Disrespectful comment ??

[bumbershoot]

My thought is this. Maybe she wanted to have her girls looked at.

True true. I know when I wore low cut shirts it was highly on purpose! And as an adult, they are MY goods to show off, and MINE to think of as goods if I choose.

And there's a huge difference between a 15 year old couple with that sort of comment, vs adults saying it.

19 really? I get that you made a comment, but really it is her business, unless the girls were totally hanging out. WE are just way too relaxed in our house to let this be a problem. However without hearing his tone, there is no way that I could say he was being disrespectful. I don't find it at all disrespectful to women in general, but if the tone was nasty then I could see it being disrespectful to you and your comment.

Tone of voice and her reaction make a big difference, now that we know they are adults.

At nineteen, I would have told him off myself if I felt that I was disrespected.

Exactly.

 

[TLSnell1981]

My daughter was getting ready to leave the house and I said to her in front of her boyfriend that her shirt was to low to button one button and he replied
"SHOWING OFF THE GOODS" right in front of me. I find it arrogant and disrespectful. Agree of disagree

Unacceptable.

.
Yeah, the boy was not only rude, but he was being a pig. And I would certainly be having a conversation with my daughter about how inappropriate his comments were and why.

In addition, I would have stopped my daughter's boyfriend right then and there and said, "I'm sorry. But we don't speak that way in this house. And you certainly should not speak in such a disrespectful manner to my daughter."

There's definitely a difference in telling your own child to button a button and her boyfriend being rude and piggish.

I would've spoken up, then and there...right before DH, got his turn..

If that kid said that in front of me, I'd take him out back and shove my foot in you know what.

He wouldn't have made it, out the door, before the foot connected.

You seem to refuse to answer the question, how old is your daughter?

How old, doesn't matter, the least little bit...they were in HER house!

True true. I know when I wore low cut shirts it was highly on purpose! And as an adult, they are MY goods to show off, and MINE to think of as goods if I choose.

The daughter was in her PARENT'S home. Sorry, Mom and Dad, still have the right in their OWN home to make the rules. I don't give a fig, how old the "children" are.

 

[manning]

Whaaaa?

She got it back from some kid who isn't even hers.

My own kid doesn't get to talk to me or his other mother in a disprespectful manner, and certainly some other person's kid doesn't get to do so either.

Yeah, the boy was not only rude, but he was being a pig. And I would certainly be having a conversation with my daughter about how inappropriate his comments were and why.

In addition, I would have stopped my daughter's boyfriend right then and there and said, "I'm sorry. But we don't speak that way in this house. And you certainly should not speak in such a disrespectful manner to my daughter."

There's definitely a difference in telling your own child to button a button and her boyfriend being rude and piggish.

Reread it Goofy.

 

[Imzadi]

OP is a control freak. She is the one with the problem:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2843307

I've read past posts of the OP and let's just say, it's not the daughter or the boyfriend that has the issues.

This was a agree disagree question. Those exact words showing off your goods did not cohe out of my mouth, so if you disagree I do respect that. However, inferring that this is a result of something I did or did not do is not what the intention is or was. Was this comment disrespectful?

Wow! Trying to control the answers in this thread, too.

 

[cornflake]

Given she's an adult - unless it was said really grossly - seems not disrespectful but joking to me.

I also agree telling an adult to button her shirt in front of other people is odd and not particularly respectful.

If it was like a 14-year-old? Out of bounds. An adult? Joke, not disrespectful.

 

[kaytieeldr]

This was a agree disagree question. Those exact words showing off your goods did not cohe out of my mouth, so if you disagree I do respect that. However, inferring that this is a result of something I did or did not do is not what the intention is or was. Was this comment disrespectful?

Okay, fine. Disagree. I have more to say, but you just want a poll-type response so again: disagree .

 

[NMAmy]

Kudos to the detective who finally got the OP to admit that her daughter is an adult. That makes a huge difference, IMO, and the fact that the OP was being so coy about it led me to believe that her daughter was, indeed, an adult and she was out of line but looking for back up from posters who thought we were discussing a young teen.

Frankly, I believe you were purposely trying to embarass your dd in front of her boyfriend and he had had enough of your attitude. We get it, as I'm sure your dd and her bf do: you don't like him. You've made that abundantly clear in this thread.

If I thought my adult dd was showing too much skin, I'd take her aside and talk to her about it quietly and alone. As an adult, though, it's her choice whether to cover up or to "show the goods."

 

[snarlingcoyote]

how old? 14, 16, 18, 20?

What was his tone? A smile and a laugh or a leering, pervert grin with a machismo attitude?

To tell you the truth, we're pretty "joking" in my house and, had i reprimanded my daughter for having her chest hanging out, i can imagine her and her older friends cracking some joke about it. I would probably have never pointed that out in front of her date/boyfriend so maybe the joke was a way to break the tension.

Overly, i don't find it disrespectful.

ita

 

[marlynnp]

You obviously don't like him

Aren't you the one who thought it was morally wrong for your daughter to stay in a hotel with his family while he had surgery? Sorry if I have you confused with someone else.

Yep!

And guess who I have no respect for.

 

[MrsDuck]

OP: you should've told your DD in private.

Regardless, the boyfriend was wrong, disrespectful, and awkward.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Kudos to the detective who finally got the OP to admit that her daughter is an adult. That makes a huge difference, IMO, and the fact that the OP was being so coy about it led me to believe that her daughter was, indeed, an adult and she was out of line but looking for back up from posters who thought we were discussing a young teen.

Frankly, I believe you were purposely trying to embarass your dd in front of her boyfriend and he had had enough of your attitude. We get it, as I'm sure your dd and her bf do: you don't like him. You've made that abundantly clear in this thread.

If I thought my adult dd was showing too much skin, I'd take her aside and talk to her about it quietly and alone. As an adult, though, it's her choice whether to cover up or to "show the goods."

It really makes, no difference, how old the "child" is. They were in OP's home, she still gets to make the rules. And really, it would still be gross and disrespectful to say that in front of the parents....no matter where they were. The boy's a punk.

 

[Goofyluver]

It really makes, no difference, how old the "child" is. They were in OP's home, she still gets to make the rules. And really, it would still be gross and disrespectful to say that in front of the parents....no matter where they were. The boy's a punk.

Werd.

 

[Ceila]

OP, why did you even bother to post your question? You clearly feel strongly that is was disrespectful, so why do you need validation from others? And why can't you get past the fact that others don't see it in black and white like you do? For some there are gray areas, based on his tone, their age, etc. Most everyone here has different opinions that they want to share, and if you can't respect that then I have no idea why you put this question on a DISCUSSION board.

 

[MsSpinShady]

The boyfriend was making the exact same point as the OP, only in teen-speak. Seemed to be in agreement with OP, not disrespectful.

IMO, much ado about nothing.

 

[MizTink]

cuz it was her chance to bring up the airline seat thing again and again!!!

 

[kawing123]

Know one said anything regarding validation from others, interesting to view other people's take or opinion on topics. It is called getting to know others, the world around you, but in no way would anyone's comment or take change my viewpoint. If no one ever expressed their thoughts or feeling or viewpoints there would never be debates or food for thought.

 

[Tozzie]

It really makes, no difference, how old the "child" is. They were in OP's home, she still gets to make the rules. And really, it would still be gross and disrespectful to say that in front of the parents....no matter where they were. The boy's a punk.

Actually it does, "the child" is actually a adult and as such the overbearing mother was out of line telling her daughter to button up another button on her blouse. If the OP keeps it up the "child " may not choose to live in her her house any longer

 

[powellrj]

cuz it was her chance to bring up the airline seat thing again and again!!!

In fact, that thread is now under this one.

FWIW, I don't think he was being disrespectful, I think he knows exactly how you feel about him and was showing humor.

 

[Ceila]

Know one said anything regarding validation from others, interesting to view other people's take or opinion on topics. It is called getting to know others, the world around you, but in no way would anyone's comment or take change my viewpoint. If no one ever expressed their thoughts or feeling or viewpoints there would never be debates or food for thought.

But you said yourself that you only want to know whether others agree or disagree:

This was a agree disagree question.

You are clearly not interesting in viewing "other people's take or opinion on topics."

 

[Judique]

Actually it does, "the child" is actually a adult and as such the overbearing mother was out of line telling her daughter to button up another button on her blouse. If the OP keeps it up the "child " may not choose to live in her her house any longer

Mom can make the rules in her house.
Obviously you felt it was disrepectful.

Personally, I pick my battles. An airline seat or this comment would not be one of them. I would look at the big picture and consider this 'nothing'.

Your daughter knew what she was showing. If you disapprove of how she dresses when she leaves your home, or who she chooses as a partner, I'm afraid you are just going to have to suck it up and get over it.

I doubt you will have any success if you choose either as a battle. The loss will be a decent relationship with your daughter. At 19 she has already decided what she wants. Now she's just on the path to how she's going to get it.

Your attitudes are just classifying you as an old fuddy duddy.