U.S. Department of Defense Announces Same-Sex Spouse Benefits

[Uncle Remus]

I feel like I have whiplash - just a page ago I was getting thumbs up and resounding applause, now I'm clearly on the wrong side of the dis.

In any case, I totally get granting time off for gay couples to go get married if they can't do it where they are stationed. Seems like a logical and compassionate thing to do. But in my mind, it's along the lines of other FMLa type life events like adoptions, illness, paternity time, other family issues. People should absolutely get guaranteed and protected time off. But FMLA is unpaid leave. An I think this should be too (unless, of course, someone wants to use what vacation they already normally have.)

The goal is for all married couples to get the same treatment.

But only gays would be required to take the unpaid leave to travel to equal marriage states because heterosexual couples don't have to travel to equal marriage states, all states marry heterosexuals. Maybe the resolution is all states should respect equal marriage.

 

[iheartdisney]

But only gays would be required to take the unpaid leave to travel to equal marriage states because heterosexual couples don't have to travel to equal marriage states, all states marry heterosexuals. Maybe the resolution is all states should respect equal marriage.

Or maybe give all service members free leave for a marriage. As was stated upthread very few service members, regardless of sexual orientation, are stationed where family, friends and loved ones can witness their union. By the demands of service you have to travel "home"

 

[DopeyDame]

No one would be required to take unpaid leave. Gay couples could take vacation to get married just like litter ally every other married couple I know.
Of course, as a pp said, this problem goes away if all states would allow SSM, which sounds like the best solution to me - but again, I'm not in charge of the world, sadly.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Or maybe give all service members free leave for a marriage. As was stated upthread very few service members, regardless of sexual orientation, are stationed where family, friends and loved ones can witness their union. By the demands of service you have to travel "home"

I've never heard of a marriage being invalid due to a lack of attendance by family members, friends and loved ones. Gay service members aren't traveling to equal marriage states to have their families attend, they go to those states because if they want a legal marriage that's all that's available to them. Heterosexual service members can marry in any state they choose.

 

[bcla]

I've never heard of a marriage being invalid due to a lack of attendance by family members, friends and loved ones. Gay service members aren't traveling to equal marriage states to have their families attend, they go to those states because if they want a legal marriage that's all that's available to them. Heterosexual service members can marry in any state they choose.

The particular terms for this leave are a first attempt to get this right. I'm thinking they'll probably end up making changes to the policy in the future as they see how it works in real life.

I still don't get the 100 mile rule. 100 miles to a state border (they don't specify if it's as the crow flies or reasonable driving distance) doesn't mean that it's the same distance to a marriage bureau. 7 days might be useful for a waiting period state but unnecessary if traveling to a state where you can get married immediately (I've even seen a couple show up at the clerk's office who got married that morning without an appointment and had their license issued on the spot).

 

[kaytieeldr]

Or maybe give all service members free leave for a marriage. As was stated upthread very few service members, regardless of sexual orientation, are stationed where family, friends and loved ones can witness their union. By the demands of service you have to travel "home"

No marrying couple needs family/friends/loved ones present to wed. Wants, sure; needs, no. The marrying couple needs the two components of the couple to get married.

 

[Sugardimples]

How petty to fuss over a simple attempt to allow people the opportunity to go somewhere where they can get married! Now, you do realize that this is so they can get benefits that they are entitled to? Its not just so they can have a party? These are couples who have been together for years and are just now able to have access to the same benefits as other couples. It is important that they get married sooner rather than later so that these benefits can kick in. It is a justice issue, not anything else.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Lets see. DOD furloughed 600K civilian employees for six weeks because they had no money. DOD threatens to take EARNED benefits away from retirees because they have no money. DOD is seriously talking about reducing the force and mothballing major weapon systems because they have no money and the next few years look worse than 2013. But somehow, somewhere they find money for this. What DOD national security program will lose out to PC? Cheer feel-good programs all you want but I don't think DOD is the place for this little bit of social engineering.

Equality is not a feel good program. It's equality.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Yeah, I was thinking more like 2 days: one to fly there and one to fly back. But, like you, they don't have me making those decisions.

FYI, many states have requirements that you pick up a marriage license 24-72 hours before you actually get married.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

No one would be required to take unpaid leave. Gay couples could take vacation to get married just like litter ally every other married couple I know.
Of course, as a pp said, this problem goes away if all states would allow SSM, which sounds like the best solution to me - but again, I'm not in charge of the world, sadly.

But opposite couples, and same sex couples living in states with marriage equality can also get married on a day off if they don't have leave to use. Gay couples in states or countries without marriage equality can't.

 

[ariel71]

How petty to fuss over a simple attempt to allow people the opportunity to go somewhere where they can get married! Now, you do realize that this is so they can get benefits that they are entitled to? Its not just so they can have a party? These are couples who have been together for years and are just now able to have access to the same benefits as other couples. It is important that they get married sooner rather than later so that these benefits can kick in. It is a justice issue, not anything else.

Straight couples who think they are now on the short end of the stick because of seven days' leave must not value their marriages all that much. I guess for them the fairness clock only started ticking three days ago.

 

[GadgetTheInventor]

I was all excited to make a joke when I read the title of this thread, but wow...so much negativity...

This forced marriage situation stinks in my opinion. The non DoD spouse has to take time off from his or her job, probably unpaid and potentially resulting in the firing from that job (probably not though because it would be all over the news, though it is legal in most states and a realty for low-paid hourly workers). It will be quite expensive to travel and find a hotel and have even a basic ceremony. Kids will be forced out of school and to miss extra-curricular activities, or be traumatized at not being allowed to see their parents marry. And if the kids go to a Catholic school and the parents aren't out? Absences of that length require an excuse. And even though the state they live in refuses to give the couple benefits, the federal government is forcing these couples to incur these expenses in order to keep their married job benefits. All for a piece of paper. Where is the romance?

It would be nice if some people would look beyond the 4/7/10 days of forced time-off to take care of a paperwork mess.

And in case anyone has ties to the DoD or federal furloughs going on right now and is interested in a joke...

You will get 7 days off for the marriage, but they will take place on every other Friday. (furlough situation here for those who might not be familiar)

I'm in the middle of planning one of these types of weddings and there is nothing romantic about it at all and it just...stinks worse than that moldy french cheese. It's just an expensive paperwork mess that we don't have money to waste on right now. We would much rather go to the local city hall.