S/O: Divorce... how to cut down?

[PolymerSkywalker]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

 

[DCLMP]

Having grown up in a country where divorce was illegal, my country has suffered greatly from people not people allowed to divorce. People should not be forced to stay married, it does so much harm to everyone. Divorce became legal in Ireland in 1995 but the effects of it being illegal still resonate in Irish culture and society.

What affects?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

You basically have to make below the poverty line to qualify for anything. And you must work or find a job soon after applying and/or receiving benefits. So you basically have to be dirt poor to get any help.

When I got divorced in 2009 I wouldn’t have qualified for anything, even before the child support. Not a thing. And I didn’t make much money back then.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

What affects?

Ireland is a dichotomy of old and new. As there is no separation between Church and State, old traditions of a nuclear family are still very much the norm. The divorce rate in Ireland is the second lowest divorce rate in the EU27 in 2020, at 0.6 divorces per 1,000 persons.

 

[gmi3804]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

That's because it's that demographic that needs the assistance. No one on assistance lives high off the hog.

You do realize that tax cuts for the super-wealthy cost taxpayers a lot more than providing assistance to people who need it to get by in a society where the federal minimum wage is $7.25/hour and has been for a long, long time. Or maybe that's not a concern for you.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

Because they make substantially less money. I have a hard time believing there is a case where a dual income household ends up ahead going to single income + government subsidies as you basically have to be below the poverty line to even qualify.

 

[jujubiee4]

For the group here... Just make sure the person you are marrying is a Disney fan.

Interestingly I am not really a disney fan. I never was one but married into a fanatic Disney family so
it has somewhat grown on me.

Where they got me was their cruises. Every one I practically have to be dragged off the ship at debarktion
because I don't want to leave.

 

[DCLMP]

Ireland is a dichotomy of old and new. As there is no separation between Church and State, old traditions of a nuclear family are still very much the norm. The divorce rate in Ireland is the second lowest divorce rate in the EU27 in 2020, at 0.6 divorces per 1,000 persons.

How is that bad?

 

[Tigger's ally]

Interestingly I am not really a disney fan. I never was one but married into a fanatic Disney family so
it has somewhat grown on me.

Where they got me was their cruises. Every one I practically have to be dragged off the ship at debarktion
because I don't want to leave.

I forced my wife to be go to Disney on our honeymoon, some 35 trips later I think she likes the place . We will be celebrating our 40th anniversary in May at a little place called Aulani. Long marriages are so much > divorces!

 

[DCLMP]

That's because it's that demographic that needs the assistance. No one on assistance lives high off the hog.

You do realize that tax cuts for the super-wealthy cost taxpayers a lot more than providing assistance to people who need it to get by in a society where the federal minimum wage is $7.25/hour and has been for a long, long time. Or maybe that's not a concern for you.

States set their own minimum wage. Very few states are that low. The minimum wage in my state is 14.35.

 

[sam_gordon]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

Is it? I thought assistance was based on household income vs # in the household. So it doesn't matter if it's a married couple with one child or a single parent with two kids, if their household income is below a certain threshold, they get benefits. That's the way I understand it. Do you have anything saying different?

Also, you still haven't answered the question... do you want financial incentives to encourage a family to stay together and/or financial penalties to be a single parent?

I want everyone in happy and consensual marriages.

I agree. The question is whether there's something we (society) can do to move toward (will never attain) that goal?

 

[EACarlson]

That's because it's that demographic that needs the assistance. No one on assistance lives high off the hog.

This is pure BS. There are many people that are on assistance that live better than those that are not. This is a lived experience for me, growing up in a place where most of my neighbors were on welfare. In an era where large TVs were extremely expensive, everyone that I knew that had one was on assistance.

 

[sam_gordon]

States set their own minimum wage. Very few states are that low. The minimum wage in my state is 14.35.

According to this link: https://www.citizenscount.org/news/...KPljq3tm1iGBKWlr3onaKER5YcjwywHBoC1BkQAvD_BwE
20 states use the federal minimum wage. West Virginia is only a dollar more.

Does 20 out out of 50 qualify as "very few"?

Granted that's as of Jan 1, 2024. Are any states raising their minimum wage in 2025?

 

[lilmc]

I agree. The question is whether there's something we (society) can do to move toward (will never attain) that goal?

I would say destigmatize sex, give everyone equal education/trade school opportunities, access to health care (including birth control and sex education), and childcare and maybe everyone goes into a marriage mentally healthy with options and opportunities in place. Possibly then less would make a “wrong” decision if you’re defining divorce as evidence of a wrong decision at the time.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

That's because it's that demographic that needs the assistance. No one on assistance lives high off the hog.

You do realize that tax cuts for the super-wealthy cost taxpayers a lot more than providing assistance to people who need it to get by in a society where the federal minimum wage is $7.25/hour and has been for a long, long time. Or maybe that's not a concern for you.

While the federal minimum wage hasn't changed since 2009, the percentage of people making it continues to trend down. I think that is an important distinction to make as less people are out there trying to survive on $7.25/hr.
https://www.bls.gov/opub/reports/minimum-wage/2023/#:~:text=About 789,000 workers had wages,to 1.1 percent in 2023.

All time high was 15.1% in 1980/1981 when the minimum wage increased to $3.10 ($12.57 in 2024 dollars) and then $3.35 ($12.15 in 2024) per hour. It would be interesting to see what the percentage is today if we just adjusted the minimum wage to match inflation....

 

[gmi3804]

This is pure BS. There are many people that are on assistance that live better than those that are not. This is a lived experience for me, growing up in a place where most of my neighbors were on welfare. In an era where large TVs were extremely expensive, everyone that I knew that had one was on assistance.

You think having a large TV is living high off the hog? That says a lot about you!

 

[gmi3804]

While the federal minimum wage hasn't changed since 2009, the percentage of people making it continues to trend down.

Thank God for that!

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, you could legally mandate a "waiting period" between applying for a marriage license and it being granted.

And even if we're not talking "legally", what could be done to "encourage" people to not enter into a marriage until they're truly "ready". The answer is probably nothing, but I thought it could be a good discussion.

I don't think anything should be done. I believe that adults should be able to marry without have passed some sort of test to see if they are ready. I have no idea what prerequisites woudl be in place that could even determine that.

Again, I'm not trying to outlaw divorce or force people to stay together. Would either of you like me to say that again?

Let me try it this way... what can be done/suggested/taught to make sure when someone chooses "the one", that it IS "the one"? What can be done BEFORE the wedding, if anything, to help the marriage be successful?

How on Earth can anyone be sure? People change. What people want or what they believe and what their priorities are, change as time goes on. If a couple does not manage to remain on the same page with regards to their ideas of "the one" marriage is not likely to work out.

Religious people treat marriage as a sacrament and secular people do not. I would argue that's part of why divorce rates for religious people (in non abusive marriages) last longer.

I am somewhat in agreement with you. My husband and i are Catholic. We are not great Catholics, but instead are Cradle Catholics. We went through a really rough patch over 20 years ago, and ended up in counseling, both personal and marriage.
We separated, but for us, divorce was not on the table. That did not mean we would stay together, but that we were not going to divorce and then at some point remarry. I guess we are a success story, (not today, I am mad at him! LOL) in some ways. I am not sure how things would have worked out if we had youngsters to consider. We were not kind to one another during a part of that time. I know it affected our children, even though they were not little.

 

[kdonnel]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

I wonder how many of those divorces are offset by marriages solely to maintain health insurance? There was a woman on my street who had an amicable separation and remained married so she could have health insurance.

They kept the arrangement until she turned 65 and then officially divorced after being separated almost 20 years.

 

[barkley]

It’s substantially easier to qualify for government assistance programs as a single mother than as a married family.

it all comes down to income and assets. household composition as far as 1 vs. 2 parents in the home makes not one bit of difference in qualifying. that said-before welfare reform in '96 it WAS easier for a single parent household to qualify b/c the rules were different and disadvantaged intact 2 parent households (even if they were worse off financially than a single parent).