Curious about divorce and marriage length

[Liberty Belle]

If you've been divorced, could you choose the range of what year it was into your marriage?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Never been divorced.

But the average length of marriage before divorce is 8 years in the United States.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I’m not divorced, but I have a friend who is a counselor. He says he sees couples splitting most frequently at years 7 and somewhere between 17-20.

Basically a couple years after the kids arrive, or at the point the kids have become somewhat independent.

 

[RedAngie]

19 years.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

16 years for me.

 

[Squirlz]

Just over 3 years. Turned out she was looking for a Father, not a Husband. Strangely, she still uses my last name and it's been nearly 30 years!

 

[lily88]

7 years

 

[bdcp]

Never been divorced.

But the average length of marriage before divorce is 8 years in the United States.

Never been divorced, but I have a few friends and family who have. Most ranged from 1-10 years. I know very few who did after 20 years (one or two couples).

Average may be 8 years, but I've also read that most divorces happen in the first three years. And those that divorce that soon probably never go to counseling as they don't always have the same reasons to want to save the marriage - kids for example.

 

[sk!mom]

I’m not divorced, but I have a friend who is a counselor. He says he sees couples splitting most frequently at years 7 and somewhere between 17-20.

Basically a couple years after the kids arrive, or at the point the kids have become somewhat independent.

Not divorced either but many of my friends and family have divorced at those two points. Kids add so much stress to a relationship but then it seems that if you mange to work through that you possibly lost yourselves and relationship in the parenting years.

 

[luvsJack]

Divorced once. Made it to 5 years.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thank you all. I was wondering how many were after 20 years, in particular.

I think I may have been unintentionally offensive on the prenup/wwyd threads by saying I felt and feel, 25 years later, that we will never divorce. I know no one initially wants to divorce without good reason and I'm in no way saying I'm better than those who have divorced. There have been a couple times in my marriage where divorce could have been an option, but I feel like we've now crossed some weird threshold where it's not going to happen. Maybe these will be words I want to eat later, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it. I guess we'll see.

 

[soccerdad72]

Thank you all. I was wondering how many were after 20 years, in particular.

I think I may have been unintentionally offensive on the prenup/wwyd threads by saying I felt and feel, 25 years later, that we will never divorce. I know no one initially wants to divorce without good reason and I'm in no way saying I'm better than those who have divorced. There have been a couple times in my marriage where divorce could have been an option, but I feel like we've now crossed some weird threshold where it's not going to happen. Maybe these will be words I want to eat later, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it. I guess we'll see.

I do know a few couples who divorced later on in life, two of them with older or grown kids, so while I think it's an anomaly, occasionally divorces do happen 20 or more years into a marriage.

 

[gillep]

Thank you all. I was wondering how many were after 20 years, in particular.

I think I may have been unintentionally offensive on the prenup/wwyd threads by saying I felt and feel, 25 years later, that we will never divorce. I know no one initially wants to divorce without good reason and I'm in no way saying I'm better than those who have divorced. There have been a couple times in my marriage where divorce could have been an option, but I feel like we've now crossed some weird threshold where it's not going to happen. Maybe these will be words I want to eat later, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it. I guess we'll see.

Interestingly, most of the divorces I know of are people who have been married 20+ years. Most of them have said that after the kids left they realized they weren't compatible, or didn't feel like they knew one another any more, or didn't have a connection after the kids left. That said, of our friend group DH and I have been married the longest, by at least 5 years, so most of our friends are still in that <5 year range, most of the divorces I know of are my parents' friends or friends' parents so that would skew my data.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I got divorced after 14 years. My ex remarried, and divorced her after 14 years. He's now on wife number three and my kids figure that will last 14 years as well...

 

[tvguy]

Never been divorced.

Does remind me of the comic on the Disney Magic. "Did you hear about the 100 year olds who filed for divorce after 82 years of marriage? They felt they needed to stay together until the kids were dead."

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I voted for 8, and we were technically married for 8 years total. However...

Married in October 1998.
Separated in summer 2000.
Reconciled and moved back in together November 2001.
Separated June 2006.
Divorced February 2007.

 

[willowsnn3]

Thank you all. I was wondering how many were after 20 years, in particular.

I think I may have been unintentionally offensive on the prenup/wwyd threads by saying I felt and feel, 25 years later, that we will never divorce. I know no one initially wants to divorce without good reason and I'm in no way saying I'm better than those who have divorced. There have been a couple times in my marriage where divorce could have been an option, but I feel like we've now crossed some weird threshold where it's not going to happen. Maybe these will be words I want to eat later, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it. I guess we'll see.

Never say never, lol. 33 years for me. Would have ended it sooner but like so many, I stuck it out til kids were grown & gone.

 

[wvjules]

I chose 3-9. Married in November 1994, divorce final October 1997. I think we were separated for a while before the divorce was final though.

 

[SC Minnie]

My parents divorced after 32 years.

 

[cedricandsophie]

5 years for my first husband. I’ve been married to my second husband 35 years.