How would you handle this...

[Kellykins1218]

Maybe she's on the spectrum herself? My autistic stepson's mom is and she would've probably acted just like that. She's clueless about how you're supposed to act in public. Or maybe the kid's mom is just a rotten parent. Either way I still would've gone out and yelled at the kid for peeing on my car.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Sorry, but I would have been very upset about someone, anyone peeing on my car.

 

[Poohforyou]

I would have been pissed (no pun intended). Not for the fact that the child did that but because his mom didn't do anything.

What parent lets a typical 7 yo walk out of a store into a parking lot alone?

I have sympathy and patience for a parent trying to actually parent in difficult situations. I have none for a parent ignoring a situation.

 

[Aladora]

I guess I'm interested in how parents with autistic children would handle their child in this case? Are we asking to much to think maybe she should have apologized and gotten up to take care of the situation while it happened? The one I feel for in this case is the child for lack of parenting. The one sales associate said he had 2 autistic children and had never had an incident with his kids.

My son is autistic and I can tell you that there is no way that we would allow this type of behaviour to continue. Having an autistic child is no excuse for not parenting your child. Had this been my child and by some chance he had wandered outside without my noticing, I would have been out the door and dealing with him as soon as I was told that he was doing this!

There is never an excuse to not keep teaching socially appropriate behavior.

This exactly.

DH and I parent by a very simple philosophy: Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.

The rest of the world is not going to change just because he has autism so he is going to have to learn, to the best of his abilities, how to work within the boundaries of our society and that means conforming to our society's rules of proper behaviour.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

My son is autistic and I can tell you that there is no way that we would allow this type of behaviour to continue. Having an autistic child is no excuse for not parenting your child. Had this been my child and by some chance he had wandered outside without my noticing, I would have been out the door and dealing with him as soon as I was told that he was doing this!



This exactly.

DH and I parent by a very simple philosophy: Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.

The rest of the world is not going to change just because he has autism so he is going to have to learn, to the best of his abilities, how to work within the boundaries of our society and that means conforming to our society's rules of proper behaviour.

I love this. Prepare the child for the road.

 

[DizBelle]

If this continues this into adulthood, he's going to find himself on the sex offenders registry.

 

[Coonhound]

I try not to judge others based on one interaction.
And I have seen/heard of kids urinating in parking lots, yards etc.
I personally find that UNnecessary and Disgusting.
Blaming autism is ridiculous. Apparently the mom Did want to do something , by pouring the water...perhaps she was just Beyond exhausted? Embarrassed? Who knows. ..
I just pray that childs future is one surrounded by those that love, provide and protect him.

No excuses. In a few short years he could easily be found in jail over it or even labeled a sex offender. I have seen this with autism before. When you have a child doing inappropriate or potentially dangerous things, you have to want never more closely or bring a second adult to help. Whether exhausted or embarrassed, she doesn't get a pass. Three are some instances when judging someone on one interaction is justified.

 

[BLAZEY]

My typically developing DD7 never would have left the store without me telling her to come here. If she didn't come I would have told the employee to please wait a moment while I went to grab her to show her to the restroom. A child with autism would have had less freedom to roam.

 

[CarolAnn856]

It's possible to have empathy for someone and still be upset that they sat by and did nothing while their kid urinated on my car. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

 

[cornflkgrl]

Why would you take issue with the store when the store had nothing to do with the damage to the vehicle? If there had if been any damage, it would have been done by the child that the store and its employees had no control over.

When you file an insurance claim if your car is parked in a lot and is damaged it would be a toss up between who would be liable for the payout depending on what ocurred and why. I'm not an adjustor. I didn't mean I would directly take issue with the store. I meant I would file an insurance claim if my car was damaged. Though I do think the store employee/owner has more responsibility in what goes on in their lot than a customer. If you were sitting there and that was going on, I would expect the employees to have said or done something if your car was parked in the store's lot and the child was actually peeing ON your car and/or causing damage. If there was another situation where you were in a store and another customer was damaging your vehicle,in the store's lot, it would be reasonable and expected to alert the store.

 

[cornflkgrl]

None of us could believe the situation had happened. When we walked out to our car a few minutes later she came over without saying anything and dumped bottled water on the spot where you could tell he peed.

On your car?

 

[zoo2tycoon]

There was no damage to the car the issue was mom sitting on her rear doing nothing about her child. We didn't go after the child to say anything as it is not our child and in this day and age you never know how a parent would react. I'd never discipline verbally another persons child.

Mom poured water on the spot where she could tell he urinated in her effort I guess to make right. I'm sorry and taking care of her child is what should have been done. Peeing on car is nonissue compared to mom sitting on rear allowing kid to leave a store and go to a busy parking lot.

I appreciate seeing the parents who have autistic children saying even with high level of autism the child wouldn't do. It is understandable mom may have had a bad day or whatever but for her to let her autistic child as she says he was be endangered is inexcusable.

I respect all the range of opinions here.

 

[longboard55]

I find those those types of parents are begging for you to say something so they can let loose on all their world problems. I would give the look like wow you two act like a couple of hillbillys and go home and hose down the car.

 

[cornflkgrl]

There was no damage to the car the issue was mom sitting on her rear doing nothing about her child. We didn't go after the child to say anything as it is not our child and in this day and age you never know how a parent would react. I'd never discipline verbally another persons child.

Mom poured water on the spot where she could tell he urinated in her effort I guess to make right. I'm sorry and taking care of her child is what should have been done. Peeing on car is nonissue compared to mom sitting on rear allowing kid to leave a store and go to a busy parking lot.

I appreciate seeing the parents who have autistic children saying even with high level of autism the child wouldn't do. It is understandable mom may have had a bad day or whatever but for her to let her autistic child as she says he was be endangered is inexcusable.

I respect all the range of opinions here.

If the peeing was a non-issue and you are just angry at someone who didn't parent their child and believe that was all it was (lazy poor parenting), why bring up autism? Seems irrelevant to the story then.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

If the peeing was a non-issue and you are just angry at someone who didn't parent their child and believe that was all it was (lazy poor parenting), why bring up autism? Seems irrelevant to the story then.

I took as the OP simply relaying the story, the parent blamed autism not the OP.


I would have probably told the parent, which OP did. Then went out and told the child to "hey, go pee on your moms car, she seems to think it's acceptable" quite loudly.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

If the peeing was a non-issue and you are just angry at someone who didn't parent their child and believe that was all it was (lazy poor parenting), why bring up autism? Seems irrelevant to the story then.

Mom said he was autistic that's why I mentioned so it's not irrelevant. Her reasoning for behavior in her words were he was an autistic boy.

 

[kirstenb1]

Our daughter is now 11 and much better than when she was younger. But part of her ASD is a general lack of fear of safety-type stuff. I could never have let her leave a building at that age. I can't even imagine where she'd have wound up. So for me, the peeing is disgusting, and she's doing him no favors by not reprimanding, but the safety issue is huge, and negligent.

 

[DisneyOma]

Since pee doesn't damage the outside of a car I would've just stared and laughed. I would've told the mom "you need to get your kid." After that I would've shrugged it off and went about my day. It's nothing to go in a rage over. Obviously mom is an idiot and the poor kid is a product of her laziness.

Now if it were my SO or my XH- they would've flipped out. They love their cars.

Pee can damage if you have a rust spot, plus it can stink so bad!

If this continues this into adulthood, he's going to find himself on the sex offenders registry.

Exactly, and once a pattern is established it's very hard to break for a child on the spectrum. Think of it as "it worked this one time, so I'll keep doing it because it will work again!"

 

[cornflkgrl]

I took as the OP simply relaying the story, the parent blamed autism not the OP.


I would have probably told the parent, which OP did. Then went out and told the child to "hey, go pee on your moms car, she seems to think it's acceptable" quite loudly.

We do understand there is a wide range of autism. We understand kids have issues where they need to go then BUT what is inexcusable in this situation was mom not getting off her rear and addressing the situation with her son or apologizing. The only thing we said was he was peeing on our car two times.

I guess I'm interested in how parents with autistic children would handle their child in this case? Are we asking to much to think maybe she should have apologized and gotten up to take care of the situation while it happened? The one I feel for in this case is the child for lack of parenting. The one sales associate said he had 2 autistic children and had never had an incident with his kids.

I read it as a crowd sourcing question to parents with kids on the spectrum. Basically to commiserate about how uncouth/terrible/etc this mom was and to soothe any possible worries of being insensitive to people with disabilities by hearing first hand from people with kids on the spectrum who would "never do that," and don't allow their kids to, think it's inappropriate to take kids to buy a mattress, etc.

By the way, my kid has peed in public. Yes I attempted to stop him. His disability was absolutely a factor in what he did and if someone had seen him or said something to me I would have told them he had a disability and went back to dealing with him and what was happening as a family. I don't think I would have owed a stranger any further explanation unless he had done something to them or their property -- in which case I would have dealt with the legal and financial ramifications responsibly. I have an older child that still struggles with using public restrooms and no matter how hard we try to keep him in the bathroom, will run out scared with pants down occasionally. He hasn't been arrested. He isn't a "sex offender." That is ludicrous and ableist.

Again, you say it wasn't the peeing. You say it wasn't the kid. You just really dislike this lady's "lack of parenting." That really has nothing to do with autism that you brought up.

 

[dollarmite]

This kid's biggest disability is his mother (and probably father).