Disrespectful comment ??

[Scurvy]

Laugh, I wouldn't go that far unless you would be laughing at the same person who is arrogant enough to defy federal law and drs orders by booking an exit seat on a aircraft. It is just one disrespectful action after another.

You keep saying this but I have a different take on it. He's been told by his doctor not to lift anything heavy, apparently. That doesn't necessarily mean he is physically unable to lift anything - it just means he isn't supposed to. He could be willing to gamble that he won't have to open the emergency exit, knowing that if there is a problem and he does have to open it he could further injure his back. If that's a risk he is willing to take I don't see why it's anyone's business but his own.

I think the comment itself was meant to be a joke and I wouldn't feel disrespected if a serious boyfriend said it privately. However, in front of parents? Awkward. Kind of a dumb move. But IMO nothing to really pitch a fit about, they are adults after all.

I agree with this. If the girl was a child I would find it disrespectful, but she's an adult. I think it was foolish to say it in front of the girl's parent but if it was disrespectful to anyone it was disrespectful to the girl, not her parents. As far as the boyfriend knew, it was fine to discuss the girl's cleavage - after all, her mother just discussed it in front of him. (And yes, I know the OP added that she didn't know he was there but he probably thought she did know he was standing there and was fine with him hearing the comment.) I assume it was said as a joke, and maybe was his way of agreeing or at least commenting on what the girl's mother had just said. Foolish, maybe, but not that big of a deal.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Actually it does, "the child" is actually a adult and as such the overbearing mother was out of line telling her daughter to button up another button on her blouse. If the OP keeps it up the "child " may not choose to live in her her house any longer

So, the child should run the household? Accept all behavior, from daughter and her friends OR daughter moves out? The child/adult/whatever may get asked to leave, before she makes the choice... to stay or go. It's Mom and Dad's house, the daughter doesn't get to make the rules, until she has her own house.

And, the punk boyfriend...would have some serious explaining AND apologizing to do OR he would NOT be welcome in MY house again.

BTW..I find it sad, that OP's daughter, didn't speak up. The boyfriend was alo disrespectful to her by saying that in front of her Mother.

 

[Tozzie]

So, the child should run the household? Accept all behavior, from daughter and her friends OR daughter moves out? The child/adult/whatever may get asked to leave, before she makes the choice... to stay or go. It's Mom and Dad's house, the daughter doesn't get to make the rules, until she has her own house.

And, the punk boyfriend...would have some serious explaining AND apologizing to do OR he would NOT be welcome in MY house again.

BTW..I find it sad, that OP's daughter, didn't speak up. The boyfriend was alo disrespectful to her by saying that in front of her Mother.

I find it sad that you keep referring to a 19 year old as child She isn't, and while I never said she gets to make the rules, I do believe she should be able to dress as she wants. I seriously doubt, based on the contempt the mother has for the boyfriend and her previous threads about the boyfriend, it that the incident occured as posted.

I don't see the daughter making any rules, I see the daughter dressing as she likes, and the mother tryingt embarrass her right in front of her boyfriend her house or not she doens't have a right to do that to her daughter.

 

[Nancy]

And yes this did involve my daughter but the question was do you find it disrespectful agree or disagree?

disagree. First..your daughter is technically old enough to decide how she wants to dress even if she lives in your house. Maybe she was comfortable with how she was dressed

Now was he stupid for saying it? Yeah..not the smartest thing to have pop out of his mouth..but far from disrespectful in my book.

I have 3 daughters..I stopped telling them about their clothes once they were no longer leaving the house to go to high school. I would not have wanted my mother to comment on my choice of clothing so I would not comment on my kids. A shirt buttoned 1 button too low..not even a blip on the radar. For his comment I most likely would have said to him that he was pretty stupid for making that comment right in front of me..the Mom and then I'd let it drop.

Luckily they all have great tastes in clothes and I always thought they looked good...now their father sometimes thought they needed to cover up more..but that is cause he's the Dad and they are his baby girls.

 

[JaneBanks]

I honestly think OP is a troll and is happy that this thread is starting to get heated.

 

[Acklander]

It really makes, no difference, how old the "child" is. They were in OP's home, she still gets to make the rules. And really, it would still be gross and disrespectful to say that in front of the parents....no matter where they were. The boy's a punk.

Sure it makes a difference how old the daughter is. Even if you go by the "my house, my rules" philosophy that doesn't mean your kids do everything exactly as you want with no input what soever. That's not natural. Just like you don't treat a 2 year old the same you would a 10 year old as far as freedoms and responsibilities, it's the same with a 19 year old. By that age she should be able to dress herself without her mother telling her to button her shirt another button. To pull the - my house, my rules card over how many buttons on a shirt that a 19 year old is wearing is definitely over controlling.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that the boyfriend could have chosen his words more carefully but I can see that he was likely just joking around. This seems like a minor thing to me.

 

[disykat]

How old? 14, 16, 18, 20?

What was his tone? A smile and a laugh or a leering, pervert grin with a machismo attitude?

To tell you the truth, we're pretty "joking" in my house and, had I reprimanded my daughter for having her chest hanging out, I can imagine her and her older friends cracking some joke about it. I would probably have never pointed that out in front of her date/boyfriend so maybe the joke was a way to break the tension.

Overly, I don't find it disrespectful.

My thought is this. Maybe she wanted to have her girls looked at. Can't place all the blame on the guy. She maybe should have had more decency.

OP, obviously you don't like him, so anything he does is going to irritate you.

The boyfriend was making the exact same point as the OP, only in teen-speak. Seemed to be in agreement with OP, not disrespectful.

IMO, much ado about nothing.

I think that the boyfriend could have chosen his words more carefully but I can see that he was likely just joking around. This seems like a minor thing to me.

Agreed with all of these. I am pretty conservative and wouldn't really want anyone looking at my chest or anyone else's. However, if it's visible and being commented about, you can't expect someone else not to notice or comment as well.

 

[mrsklamc]

Having read the thread where the BF was having surgery 6 months into the relationship and OP thought it was "immoral" for her daughter to be there to support him - I think it's entirely possible that BOTH the unbuttoned shirt and the BF's comment were designed purely to aggravate her.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Sure it makes a difference how old the daughter is. Even if you go by the "my house, my rules" philosophy that doesn't mean your kids do everything exactly as you want with no input what soever. That's not natural. Just like you don't treat a 2 year old the same you would a 10 year old as far as freedoms and responsibilities, it's the same with a 19 year old. By that age she should be able to dress herself without her mother telling her to button her shirt another button. To pull the - my house, my rules card over how many buttons on a shirt that a 19 year old is wearing is definitely over controlling.

My comments were strictly towards the BF's rude, inappropriate, disrespectful comment. But, yes.. The daughter should be respectful and not "show off her goods"...in her parent's home or in front of them ANYWHERE. She should be responsible and mature enough to know better.

 

[mrsklamc]

My comments were strictly towards the BF's rude, inappropriate, disrespectful comment. But, yes.. The daughter should be respectful and not "show off her goods"...in her patent's home or in front of them ANYWHERE. She should be responsible and mature enough to know better.

You know better when you are taught better, and if the person teaching you is crazy controlling, you have to come up with your own cutoff of when they are being logical and when they aren't, sometimes you make the wrong choice.

 

[canopynut66]

My daughter was getting ready to leave the house and I said to her in front of her boyfriend that her shirt was to low to button one button and he replied
"SHOWING OFF THE GOODS" right in front of me. I find it arrogant and disrespectful. Agree of disagree

Just my opinion ----but my daughter would have been told to change the shirt or lose the boyfriend. and IMO would not be comfortable with her being with a guy like that.

 

[NMAmy]

It really makes, no difference, how old the "child" is. They were in OP's home, she still gets to make the rules.

I think it's exremely pertinent. I'm the mother of an adult daughter. She's still in college and I wouldn't dream of telling her how to dress anymore--nor would I tell her an outfit was inappropriate in front of someone else. We respect each other and it's not a one way street. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. I'm merely here in an advisory capacity nowadays. I have no need to control her every move.

And really, it would still be gross and disrespectful to say that in front of the parents....no matter where they were. The boy's a punk.

I don't think the OP is the most trustworthy reporter of incidents when it comes to the BF. She's made it quite clear she can't stand him and everything he's done is wrong. So while the comment may have been disrespectful, she's lost credibility with me.

 

[mrsklamc]

Just my opinion ----but my daughter would have been told to change the shirt or lose the boyfriend.

You would really try to control how a 19 year old dresses and who she dates? Have you had a 19 year old? Cause good luck with that.

 

[cornflake]

My comments were strictly towards the BF's rude, inappropriate, disrespectful comment. But, yes.. The daughter should be respectful and not "show off her goods"...in her patent's home or in front of them ANYWHERE. She should be responsible and mature enough to know better.

Ok... the woman has on a shirt that's not revealing anything much. Her bf and mother are there. The mother, horrified, tells her to button her shirt another button. The woman rolls her eyes. The boyfriend says, jokingly, 'showing off the goods, again, eh?'

Was that rude, inappropriate or disrespectful?

There's a way it could have been said that could have been rude, but for two grown people to have it come out that way would take some work, imo. Most scenarios seem funny. If the people were 14, different story. They're adults. Sounds like joking with his gf.

 

[taximomfor4]

Op wants just "Agree" or "Disagree" so here's my vote:

DISAGREE.

Reason: the hardest parts of parenting are 1) choosing your battles and 2) giving them wings then letting them fly.

This "issue" fails in both of those areas, IMO. When my oldest was 3, I treated her like a 3yr old. When she was 14, I treated her like a 14 yr old. Now that she's 19, I treat her like the young lady she is. I respect her boundaries, and I respect her choices (whether I agree with them or not.) I certainly keep my opinions to myself about what she's wearing. Throughout her childhood, i taught her what i considered acceptable, self-respecting attire.

And as very, very hard as it is, I keep my nose out of her relationship with her boyfriend. It's up to the 2 of them to establish their own boundaries. If she thinks her boyfriends words were unacceptable, she's old enough to tell him so.

I overstep my role with my own 19yr old dd sometimes. Op, I'm being sincere & honest when I say I think you overstepped in this situation.

 

[angwill]

I wouldn't hold on to the hard feelings just simply tell him you feel it is disrespectful and would appreciate him not saying those things about your daughter in front of you and then let it go.

 

[taximomfor4]

I wouldn't hold on to the hard feelings just simply tell him you feel it is disrespectful and would appreciate him not saying those things about your daughter in front of you and then let it go.

Or even make the same point, but without Perpetuating the negative feelings. Laugh, cover your ears, and say "Yuck...there's a PARENT in the room, ya know!"

 

[Buckalew11]

Since it really doesn't matter what we think, tell us what your daughter thought? Did she mention it?
Did she think it was disrespectful? Funny? Cute?

How did you react?

My dd's exBF made a comment to her (not in front of us) about our going out of town. The rule was because we would be out of town, no boys in the house. She told me she mentioned this to him and his reply was, "We'll see about that." And *bam* he got the boot. I didn't even have to say a word. He could have been acting big for all we know but she didn't take to kindly to him saying it.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Since it really doesn't matter what we think, tell us what your daughter thought? Did she mention it?
Did she think it was disrespectful? Funny? Cute?

How did you react?

My dd's exBF made a comment to her (not in front of us) about our going out of town. The rule was because we would be out of town, no boys in the house. She told me she mentioned this to him and his reply was, "We'll see about that." And *bam* he got the boot. I didn't even have to say a word. He could have been acting big for all we know but she didn't take to kindly to him saying it.

Like.