Advice: cost of baby

TippeeCanoe said:
You're underestimating how much child care will cost. Not having that expense will allow you to have the extra money available for working towards financial goals.
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Yes, child care costs are a killer. 65% of my take home pay went to child care expenses, and that was only for one kid. My employer let me work from home one day a week and bring my baby with me to work so I only had to pay day care for one (I had an infant and a toddler at the time). Between child care, taxes, wear and tear on a vehicle, work clothes, etc., the cost to work can really add up.
 
My daycare post above.... I did not mean that as you should not put your baby in daycare. It was that this is what I had to do.... but did not want to do. It didn't work out the way we had it planned. That's all. Just remembering those days, but as others have said...it will all work out.
 
Happyinwonerland said:
Welcome to motherhood, where you are judged for every decision you ever make by the sanctimommies, whose choices are the only correct choices anybody could make ever. Learn to let it roll off your back, because it only gets worse. Down to, people will judge if you use a stroller instead of baby wear. It's insane.

Learn to listen to your own instincts and do what is best for your family. DH and I both work full time, even though my weeks are just 3 days long due to long shifts. It has worked fine for us. We have an in home caregiver, but it is DH's mom, who would never do anything to hurt her precousin grandbaby. I myself was a daycare kid and loved it. Always something fun and interesting each day, I got to see my friends, I just really enjoyed it. I, too, am the breadwinner. I tried to convince DH to be a SAHD and he want comfortable with the idea, so we both work and that's life. DD is 3 and understands that we both have to work but we will always come home to her and doesn't feel any less loved or secure. She's one of the happiest, most easy going kids I've ever seen.
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Thank you for this. But I know all about the cult of domesticity and the shaming of working women. I guess I was just surprised and offended by the way the conversation turned.
 
When we brought my DD home from the hospital we had a hand me down crib and changing table, the pad for the top, sheets, some swaddling cheater blankets, burp cloths, a few packs of diapers, hand me down clothes, a few bottles, a used dresser, and all the freebies and samples from the hospital. We bought a brand new car seat and a stroller and a manual pump. My MIL bought us a glider chair that I picked out. That is something to make sure you are comfortable in, I lived in mine the first few weeks. Anything else we bought as needed. As a new mom internet shopping is your best friend. All the other things we bought as needed or used. Our house is only 900 square feet so I didn't need multiple rooms of equipment. I think it is best to wait to see how your baby and you work before purchasing too much stuff. Good luck, it does change your world. I apparently was a very inefficient person before because I still do everything I did then plus more now. ,:-)
 


You've gotten plenty of advice here so I'll just add:
Congratulations on starting a family. Babies and children are wonderful, precious and IMO a gift from God. :cloud9: You will marvel that you can love someone so very much. Best wishes! :)
 
dhardawa said:
I'll be completely honest, aside from childcare, I never found my kids to be too expensive. You work things like formula, clothes, and supplies into your budget. At the same time, you bring home more money because you get to claim a dependent and write off a portion of daycare costs.

Babies also tend to keep you home which saves money. Instead of going to the movies, we'd rent something and hang out with the baby. I also found joy in things like buying the baby a new jumper toy. I'd rather buy that than spend $50 getting my nails done.

At the end of the day, I don't feel like my two ever were insanely expensive.
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I've had the opposite experience. Saving for college has been a huge cost for us. When we travel, its four airfares. Our car insurance doubled when they got their licenses. We need more bedrooms than if it were just the two of us - so we live in a bigger house. The grocery bill, with a seventeen year old boy in the house, is double what it would be if it were my husband and I. Then there is the piano, gymnastics, baseball, etc.

They haven't been insanely expensive, but they haven't been cheap.
 
Relax! And realize you can't plan for everything--monetarily, emotionally, relationship wise, etc.

Be ready to roll with any of it that comes your way.

Mom of 4. Both Dh and I worked full time until our 2nd child was 1. My mom watched the kids for us. But after I was working 50 hours a week and missing out on stuff that mom got to see and do 1st, I realized money and career were nothing compared to what I was missing. I worked part time for the next 16 years. Just went back full time to a different career which is more family friendly a year and a half ago.

Kids actually need you through their teen years in a variety of ways. We've had to adjust and regroup all types of plans several times over the years.

Money is only 1 small piece of being a parent. Until you are one, it's hard to understand.

Babies are really pretty cheap. It's the years after that progressively get more expensive.
 


Southernmiss said:
Kids actually need you through their teen years in a variety of ways. We've had to adjust and regroup all types of plans several times over the years.
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If I were going to pick a time to stay home with kids, it would actually be the middle school years. That is when they enter the larval stage and you have to combat the influence of outside forces more than any other time (other than perhaps young adulthood, when they are on their own). I spent a year at home homeschooling during that time.

But how nice it is that we have the luxury to choose. That no one has to stay home because women are expected to, and so many of us don't need to work merely to keep food on the table for our families.
 
I haven't read thru this all yet so I might be repeating ideas here (sorry!) def go second hand if you can. We got our crib set second hand it was actually still brand new but the lady I got from her aunt surprised her with already assembled....and she had already gotten one and assembled it. So she was stuck with 2 new cribs...so I bought the crib and changing table for $200!

I was all ready to buy maternity clothes in the regular stores until...well I didn't get big....I had my baby in Dec & I didn't even look remotely pregnant until on in September...so Goodwill and Thrift stores I bought lots of maternity clothes and yoga pants.

Something that saved my sanity was a Halo Baby Monitor that clips to the baby's diaper and detects movement for breathing....$80 best money ever got it on amazon. Helped me sleep soooo much better.

We got a basic stroller/car seat combo and it's worked well. She outgrew the infant style car seat by 5 months old and was on to a convertible style. So glad we didn't spend a ton on a pricier option. We don't use the stroller a lot but it's held up well for walks at the park/mall.

Borrow anything you can from friends who have kids. Me & 2 others at my office have done that a lot as we each have a girl.
 
MrsTurnerLovesDisney said:
I haven't read thru this all yet so I might be repeating ideas here (sorry!) def go second hand if you can. We got our crib set second hand it was actually still brand new but the lady I got from her aunt surprised her with already assembled....and she had already gotten one and assembled it. So she was stuck with 2 new cribs...so I bought the crib and changing table for $200!

I was all ready to buy maternity clothes in the regular stores until...well I didn't get big....I had my baby in Dec & I didn't even look remotely pregnant until on in September...so Goodwill and Thrift stores I bought lots of maternity clothes and yoga pants.

Something that saved my sanity was a Halo Baby Monitor that clips to the baby's diaper and detects movement for breathing....$80 best money ever got it on amazon. Helped me sleep soooo much better.

We got a basic stroller/car seat combo and it's worked well. She outgrew the infant style car seat by 5 months old and was on to a convertible style. So glad we didn't spend a ton on a pricier option. We don't use the stroller a lot but it's held up well for walks at the park/mall.

Borrow anything you can from friends who have kids. Me & 2 others at my office have done that a lot as we each have a girl.
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Thanks for the advice. I definitely plan to purchase a lot of things second hand. I have never heard of the Halo Baby Monitor, so I will check that out too.
 
With a 12 year old only 6 years out from college I'm really happy that we started a 529 for him ASAP (we're an adoptive family and we literally started the 529 when we started the process...over a year before he was born). I'm also really happy that I took a lot of pass-along clothes and toys, and bought a lot at second hand stores (then there was that Gymboree obsession, where I bought off of eBay - THAT wasn't a budget-friendly obsession, and oh yeah, the stroller obsession, that wasn't a cheap one either) OK, that brings me to a budget-friendly tip - stay off of boards and groups that obsess over specific items. Seriously.

And as for daycare - definitely follow your gut. You will know. DS went to a chain daycare center, the people there became our second family. Of course they were strangers in the beginning, but everyone is - it quickly became clear that they loved my DS and he LOVED it there. And beyond childcare, they became friends and great sources of strength and comfort over the years as life hit. We still go back and visit from time to time to say hello and get some hugs - many of the same people are still there, that says something. And on the budget topic - childcare is somewhere that we never felt comfortable watching the bottom line on.

And just in general, be confident enough in your choices and decisions to not let judgement from other parents bother you, while at the same time not judging other parents. Bottom line is that we are all doing what we think is best to raise our children. It is a big enough job without adding extra stress for one another. There is enough room to support breast feeding, formula feeding, stay at home, work outside of home, cloth diapering, disposable diapering, etc.etc.etc.
 
Hi! I'm a FTM, my son is almost 5 months now so I don't have a lot to add, just a couple small considerations.
First, for gear, I would spend some time thinking about your priorities. SIDS prevention (what was in our control, obviously) was our top issue, so we went cheap (but safe!) on the nursery furniture and invested in the mattress and monitor (we got the Angelcare with video and it has been SO nice not worrying if he's breathing or not! Especially once he learned to roll onto his stomach and that's the only way he wants to sleep). We knew we wanted to get back into running as soon as we could, so invested in the best, safest jogging stroller we could. The car seat was our other pricey line-item (in my husband's words, how awful would we feel on the off chance we were in an accident and spending another $100 could have kept him safer). Conversely, I don't think I have paid full price for any of his clothes or toys. Clothes - consignment sales are the best. I went to several while pregnant and stocked up in sex-neutral clothes up to about 6-9m sizes (go on the last day of the sale when everything is half off). Same deal with toys, though they are a little harder to clean/disinfect - purchase thoughtfully.
Another recommendation would be to hold off on any sort of a swing or bouncer purchase. We learned that lesson the hard way that just because one baby LOVES a pricey swing (we got the mamaroo) it doesn't mean yours will. Try and test a couple different types once your baby comes (hopefully at the JCC or a friend/family member's).
It sounds like you're already fully set with budgeting for retirement, but as a small reminder, most financial advice is to save as much as possible for your retirement before setting money aside for school because there are more options to pay for that (scholarships, loans, working, etc) that aren't available for retirement. Of course, I saw that paying for your child's education is a priority for you (which is an incredible gift), so feel free to ignore that. You may want to consider looking at the restrictions on the funds you set aside in a 529 (each state has a different one available to everyone regardless of where they live) in case your child doesn't need any/all of the money (scholarships, etc).
Such an exciting time for you and your husband...congratulations!
 
Personally, I am waaaaaay more comfortable with my kids in a daycare center than in an at-home setting. I like the fact that the daycare center has to follow state regulations explicitly, so there are a lot of checks and balances. Who knows what goes on in someone's home. I also love the fact that even in the infant room, our daycare has a curriculum. My older son is 4 and is taking yoga, art classes, Spanish class, music class, etc. He's learning to read/write/add/subtract already, so I am confident he will do well in Kindergarten.

My niece was in an at-home daycare for the first couple of years, and the lady basically just plopped her in front of the tv or strapped her in a highchair for most of the day. I know not all at-home daycares are like that, but you never know. (Again, this is where I love the state requirements)

As for sickness, yes, they will get sick more in a daycare setting then at home, but their immune system has to be built up at some point. My oldest son got sick a lot the first year, but he hasn't even had a cold in over a year. My youngest is going through a lot of illness right now, but I know it should be coming to a close soon. Many kids who don't go to daycare spend a lot of time in Kindergarten sick, so really you're just trading one period of sickness for another.

These are just my opinions and experiences. Someone else may tell you that they hated their daycare and their children flourished at home. It's all about being choosy about where you send your child and making sure the arrangement not only makes you comfortable but benefits your family.
 
TippeeCanoe said:
If neither of you are willing to sacrifice anything in your careers, a baby may not be the best plan for you. Babies are highly unpredictable and you may think you have everything planned out, until baby comes and it all flies out the window.
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Wow. My DH and I have two kids and are still advancing in our fields. Our kids spend approx. 8 hrs a day in daycare, and are happy, healthy and thriving. It can be done. It's incredibly judgmental to say someone shouldn't have kids because one of them can't stay home.

And before anyone says this gem, having a child in daycare is NOT having them raised by someone else. I hate that argument. Do you consider teachers to be raising your kids when they become school aged? We are there when they get up, for bedtime, to read stories, kiss boo-boos, teach them skills, and instill values. Just because we get a little help in no way negates the fact that we are the MOST influential people in our children's lives. OP, don't let anyone tell you different.
 
Happyinwonerland said:
Welcome to motherhood, where you are judged for every decision you ever make by the sanctimommies, whose choices are the only correct choices anybody could make ever. Learn to let it roll off your back, because it only gets worse. Down to, people will judge if you use a stroller instead of baby wear. It's insane.

Learn to listen to your own instincts and do what is best for your family. DH and I both work full time, even though my weeks are just 3 days long due to long shifts. It has worked fine for us. We have an in home caregiver, but it is DH's mom, who would never do anything to hurt her precousin grandbaby. I myself was a daycare kid and loved it. Always something fun and interesting each day, I got to see my friends, I just really enjoyed it. I, too, am the breadwinner. I tried to convince DH to be a SAHD and he want comfortable with the idea, so we both work and that's life. DD is 3 and understands that we both have to work but we will always come home to her and doesn't feel any less loved or secure. She's one of the happiest, most easy going kids I've ever seen.
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I work full time, as does my DH..I'm pregnant- I will take maybe 6 months off, but also being the primary breadwinner, being a SAHM just isn't possible, and to be honest, I would not be happy. Maybe this will change. For now we are planning on some help from our parents (DH works mostly nights). We will work, and we will work it out. I think you are doing a great job of planning xx
 
jenm2878 said:
Wow. My DH and I have two kids and are still advancing in our fields. Our kids spend approx. 8 hrs a day in daycare, and are happy, healthy and thriving. It can be done. It's incredibly judgmental to say someone shouldn't have kids because one of them can't stay home.

And before anyone says this gem, having a child in daycare is NOT having them raised by someone else. I hate that argument. Do you consider teachers to be raising your kids when they become school aged? We are there when they get up, for bedtime, to read stories, kiss boo-boos, teach them skills, and instill values. Just because we get a little help in no way negates the fact that we are the MOST influential people in our children's lives. OP, don't let anyone tell you different.
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On this topic, all I will say is that my DH went to an in home day-care when he was little. The lady was his "nanny", but at her home. He LITERALLY called that lady " mommy" for YEARS. He would cry when it was time to go home and on weekends ask his real mother when he could go back to HIS house and play with his toys. Kids do get confused sometimes and I would bet this kind of thing happens more than people want to admit. My MIL still feels guilty about those years and DH STILL feels closer to that nanny than his actual mom. I think that is super sad. And I will say, I think my MIL is a great mother overall so it's nothing she did or didn't do that has affected how close they are.

When it was time for us to have kid, he was VERY adamant that one of us be a stay at home parent, largely because he didn't want our kids feeling like he did. So we worked it out and I have been a SAHM for almost 12 years.

The bottom line is, SOME kids do fine in daycare. And some don't. All kids are different and you gotta do what works best.
 
DLgal said:
On this topic, all I will say is that my DH went to an in home day-care when he was little. The lady was his "nanny", but at her home. He LITERALLY called that lady " mommy" for YEARS. He would cry when it was time to go home and on weekends ask his real mother when he could go back to HIS house and play with his toys. Kids do get confused sometimes and I would bet this kind of thing happens more than people want to admit. My MIL still feels guilty about those years and DH STILL feels closer to that nanny than his actual mom. I think that is super sad. And I will say, I think my MIL is a great mother overall so it's nothing she did or didn't do that has affected how close they are.

When it was time for us to have kid, he was VERY adamant that one of us be a stay at home parent, largely because he didn't want our kids feeling like he did. So we worked it out and I have been a SAHM for almost 12 years.

The bottom line is, SOME kids do fine in daycare. And some don't. All kids are different and you gotta do what works best.
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This is crazy! I know so many kids who were in daycare, and never heard anything like this! If anything, the kids in daycare seemed even more happy being with their parents. My kids were with me all day - dad got them jumping for joy when he got home from work. Once my kids were 5, they were with their teachers all day anyway, but I was still their mom.

No one should be guilted into being a stay at home parent. Not e erroneous wants to be one, and if doing it out of guilt, probably won't do the best job.
 
If you want to witness some real arguing on what's best, head on over to babycenter :duck:

I have a 2.5 year old and we are planning to conceive another sometime in the next few months (I switched jobs so I'm waiting for FMLA to kick in). To echo the person that said you'll just "know" when it comes to a daycare- you will most likely have a feeling. I did a ton of research where we lived before (we moved ~7 months ago) and as stupid as it sounds I went a lot off of google, facebook, reviews and how good their website was (didn't have close friends with kids in the area). Then we visited a few and went with the one that we just *knew* was right. Those people became his family and ours, and even after moving I still text with some of his infant teachers. In our new town I went based off friend recommendations and while I like it, it doesn't feel as "homey" as our old one did, but DS loves it there and is thriving. I like that everything is video taped so they can go back and watch the video if something happens and they have baby-connect which makes me feel connected to DS all day and I can ask him about specific things he did throughout the day when I pick him up. If I had someone I trusted enough that had an in home daycare I would have considered it but I didn't have that. Also some daycares will offer discounts but all in all it's pretty expensive. Make sure you use your dependent care FSA!
 
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