The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Trip Report. Started off, great, and ended not so magical.

[ArwenMarie]

Ugh, so sorry it ended like that with your friend! I kind of got the feeling she was being a PITA the whole trip so I'm not that surprised. Pretty cruel though to kick someone when they're down, like she couldn't help with your suitcase without a lecture? It's weird that she cared so much about what you packed. Lots of people bring hair gadgets and stuff on vacation.

I know it's hard being estranged from a friend, but maybe it is better off sometimes. And it sounds like you were doing a lot of work getting her butt home too, with managing all of the tickets and passes and everything. Putting on my internet psychologist hat, it sounds like she has some narcissistic tendencies...the only thing that would get her to come around was if you had just said you were wrong, over and over. She was never going to apologize for her part in it. A narcissist can never be wrong, ever. They never apologize. Ok, internet psychologist hat off.

You are just adorable as far as how you dress and keep your hair with your constraints. I wish I could put together such cute outfits for the parks! I don't think you brought an excessive amount of clothes either? It is Florida and usually people at least like a clean shirt every day. Of course it's fine if you don't need to do that, but I definitely do, usually two!

Glad you got some relief from the first stretch and hopefully you will get even more with the next one! Sending you lots of good stretching vibes

 

[Heluvsme]

I've been a member here at the DIs for a long time now. I read a LOT, I respond occasionally.... But your pre-trip report, and your trip report, have touched my heart so much I needed to reply, and reach out to you.

First the magic--- you are a survivor, to be celebrated and admired! I am (mostly) healthy, no underlying medical conditions, and doing Disney is exhausting! Add in physical challenges and, well, I for one applaud you, and admire your strength! Because I can imagine the strength it took for you to do this trip!

Now, the not-so-magic--- as I was reading your justification for what and how you pack, all I could think was--- you don't owe anyone a justification! You are a grown woman and if you wanted to pack 5 full suitcases, who cares?! Your friend's lack of compassion is heart breaking to me. Even as a stranger, I wouldn't hesitate to help someone through an airport if I saw they were struggling. I actually would probably be that pesky stranger who tried to help too much.

My brother in law goes in for esophageal stretches periodically. Sometimes they last a couple years, sometimes he needs two a year, just depends. He struggles with swallowing certain foods as well, and aspirating foods can, at the least be painful and dibilirating, at the most.... Almost deadly. I will be thinking of you today, sending some pixie dust, and looking for any updates from you when you're feeling up to it.

Thank you for sharing your trip with us, and your life... I wish you well!
Dawn

 

[HumblePie]

I've been a member here at the DIs for a long time now. I read a LOT, I respond occasionally.... But your pre-trip report, and your trip report, have touched my heart so much I needed to reply, and reach out to you.

First the magic--- you are a survivor, to be celebrated and admired! I am (mostly) healthy, no underlying medical conditions, and doing Disney is exhausting! Add in physical challenges and, well, I for one applaud you, and admire your strength! Because I can imagine the strength it took for you to do this trip!

Now, the not-so-magic--- as I was reading your justification for what and how you pack, all I could think was--- you don't owe anyone a justification! You are a grown woman and if you wanted to pack 5 full suitcases, who cares?! Your friend's lack of compassion is heart breaking to me. Even as a stranger, I wouldn't hesitate to help someone through an airport if I saw they were struggling. I actually would probably be that pesky stranger who tried to help too much.

I feel the exact same way. I read/follow a lot of trip reports and hardly ever comment but I have to comment to tell you how amazed I am at the way you have overcome what you've gone through. I'm in awe of your strength!

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to learn how to move on from toxic people in your life and your friend sounds as though she meets that description. Although it is sad when a friendship ends, don't put the blame on yourself - you don't have anything to apologize for.

I hope your health continues to improve. Sending you strength and good thoughts.

 

[glennbo123]

Wow. I'm so sorry to read about the issues on the trip home and the friendship that is now damaged. As others have said, you don't need to justify what/how you pack. It sounded like you were being quite the trooper, actually. Sending prayers and good vibes for improved health and friendships.

 

[deannaf87]

I just got all caught up. It really stinks that your trip ended the way it did. It seems like you had many magical moments though.

How scary about the aspiration. That is nothing to mess around with and I can't believe your friend wasn't more helpful on the trip home. The fact that she doesn't talk to a lot of her family seems like a pretty big testament to her character. It's one thing to not talk to one or two random relatives here and there but that many? Seems like she's the common denominator... and the problem. I hope the friendship can be repaired if that is what you want and I especially hope this wasn't your last trip!

 

[MataHari22]

Just some thoughts....Let me first say, that I am sure that I can be a pain in the keister, and I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I did plenty of things to annoy her, I don't want to make her sound like a monster, she's not. I think that is the most surprising thing about this whole thing, that she was pretty much someone who (I thought) "got it" and seemed like she understood a lot of what I have went through, and what I go through on a daily basis. She has seen how I struggle on a daily basis, and knows I am in pain 24/7. So, you would think, at that moment, that me snapping (even if she feels it was not warranted, whereas I know it wasn't right to do, but I feel like she pushed my snap button pretty dang hard) she could cut me some slack since I felt like death warmed over. One of the things she repeated was how even though I have issues, that doesn't give me a right to be unkind when I'm stressed, and that
every one has problems, and some people have it worse than I do. That made me so mad!! First, I don't use my illness as an excuse to be an idiot and treat people like crap. Yes, I have my moments, everyone does. But I feel like I have managed to maintain a sense of humor despite everything I've been through, and continue to go through. I'd love to see how chipper and wonderful she would be if she had to contend with not being able to eat like a normal person, and if she was in pain 24/7, and if she had issues using her hands and arms. She posted this on her Facebook:



:-/ Whatever. I decided to unfollow her (but I have not unfriended her yet) because all the points she was sure to lay into me about, she posted these kinds of things on her FB, filled with the specific key words she used while reading me the riot act. Second, as far as being thankful, as a stage 4 survivor I am lucky to be alive, and I know this, with the genetic blood disorder I have, I have already outlived my life expectancy by many years. And I know damn well, I could have it worse, and I am thankful that I don't have it worse, because I have been there. I have been close to death. I have lost a brother, I have lost family and countless friends to cancer and illness. I talk/correspond with people every day that have it way worse that I do, that can no longer speak, that can no longer eat, because of cancer. Pleople who are going through bone marrow transplant because of the blood disorder I have. So, don't tell me I could have it much worse, I am well aware. I am thankful I don't have it worse...yet or, should I say, again. I am there for them when they need my support, they can call or text 24/7, even though it scares the hell out of me, and that part of me that is staring into what probably is my future (because what I have, will kill me) just wants to run and hide and ignore what they're going through. It is unbelievably hard. Out of everything, I think that was the thing that cut me to the core the most. That she would say those things to me.

One of the things I said to her, was that I really don't think she understands the amount of work and time I put in planning and doing everything for these trips. She said she does understand, and that she's always said that I was a good planner. It's not just all the planning for months prior that can get taxing, but just the fact that I had to be the one to navigate and get us to every atrraction, each step of the way, and through the airports, etc. You would think, this being a third trip for her, that she would be more familiar, and could take the lead a little more. By the end, I get so tired of being the one that has to make all the decisions, and navigate everywhere because she doesn't know where to go or what to do. Sometimes, the person that gives you no feedback when you ask them what they want to do, and they say "whatever you want" is harder to deal with that the person that gives you too many options. At least you know where you stand with the person who gives you options and you can pick some. Not sure if any of that makes sense. I'm sure the anesthesia hasn't worn off yet from my dilation.

So, the friendship has been forever changed, and I don't think it can ever be fixed, because I no longer trust her. So, that's that.

As far as an update on my procedure, he said he went from 6 mm (I guess it shrank from 8mm that he did two weeks ago) to 11mm. Maybe that means it will settle down to 9-10 mm? He said he would like to try again in another month. I said I would like to see how I feel and then call him, if that was ok, versus scheduling it today. He said, absolutely. I got home a couple of hours ago and had a milk and a yogurt. I was dying of thirst and pretty hungry! I will see how I feel tomorrow and if I'm feeling ok, I'll try something more toothsome tomorrow. Fingers crossed it will be at least as good as it's been this week, or better. It's been a relief to be able to eat without getting food stuck.

 

[MataHari22]

Hi there. I have read your whole pre trip journal and now your trip report and wanted to send good vibes your way for your stretch and everything else. I've had 3 of those done myself (for a different reason) and they aren't fun. Secondly, I wanted to say that I am sorry that you had that incident the last night of your WDW trip and were so sick and were with someone that didn't seem to want to help. Reading the whole TR before the end I felt like Linda was being totally selfish with riding things etc. You were being very considerate of her and things she would like to do and she wouldn't ever seem to wait for things that you wanted to, not cool!

The day you traveled home she was completely out of line. She needed to MHOB and just be a real friend and help you out. I have several severe chronic illnesses and I get very weak at times and just need help with things and someone to have my back (even though I am stubborn and most of the time don't want to let them lol). So I totally feel you on this and I am sorry that you had to deal with what you did at your happy place and on the way home. I hope you get to go visit WDW again soon and I wish you much luck and pixie dust tomorrow with your procedure!

Hi, thanks very much. It went ok today, and he said he went up to 11mm. He wanted to schedule for one more time, in a month, but I told him that I'd like to see how I do first, and he said, no problem, absolutely, just let him know. I'll see how I make out the next couple of weeks. It's just been good not to get food stuck every single day like I was. I just need to get some appetite back. It takes so much work and time for me to eat, that sometimes I just don't have the energy.

I don't want to make it sound like I am an angel, and she was the worst, because I'm quite sure I can be a PITA. It's just that she didn't want to do a lot of the things I wanted, because she gets sick on some rides, and isn't keen on character meets, but what made it harder, is that she didn't want to go do things on her own, and I would feel badly if I did too much on my own then. .

I hope I get to go again someday, but I cannot go on my own, and I don't have someone to travel with, so it won't be soon, and I hope my health holds out and I don't get any worse. I'd really like to go to Disneyland next, since I've never been there.

Sorry to read you have chronic illnesses and I wish you the best. I hope you have way more good days, than bad days.

 

[MataHari22]

Ugh, so sorry it ended like that with your friend! I kind of got the feeling she was being a PITA the whole trip so I'm not that surprised. Pretty cruel though to kick someone when they're down, like she couldn't help with your suitcase without a lecture? It's weird that she cared so much about what you packed. Lots of people bring hair gadgets and stuff on vacation.

I know it's hard being estranged from a friend, but maybe it is better off sometimes. And it sounds like you were doing a lot of work getting her butt home too, with managing all of the tickets and passes and everything. Putting on my internet psychologist hat, it sounds like she has some narcissistic tendencies...the only thing that would get her to come around was if you had just said you were wrong, over and over. She was never going to apologize for her part in it. A narcissist can never be wrong, ever. They never apologize. Ok, internet psychologist hat off.

You are just adorable as far as how you dress and keep your hair with your constraints. I wish I could put together such cute outfits for the parks! I don't think you brought an excessive amount of clothes either? It is Florida and usually people at least like a clean shirt every day. Of course it's fine if you don't need to do that, but I definitely do, usually two!

Glad you got some relief from the first stretch and hopefully you will get even more with the next one! Sending you lots of good stretching vibes

It's hard, because we did so many things together, and I have known her for 25 years, I think. We had a bit of a break for a few years, but that was more because of my ex, and we were passed that. Over the last 5 years, we were pretty close.
In this case, I think it's best because the one thing that really bothered me, was how she constantly talked about other people. Every time we would get together. Not only would she talk about people that we knew, but even people that I'd never even met. I knew how they over-ate and ruined their lap-band, how horrible and messy their house was....things I should not know. I would try and change the subject, but a lot of times, it didn't work. It bothered me so much, that one time, I even asked her, "You are talking about all of these people, what are you saying behind my back?" She swore she wasn't saying anything about me. Well, I didn't really believe her, knowing how she goes on about people. Talking about their house, and how they live, but then saying she doesn't care, and if they want to do it, it's fine. It's like, obviously you do care, and you are judging them. Anyway, now that I pissed her off, I am sure that she has told her side of the story to every mutual person we know, because she has seen them a couple of times since we've been home. I've not said a word about it to anyone, except my step mom the day it happened, but only because I came home crying after she chewed me out over the phone. I wasn't sure I wanted to even post all this, but I felt like I really needed an outlet to put it past me, and I am not going to talk to people we know about it, because that is not what I do.

Thanks you, I cannot put on make up anymore, lol! I cannot see, and my hands won't cooperate, so I try and make sure that I'm dressed half way decent. I think it helps that I prefer to wear skirts and dresses, and I have always leaned away from very casual dress. Except at home where I run around in men's boxers and hoodies and don't get dressed unless I have to be in public. Some people comment on my hair, and don't like it because it's short, but I don't care. I'm the only one who has to like it. I do wish I could keep it long if I wanted to again, but it's so much easier short, and that is what I need. My hair is thick and wiry and impossible to manage the way I am now.

Stretch went ok today, and I will see how eating goes this week. Fingers crossed that it's stayed as good as it was, or is better. Been awesome these last couple of weeks to eat and not have food getting stuck constantly.

 

[MataHari22]

I've been a member here at the DIs for a long time now. I read a LOT, I respond occasionally.... But your pre-trip report, and your trip report, have touched my heart so much I needed to reply, and reach out to you.

First the magic--- you are a survivor, to be celebrated and admired! I am (mostly) healthy, no underlying medical conditions, and doing Disney is exhausting! Add in physical challenges and, well, I for one applaud you, and admire your strength! Because I can imagine the strength it took for you to do this trip!

Now, the not-so-magic--- as I was reading your justification for what and how you pack, all I could think was--- you don't owe anyone a justification! You are a grown woman and if you wanted to pack 5 full suitcases, who cares?! Your friend's lack of compassion is heart breaking to me. Even as a stranger, I wouldn't hesitate to help someone through an airport if I saw they were struggling. I actually would probably be that pesky stranger who tried to help too much.

My brother in law goes in for esophageal stretches periodically. Sometimes they last a couple years, sometimes he needs two a year, just depends. He struggles with swallowing certain foods as well, and aspirating foods can, at the least be painful and dibilirating, at the most.... Almost deadly. I will be thinking of you today, sending some pixie dust, and looking for any updates from you when you're feeling up to it.

Thank you for sharing your trip with us, and your life... I wish you well!
Dawn

Thank you, very much! You are extremely kind. A WDW certainly can be tough! I come home and sleep for a week straight, just about. Lol.

Thanks for saying I don't need to justify what I pack. She was really making me feel like I had to, and you're right, I really don't. I guess that I need someone (her) to lift up my bag into the overhead and lift it higher than my waist, makes me feel badly, and like I have to justify it. I have actually had people tell me here on the dis, that I shouldn't pack more than I can lift up into the bin, myself. Since I cannot lift my own arm above my head with nothing in it, I guess I am just going to have to stay in the clothes on my body for the whole week. :/ I barely can manage to lift a gallon of milk and pour it, that's how bad I am. I hope these people never lose their health, and if they do, I hope they have more understanding people around them then they are to help them.

Dilation went well, he said he went up to 11mm. (It will probably settle to a little less than that) He wanted me to schedule to come back again in a month, but I asked if it was ok to see how I was for a bit, and then let him know, and he said that was absolutely fine. It's just been nice to eat without food getting caught every single time I ate.

Thanks again for your kind post.

 

[MataHari22]

I feel the exact same way. I read/follow a lot of trip reports and hardly ever comment but I have to comment to tell you how amazed I am at the way you have overcome what you've gone through. I'm in awe of your strength!

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to learn how to move on from toxic people in your life and your friend sounds as though she meets that description. Although it is sad when a friendship ends, don't put the blame on yourself - you don't have anything to apologize for.

I hope your health continues to improve. Sending you strength and good thoughts.

Wow. I'm so sorry to read about the issues on the trip home and the friendship that is now damaged. As others have said, you don't need to justify what/how you pack. It sounded like you were being quite the trooper, actually. Sending prayers and good vibes for improved health and friendships.

Thanks very much, you guys. I appreciate your posts. I think getting it all out has made me feel a little better. I did owe her an apology for snapping, but all I could do was give her that sincere apology, and since she didn't accept it, that is on her.

Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers, they mean a lot. It went well today, and I hope I though I may still eat super slowly, that I will not be getting food stuck every time I eat. That will help my quality of life greatly. Now, I just need an appetite again. Lol. Be well you guys, snd thanks again.

 

[3Gsandme]

Oh, sweetheart. Reading that last entry made me sad. You know, it's possible Linda was joking when she made that comment, but some people are just bad at that sort of thing. It had to be obvious that you were struggling. She needed to put her head down and be your friend and do what you needed. I'm sorry it played out like that. I really am.

It's obvious that you are a pro at packing and I'm like you. I'm sweating in clothes then I'm not wearing them again until they're washed.

 

[MataHari22]

I just got all caught up. It really stinks that your trip ended the way it did. It seems like you had many magical moments though.

How scary about the aspiration. That is nothing to mess around with and I can't believe your friend wasn't more helpful on the trip home. The fact that she doesn't talk to a lot of her family seems like a pretty big testament to her character. It's one thing to not talk to one or two random relatives here and there but that many? Seems like she's the common denominator... and the problem. I hope the friendship can be repaired if that is what you want and I especially hope this wasn't your last trip!

That's what I was thinking about her being the common denominator. I used to think it was totally their fault, and obviously, my perspective has drastically changed.

There were good times, and I'm trying hard to focus on that, and not let what happened ruin my happy place for me! I feel like I need a re-do! I wish I could just go by myself. Or could afford my own personal valet/body guard. Lol.

 

[MataHari22]

Oh, sweetheart. Reading that last entry made me sad. You know, it's possible Linda was joking when she made that comment, but some people are just bad at that sort of thing. It had to be obvious that you were struggling. She needed to put her head down and be your friend and do what you needed. I'm sorry it played out like that. I really am.

Thank you!

 

[alrushton]

So sorry your trip ended so badly but really enjoyed all your pictures and hearing about the good times. Losing a good friend is hard. I have come to understand that some relationships are for a season and once they are over try to remember the good times and move on to a new season.

 

[ArwenMarie]

It's hard, because we did so many things together, and I have known her for 25 years, I think. We had a bit of a break for a few years, but that was more because of my ex, and we were passed that. Over the last 5 years, we were pretty close.
In this case, I think it's best because the one thing that really bothered me, was how she constantly talked about other people. Every time we would get together. Not only would she talk about people that we knew, but even people that I'd never even met. I knew how they over-ate and ruined their lap-band, how horrible and messy their house was....things I should not know. I would try and change the subject, but a lot of times, it didn't work. It bothered me so much, that one time, I even asked her, "You are talking about all of these people, what are you saying behind my back?" She swore she wasn't saying anything about me. Well, I didn't really believe her, knowing how she goes on about people. Talking about their house, and how they live, but then saying she doesn't care, and if they want to do it, it's fine. It's like, obviously you do care, and you are judging them. Anyway, now that I pissed her off, I am sure that she has told her side of the story to every mutual person we know, because she has seen them a couple of times since we've been home. I've not said a word about it to anyone, except my step mom the day it happened, but only because I came home crying after she chewed me out over the phone. I wasn't sure I wanted to even post all this, but I felt like I really needed an outlet to put it past me, and I am not going to talk to people we know about it, because that is not what I do.

Thanks you, I cannot put on make up anymore, lol! I cannot see, and my hands won't cooperate, so I try and make sure that I'm dressed half way decent. I think it helps that I prefer to wear skirts and dresses, and I have always leaned away from very casual dress. Except at home where I run around in men's boxers and hoodies and don't get dressed unless I have to be in public. Some people comment on my hair, and don't like it because it's short, but I don't care. I'm the only one who has to like it. I do wish I could keep it long if I wanted to again, but it's so much easier short, and that is what I need. My hair is thick and wiry and impossible to manage the way I am now.

Stretch went ok today, and I will see how eating goes this week. Fingers crossed that it's stayed as good as it was, or is better. Been awesome these last couple of weeks to eat and not have food getting stuck constantly.

Glad you got some relief from the stretching!

She really does sound like a selfish person but I hope you guys can maybe mend your friendship to some degree since you have been friends for so long, or at least come to a place of closure. I feel like we don't give enough credit to how hard it is to lose a friend, it's always about losing a love relationship, know what I mean? It can be just as devastating to lose a long-time friend.

You need a do-over trip or a do-over something! Did you ever go to Disney on Ice? We're going next month. I find they are a nice way to get a little dose of Disney. in the winter! I think they have quite a few dates in the Northeast over the next couple of months. If you can get to NYC, Aladdin is a fabulous show if you haven't seen it yet. I want to see Lion King as well, I check StubHub once in a while on Saturday mornings to look for cheap seats that day because it is not inexpensive lol.

 

[MataHari22]

Glad you got some relief from the stretching!

She really does sound like a selfish person but I hope you guys can maybe mend your friendship to some degree since you have been friends for so long, or at least come to a place of closure. I feel like we don't give enough credit to how hard it is to lose a friend, it's always about losing a love relationship, know what I mean? It can be just as devastating to lose a long-time friend.

You need a do-over trip or a do-over something! Did you ever go to Disney on Ice? We're going next month. I find they are a nice way to get a little dose of Disney. in the winter! I think they have quite a few dates in the Northeast over the next couple of months. If you can get to NYC, Aladdin is a fabulous show if you haven't seen it yet. I want to see Lion King as well, I check StubHub once in a while on Saturday mornings to look for cheap seats that day because it is not inexpensive lol.

Definitely have gotten relief. Just a little worried because I got the Dr's notes and he did take a biopsy because of an area suspicious for Barret's esophagus. So, I'm praying that there is no dysplasia and there's nothing wrong.

The problem with doing things and traveling, is that I don't have anyone to go with. All my other friends work, and or are not interested in Disney stuff. Or live too far away. My other closest friends, (they are married) hate Disney like the plague. Lol.

 

[Pesky]

I'm not saying you are a saint and I'm not saying your friend is the only sinner. It is great that you are willing to explore what you might have contributed. Buuuuuut when she doesn't talk to such a large chunk of her family including the majority of her own children, just seems like there is smoke and fire. Sorry she took you on another trip - guilt and emotional roller coaster - but without such toxicity life can be a lot better. Glad to hear the dilation is helping. I have esophageal spasms and can only think in horror of having that 24/7. And glad you got some good moments out of the trip despite the bad ending. Hopefully your next journey is less dramatic and more fun!

 

[ArwenMarie]

Definitely have gotten relief. Just a little worried because I got the Dr's notes and he did take a biopsy because of an area suspicious for Barret's esophagus. So, I'm praying that there is no dysplasia and there's nothing wrong.

The problem with doing things and traveling, is that I don't have anyone to go with. All my other friends work, and or are not interested in Disney stuff. Or live too far away. My other closest friends, (they are married) hate Disney like the plague. Lol.

It's hard to find people IRL who like Disney stuff as much as we do, although I guess we are the fanatics who post on the Disboards. My family thinks we are nuts lol.

Sending you lots of prayers and good thoughts for a clear report on the area

 

[LovesTimone]

My Grandfather had problems with his swallowing and more than his share of upper GI issues, so I can completely understand what you are talking about, and feeling.

On your friendship, Is someone who knows what your dealing with and have dealt with, and can see your having issues with your health, and does nothing to help you and adds to the issues, and acts like a brat your friend? Not in my book, Friendship is a 2 way street, friendship is not always flowers, and fun.. sometimes its hard when life is throwing one of you a curve balls, that's when the test of friendship is out on the line. That's when a true friend pulls up her big girl panties and acts like a friend and is there for you. You have enough on your plate, scrape her off.

Wishing you continued health and well being in the new year. God Bless and prayers for you.

 

[CamilaGS]

Hi there!
Just finished reading both your PTR and TR and I feel really bad about the sour ending. My mother is a breast cancer survivor (thankfully, it was stage 1 and we discovered and treated it quickly, but she still had to have surgery, chemo and radiotherapy), my father is nearly blind and has had numerous serious health problems, all due to diabetes (including kidney failure-which led to kidney transplant, and a heart attack that required heart surgery) and my MIL died due to lymphoma (we didn't get along, but it was a difficult period for my wife), so unfortunately I'm no stranger to health issues and physical disabilities. I cannot fathom treating my lovely parents the way your friend treated you. I mean, you are a survivor, a fighter, and with all you've been through, I believe we can afford you a moment or two of stress and spite!
I'm really sorry she was such a b**** to you, and like others have said before, I think she was extremely selfish and non-understanding. I hope you get to go back soon to WDW and redo your experience, this time with a happy positive outcome.
I'm taking my mommy to the world for the first time in May and I hope she has a blast, like you seemed to have for some moments, despite everything. And I wish you all the best, keep holding on and being strong. I never met you, probably never will, unfortunately, but I want you to know that I admire you and you've inspired me.