How would you handle this...

[jevs]

There is no such thing as 'normal' behaviour in kids, autistic or otherwise.

OP, I don't know what you want here...sounds like you handled the situation the best you could and without being there or knowing the other family personally posters can onLy speculate on parenting skills or lack of them.

 

[SMD]

By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly. I have an older child that still struggles with using public restrooms and no matter how hard we try to keep him in the bathroom, will run out scared with pants down occasionally. He hasn't been arrested. He isn't a "sex offender." That is ludicrous and ableist.

That isn't how you said you'd handle it. You said that you'd expect the store's insurance to pay for any damage caused by your child. If your child pees on a car, the only people responsible are you and your child. And yes, urinating in public is a crime in some jurisdictions. In college, the local police blotter had stories about people being charged almost every week. In places where it's classified as lewd behavior, you absolutely can end up a registered sex offender. Your son may be young now, but children as young as 15 can end up as registered sex offenders. I would start planning now for how the law will treat him differently as a teenager than as a a child, instead of advising ludicrous things like make business' insurance responsible for his behavior

 

[MSLRAC]

I read it as a crowd sourcing question to parents with kids on the spectrum. Basically to commiserate about how uncouth/terrible/etc this mom was and to soothe any possible worries of being insensitive to people with disabilities by hearing first hand from people with kids on the spectrum who would "never do that," and don't allow their kids to, think it's inappropriate to take kids to buy a mattress, etc.

By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly. I have an older child that still struggles with using public restrooms and no matter how hard we try to keep him in the bathroom, will run out scared with pants down occasionally. He hasn't been arrested. He isn't a "sex offender." That is ludicrous and ableist.

Again, you say it wasn't the peeing. You say it wasn't the kid. You just really dislike this lady's "lack of parenting." That really has nothing to do with autism that you brought up.

I guess everyone has their own way of looking at things. In our home, Autism is not a disability and it's never an excuse for poor behavior. We've worked hard on social cues and learning acceptable behavior. If my DS is having a sensory overload meltdown, that is a result of his Autism. If he's peeing on cars and I'm dismissing his behavior because he has Autism then I am a lazy parent.

And a child exposing him or herself to urinate in public most certainly can end up with them being on the sex offender registry because public urination is considered a sex crime in some areas. Sure you might be able to fight it in court with a lawyer but I personally think it's cheaper and easier to teach my kids (neurotypical and on the spectrum) not to pee on cars in parking lots.

 

[BearFamily]

If the peeing was a non-issue and you are just angry at someone who didn't parent their child and believe that was all it was (lazy poor parenting), why bring up autism? Seems irrelevant to the story then.

Well, if the OP hadn't shared that part of what the mom said, many of the responses would have (correctly) pointed out that this kind of behavior could have been due to autism or some other condition and she should bear that in mind when responding. And then she would have come back with "well, the mom said he was autistic" and then everyone would have said "Well why didn't you say that in the first place, you're just embellishing the story". Totally relevant.

I think it is also part of the question "what would you do?" Because some people might have a different answer for "what would you do if a child ran out of a store and peed on your car while the parent sat there" and "what would you do if a child you were told was autistic ran out of a store and peed on your car while the parent sat there".

What would I do, OP? Basically exactly what you did. And then go ask other people what they'd do as a way of commiserating about my car getting peed on.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I read it as a crowd sourcing question to parents with kids on the spectrum. Basically to commiserate about how uncouth/terrible/etc this mom was and to soothe any possible worries of being insensitive to people with disabilities by hearing first hand from people with kids on the spectrum who would "never do that," and don't allow their kids to, think it's inappropriate to take kids to buy a mattress, etc.

By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly. I have an older child that still struggles with using public restrooms and no matter how hard we try to keep him in the bathroom, will run out scared with pants down occasionally. He hasn't been arrested. He isn't a "sex offender." That is ludicrous and ableist.

Again, you say it wasn't the peeing. You say it wasn't the kid. You just really dislike this lady's "lack of parenting." That really has nothing to do with autism that you brought up.

To me that's the difference, mom was told according to the OP not once, not twice, not even three times, but at least four by 3 different people. FOUR times and she made excuses, said she can't see it, or simply ignored it. Didn't try to stop or correct his actions. That's the problem I see. Autistic or not.

 

[cornflkgrl]

That isn't how you said you'd handle it. You said that you'd expect the store's insurance to pay for any damage caused by your child. If your child pees on a car, the only people responsible are you and your child. And yes, urinating in public is a crime in some jurisdictions. In college, the local police blotter had stories about people being charged almost every week. In places where it's classified as lewd behavior, you absolutely can end up a registered sex offender. Your son may be young now, but children as young as 15 can end up as registered sex offenders. I would start planning now for how the law will treat him differently as a teenager than as a a child, instead of advising ludicrous things like make business' insurance responsible for his behavior

That's how I said I'd handle it if someone peed on MY car and it caused damages. With insurance company to determine fault. If it was MY kid that did it, like I said, if it was a matter of damage to property of a person, I'd deal with it financially or legally. But that isn't what happened here. What happened here is a small child -- we don't know the exact age -- peed outside a store and op was angry with the person for being what they deemed a lazy parent By not jumping up and doing x (insert action here because I don't know exactly what they wanted done since it isn't about the pee).

You can re-read what I wrote because I'm not going to retype it for lack of comprehension.

 

[SMD]

That's how I said I'd handle it if someone peed on MY car and it caused damages. With insurance company to determine fault. If it was MY kid that did it, like I said, if it was a matter of damage to property of a person, I'd deal with it financially or legally. But that isn't what happened here. What happened here is a small child -- we don't know the exact age -- peed outside a store and op was angry with the person for being what they deemed a lazy parent By not jumping up and doing x (insert action here because I don't know exactly what they wanted done since it isn't about the pee).

You can re-read what I wrote because I'm not going to retype it for lack of comprehension.

I understood you just fine. You tried to offer advice that would, in the same situation, negate your responsibility. You then went after the OP for mentioning autism because it's something you're sensitive about because your son is also on the spectrum. Why not just be honest and say, "As the mother of a child with autism, here is how I hope this would be handled..." Instead you gave some ridiculous bad advice and blame the OP in ways that, oh, just happen to be self-serving.

 

[cornflkgrl]

I understood you just fine. You tried to offer advice that would, in the same situation, negate your responsibility. You then went after the OP for mentioning autism because it's something you're sensitive about because your son is also on the spectrum. Why not just be honest and say, "As the mother of a child with autism, here is how I hope this would be handled..." Instead you gave some ridiculous bad advice and blame the OP in ways that, oh, just happen to be self-serving.

Calling my insurance company is negating responsibility? Whatever. I said I'd do that if my car was damaged in a lot. Its what I'd do if a cart ran into my car and I didn't see it or if a kid threw something at my car. I would also do it if pee damaged my car. But again, op has said this is not about pee damaging their car.

This was not my kid, by the way. You are speaking to me as if I was at the mattress store.

I shared the info about my sons for a different perspective. Both my kids have multiple dx the specifics of which I feel are not relevant to the advice of calling an insurance company for damage to a car or being empathetic to other people. That advice is for anyone. Maybe empathy is a self serving idea? I like to hope people can be understanding or at least mildly tolerant of one another when they have no idea the circumstances of another persons life in that 15 minute interaction.

Again, didn't even need to hear the bit about the autism to give my opinion.

 

[Marchand63]

I would have been pissed (no pun intended). Not for the fact that the child did that but because his mom didn't do anything.

What parent lets a typical 7 yo walk out of a store into a parking lot alone?

I have sympathy and patience for a parent trying to actually parent in difficult situations. I have none for a parent ignoring a situation.

Totally agree. Although I would record it & post it on YouTube under bad parenting

 

[SMD]

Calling my insurance company is negating responsibility? Whatever. I said I'd do that if my car was damaged in a lot. Its what I'd do if a cart ran into my car and I didn't see it or if a kid threw something at my car. I would also do it if pee damaged my car. But again, op has said this is not about pee damaging their car.

This was not my kid, by the way. You are speaking to me as if I was at the mattress store.

I shared the info about my sons for a different perspective. Both my kids have multiple dx the specifics of which I feel are not relevant to the advice of calling an insurance company for damage to a car or being empathetic to other people. That advice is for anyone. Maybe empathy is a self serving idea? I like to hope people can be understanding or at least mildly tolerant of one another when they have no idea the circumstances of another persons life in that 15 minute interaction.

Again, didn't even need to hear the bit about the autism to give my opinion.

Re-read your posts. This is the first post where you've said you'd call YOUR insurance company. You said you'd take up the issue with the business and that an adjuster would decide, but you never said you'd make the claim against your own policy. People can have empathy for others and not tolerate their personal property being peed on. Until the build a toilet large enough for a car to be parked in, there is nowhere anyone could park a car where they should expect anything else but no one pees on it. If you don't like the connection between your son and the child in the story, I would suggest not saying pee doesn't damage a any issue with having your car peed on should be taken up with the store, the OP is wrong for mentioning autism, and then revealing, oh, by the way, my son also pees where ever and there's nothing wrong with him doing it. No one connected your son and the child in the story until you decided to wag your finger at the OP and use your child as an example of why she's not entitled to react as she did. I find it ironic that you take issue with the the OP relaying the fact the the third party in the story mentioned autism when you mentioned your son's disability in a previous post to excuse something that he's done.

 

[hereyago]

I would tell her to get off her butt and go get her son.

It takes a village to raise a child, so if you don't want a village to help, then parent your kid.

I could care less about him being a boy, autistic, he could be a cyclops still wouldn't care. I wouldn't have gotten up to go let him in. I blame the "parent" in this situation.

 

[hereyago]

See, now this is how we(general public) see the no liability signs: store not responsible for damage to cars because of carts and small unattended kid who aren't home trained who may spray pee on cars.

 

[cornflkgrl]

Re-read your posts. This is the first post where you've said you'd call YOUR insurance company. You said you'd take up the issue with the business and that an adjuster would decide, but you never said you'd make the claim against your own policy.

I have re-read my posts, but here. Please quote me directly next time if you plan to attribute statements to me.

If there was legitimate damage to my vehicle while parked in the store lot I would call insurance company, would take issue with the store and let the chips fall where they may in terms of how the store handles contacting the person etc.

How else would I contact a person I did not know? The store would have their info from the credit cards app she referenced.

If you don't like the connection between your son and the child in the story, I would suggest not saying pee doesn't damage a any

Never said by me. I did say this:

If there was legitimate damage to my vehicle while parked in the store lot I would call insurance company

If it was not damaging my car and I would never see them again I would try to handle the situation with empathy and move on

When you file an insurance claim if your car is parked in a lot and is damaged it would be a toss up between who would be liable for the payout depending on what ocurred and why. I'm not an adjustor

And OP said this:

There was no damage to the car the issue was mom sitting on her rear doing nothing about her child.

there's nothing wrong with him doing it. No one connected your son and the child in the story until you decided to wag your finger at the OP and use your child as an example of why she's not entitled to react as she did.

I didn't tell the person they were wrong. I did say I thought the story was not about autism but what they viewed as poor parenting. I never used my child as an example to the op about not acting any particular way. A question was fielded in the beginning and I answered it from two points of view.

By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly

Not near the same as the following:

and then revealing, oh, by the way, my son also pees where ever and there's nothing wrong with him doing it.

I'm done with this thread. I did not want to be misquoted.

 

[ronandannette]

...By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly. I have an older child that still struggles with using public restrooms and no matter how hard we try to keep him in the bathroom, will run out scared with pants down occasionally. He hasn't been arrested. He isn't a "sex offender." That is ludicrous and ableist.

Again, you say it wasn't the peeing. You say it wasn't the kid. You just really dislike this lady's "lack of parenting." That really has nothing to do with autism that you brought up.

I learned a new word. Thanks, I guess.

 

[morgan98]

I would tell her to get off her butt and go get her son.

It takes a village to raise a child, so if you don't want a village to help, then parent your kid.

I could care less about him being a boy, autistic, he could be a cyclops still wouldn't care. I wouldn't have gotten up to go let him in. I blame the "parent" in this situation.

This is exactly the way I see it. As I get older, I continue to be amazed at the sort of public behavior that we are just to turn our backs on and act like it is all okay. Really, if one cannot parent your child and prevent them from running around and peeing on things then they should just stay home.

 

[Heidict]

I just can't imagine why any parent would feel it was excusable for their child to pee in public. It's not like they were hiking in the woods and he had to go. They were in a very public place, a store even. I'm pretty sure that they had a bathroom their also.

But no, just let him run around, whipping it out and peeing where ever he sees fit while mommy sits back and does nothing but make excuses for him. So sad. I can't imagine what that child is going to be doing in 10 years.

I agree with many of the previous posters, it comes down to lazy parenting. No doubt.

 

[Hikergirl]

That's how I said I'd handle it if someone peed on MY car and it caused damages. With insurance company to determine fault. If it was MY kid that did it, like I said, if it was a matter of damage to property of a person, I'd deal with it financially or legally. But that isn't what happened here. What happened here is a small child -- we don't know the exact age -- peed outside a store and op was angry with the person for being what they deemed a lazy parent By not jumping up and doing x (insert action here because I don't know exactly what they wanted done since it isn't about the pee).

You can re-read what I wrote because I'm not going to retype it for lack of comprehension.

The kid peed on the OP's car, you know her property. The issue is a lazy parent, who uses her child's autism as an excuse to let her child do whatever he wants. If your child, autistic or otherwise has a problem where they need to urinate in public or on other's property its is your job as a parent to make sure they don't do it, not make excuses for why they did.
I'd be pissed at all of that.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I just can't imagine why any parent would feel it was excusable for their child to pee in public. It's not like they were hiking in the woods and he had to go. They were in a very public place, a store even. I'm pretty sure that they had a bathroom their also.

But no, just let him run around, whipping it out and peeing where ever he sees fit while mommy sits back and does nothing but make excuses for him. So sad. I can't imagine what that child is going to be doing in 10 years.

I agree with many of the previous posters, it comes down to lazy parenting. No doubt.

He is going to be peeing where ever and whenever he wants. And he is going to be arrested or charged And Mama is going to be on the news, crying, saying, "He is such a good boy."

 

[Shmily1]

I would have called the police or DFACs because it sounds like he needed someone to take care of him and more importantly keep him safe. That is child neglect to not look after his safety.

 

[cabanafrau]

So if I'm out and about in public the expectation should be I accept my property and surroundings being urinated on with savoir faire or I'm an ableist or lacking empathy? If the urination happens to damage my property the proper action is to make a claim to my insurance company? What if I have no way of knowing who's responsible or cannot prove it? I'm left with a deductible and a likely rise in my insurance rate. I could easily see how a situation like this could have resulted in damage to the garage of the home my parents had while I was growing up and they might not have known until there was damage requiring replacement.

As a visitor to someplace like Disney I'm supposed to accept that the resort in its entirety is an acceptable alternative restroom, despite there being an adequate supply of facilities onhand? Businesses are supposed to be able to cope with customers/guests/prospective customers refusing to use proper restroom facilities and be staffed for prompt cleanup, and monitoring, or face the prospect that customers are left with the impression their business smells like urine and decide not to do business there in future?

Next I'm going to be told if the kid decides to urinate directly on me I should simply call it rain and go about my day.