With equal access rights comes equal responsiblity. I have worked with children and adults with severe disabilities for over 30 years; I have a daughter with hearing loss (who can get VERY loud).....when I first started working with kids on the spectrum and with developmental delays they were in the back wards with NO rights or access to appropriate education, social opportunities, sports, etc.....that has significantly changed, thank God.
At the same time, with that access comes responsibility, and sometimes some individuals (with 98% being great) forget that.....just because you are allowed to fly on a plane, play on a team, or frequent a restaurant or WDW where access had been previously denied, this is not a license for disruptive or inappropriate behavior. Children cry, melt down, etc......but parents need to deal with it- not inflict the situation on others.
Example: Just last night we went out to dinner with MIL (with advanced dementia), my other three kids, and DD10 with hearing loss. The restaurant was quite noisy and DD10 began to talk loudly because she couldn't hear well.....does she have a right to talk loudly and disrupt others? NO....she was told to hush. She said, "but I can't hear".....we consoled her, and it was a tough situation, but she mustn't inflict her loudness on others. We probably won't go back to that restaurant because of the noise (or at least with DD10 and MIL)....so be it. Sometimes crap happens- and we deal with it. NO one's life is perfect, and we need to develop a little tolerance for the uncomfortable- even if you have autism,hearing loss, or another disability.
Now, I agree as well that there needs to be some "definitions" on inappropriate behavior. A crying child who remains in their seat, sitting relatively still and NOT running around is NOT a disruptive child- that is an uncomfortable situation (and I think us adults are jealous because the kid can howl and WE can't!). A child running up and down the aisles, tantrumming in the aisles or kicking the seats or walls of the plane IS disruptive and a danger to themselves and others. That requires intervention, including removal from the plane.
I have hauled each one of my kid's little behinds out of the grocery store, movie theaters, and my son once tantrummed from China to the International Gateway (while strapped in his stroller) when we were at Epcot. I was horribly embarrassed each time- but my kids NEEDED to know that their behavior had reached unacceptable limits and we were leaving. Not fun for any of us- but they learned. I also removed students with disabilities from a theatre, Walmart and way-to-many other locations because THEIR behavior was disruptive.....and THEY quickly learned that when with Dr. Val you don't do that (and if you behave you get fun things!). I would haul my teenagers out of a store/mall/restaurant now, if need be! Limitations and appropriate behavior have to be taught.
As my dear Professor Higbee taught me when I was first starting out- you get what you expect. You expect little brats and you will get little brats. You set clear limits, reward good behavior, implement consequences and you will have fine children regardless of what "label" has been applied to them. He taught me that it was a disservice to believe that children with labels couldn't learn good behavior- what was that saying about them- that they were incapable of learning? Then why bother? Instead, he wisely instructed us: Expect good behavior, reward good behavior, and generally, you will get good behavior. When you don't- review, redo and replan. If you stop expecting great things, then great things can never happen.
Now, if they could only come up with an adequate plan for husbands! And with that I will get off my soap box for the evening and climb back under my rock.
