on the phone yesterday to my cousin's wife about it and I could hear her egging my aunt on to have it and to h*** with it because it's family, You have to live life, etc. I texted her this morning and told her that she should be helping her to come to terms with cancelling it, not the other way around. Maybe I was wrong to get involved but I don't particularly want upwards of fifty people in my house, family or no. This is how people are getting sick. She texted me back and told me that since I had Covid I'm like that non-smoker who goes around telling people not to smoke. That's right. I had it and I was really sick and I don't want to lose people or get sick again. But I know everyone will show up and hug and kiss and party like everything's fine and it's not. Even though I'm planning to stay in my room I'll still have to disinfect the entire house the next day and possibly be exposed anyway through my aunt and cousins.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

Wouldn't that go for the author of the thread too? She said she was going to visit her mom for her birthday what if the mom got covid from her and not from the sister-in-law (assuming the mom had gotten covid)? I'm sure the author of the thread would be taking precautions but unless both the author of the thread and the mom quarantined for 2 weeks beforehand and 2 weeks after....I'm not saying that's the situation here just saying it falls in line with your above comment I don't agree with the other person who said the brother had to be the one to give it to the sister-in-law, it's probable but not 100% known. The mom would need to not go out and about before the author of the thread coming over, both should stay outside ideally (or have windows open and stay apart from each other inside), both should be wearing masks if close together, and frequently handwashing, both would need to not share food, etc.

A person with a positive test result is very high risk but a person who is asymptomatic without a test result is also very high risk and we all have the ability to be asymptomatic. And a test result only gives us a moment in time.

Why would it be the same. The poster didn't know she was in close contact with anybody & I am assuming if she did she would do as most do and stay quarantined for some time or get a test and as a sane person would do wait till they get results before mingling. If not why take the test.
Really IMO anybody who knows they were in close contact with someone with Covid and then gets close to anybody elderly intentionally should really get some counseling. I am assuming posters mother is somewhat elderly, but really anyone over 55 should be avoided. Really anybody & eveybody should be avoided.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Fingers crossed that your mom is OK!! And sorry you are dealing with all of this.

And you know what, name the big box store. I'd like to know if I'm shopping at a store that has this kind of ridiculous policy.

Me too! Assuming, as this other poster said, that she actually did tell them.

Let's first confirm the big box store actually knew about the Covid situation before we boycott it. This SIL is irresponsible, reckless, and possibly a liar.

 

[superme80]

I hope your mom does not contract it. Speedy recovery to your brother as well!

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Prayers all-around!

 

[Travel60]

As I just posted on another thread, I am so furious with stupid people who refuse to listen to the medical experts (mask, distance, wash) and with leadership that does not model and reinforce ways to help stop the spread. Selfish, clueless, bull-headed.....what else can be said?