home school? what would you do?

[MamaMermaid]

Body cams on teachers and/or cameras in class rooms that can be monitored by parents puts an end to a lot of the BS going on …

I WISH! I'd have no issues with cameras in the classroom; let some of these parents see how their kids actually act in a classroom.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My DS asked a couple of times in middle school to be home-schooled, but I attributed it to a bad day and the equivalent of an adult fantasizing about winning the lottery and not having to go back to work. Looking back, I wished I'd taken it more seriously, as there was more bullying going on than we realized at the time. He made it through, but not exactly unscathed.

Back then, I was worried about socialization (he's an only child) and messing up family dynamics (blurring the line between "teacher" and "parent") and whether our styles were a good match and so on. - But knowing what I know now, I wonder what would have happened if I'd given it a try.

He did not like on-line learning during COVID in college, but if your DD is comfortable with it, there are lots of options for that now. If traditional home-schooling doesn't fit your skills or schedule, check some of those out!

 

[brockash]

I'm looking for advice or even opinions honestly. I don't know what to do.
DD started high school this year, originally struggling with math, but got help with that and now is doing well. struggling with Earth Science and has a hard time talking to the teacher, who is pretty gruff, and also has that last period so he's about done with his day at that point. Aside from the academics, socially she is struggling. Kids are extremely mean, and DD is very sensitive. I've had to go in to school a few times to address some things that have been said, names being called, bullying, etc. I've been told kids would get talked to, but nothing changes. DD is disheartened and hates going to school. She says nothing changes, no one listens, etc. Kids are mean, teachers don't reprimand, and it's sad.

DD texts me every day about how she doesn't want to be there. Can she homeschool, or move to another school. She just can't do it anymore. I would love for her to push through this, ignore all the jerks, but unfortunately there are way more mean kids than nice ones and she is struggling to find even one friend that she feels is a good friend. I don't want her to be struggling, but I can't change kids and their behaviors.

I don't think switching schools would do anything because kids are kids no matter where you go.

DD does have a therapist, as do I. I've talked about this a lot. I've been told not to give in to homeschooling as then she is getting her way.

Ultimately, I'm the mom, and I know it's my choice, but what do I do. Any advice would really help.

I would be VERY hesitant to do homeschool, not because you'd be "giving in", but because I think 99.9999% of the time it's not what is best for the kid.

The best thing we can do for our kids is to build up their resistance and perserverance. I know that is MUCH easier said than done. The sooner and more healthy coping strategies we can. teach them, the better. I will say for a lot of ppl. (myself included,) MS and HS can be the hardest times socially, but they're also a place that we learn so much about ourselves and how to interact and deal with good and the crappiest of situations which should make the future a bit easier.

I would also worry GREATLY about a student becoming a hermit or one that can only interact with others virtually or online.

I have worked with so many young ppl. and my own nephew has this issue, who cannot/refuse to live in reality. They're only comfortable communicating through a device in the comfort of their own home and it really stunts their emotional and social growth and abilities to function.

Obviously this is not true for all students that homeschool, but if she's already struggling socially this would be a major concern of mine.

I would highly encourage her to start utilizing adults at her school (counselor/teachers etc.) Yes, it may definitely feel like nothing ever happens to the mean kids in the situations, however it's important for her to learn how to use her resources (not just her mom) and to build relationships with these ppl.

What does she like to do? - Sports, theater, instrument, chorus, clubs? She needs to get involved somewhere that she has an interest so she can meet others with commonalities and eventually she'll find someone decent, but she's got to put herself out there.

Concurrently with this she needs to unplug (completely probably at this point) for periods of time (an hr a night maybe and chunks of time throughout the weekend) and spend time with you and family doing something fun or productive (could be as simple as board games). This really helps ground ppl. and builds their confidence where no matter what craziness is going on at school she. can feel valued and enjoy life in even the toughest times with the supportive ppl around her (you have to make her come out of her room and spend time with you even when she says she doesn't want to) - not constant, but good chunks of time. Again, this will also help her build up resistance to crappy ppl. she runs into as she'll have a safe place at home and will know crappy kids at school do not consume her life.

Good luck, I know it's not easy, but push through.

 

[China Expat]

As a high school admin in a private school, I would say to remove your daughter from that school before things spiral. Just yesterday three girls from the local public hs got into a car and drove at very dangerous speeds on our curvy roads and ended up in a ditch. They were trying to find another girl at the hs to beat up.They were not remorseful; at all. It could get much worse. DM me if you could as to where you live and I can give some feedback on good local independent schools. I have been in the private schools sector my last three years, and we don;t have near these issues.

 

[Magical2017]

Ultimately, I'm the mom, and I know it's my choice, but what do I do. Any advice would really help.

Agreed. I would look for a homeschooling co-op. I don't homeschool, but I do know someone who is in a co-op and some of the parents are former teachers and they rotate teaching content. At the high school level, I think this is a situation I would prefer--every kid is different, so find what works for you. Some kids do well with online learning. From what I know from other parents, kids who homeschool can participate in some extracurriculars through their local high school.

 

[DCLMP]

Whatever you decide I would not do a online public high school. They will give her hours and hours of busy work and she will be sitting on the computer all day long.
Do you have a community college near you? In my state high school kids can take classes at the community college this includes homeschooled kids. In fact it's what a lot of homeschooled kids do to get their science classes. A lab is something that is hard to recreate at home. There is not the cliques and drama in a community college that is normal in the high schools.

 

[Pinkjgray]

I have a feeling you already know the answer deep down. God forbid things get so overwhelming for her that she ends her life. You might consider enrolling her in an online virtual school. It could give her the space she needs. For socialization, you could look into sports, dance, or other extracurriculars. Schools today are very different from what they used to be.

Have you seen Adolescence on Netflix? It’s really eye-opening.

Wishing you and her all the best on this journey!

 

[brockash]

Let her know if this happens again to make a scene. YELL as loud as she can "OW!" She needs to get the teacher's attention. "Janey, what's wrong?" "Brian pulled my pig tails"

Just my opinion, but I'm not sure how much the teacher can do after class. Wouldn't it be a "he said/she said" situation?

And no, I'm not blaming the OP's daughter.

I do agree with this; while she's not going to want to; this is what I tell my kids when they're dealing with crappy kids. Many times kids like this do it because they know the other kid won't say or do anything and they unfortunately get a sick thrill out of getting under the other persons skin or embarrassing them. I tell me kids they need to have a loud reaction if they're dealing with someone who has done stuff like this more than once...use the other students name and say loudly stop... (doing whatever they're doing). It draws immediate attention to the jerk and they know instantly that that kid isn't just going to let it happen. It's a better strategy even then going after the fact and telling a teacher/counselor as it addresses the behavior immediately and the victim. doesn't have to think about it as telling in someone. It's just their "natural reaction" to being hurt.

 

[Frwinkley]

I WISH! I'd have no issues with cameras in the classroom; let some of these parents see how their kids actually act in a classroom.

Thank you so much for saying this!!! I was holding my tongue.

Newly retired 3rd grade teacher here. I'd love for parents to actually see how their little angels behave.

 

[fla4fun]

I am sorry your daughter is being bullied at school. I was also bullied at school, to the point that I had a knife pulled on me once on school grounds simply for sitting in my assigned seat. The teachers and other school employees were afraid of these kids and would do nothing. I handled it by refusing to engage with them, even though sometimes I was terrified inside. At the time, homeschooling wasn’t an option where we lived or my mom (who was working as a substitute teacher) would have done so. I was allowed to drive to school junior and senior year after getting my license because the person who pulled the knife on me rode the same bus I did. It was a horrific four years at a typical suburban high school. I still have some lingering effects decades later, especially nightmares of being attacked.

I would like to think that if I hadn’t been bullied I would be a different person, a more open, trusting, and extroverted one. No one should have to live in fear. OP, I understand the wish to keep the status quo through the end of the school year, since it is so close, but she needs a different plan going forward. I agree with the PP who have suggested a new therapist for your daughter and I think sitting down with your daughter and going through the viable schooling options is also a good idea. I would use this time between now and the end of the school year researching the options available where you live that you can reasonably afford. Don’t stretch your finances too thin. You don’t want to risk running out of funds and having to put her right back where she was. Look for potential scholarships or voucher programs to private schools that she might qualify for, as well as homeschooling co-ops and online learning.

I wish your daughter peace, whatever decision you make.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Prayers for all kids to truly feel safe, valued, and heard in all areas of life. I'm not a parent. I did have the privilege from God of teaching and learning from preschoolers on up as a preschool and school age teacher and director. Pre pandemic I also worked and volunteered at church summer camps.

Of course, I was also a kid once myself in school. I would have loved having some education options. I did know bullying in different ways. Not pleasant memories that is for sure.

Thank you all for making a kind difference to kids and adults alike

 

[OrangeBirdGirl]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You need to what is right for you and your family, regardless of what a therapist tells you.

You said in one of your posts that there are no other schools in the district. I'm assuming you live in a pretty small area. While it is sad, the school staff and everyone could be clicky and that's why they are not taking your DD seriously or you with the complaints. The could be sitting at the local tavern with one of the bullies parents each night and all part of the same circle. I know that sounds harsh, but that is reality in a small town. Maybe I'm off and your school is just a large one.

I'm glad DD has the other activities she's involved with to get some enjoyment outside the house. Good luck!

 

[eandt]

Thank you so much for saying this!!! I was holding my tongue.

Newly retired 3rd grade teacher here. I'd love for parents to actually see how their little angels behave.

Agree although I would imagine most parents already know how their ‘angels’ behave and are a big part of the problem likewise though it would awesome to be able to pop in on the feed as a parent and see exactly what is being taught … lots of problems solved at very little cost So why don’t we have them?

 

[Magical2017]

Agree although I would imagine most parents already know how their ‘angels’ behave and are a big part of the problem likewise though it would awesome to be able to pop in on the feed as a parent and see exactly what is being taught … lots of problems solved at very little cost So why don’t we have them?

I think there are some schools that do have cameras in classrooms, such as Effingham County in the state of GA. They spent 2 million dollars on the system. My state does not have them in the camera but you could look up your state/district.