Advice needed on teenagers, dating and curfews!

[traces7]

This is all new to us, since we only have 1 child! I never dated until I was out of high school either, so I have nothing to compare it to.

My DD, who is 15 (16 in May) and is a sophomore, has just started to date. She's been seeing a boy who is 17 (18 soon) and a senior. Is this too big of an age difference? DH doesn't think they should see each other once he turns 18. I'm not as concerned about that. I just worry about when he graduates and she's still in high school, how that will go. I still feel like she is too young to even be dating, but she thinks I'm crazy and says she's the last one in her grade to date.

Also what time are your teenagers curfews? Do you let them go out on weeknights? Right now we rarely let DD go out on weeknights. If she does, I like her to be home by 9:00 unless it's school related. On weekends it's been 10:00, but she thinks it should be later, like 11:00. What time is your 15 or 16 year old's curfew?

This is a scary and tough time for me. Any help is appreciated!

 

[low-key]

ya need to hurt the boy

 

[Kellydelly]

At 15 they would be dating at my house, under my nose. Maybe a matinee movie. I know what I was doing at that age on dates and I don't want my girls to follow in my footsteps. My mom was clueless, to say the least! JMHO.

 

[Happy Snowman]

Sophomore in high school is plenty old to be dating. 10:00 is really not an appropriate curfew at that age, midnight is probably more reasonable. Sophomore and senior dating isn't unheard of and it really isn't your choice if they break up when he turns 18. When he goes off to college, the likelihood of that relationship lasting is about 0% so I wouldn't worry about that. She's growing up and as hard as it is, you need to let her.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I wouldn't bat an eye at a two year age difference. My curfew at that age was midnight on non-school nights. I'm not positive about school nights. I want to say home by 10 or 11, friends had to be out of the house by midnight. Exceptions were made if I was out late because of a school activity.

 

[luvsJack]

Dd is 16. Her curfew right now is 10:30 on weeknights and 11:30 on the weekends but its not written in stone.

I wouldn't worry about the age thing at all. Once he graduates, they may date through the summer but once she goes back to higj school and he goes on to college or work, its likely to fizzle out.

 

[NAB]

Wow my son is 17 and his bed time is 10:00 on weeknights. Any later and he would never get out of bed in them morning , oh wait he still doesn't get out of bed well in the morning for school.

I will not let him date anyone that is that young. Anything happens he could be in big trouble and with his hormones running wild no way. Having trouble with the sexting little alone let him get in to a situation I'm sure he could control. He is going to college next year and it will be out of my hands but as long as he is living at home no way.

 

[mnrose]

Just having this text conversation with my DD right now. She's out with a young man, and we are negotiating time of return. I say 11:00, but ONLY because she's been run ragged with play performances this week. Otherwise, I'd say midnight.

I trust the boy 100%. Have known him and his family for years.

Weeknights, it's 10, unless a school function.

 

[disney4us2002]

I had boys but the car dating alone rule was 16 and then the driving age changed to 16 yrs 3 months and they couldn't drive others for the first 5 months which did NOT hurt my feelings at all. Ha, so maybe almost 17. Earlier exposure leads to earlier sexual situations. You may choose differently. I am happy to say we have had no teen pregnancies or diseases and they've all hit 18 without incident.

 

[mommasita]

I have a 15 year old DD, she will be 16 in April.. I would NOT be thrilled with that age of a boyfriend to be honest.. MY dd's bf is the same age, and she doesn't have a curfew set in stone, weekdays he would come here, and is always gone by 10, or 10:30, out of respect for the rest of us, and she is still out with him now at 11:15pm, she will text me soon.. This is a month old relationship BTW, and she is in the same city with him celebrating the month (LOL) she should be home soon..

I would NEVER forbid it, because my Mother played that game, and I know how I ran behind her back... I would open a huge line of communication, regardless of the age of the BF, which I did already, regarding EVERYTHING, and that she can and WILL come to be before anything.. I never had that, and my daughter has huge dreams and aspirations, and I told her how easily things can change...

 

[pigletto]

It's hard for me to suggest a blanket rule for someone else's child. I only know mine, and her boyfriend and their friends. DD is almost 18. She didn't start dating until 16 and her boyfriend is just a few months older (same boy for almost 2 years now and we've known him since the 5th grade). The rule is 10pm on weeknights and 11pm on the weekends. If there is something special they are all doing that requires a later curfew on the weekends then it's negotiable.
She does stamp her feet about the weeknight curfew, but it's the way it is. She gets up for school at 6:30 am .. she needs sleep or we all suffer, so 10pm weeknights it is.
She'll be off on her own at University soon so we are loosening the reigns right now while increasing responsibility.
I kind of find the notion of letting your dd date the boy now, but not when he turns 18, silly. He's either not ok for her now, or he is, and that can only be determined by getting to know him. He won't change personalities on the day of his birthday.

ETA)and judging by this thread my dd isn't being dramatic when she says she has the earliest curfew of all her friends lol. Oh well.

 

[aaarcher86]

Wouldn't worry about the age gap or when he goes to college. Highly unlikely it'll make it that far.

Curfew was 12a on weekends and I think 8 or 9p on school nights. As long as she's trustworthy and getting good grades is give her some freedom.

 

[Starwind]

A lot will depend on your daughter, what she is like, her maturity level, and the relationship you have with her.

I am quite a while from high school age, but...

I never had a curfew, as there was no need for one.

I dated boys who were in my class (and thus my age), and each of the boys I dated were long-term dating (>1 year).

We did not go out on school nights because we were doing school work those nights. We also lived in different parts of the city because we went to what in many communities would be considered a magnet-type school.

On weekends we usually went out in the daytime. Sometimes to hang out at his (parents) house (with one or more of his parents present in the house) or to go out to a movie.

I always told my parents where I was/would be, and when to expect me home. I always asked permission for the date (which included the who, where, what, when) and received it. If, for some strange reason I was going to be late coming home, I called as soon as I knew.

I did these things because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I realize I was probably in the minority of teens.

-SW

 

[maslex]

This is all new to us, since we only have 1 child! I never dated until I was out of high school either, so I have nothing to compare it to.

My DD, who is 15 (16 in May) and is a sophomore, has just started to date. She's been seeing a boy who is 17 (18 soon) and a senior. Is this too big of an age difference? DH doesn't think they should see each other once he turns 18. I'm not as concerned about that. I just worry about when he graduates and she's still in high school, how that will go. I still feel like she is too young to even be dating, but she thinks I'm crazy and says she's the last one in her grade to date.

Also what time are your teenagers curfews? Do you let them go out on weeknights? Right now we rarely let DD go out on weeknights. If she does, I like her to be home by 9:00 unless it's school related. On weekends it's been 10:00, but she thinks it should be later, like 11:00. What time is your 15 or 16 year old's curfew?

This is a scary and tough time for me. Any help is appreciated!

I have two teenaged boys. Oldest is now 19 and my youngest will be 18 in March. My oldest has never dated. He has always been more interested in working at night after school. By the time he got home (shortly after 10pm) he would go to bed since he got up at 5:00 for school the next day. He just started a full time job a month ago, so he has come to realize just how tired you are coming home from working all day. So no more staying up late for him. He finds himself falling asleep a lot earlier these days. But even when he hung out with the guys, he would be home by 10-11:00.

As for my youngest? OY VEY---he's been my little Cassanova since kindergarten. He's on his 2nd "serious" girlfriend. His first serious girlfriend, he dated for just over 2 years. They would spend most of their time either here at our house or over at her house. I would say that on weeknights he would be home between 8:00-9:00. That was mostly because we would be their transportation or her parents (they didn't have their license). On weekends, we never really had a "set" time for him to be home. It all depended on what activity they were doing. If they went to a movie and it got out at 10pm, being home at 11pm sounded reasonable. Sometimes he would text me saying they were stopping at McDonalds or whatever. Just as long as we knew where they were and about what time they were coming home, we didn't give a set time for him to be home.

Same goes for his new girlfriend. And if he goes out with his guys friends. It all depends on what activity they're doing. There's been times he tells me he's going out for the day with his friend. I ask him where they're going and if he'll be home for dinner. He usually tells me where they're going but that he doesn't know if he'll be home for dinner. He's usually good about texting me throughout the day saying, "we just got done hiking and now we're going to get pizza" or "movie just ended, going out to eat, be home in like 2 hours"

I think it really depends on the child and her personality and if she's responsible. As you can tell from my post, we're not ones to have a strict curfew. I think that the more strict parents are, the more rebellious the kids can be. I'm not saying that my kid can't or won't be rebellious just because we're more lenient but I think if you have an open mind and let go a bit, things can go a bit easier.

 

[ShayBells]

I was very responsible and had straight As. I never had a curfew but my mom trusted me cause we were very close and I told her everything so she new where I was every second.

I'm a mom but not of a teenager. I personally am going to do curfew based on him. If he's a good kid with good grades I'll make it later. If he struggles and has an attitude I'll probably try to make it earlier.

My opinion is to do what makes you feel comfortable. What will work with you and your daughter. Me personally, I don't see a problem with the age difference and my advice to make you both feel better is maybe try the midnight thing but let her know if she's ever late it goes back to 11?

 

[aprilgail2]

Wow my son is 17 and his bed time is 10:00 on weeknights. Any later and he would never get out of bed in them morning , oh wait he still doesn't get out of bed well in the morning for school.

.

I can't get past the fact that a 17 year old has a 10:00 bedtime. Once my daughter hit high school it was up to her to decide when to go to sleep. Want to stay up till 2am, that's fine but you are still getting up at 6 and going to school. In fact there are many nights she is up until well after midnight just doing homework! At 17 she will be away at college and hopefully have learned over the past few years how much sleep she will be needing and when to put herself to bed!

As far as curfews we really don't have one, she never goes out on weeknights due to the many hours and hours of homework every night. Weekends go by a "depends what you are doing" basis. If they are taking in a midnight movie then obviously after the movie is over I will be there picking you up, otherwise if its an 8pm movie then they may catch dinner after it. It all depends, concerts in the city then its more like 1am.

 

[Christine]

15 going on 16 is not too young to date.

My mother had the "you must be 16 years old" to go out with a boy one-on-one. The problem was, I started school younger than most of my peer group so everyone around me was 16 and was just turning 15.

You daughter is a sophomore the boy is a senior. That would not hit my radar at all (maybe freshman to senior would).

At any rate, my own mother renegotiated the "rule" and I was allowed out with my boyfriend at 15. I had a midnight curfew on weekends and I was not allowed out on school nights for dating at all unless it was some special event. But no one else really was either so that wasn't a big deal.

Fast forward to my own kids. I pretty much had the same rules with my own daughter. I definitely did curtail "school night" activities though because if I didn't she would find any excuse to shortcut her homework assignments and would have existed on very little sleep. As a parent, I knew this would happen so I controlled that. When she was a senior, we definitely relaxed that a bit. And she was certainly allowed to do things on school nights that were "events." Just not hanging out with friends or boyfriend for the sake of being out.

All curfews were negotiable, of course.

It seemed to work well for us.

 

[luvsJack]

Op as you probably see there are as many answers as there are teenagers!!

It depend on your child and the boy.

Dd has been responsible for getting herself up and her homework for a long time. She makes excellent grades and is up by 5:30 every morning. If she is out one school night, the next night she may be in bed by 8 or 9. If she knows she has a lot of homework to do or has a choir performance, she doesn't go out. It works for her, the same freedom would have never worked for her brother.

She doesn't have a bf right now but as a freshman she dated a junior. And honestly right now I would trust him head and shoulders above some of the boys she has met that are her age. She is a junior now and he would be a college freshman. That doesn't mean I would be ok with just any guy that much older though.

You really have to set your rules or guidelines by your child and what you feel is right for her.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Wow my son is 17 and his bed time is 10:00 on weeknights.

Is this a bed time enforced by you?

I have a 17 year old and have no idea when he goes to bed. He doesn't get home until 7 or 8pm from sports/after school activities. Then is doing homework/studying for hours. I am pooped and hit the hay way before he goes to bed Oh, to be young again.

 

[mom2rtk]

Is this a bed time enforced by you?

I have a 17 year old and have no idea when he goes to bed. He doesn't get home until 7 or 8pm from sports/after school activities. Then is doing homework/studying for hours. I am pooped and hit the hay way before he goes to bed Oh, to be young again.

This is me. I understand kids are all different, but by this age, they need to be able to handle regulating their own bedtime so they are ready to do the same when they leave for college. I have seen too many kids with strict bedtimes just go crazy once mom isn't around to enforce a bedtime.

One of my son's friends had a crazy early bedtime all the way through school. I still remember him spending the night at our house, and I found him sitting at our computer (after being up all night) at 5 AM drinking the last of our Dr. Pepper. I think he also ate the last of our Little Debbie snack cakes.