A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[pearlieq]

5/18 & 5/19

Well, this was a nice enough weekend, life-wise, and a sort of OK weekend, food-wise.

Saturday was quite quiet. DH was worn out from his trip and not feeling well, so we spent almost the whole day just relaxing and clearning out the TiVo. I didn't mind too much. I skipped breakfast, and we went out for lunch where I had a bit of soup, 1 roll, a BLT club, and a few bites of fruit. And like 3 Cokes. But it was good.

I don't think I did a whole lot of munching in the afternoon until I started to get hungry again around supper time. I made up a big pan of chicken enchiladas, which turned out very nice. But in the course of that evening I also finished off the last 1/2 cup of sherbet, 4 pastry twists, a yogurt cup, and the last cup of Chex Mix. Weekends are definitely hard--too much unstructured time.

Sunday we took mom out for a belated mother's day. The place we went for bruch has amazing, rich food and I enjoyed it all. I had orange juice, eggs benedict, a very healthy portion of their ultra-rich hashbrown casserole, and a few bites of DH's bacon. I left noticably full, but not painfully stuffed.

Afterwards, we went back to mom's to help with chores. I planted flower seeds and helped condition one bed, did the shopping, and a couple of other small things. DH fixed her bedroom light and fan, which was a big help.

Mom seemed to be doing OK yesterday. I could see her shifting and twisting a bit with the pain, but at least she was awake and clear-eyed and able to enjoy her breakfast. I didn't see any evidence of nausea or anything. I was very grateful she had skipped the chemo on Friday--it seemed to make life a lot easier. Unfortunately, it doesn't really help with the big, overall cancer problem, but it was nice to have a good day.

We were both ravenous when we got home, so we ordered in italian. I had half of my lasanga, a garlic cheese bread, a can of Coke, and a big cookie with milk. On the plus side, I didn't eat the extra bread that came with my meal, nor did I order a 2-liter of Coke. So, that's something I guess?

We spent the rest of the evening just relaxing and complaining about how we didn't want to go to work on Monday. It was pretty nice.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Pearlieq: I am so sorry about what is going on with your mom. I dont' know how I missed that part of your journal the last part of last week, I am so sorry, I must have been reading too fast or gotten interrupted. In any case, I can't imagine how this is for you and her. When my mom got sick she was already retired thank God. That really stinks about the nurse not listening to her. I remember times when my mom would get deferred from chemo and it would be nice to have that break. Hopefully your mom will get stronger with this week off and be able to tolerate it better next week. If that job of hers tries anything, she should call the labor board or something. I can only imagine how vulnerable you and her are feeling. I am glad you had a nice Mother's Day brunch, I think you are doing very well with food given what you are going through. I am just keeping you and your mom in my prayers.

Its funny how you posted about feeling in pain for something and then having to realize some people feel like that all the time. Just last week I was sick at my stomach and miserable and I thought of my poor mother and yours, and wondered how they have had the strength to face feeling like that all the time. I just don't know but I do know your mom is lucky to have your for a daughter.

Again, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Lesli54]

Sorry to hear that your mom is having a hard time with the dr. It is a shame when they don't seem to be listening. Keeping you all in my prayers to make it through.

You still look like you are making good conscious choices in your food even if it is not every time, it is ok. Remember, all this didn't happen over night and learning the reasons behind your food habits and changing them will need to take time. Keep up the good work.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Pearlieq: Just sending some hugs and good thoughts out your way. Hope things are better and that your mom is feeling stronger.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq,

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and praying for you and your mom.

 

[goldcupmom]

Praying for all of you, Pearlie! I know this is a really hard time for you!

 

[toystoryduo]

Sending some more prayers and for you and your mom. Take good care of you and have a great weekend.

 

[toystoryduo]

Sent you a PM.....Hope you are doing well!

 

[pearlieq]

I miss all of you!

It's been a very busy couple of weeks. The last chemo drug was really hard on my mom, so they decided to switch it to another at her last appointment on Friday.

It seemed to be OK for a couple of days. She was a little tired and had some nausea, but it wasn't really debilitating. Not fun or anything, but she could manage. Unfortunately, after a couple of days she started getting pain at the site of her injection and all up through the vein and arm. It's just been getting worse, and I guess yesterday was pretty bad. Plus there is still nausea.

I felt so awful for her yesterday. I hate that totally impotent feeling--I can't make it better for her and it kills me. I think she went to work today--I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. She's supposed to have another dose on Friday, and I'm quite worried.

Other than that, I'm busy at work, as usual. I got asked to pick up another project on top of my current stuff. I think the universe is just conspiring to keep me safe and free from skin cancer, since I'm always too busy to go out and have fun during the summer!

DH is going to be starting a new job in a few weeks. He actually just gave his notice at his current job today. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited. He's very excited, and I'm happy for him. I'm taking him out for dinner tonight to celebrate.

That's all the news that's fit to print around these parts. I hope everyone is doing well!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq,

Thanks for your PM.

I'm sorry to hear that your mom is having a tough time right now. She continues to be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying for you too.

Sending some for your DH and his new job. I hope everything goes smoothly for him.

I hope work goes well for you too. Have a great Thursday!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Pearlieq: Hope things are better with your mom, I have really been thinking about both of you. I hope that last episode improved. Also hoping that your dh is liking his new job. And as always, thinking of you and hoping you are hanging in there with all that you have going on.

 

[pearlieq]

Well, I've been MIA again.

Things haven't slowed down too much, unfortunately. The newest chemo drug was pretty awful for mom. It started out as just really bad vein pain where they injected it. She was trying to deal with it as best she could, but it was really hurting her ability to function.

Sadly, it didn't end there. I got a call from her a little over a week ago, right in the middle of the afternoon. She was really upset and in a lot of pain and wanted to go to the hospital. It's better if she goes to her main hospital where all of her doctors are, plus the hospital closest to her house not a great place (An ambulance took us there on Christmas, and they took my mother's health information down on a paper towel! Not exactly at the forefront of modern medicine there...)

So, DH and I went over there and drove her to her hospital. We were stuck in the ER until midnight that night, waiting to get her admitted. She's been there since then. They're hoping maybe she can go home this week.

Basically what happened was that the newest chemo drug killed all her white blood cells. She was at a huge risk of infection, so for the first several days she was in isolation, not allowed to have raw foods, and a whole bunch of other things. Her white counts were back to normal levels on Friday, I think, so at least that's better.

Unfortunately, the drug also killed off the lining of her digestive system, so she's in tons of pain and not really able to process food normally. She doesn't want to eat and has a lot of nausea. They don't really want to send her home until things are working normally (or close to it). So it could be another couple of days.

The whole thing is just of exhausting. Even when we're not there and there's nothing to do for her, everything still seems kind of "off". Lately it's felt like my life is just a blur of work, chores, hospital, work, chores, hospital, etc.

I don't know what's going to happen long-term, or even mediumish-term. I don't know if she's going to make it to her retirement date in January. Financially she really needs to, but that just may not be in the cards. I don't know what they're going to do about the chemo. We can't do this again. Are they going to give her the same drug in a smaller dose? Will that be effective against the cancer? Are they going to give her something else and see what it does to her? Are they going to stop the chemo? Would that be a good or bad thing?

I kind of have to compartmentalize to get through the day--if I let myself think about any of it too much it gets very upsetting. I'm trying to get things done and have a bit of my own life where I can.

I know life is full of seasons, but I don't think I'm going to look back on this one too fondly. I suppose all anyone can do, though, is try to make the best of it and find happiness where you can.

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh pearlieq,

I'm so sorry to hear about all that your mom has been through. Sending lots of prayers her way.....

I know how tough this must be for you. Please be sure and take extra special good care of you during this very stressful time. If there is anything that we can do, please let us know. You, your DH, and your mom are in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[pearlieq]

Well, things have settled down some, mercifully. Mom came home from the hospital on Tuesday night, and aside from a cold, seems to be bouncing back, slowly but surely. She gets tired easily from being inactive so long, but still looks relatively good, for her.

We saw her oncologist on Friday--she wants to keep her on the same drug, but at a reduced dose. We'll see... Mercifully, she got another week's break here, so she can try to get a bit stronger before it starts again.

We're settling back into our routine. So far this week has been MUCH less stressful. DH starts his new job on Monday, and he's still excited, so I'm trying not to be so nervous.

Hopefully things stay quiet for a while now!

I hope all is well with everyone! Good wishes to all!

 

[goldcupmom]

and MANY Prayers, Pearlie!! For you and your mom!!

Glad her white blood count is recovering. That's NOT a good scenario for anyone!

Will also be praying about the new job. The unknown is always so stressful! At least he is excited so far!!

hang in there. Life is so tough sometimes. One day at a time is good, sometimes one hour is about all I can manage at once.

Know we're here for you! Hope you're not getting the horrid storms & floods!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hey Pearlie, I sent you a pm but just want you to know how much I am thinking about you. I know my own mom had these exact same issues from her chemo and believe it or not it got better. She got six more years after her hospitalization/chemo issues. I am keeping you and your mom in my prayers. I know you are exhausted, I wish so much I could really do somethin for you. Just hang in there, we are all pulling for you and your mom.

I hope things are better.

 

[toystoryduo]

and prayers continue for you and your family, pearlieq. I'm glad to hear that the past week was much less stressful for you and that your mom is doing better. How does your DH like his new job?

Please be sure and take extra special, good care of you. If there is anything we can do for you, please let us know.

 

[goldcupmom]

Hope things are OK, Pearlie! I know this is a rough time. Update us when you can! Still praying.......

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq,

How are you, sweetie? We miss you around here. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Pearlieq: I hope things are going okay for you, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Sending some hugs and good wishes out to you and your mom. Hang in there my friend.