When your house guests are rude, pushy, demanding and they're family

[cabanafrau]

I looked into Madam Leota’s crystal ball and it said that ironically, what will likely happen is Aunt and Uncle will wait so long to get their road trip started that they won’t have any choice but to skip our locale entirely because of the Hot Weather Certain Death could strike them. And then the entire problem is solved.

Ironically, this weekend it’s going to be 79. Yesterday it got up to 96. Next weekend would be perfect weather for them to come.

OR what will happen is they WILL come but it will be when it’s 105 out. 105 here is no big deal. Mornings are lovely and balmy and you do all your stuff in the am and hibernate in the afternoon. Then right after the sun goes down, the temp drops 10-15 degrees and it’s lovely once again. And Aunt or Uncle will have some sort of health issue and will have to go to the hospital, in which case I’ll direct them to call 911 and tell them good luck, call my husband if you need help.

My husband is willing to move mountains for these 2 people and I’ve never understood why. Like, a few years ago when we were on a family trip to Disneyland, we stayed an extra day and drove to their house (they’ve since sold it) to help them sort through their 35+ yr worth of stuff in their attic. Got through a mountain of stuff. Bunch of stuff got put in an open trailer bed for Uncle to take to a donation center. Uncle was to take it the next day to the donation center.

Days later, I got lip from Aunt about that because Uncle forgot to do it. And 2 days after we were there, it rained and “all of the clothing and everything got ruined and we had to take it to the dump instead.”

Well, sorry about that, but that was not my fault nor was it my problem. Go get mad at your husband, not me.

As a result of that, I don’t help them with stuff like that anymore. Because they bit the hand that feeds them.

I shouldn’t have been surprised because these are the same 2 people who shouted at each other in the grocery store about TP and Metamucil. It’s like watching a Seinfeld episode in real life.

This cinches it for me, these are the type of people I want to slap an "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" sticker on their forehead to give warning to all decent folk who come into contact with them.

That said, the person I'd be discussing boundaries with is DH. I'd let him know that he's free to bake and pass out all the cookies he likes for these two, however I wouldn't be his assistant chef or cleaning up the kitchen afterwards. Nor should any of said cookies be served in my home, lest I lose my mind at the sign of so much as a crumb. Life's too short. These people have told you who they are, demonstrated who they are, and done everything but hire a skywriter to make it crystal clear.

 

[barkley]

out of curiosity op-do these people have any children of their own? if not is your dh-and you by association-the default individuals they will EXPECT/DEMAND to care for/help find non mobile housing/take care of all their needs when they age (or just decide it's too much of a hassle to deal with themselves)?

 

[VandVsmama]

This cinches it for me, these are the type of people I want to slap an "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" sticker on their forehead to give warning to all decent folk who come into contact with them.

That said, the person I'd be discussing boundaries with is DH. I'd let him know that he's free to bake and pass out all the cookies he likes for these two, however I wouldn't be his assistant chef or cleaning up the kitchen afterwards. Nor should any of said cookies be served in my home, lest I lose my mind at the sign of so much as a crumb. Life's too short. These people have told you who they are, demonstrated who they are, and done everything but hire a skywriter to make it crystal clear.

“if you give a mouse a cookie” is such a great book! And TOTALLY applicable to this! LOL.

Totally agree w/you re: boundaries w/DH about this.

 

[VandVsmama]

In more Seinfeld-ish news, Aunt has celiac disease. Got diagnosed with it before my kids were born. I’ve made quite a few gluten free very tasty meals over the years for Aunt. Including some Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, even with gluten free gravy for the turkey.

She hasn’t ever gotten sick at our house from
any gluten cross contamination.

Yet every single time she’s involved with eating with us anywhere (at our house or out at a restaurant), she’d say, “You know…Ive got celiac disease.” Nooo…really? Since when?

One time, I smacked my hand against my cheek and said, “No, really? Since when? I had no idea.” I found it more amusing than she did. Although she did give me a courtesy laugh.

 

[Ning Ning]

Here ya go!

Front of it looks like something was sprayed on it because when DH was a toddler, he tried to “help” MIL clean it by spraying Windex on it.

View attachment 951294

That's a very nice piece of furniture ... and the results of his "helping" only make it more special!

 

[MsChristy12]

All I gotta say is, OP you're so much nicer than I am! I would have shut it down after the cats incident. No more.

 

[DodgerGirl]

Hi there V and V's Mama,
In my honest opinion what you should do is have your husband call his aunt and uncle and very politely say that they should come visit you but they'll have to stay in a hotel. Because if your husband's aunt's health is worrying his uncle they should at least find a hotel that is cool but not hot so that your husband's aunt can be comfortable. I mean if your husband's aunt feels tired the hotel is a good place for your husband's aunt to take a nap and relax. Because if you have your husband's aunt and uncle stay at your house the last thing you'll want to deal with are sick kids. And when they do visit when the time does come have your husband call his aunt and uncle and very politely ask if they would like to go to a restaurant like IHOP or Denny's for breakfast and then everyone can have a nice friendly meal and a good visit. I do believe i've seen what you are describing and I believe it's called a Bombay chest because my mother has one but I never knew people used them in their dining rooms but it might be smart to buy some Old English Furniture Polish and see if you use that to clean off any marks it has before deciding what to do with it
Hope this advice helps and try to be very friendly and nice with your husband's aunt and uncle and good luck
Dodger

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Seems like if we cannot see the humor in this stuff, we will just lose our minds.

I remember my ex-husband's sister and his mother would occasionally come to visit. One time my sister in-law did something so horrific to our plumbing that we had to call a plumber. I remember I was just about ready to leave for work, and I could hear stuff backing up into the master bathroom and she was in the hallway bathroom screaming. It took more than just a plunging to fix. IIRC the plumber was even on the roof at one point.

I swear it was like the Addams family was in my house.
(I don't know what it is about in-laws destroying my bathrooms)

 

[VandVsmama]

Many moons ago when my kids were really young and still believed in Santa, my nephew was only 3 mo old and we did a big Xmas celebration at Aunt and Uncle’s house so SIL wouldn’t have to travel at the holidays that year.

The 4 of us stayed over at Aunt and Uncles house. MIL came with us, too.

I was the one who did ALL of the cooking on Xmas day. That year, MIL was being a drama queen about her diabetes and tried to make the meal all about her. Meanwhile, there were weeks’ worth of phone calls from Aunt in which she kept asking about gluten free stuff because “You know, I have celiac disease.” And MIL repeatedly saying, “You know, I have diabetes.”

I made the biggest most fabulous spread ever that year. Brined a 20 lb turkey. Made gluten free gravy from scratch. Had tons of gluten free and low carb sides for everyone. Had mashed potatoes for Auntie, gluten stuffing for those of us who like it (prepared in such a way as to not cause cross contamination). We even had some gluten free pie specifically for Aunt and 3 other regular pies for everybody else.

On Xmas day, there were I think 11 of us. Aunt and Uncle had recently purchased some fancy looking dining room set off of Facebook Marketplace. It was very nice looking. Cost them about $1000 but was worth more than that.

In the chaos of meal prep that happens in the last hour before you eat, Uncle decided to put the leaves in the fancy table. He forgot that there was a latch underneath the table. So he kept yanking on it in order to get the table to open up to fit the 2 leaves.

And he promptly broke the table. Like…broke it so bad that one of the table legs ripped off. This was the first time they’d ever used the table for a big gathering.

Then there was much yelling and gnashing of teeth. Yelling from Uncle to Aunt, who was laying down in her bedroom because of a fibromyalgia flare up. Yelling from Uncle to DH and BIL while they got a huge spare fold up table down from Aunt and Uncle’s attic. MIL talking over everybody while she ruminated about the non-carb stuff she couldn’t eat. Kids playing and shouting. Parents trying to change diapers and get the other parent’s attention during said process.

During all of this, I was wrapping up cooking side dishes. And at one point, 4 of them were all talking AT me at the same time. Like all talking over each other My Big Fat Greek Wedding style.

And then I just started to laugh. Uncle said, “Are you feeling ok?” Yeah, I’m great! “then why are you laughing?” Because all of you are shouting over each other and you’re all trying to get my attention about something. And I can’t listen to more than one person at a time. And you all have forgotten how to take turns. It’s like you all failed kindergarten. So who wants to go first?

It took them a minute to decide who would ask first.

 

[VandVsmama]

Many moons ago when my kids were really young and still believed in Santa, my nephew was only 3 mo old and we did a big Xmas celebration at Aunt and Uncle’s house so SIL wouldn’t have to travel at the holidays that year.

The 4 of us stayed over at Aunt and Uncles house. MIL came with us, too.

I was the one who did ALL of the cooking on Xmas day. That year, MIL was being a drama queen about her diabetes and tried to make the meal all about her. Meanwhile, there were weeks’ worth of phone calls from Aunt in which she kept asking about gluten free stuff because “You know, I have celiac disease.” And MIL repeatedly saying, “You know, I have diabetes.”

I made the biggest most fabulous spread ever that year. Brined a 20 lb turkey. Made gluten free gravy from scratch. Had tons of gluten free and low carb sides for everyone. Had mashed potatoes for Auntie, gluten stuffing for those of us who like it (prepared in such a way as to not cause cross contamination). We even had some gluten free pie specifically for Aunt and 3 other regular pies for everybody else.

On Xmas day, there were I think 11 of us. Aunt and Uncle had recently purchased some fancy looking dining room set off of Facebook Marketplace. It was very nice looking. Cost them about $1000 but was worth more than that.

In the chaos of meal prep that happens in the last hour before you eat, Uncle decided to put the leaves in the fancy table. He forgot that there was a latch underneath the table. So he kept yanking on it in order to get the table to open up to fit the 2 leaves.

And he promptly broke the table. Like…broke it so bad that one of the table legs ripped off. This was the first time they’d ever used the table for a big gathering.

Then there was much yelling and gnashing of teeth. Yelling from Uncle to Aunt, who was laying down in her bedroom because of a fibromyalgia flare up. Yelling from Uncle to DH and BIL while they got a huge spare fold up table down from Aunt and Uncle’s attic. MIL talking over everybody while she ruminated about the non-carb stuff she couldn’t eat. Kids playing and shouting. Parents trying to change diapers and get the other parent’s attention during said process.

During all of this, I was wrapping up cooking side dishes. And at one point, 4 of them were all talking AT me at the same time. Like all talking over each other My Big Fat Greek Wedding style.

And then I just started to laugh. Uncle said, “Are you feeling ok?” Yeah, I’m great! “then why are you laughing?” Because all of you are shouting over each other and you’re all trying to get my attention about something. And I can’t listen to more than one person at a time. And you all have forgotten how to take turns. It’s like you all failed kindergarten. So who wants to go first?

It took them a minute to decide who would ask first.

Oh and the special $45 gluten free apple pie? The one that was labeled with Aunt’s name on it and labeled as gluten free? Aunt only got to have ONE piece of it. Uncle didn’t pay attention and ate the rest of the entire pie later that night on Christmas Day. She was MAD! Like there was a whole 2 other regular apple pies for the gluten eaters.

So the NEXT time after that we did a big holiday with them, I put an even BIGGER sign on it that said “UNCLE’S-NAME HANDS OFF! YOU ARE DEAD MEAT IF YOU EAT THIS! THIS BELONGS TO YOUR WIFE! NOT FOR UNCLE CONSUMPTION!”

 

[izzy]

Good gravy, that aunt and uncle sure like to create drama! My standard response to people like that is “I’m sorry, it doesn’t suit.” Period full stop. No extra explanations given. I have a brother who thrives on drama and I swear more than half of it is what I refer to as MUD - Made Up Drama. Those types of people are just energy vampires.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, Your posts remind me of a DISer, years ago, (JLeaf, if memory serves me well), who would post hilarious stories about her DMIL, and her outrageous Christmas gifts! There is a special place in heaven for you for the patience you have shown your DH’s family!

 

[DodgerGirl]

Hello V And V's Mama,
I disliked when my family would have relatives visit us because I would never have private time alone by myself and when my aunt would visit us I dreaded it because when my cousins were little when my aunt would stay with us my cousins were terrors and every time we had to eat dinner my mom and I would have to hear screeching and yelling by my cousins and they would never behave because they would always be jumping on the furniture and making racket all the time and when we would go places like the mall my cousin would yell and screech and even cry. And my family would never get a hotel for them because they always had to stay in our house but I would be glad when they would leave because how my family would deal with this I'd never knew. What I think you should do is when your husband talks to his aunt and uncle tell your husband to say very politely "Please get a hotel when you visit us because the last thing our family needs is to get sick and we feel that a hotel is much nicer and comfortable for you two" And see what they will tell your husband after he calls his aunt and uncle. If not maybe you should talk to them yourself on the phone and explain that your husband's aunt and uncle really needs to get a hotel and maybe when you see them you can tell them to meet you at a restaurant or a pizza parlor so you can have pizza and chat about how they are doing
Hope this advice helps you a lot

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

"In the heart of hearts, they're good people" doesn't seem to fit with the rest of it all. Accommodation and compromise should be reserved for certain things and it's a thing we all do with things. But after a while it's enabling and thinking you're being accommodating can actually turn into joining the problem.