Hi, everyone. First of all, I apologize for going MIA for so long. Lots of stuff happening - nothing major, just really busy and not making time for journaling and keeping up with everyone. I am going to try my best to do better!
If you saw Stacie's last journal entry, then you know we went to Vero Beach for vacation last week. We had a great time, and I will do a mini-trip report at the end of this entry for those of you who are interested in that. But first I want to say that I had lots of time to reflect on the last year (tomorrow is one year since I started this journal) and what it has taught me. I also had time to consider where I am and where I want to go with my health and life in general. So I'm going to start with those thoughts, since I think typing them out will help me solidify my thought processes and goals.
Here are some things I have learned about myself in the last year, both positive and negative:
1. I don't give up easily - even after injury and ongoing illness, I am still here - and I completed a 5K race (who'd a thunk it)!
2. However, I make excuses for skipping exercise way too much and I am not good at exercising portion control in my diet - hence the reason that I have not lost any significant weight in this last year.
3. I am worth the effort and time it takes to figure out what my stumbling blocks are so I can fight against them instead of considering myself a lost cause.
4. I am under a high amount of stress every minute of every day (unless I'm on vacation), and it is impacting my health and my ability to concentrate on my diet/exercise goals. I therefore have to determine how to better deal with it and ultimately decrease it to be a healthier, happier person.
So here are my thought processes based on the above conclusions I have made about myself. I have been attributing my frequent stomach upset and general feeling of being unwell to lingering celiac damage and ongoing repair in my system. Interestingly enough, however, while at the beach last week, I did not have any stomach ailments or exhaustion issues at all. I had several days when I did not feel well, but that was due to female issues which won't change until I go through menopause, so I just have to deal with them. THE DAY WE CAME HOME, my stomach problems started up again and I was completely worn out before we ever crossed the Florida line to come back to Georgia. I was in tears for over two hours after we left at the thought of having to come back here. This tells me that my problems are caused by the stress of living day-to-day in a situation I don't want to be in anymore. And since I can't change that this minute, I have to figure out how to deal with it until I can change it. So I have decided that I can't let stress keep me from pursuing my goals - either for my health specifically or for my life in general. As Matt pointed out to me while we were at the beach, stress is everywhere - everyone has it. And I realized that he's right, and if I wait for my stress to go away to move forward with my goals, I won't ever accomplish anything. So I started back with my walking at lunch again yesterday, even though my stomach wasn't feeling great. And it felt really good to get moving again, even though I was hurting and exhausted when I was done. From now on, I'm not letting stomach issues keep me from walking. Maybe the exercise will help negate the effects of stress and I will eventually feel better from that - who knows? In any event, I have to stay active to ever have a healthier existence, so there it is - no more excuses.
As for the portion control issue, I have been putting off contacting the nutritionist my doctor recommended. I kept saying it was because I didn't have the money, but the truth is, I find the money for what I feel is a priority (thus the Vero trip last week). That's not the underlying issue - the issue is I haven't really wanted to face up to what I am fairly sure she will tell me. I have no doubt she will say I have to eat less than I do now - and since eating is how I have always dealt with stress, and I am majorly stressed now, I have been doing a lot of emotional eating. I also have a big appetite - always have - and every time I try to diet, I walk around hungry (or at least feeling empty) all the time. But after ruminating on this at some length last week, I decided that I have to face the music here. If I don't figure out some way to make some dietary changes and have them stick, I am just going to continue to get bigger and bigger until I am eventually bedridden or dead. So I made out my budget for the next couple of months and put the expense for the nutritionist in for the paycheck I receive in mid-October. One month from today, I will have that appointment and follow through on whatever she recommends. I am thinking she may also tell me to cut out starches, which will be really difficult for me since rice, potatoes and rice pasta give me variety in my diet and are also comfort foods for me. But again, if that is what I have to do, then that is what I have to do. I am hoping she can give me suggestions for ways to vary my meals without using starchy foods if her recommendations include cutting them out. We'll see - I'll keep you posted.
As to my general life goals, I thought about those at length, too. I find that most days I am terribly frustrated with the fact that it will take a significant amount of time to work out my situation here in Georgia before I can make the move to Florida. Part of me thinks how nice it would be to just walk away from everything here and start over at WDW (especially after my DVC guide told me he could easily get me a job driving the DVC van - how cool would that be!!!). But I know in my heart that isn't the right way to do this, and I would never be happy if I chose to be that irresponsible. I have to do this cleanly - close this chapter of my life the right way to move on to a new chapter unencumbered by guilt, fear or regret. So having reached that conclusion, I am working hard to put a positive spin on this. I am doing EVERYTHING I can to make this happen - bringing in extra $, economizing in other areas, researching real estate trends to determine the best time to try to sell the house and how much work to put into it before we put it on the market - and that's all I can do. Doing my best HAS to be enough, and I have to be satisfied with that for now. The frustration factor is wearing on me, and I have to use it for motivation to keep working towards my goal without letting it tear me down - a tough balance to strike. But I am doing my best to be positive - remembering how fortunate I am to have a way to pursue my dreams, since many people never have that opportunity. They stay stuck in a place they don't want to be without ever having the chance to break out and try something new. I am blessed that I am not one of those people, and I am going to work REALLY HARD to try to remember that - MY DAY WILL COME!!!
Okay, so now that I've sounded off about all that, my short-term goals are clear:
1. Walk at least 30 minutes every weekday at lunch - no excuses.
2. Make the appointment with the nutritionist in one month and follow her recommendations - again, no excuses.
3. Continue to bring in as much extra $ as possible and apply to paying down debt/home repair until debt is gone and home is ready to be put on market.
4. Stay as positive as I possibly can while doing 1-3 above and SMILE!!
So that's it for me and my personal stuff. To update you guys on Larry's back, he did go for the orthopedic appointment. The M.D. said he has (some long name I can't remember), but basically it means that there are two discs in his low back where the bone is gone and only scar tissue is there. The spine has slipped out of place, and she said it was stable enough for him to have physical therapy. He preferred chiropractic treatments, so that's what he's doing. He seems to be feeling better and I am grateful that he has improved to the degree that he has. According to the chiro PT wouldn't hurt him, but he knows he won't do the exercises they would prescribe (he would put it off and never get around to it), so he is just going with adjustments for now. As long as he isn't hurting so much, I keep my mouth shut (even though I wish he would do everything possible to get better). Thanks to all of you for thinking of and asking about him - I greatly appreciate the concern!
Now, on to the trip report!
Larry, Tara and I actually went to WDW for an overnight stay on Friday before our week-long Vero Beach trip. While we were there, Tara bought DVC points at AKV!! She had been thinking about doing that for some time, and the incentives during this promotion were the best we've ever seen, so she decided to go for it. She is super excited and can't wait to stay there! I guess I have created a family of Disney freaks, but what can I say?? It's lots of fun to go when we all love it there so much!
The beach cottage at Vero was very nice - lots of room and beautiful ocean view. However, we had some issues with it. The smoke detector in the kitchen was so sensitive that you couldn't cook breakfast without it going off - very annoying. The air conditioning went out on the first floor and we were all uncomfortably warm that night, but a castmember showed up shortly after we reported it the next morning and added freon to the unit which fixed the problem. The maid didn't leave any toilet paper when she did the T&T visit mid-week, so we called for more and also requested a large frying pan to cook with since we couldn't find one in the kitchen, both of which were delivered quickly. The BIG issue for me, though, was the ants. The first night we were there, we saw ants in the kitchen and reported it. When we came back from dinner, there was a card saying that our cottage had been serviced and I thought the problem was over. Unfortunately, this wasn't so. The ants showed up again in Stacie and Matt's bathroom - we called again and someone came with spray. Then, after the ants finished laughing at the thought of ant spray making any difference to them being there, they invited their friends and had a party in the kitchen AND bathroom for the rest of the week. It got so bad we were sitting at the table to eat and killing ants to keep them from crawling into our food - it was disgusting! I decided not to make any further calls, since the two we had already made didn't yield any noticeable results. When we checked out, I informed the CM at the front desk about the smoke detector issue, but more importantly I informed her that there was an infestation of ants in the cottage and it needed to be fumigated - at which point, my pest control technician husband stood me down that it was NOT an infestation and that since we were in Florida, ants were to be expected. Um, excuse me, I know we're in Florida and I know ants are always around, but I don't think it is acceptable to be fighting off ants while you're trying to eat! Apparently, he is one of those die-hard Disney fans that doesn't want to hear ANY criticism of his beloved Disney resorts! Mind you, I am as big a Disney fan as anybody, but this experience was not up to the usual high standards of quality I have come to expect from Disney, and I don't think I was being unreasonable to say that. Anyway, while I'm venting, this cottage was not the cleanest Disney accommodation I have ever stayed in, either. I am not a neat freak, and it wasn't filthy, but there was some evidence that it wasn't as carefully cleaned as it should have been. When we pulled out the sofa bed for Tara the first night, there was a Cheerio (yes, one Cheerio) laying in the middle of the bed. The sheets were clean and the bed was well made, so I can't figure out how one Cheerio escaped the notice of the maid when she put the linens on the bed, but I figured it wasn't a big deal and didn't complain about it. Then when I went into our bedroom, I noticed that there was paper laying on the floor by the toilet and huge dust webs in the patio doors leading to the balcony from our room. Again, not huge issues for me (I'm not planning to eat off the floors), but I have never seen that lack of attention to detail in Disney housekeeping before. In any event, I plan to go back to Vero and would be happy to stay in a one-bedroom or studio (which I have done in the past with no problems), but I have no desire to stay in a beach cottage again any time soon based on this experience.
The weather wasn't bad, considering we had an impending hurricane off the coast of South Florida. We had lots of wind, but very little rain. It meant that we had to postpone the fishing trip and the airboat ride until late in the week, but we still got to do them so we were happy. The best part of the trip was getting to spend extended time with my folks and sibs, since I don't get to see them as much as I would like.
We had dinner at Shutters the first night we were there. I had called ahead and made an ADR, informing them of our dietary restrictions. The chef came out and we were given adequate meals, but he didn't have the gluten-free ingredients and modification abilities that we have come to expect from Disney. There was nothing WRONG with our meals, they just weren't as imaginative as we have come to expect from Disney. Unfortunately, the same held true for the other two meals we ate out through the week. I called the manager at Squid Lips the day before our dinner, and she assured me that we could have gluten and dairy free meals at the restaurant. And we did, but again, there was very little modification available - there was nothing wrong with the food, it just wasn't amazing. Then we ate at Wolfgang Puck Cafe after the Cirque show at Downtown Disney (which we had seen before, but still really enjoyed) and I didn't call ahead because we have eaten at Wolfgang Puck Express many times and had good experiences there so I didn't think it would be necessary. WRONG!! They didn't have the ingredients necessary for modification to dishes, either, and the chef said we should have called ahead for that. Tara was particularly disappointed that she could not have sushi, because the rice was made with rice wine vinegar which has gluten in it. The chef said it would take too long to make separate rice for her, so we both ended up with Cobb salads. This would have been fine except that they brought them to us with blue cheese instead of the goat cheese the chef said he would substitute for us - meaning he didn't follow the dishes (which makes me very uncomfortable as to how safe the food is). We sent them back and they were remade, which meant everyone else was almost done with their meals by the time we received ours. We just were underwhelmed all week with our restaurant meals, and made much better meals ourselves in the cottage. I will know for next time that I need to call ahead and make specific requests for anywhere that we want to eat out in Vero.
We did a couple of activities at the resort - we watched the movie at the pool one night, which was very cool, and Larry, Daddy and I went out to the back porch to listen to Unca Banjo one afternoon. Since we like live music in pretty much any form, we enjoyed that very much. There were lots of other things going on, but that's all we chose to do from the list this trip.
And I saved the best for last - Tara decided that she wanted to surprise Larry and myself with gifts for our 25th anniversary. This was a big surprise, since our anniversary isn't until April!! She said she didn't want us to expect her gifts, and we were definitely not expecting them, so she pulled the surprise off with a bang! She gave us a $50 Disney giftcard on the Friday that we were at WDW with a very sweet card. Larry and I split it, and I got a WDW tote bag with my half that I had been wanting for some time but just never bought. Then at dinner on Saturday night (which she paid for), she had the manager bring out a nice DVC shirt that she purchased for Larry (that he has been wanting for some time, but again had never bought) and a dozen lavender roses for me! The back story to that is this: I love lavender roses, and they are what I carried when we got married. I never receive them as gifts, because they are very expensive and they die so quickly they are not really a practical gift. I had told her in a conversation a long time ago that I would love to receive some as a gift for our 25th anniversary, since they are sentimental to me because of being in my wedding bouquet, but I was pretty sure that wouldn't happen because they are so impractical. I also named a couple of other things that I would love to have as anniversary gifts, but was pretty sure they wouldn't be in the budget. I was just talking - I had no idea she would decide to buy flowers for me, or I probably would never have told her that! Anyway, the card with the roses read "Happy Early Anniversary. At least you got your flowers! Love, Tara." Is she the sweetest kid ever or what? Of course, I immediately burst into tears and gave her a big hug for being so generous. She was very pleased that I loved them so much, and they still look great after over a week - I have them sitting in my little office area at home where I can see them when I am on the computer.
So, I guess that about wraps up the trip report. In short, we had a good time and I enjoyed seeing my family very much. I hated to come home, but I knew I would before I ever got there, so that wasn't much of a surprise. I hope we get to vacation there again some time soon (just not in a beach cottage!!).
Well, that was another book from me. Thanks to everyone for reading. I will try to catch up with all of you as soon as I can. Later!
Susan