Advice: cost of baby

[Jen and Ashwin]

I thought this might be a great place to ask, so here goes. DH and I are currently trying to conceive and I want to start thinking about what types of expenses we might have during pregnancy and in the first 1-2 years once a baby arrives. Here is our situation:

I currently have great insurance that will cover all of my pregnancy related expenses and the delivery without any OOP costs. It will also cover all child wellness visits and immunizations without OOP costs. I already get prenatal vitamins 100% covered through insurance. I will probably also be able to get a breast pump through insurance too (though not accessories). I have also set aside $500 into my FSA for additional expenses (which could cover breast pump accessories) for 2016. This FSA can be increased in 2017 if necessary.

I work full time and am the primary wage earner for my family, though I am hoping DH will find a full time job soon and then it will be more closely split. I should get at least 6-8 weeks of 100% paid leave, but it might go all the way up to 12 weeks at 100%. Or I might be able to start back to work on a part time basis after the 6-8 weeks. I am doing more research into this with HR to fully understand the University's policy. I then plan to go back to work full time, so child care will be a big consideration. I can start a dependent care FSA to set aside money tax free, which should help. How did you choose child care for a young infant?

My parents will most likely purchase nursery furniture (crib, changing table, dresser, etc.) as a gift, since they have gifted this to all of my cousins for their first child. I anticipate getting some additional items for a baby shower, but I definitely am not counting on such things. What do you think is important to register for or plan to purchase? I am happy to purchase some items second hand like clothes and toys, but probably would like a new car seat and stroller.

Best places to buy maternity clothes, both new or used?

What else do I need to be thinking about? What have you found to be a must have, even if it was a splurge? What could you have done without or regret purchasing? Any advice is really appreciated!

 

[ldo]

IMHO, the best place for a young infant is with a nanny (split with a friend, maybe) or in home-based childcare. My friends who used daycare centers spend a lot of sick days the 1st year. Maybe I just had a great experience with all 3 of my kids, or got lucky, but I had very few sick days, and I felt that my babies all got lots of personal attention. I found all of my childcare via word of mouth. A good place to look is churches, esp. those with preK programs. Many times, there are stay at home Moms with a kids in preK that will watch another child. You can call around, if that interests you. Some really good childcare Moms even had a waiting list.
At 2, I then put DD in daycare, b/c she needed more structure, crafts, playground time, etc.
For Mat. clothes, I just got a few pairs of Mat pants and a few dressy Mat tops and alternated. Up to 4-5 mths, stretchy pants (I had 2 pairs of fake tweed) in a size bigger, non-Mat. can also work. Sometimes Baby consignment store have Mat clothes--call around. I also boughta Mat suit, and never wore it. best wishes. elaine

 

[mjkacmom]

You can get stuff at a fraction of the cost buying used. I had all new with #1, but all used with #4 and #5 (most free since I knew many moms done having babies who just wanted to get everything out of the house).

Things I used were cribs, bouncy seats, exersaucers, high chairs, monitors, strollers and high chairs. Since our bedrooms are upstairs, I liked to have a changing table downstairs (where I stored clothing - babies go through many changes a day), and a bassinet for baby to sleep in during the day.

One splurge I made with the twins, and soon regretted not doing so with the others, was to have enough bottles so that I could put them in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand.

 

[ldo]

I got a lot of stuff used--jumpers, bouncy seats, exersaucers, etc. My rule was as long as I could wash it or wipe it down (plastic), 2nd hand was fine. At toddler age, same thing--playhouse, ride on toys, etc. I used to ride around on Sat AM (I was up anyway) with baby for an hr to all the local garage sales. I also got LLBean kids coats for the next year for $5, gymboree outfits for $2, etc. I got 20 onsies for $1 each at the consignment store.
My splurge would be a good stroller and a rear-facing car seat that converts to front-facing, as your baby will outgrow the bucket seat by about 9 mths.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

IMHO, the best place for a young infant is with a nanny (split with a friend, maybe) or in home-based childcare. My friends who used daycare centers spend a lot of sick days the 1st year. Maybe I just had a great experience with all 3 of my kids, or got lucky, but I had very few sick days, and I felt that my babies all got lots of personal attention. I found all of my childcare via word of mouth. A good place to look is churches, esp. those with preK programs. Many times, there are stay at home Moms with a kids in preK that will watch another child. You can call around, if that interests you. Some really good childcare Moms even had a waiting list.
At 2, I then put DD in daycare, b/c she needed more structure, crafts, playground time, etc.
For Mat. clothes, I just got a few pairs of basic stretchy pants and a few dressy Mat tops and alternated. Up to 4-5 mths, stretchy in a size bigger, non-Mat. can also work. Sometimes Baby consignment store have Mat clothes--call around. I also boughta Mat suit, and never wore it. best wishes. elaine

I did just a little bit of searching and was most leaning towards child care at the local JCC. They have a program that will accept very young infants and I have heard really good things from friends, though the waitlist can be considerable so that is something to consider but families get priority if they belong to a local congregation (we are looking into joining).

I would definitely consider a nanny, but I was under the impression that it was more expensive to go this route. I would love whatever will be the easiest and best for the baby. I currently work from home 2-3 days per week, but I don't think I could work and take care of a baby, especially early on. Maybe a nanny would be a great alternative, since I might only need help for a few hours or on certain days, especially later. The child care centers are much more demanding regarding hours and minimums.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

You can get stuff at a fraction of the cost buying used. I had all new with #1, but all used with #4 and #5 (most free since I knew many moms done having babies who just wanted to get everything out of the house).

Things I used were cribs, bouncy seats, exersaucers, high chairs, monitors, strollers and high chairs. Since our bedrooms are upstairs, I liked to have a changing table downstairs (where I stored clothing - babies go through many changes a day), and a bassinet for baby to sleep in during the day.

One splurge I made with the twins, and soon regretted not doing so with the others, was to have enough bottles so that I could put them in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand.

There are some things here I hadn't even thought about. I totally forgot about a high chair! I do want to get a bassinet so that the baby can sleep next to me for the first few months. Our house has the master bedroom on the main level and the extra bedrooms upstairs. I know that I won't want to run up and down the stairs every time the baby cries. I love the idea of having lots of extra bottles. I hate hand washing things too. And most of my friends already have children, with some of them giving birth recently. My group of friends does do a lot of clothing hand me downs between each other, so that would be really helpful.

 

[MommyinHonduras]

I recommend cloth diapers. If you have a store nearby by to see and feel. For about $300 you can buy 24 one size diapers that grow with yours child(ten). I really liked Bumgenius. I recommend snaps as kids starting about 6months learn to take off the velcro. I will warn you, like Disney, there is a whole clothdiaper culture I also recommend looking for large mother to mother sales. It is like a huge garage sale hundreds of mothers sell all in one place in one weekend. They are really picky and only allow new or like New items to be sold. Can get great deals and often the last day is half off. And last I recommend a sling or baby carrier. I love my ring sling but have several others . I recommend a place like Frogmamma where you can return it if do not like it and try another. Like the diapers above babywearing is a thing too. If you can find a store to touch and feel them all and try them on. *note look for a carrier wherever the baby sits with legs wrapped around, if the legs hang like some mass carriers (Bjorn) it is not safe for hip development.

 

[ldo]

I would get on the waiting list as soon as they recommend (either when baby is born or even when you are preg.) You could still check with your JCC and other churches' PreKs to see if they have recommendations for part-time nannies/Moms, etc. Nannies can be more $$$, but a PT nanny could be cost-effective. That is where splitting comes in--if you can find another Mom who also only needs PT, or you only have some overlap. Many people now have M or F off, work compresed hours, etc., so with some legwork, you might find someone. Then, if it doesn't work out, you are still on the list for JCC.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I got a lot of stuff used--jumpers, bouncy seats, exersaucers, etc. My rule was as long as I could wash it or wipe it down (plastic), 2nd hand was fine. At toddler age, same thing--playhouse, ride on toys, etc. I used to ride around on Sat AM (I was up anyway) with baby for an hr to all the local garage sales. I also got LLBean kids coats for the next year for $5, gymboree outfits for $2, etc. I got 20 onsies for $1 each at the consignment store.
My splurge would be a good stroller and a rear-facing car seat that converts to front-facing, as your baby will outgrow the bucket seat by about 9 mths.

I love this logic! I am definitely willing to do the work of cleaning something up if it is still in good condition. I know that lots of baby stuff gets used so little that there are good second hand finds. The stroller and car seat will probably be some of the biggest ticket items for us. Consumer reports just had an article about car seat safety, so I have done a little research already about that.

 

[MommyinHonduras]

For bottles, a free standing sterilized like Dr. Brown's is awesome.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I recommend cloth diapers. If you have a store nearby by to see and feel. For about $300 you can buy 24 one size diapers that grow with yours child(ten). I really liked Bumgenius. I recommend snaps as kids starting about 6months learn to take off the velcro. I will warn you, like Disney, there is a whole clothdiaper culture I also recommend looking for large mother to mother sales. It is like a huge garage sale hundreds of mothers sell all in one place in one weekend. They are really picky and only allow new or like New items to be sold. Can get great deals and often the last day is half off. And last I recommend a sling or baby carrier. I love my ring sling but have several others . I recommend a place like Frogmamma where you can return it if do not like it and try another. Like the diapers above babywearing is a thing too. If you can find a store to touch and feel them all and try them on. *note look for a carrier wherever the baby sits with legs wrapped around, if the legs hang like some mass carriers (Bjorn) it is not safe for hip development.

My mom used cloth diapers for all of her kids and I have always felt that I would like to use them as well. I know that there is a local shop that carries lots of these products, so I will make sure to go and check them out to learn more. Thanks for the info on snaps vs. velcro. I will also look into baby slings, though I have noticed some crazy expensive prices with those! I think DH would really like using a baby sling. He often mentions it when he sees other guys baby carrying.

 

[ldo]

oh, yeah, diapers and formula cost a ton--LOL! Don't pre-buy diapers, as some babies as sensitive to one brand--so it's trial and error for a while. Breast feeding saves a lot of $ and is so good for your baby and for you. Don't give up, even if you have to pump for a few weeks at first and bottle feed. My DD didn't "get it" or latch on for about a month, so I gave up trying to get her to nurse and exclusively pumped (and supplemented with some formula)--but then she "got it" was a great nurser for 7 mths.

 

[havaneselover]

I'm a saver so honestly one of my biggest expenses in becoming a new parent was sending money to a 529 monthly for college expenses.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I would get on the waiting list as soon as they recommend (either when baby is born or even when you are preg.) You could still check with your JCC and other churches' PreKs to see if they have recommendations for part-time nannies/Moms, etc. Nannies can be more $$$, but a PT nanny could be cost-effective. That is where splitting comes in--if you can find another Mom who also only needs PT, or you only have some overlap. Many people now have M or F off, work compresed hours, etc., so with some legwork, you might find someone. Then, if it doesn't work out, you are still on the list for JCC.

Great idea. I will definitely get on the JCC list as soon as I possibly can. But I will do more research on nannies as well. It is hard when you are balancing so many interests, such as career, finances and baby's wellbeing. Finding the right fit will be really important.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

oh, yeah, diapers and formula cost a ton--LOL! Don't pre-buy diapers, as some babies as sensitive to one brand--so it's trial and error for a while. Breast feeding saves a lot of $ and is so good for your baby and for you. Don't give up, even if you have to pump for a few weeks at first and bottle feed. My DD didn't "get it" or latch on for about a month, so I gave up trying to get her to nurse and exclusively pumped (and supplemented with some formula)--but then she "got it" was a great nurser for 7 mths.

My hope is to breastfeed exclusively for as long as possible up to the first year. As someone that works in public health, I know all about the benefits of breastfeeding. I am alright with pumping if the baby does not latch and feeding from a bottle, but this is definitely a top priority for me.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I'm a saver so honestly one of my biggest expenses in becoming a new parent was sending money to a 529 monthly for college expenses.

One of my life goals is to completely fund my children's education. It was the greatest gift that my parents ever gave to me, so I know I will be setting up a 529 account, contributing monthly and asking gift givers to help contribute as well when they want to do something for birthdays/holidays.

 

[jodifla]

My hope is to breastfeed exclusively for as long as possible up to the first year. As someone that works in public health, I know all about the benefits of breastfeeding. I am alright with pumping if the baby does not latch and feeding from a bottle, but this is definitely a top priority for me.

Since you'll be going back to work fairly quickly, you'll have to pump and feed from a bottle from that point on, even if your child is a great nurser.

And one thing to note: Most daycares do not allow cloth diapers.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

And one thing to note: Most daycares do not allow cloth diapers.

This is good to know!

 

[auralia]

One thing I didn't consider was what if BFing doesn't work.... Obviously from my post it didn't... Traumatic birth, csection 6 weeks early and a thyroid condition = no milk. So that was a significant expense. Also my daughter was small and rather sickly for the first few years. I am a SAHM but if I had had a job I am guessing I would have been fired or as a minimal looked over due to the amount of time off work. Nannying here costs about double of what day care costs but that Is so location dependent. If you have an extra room and a can have them live in it can reduce the cost (a friend provided a car, room, board and payed 800$ per month for her nanny. She had offered me 80$ per week to watch her child 12 hours a day and I just couldn't do it. The whole point of staying at home was to take care of my kids not someone else's.... I guess what I'm saying is if you find a willing mom with a small child to be nanny when you offer compensation consider what she is taking away from her child. If it isn't worth it it might insult her.

Medicines can get expensive if your lo is sick as often as mine was. (She got h t tonsils out when she was 7 and all of those problems went away... She is now super healthy!)

Are you depending on dh to get up with the baby at night? Mine always said he would but he never did and this is what I have heard from lots of moms... My dh would not wake up for anything.... I think you could burn the house down around him... So I was very very sleep deprived. I have not slept more than 3 hours straight in over 8 years now my son is just turned 5 my daughter 9 my son still wakes me at least once a night to go to the bathroom or for a drink. Consider the sleep deprivation and how you will deal with it and have a good long talk about sharing responsibilities before hand to prevent stressful fights later!

Last one... Car seats. This is where I never skimped.... It is worth it to get a good one. I like Chicco for babies and brytax for older kids personally.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

One thing I didn't consider was what if BFing doesn't work.... Obviously from my post it didn't... Traumatic birth, csection 6 weeks early and a thyroid condition = no milk. So that was a significant expense. Also my daughter was small and rather sickly for the first few years. I am a SAHM but if I had had a job I am guessing I would have been fired or as a minimal looked over due to the amount of time off work. Nannying here costs about double of what day care costs but that Is so location dependent. If you have an extra room and a can have them live in it can reduce the cost (a friend provided a car, room, board and payed 800$ per month for her nanny. She had offered me 80$ per week to watch her child 12 hours a day and I just couldn't do it. The whole point of staying at home was to take care of my kids not someone else's.... I guess what I'm saying is if you find a willing mom with a small child to be nanny when you offer compensation consider what she is taking away from her child. If it isn't worth it it might insult her.

Medicines can get expensive if your lo is sick as often as mine was. (She got h t tonsils out when she was 7 and all of those problems went away... She is now super healthy!)

Are you depending on dh to get up with the baby at night? Mine always said he would but he never did and this is what I have heard from lots of moms... My dh would not wake up for anything.... I think you could burn the house down around him... So I was very very sleep deprived. I have not slept more than 3 hours straight in over 8 years now my son is just turned 5 my daughter 9 my son still wakes me at least once a night to go to the bathroom or for a drink. Consider the sleep deprivation and how you will deal with it and have a good long talk about sharing responsibilities before hand to prevent stressful fights later!

Last one... Car seats. This is where I never skimped.... It is worth it to get a good one. I like Chicco for babies and brytax for older kids personally.

Thanks for sharing your own experiences. This is really helpful. If I can't breastfeed or pump, then I would obviously have to formula feed and so I guess I should budget for that contingency. I definitely won't be a SAHM since I make all of the money. If DH still doesn't have a full time position by the time the baby is born, then it would change the child care dynamic considerably because he would then be the primary childcare giver for the baby once I return to work. We have already discussed this to some extent, but there will be many more conversations around this.

DH is really helpful around the house and does a lot of the chores, such as cooking and cleaning. I am pretty sure that he will help with the night time child care duties, especially once I start back to work because I know that I won't be able to function properly without enough sleep. But again, I will make sure we continue these discussions.