For those who remember Tinkerbell and eeyor update

[seshat0120]

I think this could be the issue. If I remember correctly, the OP is not legally married. Because of their disabilities & financial situations, I think they had a commitment ceremony & not an actual legal wedding. So I assume the mother thinks that if the apartment is in Wendy’s name, they can just move him out anytime. If I’m wrong about the actual wedding/ legal marriage, I apologize.

Legally married or not doesn't seem to make a difference. The OP has said mail for him goes to the address. It's his legal residence. You can't just decide to move someone out of their legal residence for no reason. The adult thing to do is to speak with him, ask him to move out. If he refused, then seek the aid of the courts. A property manager, therapist, mother, etc. is not going to know what is or isn't legal unless that person is an attorney.

 

[focusondisney]

Legally married or not doesn't seem to make a difference. The OP has said mail for him goes to the address. It's his legal residence. You can't just decide to move someone out of their legal residence for no reason. The adult thing to do is to speak with him, ask him to move out. If he refused, then seek the aid of the courts. A property manager, therapist, mother, etc. is not going to know what is or isn't legal unless that person is an attorney.

I agree. Apparently Wendy & her mom are following their own plan without benefit of legal advise. Hope it works out for them.

 

[LoveDaisy]

I am in the clear he does not pay a single billy Mom will give him his mail till he did a permanent home


Fwiw we did not come to this decision lightly at all

Unfortunately that is not how the law works. Please contact an attorney for advice so you do not end up in a legal situation. Wishing you the best with all off this.

 

[Poohlove]

Way back when my ex and I had a fight that escalated and I ended up calling the police (was the straw that broke the camel's back, hence the ex part). When the officer came to our house he made my ex leave for the night but said that he could return the next day. The officer ran through options for moving forward and he did make it explicitly clear that if we were to split we both had just as much a right to inhabit our residence and if one wanted the other removed we would need to follow a legal course of action to do so. We were not married and were renting a house at the time.

The reason I am sharing this personal information is to hopefully convey what others have tried to explain - legally you can not rehome your ex without his knowledge and consent. While it may be tempting and your mom may be wanting to react out of emotion you need to do what is right, and legal, to avoid this becoming a much larger problem than it needs to be.

 

[barkley]

I think this could be the issue. If I remember correctly, the OP is not legally married. Because of their disabilities & financial situations, I think they had a commitment ceremony & not an actual legal wedding. So I assume the mother thinks that if the apartment is in Wendy’s name, they can just move him out anytime. If I’m wrong about the actual wedding/ legal marriage, I apologize.

if op's soon to be ex significant other is disabled then op's mom could get into a WORLD of legal hurt b/c all that has to happen is a single call by himself or someone on his behalf to APS (adult protective services) b/c depending on the scope of his disability he could be deemed as a 'dependent adult' (disabled aged 18-59). mom's involvement and planning in his involuntary removal from his housing could be the basis for prosecution, and while it might be a stretch---mom actively encouraging, engaging and assisting her own disabled adult child in these actions could bring the op into the sphere of APS looking to her well being with regards to her own mom.

 

[focusondisney]

if op's soon to be ex significant other is disabled then op's mom could get into a WORLD of legal hurt b/c all that has to happen is a single call by himself or someone on his behalf to APS (adult protective services) b/c depending on the scope of his disability he could be deemed as a 'dependent adult' (disabled aged 18-59). mom's involvement and planning in his involuntary removal from his housing could be the basis for prosecution, and while it might be a stretch---mom actively encouraging, engaging and assisting her own disabled adult child in these actions could bring the op into the sphere of APS looking to her well being with regards to her own mom.

Excellent points.

 

[Allison]

I have a question for all the people throwing legal advice at me

I informed the property manager of what I am doing asking if I need to turn in his swape card or anything

Why would she not say something to ms if I was doing something wrong she knows everything

She was simply telling you information about turning in cards, not talking to you about legalities.

You seem unwilling to listen to people telling you that you cannot just kick someone out of their legal residence because you decided you want them gone.

 

[Wendy1985]

The hardest thing is my family is blaming soon to be ex dh I know I had tried almost everything

My parents are calling him ungrateful and my mom is hoping he sees everything we have done for him over the last 16 1/2 years

I can write a novel on everything my parents have done and he is still angry

 

[easyas123]

The hardest thing is my family is blaming soon to be ex dh I know I had tried almost everything

My parents are calling him ungrateful and my mom is hoping he sees everything we have done for him over the last 16 1/2 years

I can write a novel on everything my parents have done and he is still angry

Respectfully, is it possible your parents have done TO MUCH over the past 16 years? Perhaps your husband felt a bit resentful at their constant interference no matter how well meaning and/or helpful they were trying to be.

 

[luvthatduke]

Respectfully, is it possible your parents have done TO MUCH over the past 16 years? Perhaps your husband felt a bit resentful at their constant interference no matter how well meaning and/or helpful they were trying to be.

Wendy has shared much of her life on here,
you can probably search for her original posts
from years past as TinkerbellandEeyore (?)

Her mother seemed to be intensely involved in her life,
and Wendy struggled a lot with her interference.
If I'm not mistaken Wendy & her DH are developmentally
challenged & were trying to live their lives as best they could.
I'm just going on my memory of her posts.

Wendy: Am I to understand that your mother & you
have already set up another apartment/living arrangement for your DH?
How did that get accomplished?

 

[Wendy1985]

Wendy has shared much of her life on here,
you can probably search for her original posts
from years past as TinkerbellandEeyore (?)

Her mother seemed to be intensely involved in her life,
and Wendy struggled a lot with her interference.
If I'm not mistaken Wendy & her DH are developmentally
challenged & were trying to live their lives as best they could.
I'm just going on my memory of her posts.

Wendy: Am I to understand that your mother & you
have already set up another apartment/living arrangement for your DH?
How did that get accomplished?

Yes we found a place for him and part of the reason that I charged my name on here is because if i am being honest I don’t recognize myself from even five years ago let alone 16 years I face time my dad he is still blown away of how I turned out to say he is proud is a understatement

 

[White Cat]

Wendy, please stop telling these people what should be your private affairs. Many of these people are lonely people that enjoy reading this.

Find someone in your real life to talk to about what is going on.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Yes we found a place for him

I think she was asking how you were able to get another place for him. Many people, including myself, don't understand how you and your mother were able to get a lease for him at the new place without him knowing. It seems a little strange that a landlord would allow that.

 

[Wendy1985]

I think she was asking how you were able to get another place for him. Many people, including myself, don't understand how you and your mother were able to get a lease for him at the new place without him knowing. It seems a little strange that a landlord would allow that.

Sorry I issued it thank you for bring it to my attention

I did not answer the question correctly my mom found a hotel for him that has long term stays and she contacted his family to see if he can move back home

His brother is not the greatest guy out there but he has wanted ex dh to live with him

I feel bad for ex dh but I remind myself I did everything I could

 

[luvthatduke]

So... His family is aware of what you & your mom are about to do?

 

[monsterkitty]

So... His family is aware of what you & your mom are about to do?

I have to add - His family is aware of what you and your mom are about to do but he has no idea?

That's going to go well.

 

[Wendy1985]

So... His family is aware of what you & your mom are about to do?

I know his family is going to get informed I don’t know when my mom is telling them or already told them

Yes I know my phone is going to be filled with unkind messages from him I can ignore like the best of them

 

[#1hoosierfan]

Wendy, please stop telling these people what should be your private affairs. Many of these people are lonely people that enjoy reading this.

Find someone in your real life to talk to about what is going on.

Maybe she doesn’t have anyone in her real life to talk to about this or does not feel comfortable sharing this with them.

And truthfully, she has gotten some sound advice here.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I feel bad for ex dh but I remind myself I did everything I could

I'm going to have to beg to differ here. I don't think sneaking behind his back, packing up his things and dumping them at a hotel is doing everything you could. I realize you are VERY upset with him about the affair, but you need to talk to him face to face and say something like "Due to your actions, this marriage can't be saved and we need to work out a plan for you to move out. Some options are the extended stay hotel or moving back in with your family."

I just can't even imagine how I would feel or what I would do if I came home from work one day and my husband had packed up all my belongings and dropped them off at a hotel without even discussing it with me.

I know that your Mom is very involved in your life and provides so much help and support to you, but she is acting from the rage of someone hurting her little girl. She really needs to take a step back and realize some of the "advice" she is giving you about this split up is actually illegal.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I'm going to have to beg to differ here. I don't think sneaking behind his back, packing up his things and dumping them at a hotel is doing everything you could. I realize you are VERY upset with him about the affair, but you need to talk to him face to face and say something like "Due to your actions, this marriage can't be saved and we need to work out a plan for you to move out. Some options are the extended stay hotel or moving back in with your family."

I just can't even imagine how I would feel or what I would do if I came home from work one day and my husband had packed up all my belongings and dropped them off at a hotel without even discussing it with me.

I know that your Mom is very involved in your life and provides so much help and support to you, but she is acting from the rage of someone hurting her little girl. She really needs to take a step back and realize some of the "advice" she is giving you about this split up is actually illegal.

I so agree! She is ignoring people's really kind, thoughtful, and good advice as much as she's planning on ignoring his text messages. It's typical for this poster when responses aren't the exact support she thought she would receive. To be honest, I hope he has someone who can advocate for him because this is ridiculous. I don't appreciate that he is also developmentally disabled in some way (according to Wendy) and that is being totally disregarded by her family because his family isn't as supportive/intrusive. Whether he had an emotional affair or not (and if she wants out then I totally understand and support that), but you need to go about it in the right way.

I would love to see the posts Wendy would post if he decided that he would like her to move out so he could move the new woman in. And then packed up Wendy's stuff and "oh so kindly" arranged for a stay at a long term hotel without her knowledge. I imagine Wendy and her mom would be beyond livid and pursuing every legal remedy available (as they should). I actually really hope this story is exaggerated or completely made up.