Advice: cost of baby

[Iowajes]

If you are thinking about using a center (which I preferred to an individual caregiver- because centers have subs to cover teacher sick days and holidays; so my friends who use in-home have to take a lot of time off work to cover the days their caregiver got sick, or the 2-3 weeks of vacation their caregiver takes each year. Note: their contract still requires them to pay during the caregivers vacation time) get on a list NOW. Around here centers often have waiting lists longer than the length of a pregnancy.

In my area, the amount you can put aside in a dependent care FSA barely makes a dent into the cost of a daycare center, so while we planned to utilize it, it wasn't even close to the full amount- it you are using that to think about budgets. As soon as I got pregnant we started putting the cost of daycare into an investment portfolio. We thought it was a good way to start budgeting for it- we could spend 7 or so months being used to that money being "gone" while also starting to "save" for the future.


I found Schoola.com really useful for buying maternity clothes (baby clothes too). You can google search (or PM me) for a referral link to get a pretty good discount on your first order.

For my own circumstances, I'm also really glad I waited until very close to when the baby was supposed to be born to buy anything big; there isn't much need to do that early.
A number of my friends told me to wait and see if I actually needed a stroller before buying one- so many of them wear their babies they never use one at all.

 

[auralia]

My dh does dishes, laundry etc (I'm now in nursing school). But for what ever reason the man can not wake up at night to save his soul.

 

[TippeeCanoe]

Thanks for sharing your own experiences. This is really helpful. If I can't breastfeed or pump, then I would obviously have to formula feed and so I guess I should budget for that contingency. I definitely won't be a SAHM since I make all of the money. If DH still doesn't have a full time position by the time the baby is born, then it would change the child care dynamic considerably because he would then be the primary childcare giver for the baby once I return to work. We have already discussed this to some extent, but there will be many more conversations around this.

DH is really helpful around the house and does a lot of the chores, such as cooking and cleaning. I am pretty sure that he will help with the night time child care duties, especially once I start back to work because I know that I won't be able to function properly without enough sleep. But again, I will make sure we continue these discussions.

Why can't your DH be a stay at home Dad? I believe infants do best when they are taken care of by their parents. You're already living on one income and making it.

 

[LJSquishy]

Always budget as if you will need to 100% formula feed your baby, even though you have plans to breastfeed. Every baby and situation is different and you may not have the supply you need for whatever reason, the baby may have allergies/sensitivities, or you may decide against breastfeeding even though you planned on it. Formula is crazy expensive, especially for the safer organic ones so it's best to budget for the most expensive scenario.

The same goes for medical care...plan for at least one emergency room visit each year. Childcare is also insanely expensive, especially for newborns & infants. At first you may be essentially working just to break even on childcare, but as kids get older the rates go down. Remember to save lots of sick days, vacation days, etc...if your kid even miiiiight be sick, the daycare will turn you away. A lot of daycares are also closed on holidays like President's Day, Labor Day, etc (any of the school holidays) so you'll need to arrange alternate care on those days or take the day off.

Cloth diapering is awesome. I recommend prefolds or flats with a Snappi, and covers like Rumparoo. For prefolds and flats, Green Mountain diapers are awesome!

Invest in a good stroller, good cloth diapers, etc and you'll be able to use them for the next kid if you have more.

 

[TippeeCanoe]

Always budget as if you will need to 100% formula feed your baby, even though you have plans to breastfeed. Every baby and situation is different and you may not have the supply you need for whatever reason, the baby may have allergies/sensitivities, or you may decide against breastfeeding even though you planned on it. Formula is crazy expensive, especially for the safer organic ones so it's best to budget for the most expensive scenario.

The same goes for medical care...plan for at least one emergency room visit each year. Childcare is also insanely expensive, especially for newborns & infants. At first you may be essentially working just to break even on childcare, but as kids get older the rates go down. Remember to save lots of sick days, vacation days, etc...if your kid even miiiiight be sick, the daycare will turn you away. A lot of daycares are also closed on holidays like President's Day, Labor Day, etc (any of the school holidays) so you'll need to arrange alternate care on those days or take the day off.

Cloth diapering is awesome. I recommend prefolds or flats with a Snappi, and covers like Rumparoo. For prefolds and flats, Green Mountain diapers are awesome!

Invest in a good stroller, good cloth diapers, etc and you'll be able to use them for the next kid if you have more.

As mentioned above, most daycares won't allow cloth diapering.

 

[ldo]

my one advice for all new Moms--rent a hospital grade pump for at least the 1st month. I had a preemie and had to pump for 2 mths b/c baby was in NICU. They told me don't even bother with other pumps. It worked great and I highly recommend to rent for the 1st month. I really feel that if Moms had this, even those who don't make a lot of milk, it would make a big difference in being able to breast feed. My friend made little milk and pumped with one for 6 months. When I got rid of my hospital pump and borrowed a pump-in-style when I was on antiB, I noticed the difference, like a Dyson vs. hand-held vac! best wishes.

 

[LJSquishy]

As mentioned above, most daycares won't allow cloth diapering.

Actually most daycares do allow cloth diapering. Most just do not WANT to cloth diaper. As far as I know, there is no law that allows a center to refuse cloth diapers. With cloth at a daycare, they are not allowed to dump the poo into the toilet (or garbage can which you shouldnt be doing anyway) like you would at home...they have to keep it contained in the diapers and roll them up and put them in your wet bag. Most don't know how to use them so they may require training from you to show them how to properly cloth diaper your child.

 

[TippeeCanoe]

Actually most daycares do allow cloth diapering. Most just do not WANT to cloth diaper. As far as I know, there is no law that allows a center to refuse cloth diapers. With cloth at a daycare, they are not allowed to dump the poo into the toilet (or garbage can which you shouldnt be doing anyway) like you would at home...they have to keep it contained in the diapers and roll them up and put them in your wet bag. Most don't know how to use them so they may require training from you to show them how to properly cloth diaper your child.

There doesn't need to be a law. They can say no cloth diapers allowed and that is it. In that case, as a parent, if you insist on cloth diapering, find a daycare that allows it.

 

[crisi]

Mine are both driving, but our biggest unplanned expense was two - my daughter is not quite 13 months younger than my son. We intended to, just not two that close together.

Daycare was way more expensive even seventeen years ago than I could have imagined. Also, my daughter rejected the breast at six months, so even though I got off cheap on formula for a bit, it didn't last.

As the mother of teens, I'll also say they don't really get cheaper. Daycare expenses become college expenses. Diapers become fees for dance. Formula becomes enough food to feed the Pittsburgh Steelers. You get to pay a ton in car insurance and suddenly going to Disney involves four adult tickets. You discover that your public school is lousy and now have private school tuition. Budget over the long haul because they stay expensive over the long haul. You keep thinking "hey, just a little longer and I won't have the expense of formula" - then another expense hits. (The formula+diapers+infant daycare stage was more expensive than anything except college)

To make it cheaper, borrow or accept handme downs. I'd rather have taken a borrowed crib and started a 529 with the crib money in retrospect. The swing was a wonder - it was borrowed from my cousin who was between kids - which was good because it was a wonder for about three months, then its usefulness was done.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

My mom used cloth diapers for all of her kids and I have always felt that I would like to use them as well. I know that there is a local shop that carries lots of these products, so I will make sure to go and check them out to learn more. Thanks for the info on snaps vs. velcro. I will also look into baby slings, though I have noticed some crazy expensive prices with those! I think DH would really like using a baby sling. He often mentions it when he sees other guys baby carrying.

I bought a ton of cloth diapers and did great with it for about 3 months and then... I went back to work. We tried to keep it up but at about 6 months old I was done. Cloth diapers are a lot of extra work. It didn't seem like it pre-baby, but the reality added a lot of stress. I gave up and went to disposables. And the world continued to turn.

I would set aside a big amount for unexpected expenses. It seemed like so much came up that I hadn't thought about. Before baby, I was 100%against Co sleeping. After she was born and would only co-sleep, I regretted not registering for a cosleeper. We had to go out and buy one the week we brought her home just so I could get some rest and keep her safe. DD ended up being a big baby, wearing 2 sizes ahead of her age, so clothes that I had been gifted or purchased on clearance ahead of time ended up being the wrong season. She was born in summer and we didn't think about a warm car seat cover and stroller cover, so we had to purchase that when our frigid winter rolled around Pacifiers and bottle nipples change in size as baby gets older (we breastfed, but i worked 3 days a week so she got pumped milk in a bottle), so you have to buy those. Pump parts need replacing. We had to upgrade to a rear facing convertible seat sooner than we'd planned because she grew so fast. As she became old enough to sit up, we found a lightweight umbrella style stroller was earier to carry (another $80), and then I got a jogging stroller so I could lose the baby weight. Not to mention all the oh so cute stuff you just have to have. There are also Santa photos, easter photos, chew beads, amazing amber teething necklaces, organic vegetable dye painted wooden toys imported from sweden. It's insane.

Then come the gymboree classes and baby gymnastics and dance class and kinder music and all that stuff. Yes, kids can be cheap, but there is a lot of pressure and mommy guilt to give the kids the best, best, best! And I think especially as a working mom, there is this pressure to prove you can be super mom and breadwinner.

Anyway, my point is, whatever you think you need, set aside twice that amount. We had $15,000 set aside for post baby when DD was born and it was so nice to not have to stress over every unexpected expense.

 

[wendow]

Congrats on TTC! It is such a fun and exciting time!

With our first, we bought everything new and registered for every single thing the Babies R Us catalog told us we needed. Most of those items were completely unnecessary. A new baby needs very few items to begin life...some sleepers, diapers (we used cloth), blankets (good swaddling one...some babies will only sleep swaddled), carseat, stroller and pump/pumping accessories. Our babies always slept in bed with me...dh moved to a mattress on the floor...for the first couple of months. Then we moved the baby to a pack n play beside the bed until the baby was about 1yo. I did put the baby down for naps in their crib beginning at a about 6 mos so they could begin getting used to it.

You don't need exersaucers, jumpers, walkers, highchairs, toys, etc for quite awhile. We reused everything from first baby to second baby, thought we were done and got rid of everything. Decided to have a couple more kiddos so we had to rebuy. We learned by now that it did not all need to be new so we bought mostly used except for the carseat and crib.

My favorite items were a good swaddling blanket, a vibrating bouncy seat and a battery-operated swing.

My best advice is plan for the unplanned. Others have touched on this. My first delivery was traumatic and I had postpartum complications which I had to go back in to the hospital for surgery because of. My milk supply was hugely affected by this and that baby, whom I had planned to breastfeed, had to go on formula. Baby #3 was born was a severe food allergy condition called FPIES. He reacted to *everything* including human milk where allergens were gone from the milk. It is very rare but happens more today than in the past due to our food supply. He had to be on a formula that is prescription only and our insurance would only cover it if he was on a feeding tube. Well, he was willing to drink it by mouth so insurance wouldn't cover. It was $50 for a can that lasted two days. He survived solely on that until 3yo (no food). Huge, unplanned expense! So, a little extra cushion in your budget is a good idea.

 

[CoP Luv]

There doesn't need to be a law. They can say no cloth diapers allowed and that is it. In that case, as a parent, if you insist on cloth diapering, find a daycare that allows it.

Every daycare that we interviewed allowed cloth diapers, and this was only a few years ago. OP, don't be discouraged if this is the route you want to go on. We had a great experience and most people working in day cares are at least some what familiar with how a cloth diaper works, not that it is really that different.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

Why can't your DH be a stay at home Dad? I believe infants do best when they are taken care of by their parents. You're already living on one income and making it.

If you are thinking about using a center (which I preferred to an individual caregiver- because centers have subs to cover teacher sick days and holidays; so my friends who use in-home have to take a lot of time off work to cover the days their caregiver got sick, or the 2-3 weeks of vacation their caregiver takes each year. Note: their contract still requires them to pay during the caregivers vacation time) get on a list NOW. Around here centers often have waiting lists longer than the length of a pregnancy.

In my area, the amount you can put aside in a dependent care FSA barely makes a dent into the cost of a daycare center, so while we planned to utilize it, it wasn't even close to the full amount- it you are using that to think about budgets. As soon as I got pregnant we started putting the cost of daycare into an investment portfolio. We thought it was a good way to start budgeting for it- we could spend 7 or so months being used to that money being "gone" while also starting to "save" for the future.


I found Schoola.com really useful for buying maternity clothes (baby clothes too). You can google search (or PM me) for a referral link to get a pretty good discount on your first order.

For my own circumstances, I'm also really glad I waited until very close to when the baby was supposed to be born to buy anything big; there isn't much need to do that early.
A number of my friends told me to wait and see if I actually needed a stroller before buying one- so many of them wear their they never use one at all.

I don't think the centers will let you on a waitlist until you are pregnant. As for the FSA, I can set aside $5000 pretax, though I know that this won't cover all of the expenses for childcare.

Thanks for the referral to schoola.com. I hadn't heard of this before and will be sure to check it out.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

I live in an area where it's slim pickings to childcare. It's also an area that some people have A LOT of money (us not being one of them). So those with lots of money have nannies. Pretty much the norm around here. My daughter goes to a school where her classmates with more than one child in the home, have two or three nannies. It seems that others use family members. We neither have that kind of money for a nanny and relatives live 3000 miles away. When I became pregnant in late November 2004, I called the one childcare center that had the best reputation. There was no opening until January 2006. I was due early August 2005. A co-worker who had a baby about two years before me used that facility. I always remembered that she said she wanted people around, accountability. Something her pediatrician said as well. That's why I was going to go that route. You don't know who is coming and going in a private residence.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

Why can't your DH be a stay at home Dad? I believe infants do best when they are taken care of by their parents. You're already living on one income and making it.

I would like DH to get a full time job for a few reasons. I don't want him to be out of the work force for long because I want him to be able to advance his career and be successful. Who knows if I will always want or be able to work. Also, our combined incomes will be significantly better and we could work towards financial goals much faster, like saving for kids college and paying off our mortgage. He is 5 years younger than me, so his income will probably be $20-$30k less than mine, but it would still be significant. And finally, I think he needs the self esteem boost that comes from employment and a feeling of contributing.

He has his green card interview next week, so once that all gets settled, I think he will look more attractive to employers.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

Every daycare that we interviewed allowed cloth diapers, and this was only a few years ago. OP, don't be discouraged if this is the route you want to go on. We had a great experience and most people working in day cares are at least some what familiar with how a cloth diaper works, not that it is really that different.

I will definitely inquire about cloth diapers when I am looking at daycare options. It is the route that I would like to take so I am willing to put in a bit more effort to educating people if need be. Thanks!

 

[brooke789]

I'd just like to say that if you're interested in cloth diapering check with your centers before just tossing it aside. I have 3 children who've all been cloth diapered full time. When we were originally looking for childcare for our first two we did not have a single place who didn't do cloth diapers.

I'm also, one of the ones who prefers a center. Before we started I thought we'd like the in-home daycare situation, but we were not happy at all and moved our children to a center 4 months later. It's the same center our older two went to until starting school and our youngest still goes.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I live in an area where it's slim pickings to childcare. It's also an area that some people have A LOT of money (us not being one of them). So those with lots of money have nannies. Pretty much the norm around here. My daughter goes to a school where her classmates with more than one child in the home, have two or three nannies. It seems that others use family members. We neither have that kind of money for a nanny and relatives live 3000 miles away. When I became pregnant in late November 2004, I called the one childcare center that had the best reputation. There was no opening until January 2006. I was due early August 2005. A co-worker who had a baby about two years before me used that facility. I always remembered that she said she wanted people around, accountability. Something her pediatrician said as well. That's why I was going to go that route. You don't know who is coming and going in a private residence.

This is part of my concern with a nanny. You have to trust one person implicitly with your child. In a daycare center, there will be several people overseeing the care, so hopefully things don't get missed. I know there are horror stories with both, but I do want to do what will be best, within financial reason.

 

[pocomom]

I couldn't have enough receiving blankets, and cloth diapers for my kiddos - even though I used disposables mainly, cloth is nice for when you are running low, for diaper rash, or for burp cloths, makeshift changing pads etc. I breastfed but still needed bottles with 2 of mine for a week or two because I needed meds that weren't compatible with BF. If you need them for a week and you are sick,you need a bunch.
Some of the little expenses you don't think of really add up. Grabbing dinner because you are too tired to cook, babysitter because your marriage really needs some grownup time. Heck even laundry detergent.
I would sign up for all available baby registries, formula companies etc. You'll get samples and coupons. When you check out pediatricians ask if they have any samples. Mine gave me so much formula when I was sick,we had to bring several bags to the food bank. Look for used stuff hand-me -downs, whenever you can, most little baby stuff is pristine, a bassinet might have had only a few weeks use. Buy only older size clothing, as you'll likely receive a bunch of new baby stuff from friends and family, and if your Dh does work full time think about who can be your back-up. Close friend? Family nearby?
Most of all I would say planning is great, but babies are put on earth to show you it is not about your plan anyway so don't stress too much!

 

[TippeeCanoe]

I would like DH to get a full time job for a few reasons. I don't want him to be out of the work force for long because I want him to be able to advance his career and be successful. Who knows if I will always want or be able to work. Also, our combined incomes will be significantly better and we could work towards financial goals much faster, like saving for kids college and paying off our mortgage. He is 5 years younger than me, so his income will probably be $20-$30k less than mine, but it would still be significant. And finally, I think he needs the self esteem boost that comes from employment and a feeling of contributing.

He has his green card interview next week, so once that all gets settled, I think he will look more attractive to employers.

You're underestimating how much child care will cost. Not having that expense will allow you to have the extra money available for working towards financial goals.