My friend is going to ruin my trip!!!!!! UPDATED #84!!

[sk!mom]

Wow! Easy to understand why your DH has a problem with her. She sounds very pushy and controlling.

You've already shared way too many details regarding your vacation. If she's bent on ruining it, she will. Honestly, I would change my plans and cut ties with this "friend." I would book a different resort, cancel any ressie that she knows about and rebook something different.

In the future, don't share so much information.

 

[Celidh]

This is a hard situation to be in. I know because I have been there.

I had a friend who I had to cut ties with completely. She was very demanding of my time and her emotions were a bit on the volatile side. Long story short, she got the impression that I wasn't going to hang out with her anymore and totally freaked and threatened me. That was it for me, I cut all ties with her, didn't answer her calls, blocked her from my email etc. She kept trying to contact me. Even after over a year with no contact whatsoever, I still get the odd invite from facebook from her.

Anyway, I know it is sometimes hard when you want to keep a friendship but they make it hard to do so. You want to be able to forgive and forget, but it is not always that easy. I don't think you should lie to her and as hard as it will be because I'm sure you will worry that she will show up and make your vacation difficult, don't let her. Go ahead with your plans. As some people here have said, Disney is a huge place, it will be hard, although not impossible, for her to find you. Don't let her win if it is a game or power struggle she is at.

Also, I think it would be wrong and selfish for your husband to blame you for her actions when you have told her your wishes. I think he needs to see that or it will be him who is ruining the vacation. You can't control her actions.

If you do want to keep the friendship, I think it would be reasonable for you to suggest a drink or something and even though it is a family vacation, I think your husband should help you sort this out by being supportive and allowing you a couple of hours.

It is totally reasonable to want to have a family vacation without other people.

I also think it is not unreasonable to tell a friend when and where you are planning a vacation. I'm sure most people here tell their friends about Disney because we all love it so much and get totally pumped about going.

Good luck and enjoy your vacation.

 

[roscoepc1]

Call Disney and see what they can do for you....there are multiple hotels at each level (Value, Mod, etc), and unless it's a crazy-busy week, I'm betting they could move you within a level without charging more. Same for ADRs, and ressies...explain that you have a Florida-resident friend who has "turned" so to speak, and is now a borderline stalker.

Anything (albeit, not as serious as what you are facing) I've asked for help with from Disney, they've bent over backward to help with. There ARE times they might not be able to help, but they sure try before saying "No!"

 

[weezyree]

You can call the reservations line and change your resort location to an entirely different one and if that's not possible, ask them if it's possible to request 'privacy' so no one can call your room and for the front desk to take a message. Ask them if they have a policy not to give your room number to others as well, then she won't show up at your door unannounced.

I am sure you will have cells with you so your family can get in touch in case of emergency, but you can 'field' her call and not answer it or completely turn your phone off and check messages periodically throughout the day.

I agree with other posters that she is not a true friend if her reply was as you stated. Family vacations are very important...family bonding time and so on. That shouldn't be intruded on unless invited in which I understand she INVITED herself!! That's just plain out rude!!

As for your dining reservations, you can also change those too. You may have to settle for a different time or restaurant. You can also change your park schedule and make reservations for dining accordingly.

Best of luck and I hope you have a magical time no matter the outcome!!

 

[Mama Who]

In 2006 a "friend" blew up screaming and stopped speaking to me over a trivial and imaginary issue. I found out later that she'd been harboring resentment for two years. Why? Because while on my *honeymoon* I declined to meet up with her and her still married (but shacked up with her) boyfriend.

Some people have no sense of boundaries. This person you are talking about is one of them.

Alert your hotel to the issue. Check and see if you can switch the day of your ADR and change your touring plan in ways that change but don't damage your experience. If worst comes to worst, feel free to look at her kids and say, "Our family is leaving now, we'll see you some other time" and walk away. It will be harder for her to follow you if her kids have been told directly that it is time to part.

 

[MamaJessie]

She is not a friend. She is not respecting you or your family. I understand why your DH doesn't like her.

No joke. ^

I would flat out explain to her that your DH worked a lot of overtime to pay for an immediate family only trip and doesn't want it to be a time for visiting friends. Pass the buck. And back away slowly from the friend...

 

[carrie1626]

If this "friend" can't understand the concept and respect the nature of your "family vacation and family time" then I would think it's not a healthy friendship.

 

[duffy]

It's kind of like spending a whole year telling someone about your wedding plans then at the last minute saying "Oh, but you're not invited".

I just read this.

Sorry, but this is not a good comparison. The original poster's situation can be better compared to spending a whole year telling someone about their HONEYMOON plans, and then at the last minute saying, "Oh, but you're not invited."

Most people would not expect to be invited to a honeymoon, and a family vacation can be compared to a honeymoon more easily than a wedding. Weddings are usually a celebration that you want your whole family and friends to be a part of, but not honeymoons, and not vacations either.

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I feel badly for your DH.

You knew he didn't like her. You knew he wanted a family only trip. You knew he worked tons of OT to afford this trip. You knew you had to convince him for years to even go. You knew she had gotten upset with other friends about not visiting with her with they came to WDW because of her territorial view of WDW.

Then you went and told her all about your trip. I know you said you only answered questions that she asked and that you share vacation plans with friends because they have all gone. But it seems like somewhere in there you would have also known what the outcome would be when you shared all of that info with her.

Hindsight is 20/20 and in the future when you have all of those facts, choose to be more discreet when answering anyone's questions about topics like this. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.

Good luck in being firm with her!

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree with the folks who suggest that you call your friend and tell her that while you appreciate that she wants to join your family this is not the vacation to do that. Explain that your and your Dh want to spend the trip together and have decided that you want this experience to be between the two of you and the kids. Period. If she absolutely refuses to respect your decision I would reconsider trying to salvage this relationship. There is no way that this woman is your friend if after you talk to her she still insists that she can intrude on your privacy.

I would not make any changes with my resort but I would tell her that in the event she shows up she will have made a trip in vain. You are not changing your mind.

Personally, I would drop her like a rock.

 

[Daytona99]

Change your resort. She is certainly no friend or she wouldn't act this way. Very strange person who would inflict herself on people when she's not wanted. Definitely change your resort.

 

[chuckabone]

As much as I don't like to say this, I would tell her that you had to reschedule / postpone your trip. Or, is it possible to maybe just meet her for lunch one day?

Best of luck and enjoy your vacation.

 

[KimbaLovesDisney]

I would suggest reaching out to her again. Let her know you love her personally and value your friendship with her, as that seems to be what I hear you saying. I would make a point of telling her your sorry if you hurt her feelings as that was not your intention, and just reiterate that this is a very special trip for your DH and children to spend family time together. I would offer to meet her alone one night, just you and her, for a "girls dinner" and maybe you can plan another time for the two of you to do something together when you return to florida. This way you may have to make an hour for her one night, but It will keep DH happy, and maybe avoid a tarnish on your wonderfull Disney plans. If this does not work, then you may need to consider how much of a true friend she is, or do you feel obligated to associate with her because of the history you share? I cant help but think a real friend wouldnt say the things she did. But I wish you luck! And hope your first WDW visit is as magical as you deserve and that you put your family first!

 

[crisi]

And back away slowly from the friend...

I disagree, get out of this friendship QUICKLY. Give her one more chance and then cut off communication with her. Don't be nice.....she isn't being nice.

Switch which reservations you can. If you have hoppers, plan on showing up for your reservation from another park. Parks ARE huge and you can loose people you are supposed to be with.

Don't answer your phone when you know its her, and when you don't know the number, let it ring to voicemail.

If you do run into them, don't change your plans (although it might be a good time to use Fastpasses) and keep moving through your day. Don't chat with her, talk to your kids and your husband. Keep your interactions with her cold. As in "oh, I forgot you were going to be here."

(Ah, the well executed cut - a thing of beauty. Its really a shame we don't teach manners so that we know how to cut someone civilly. Being well mannered often has nothing at all to do with being nice.)

 

[Noah Mads]

Not sure that she is your friend, How she can be a friend who dont care for your happiness. She dont like to make you happy and give tension to you. I think there are different mental level. Misunderstanding.

 

[littlejen22]

I need some help with dealing with a friend who insists on visiting me and my family during our trip to Disney.

A brief history: She lives in FL. My DH does not care for her. I love her but I have never enjoyed being around her children. As they get older I like them even less. (Long story short: they're lazy, mouthy, sneaky and whiny...and they're both teens!) This is our very first trip to WDW and our very first family vacation as well. She goes to WDW every 6 weeks for a day trip and stays at the park for a week every year with her husband and friends (no kids). She plans on coming out for at least three of the 5 days we'll be in the parks.

My DH and I had a conversation about the upcoming trip two nights ago. He was very resistant to going to WDW and I literally worked YEARS to get him to agree to go. He's put in a ton of OT at his job to help pay for this trip. He was not happy when he found out that my friend was planning on coming to visit and he told me that if she shows up on our trip he's going to be upset. In the recent past I've tried telling her how excited we were about it being just the four of us but she hasn't understood that to mean she shouldn't come. So yesterday I had to tell her in no uncertain terms.

I told her that DH and I would prefer she not join us on our trip, that we were really looking forward to the trip being just the four of us, and that we would plan for a visit the next time. (DH and I have already decided that we'll go back.) She said "Disney is a public place and you can't control where I show up. My kids were looking forward to hanging out with your kids so that's what they'll do."

I told her that Disney was a public place and she was right, I can't keep her from showing up. I also said that my children are 6 years younger than her youngest child so really that argument doesn't wash. I asked her to respect my feelings and keep her distance from our vacation. She just said NO and then made an excuse to hang up.

So what do I do now? She knows where we're staying. She knows a basic guideline of our plans. I can alternate some of my park plans but I have reservations at certain parks...and she knows about them. If she shows up DH will be unbelievably upset with ME and he may not want to go on vacation again. (Seriously...I worked for YEARS!)

Any ideas on what to say to this friend to get her to understand and respect my feelings?

Change any reservations you can, don't tell her. And if any reservations are not in the parks change what park you will visit that day. And tell the hotel that you do not want your room number or phone number given out or calls transferred. If she shows up tell her to go F herself for not respecting you

And tell your DH what is going on so he is not shocked if she shows up, also tell him what you do to try to stop her.

 

[seashoreCM]

One way to lose someone you don't want to be with is to not stop when she wants to use the restroom.

Or if you have a fastpass and she doesn't, you would not wait for her to ride standby.

 

[tlbwriter]

She said "Disney is a public place and you can't control where I show up. My kids were looking forward to hanging out with your kids so that's what they'll do."

I told her that Disney was a public place and she was right, I can't keep her from showing up. I also said that my children are 6 years younger than her youngest child so really that argument doesn't wash. I asked her to respect my feelings and keep her distance from our vacation. She just said NO and then made an excuse to hang up.

Anyone who would say this to me would not be considered a friend.

I knew that she was going to be upset. She has gotten upset in the past when friends from up north have visited WDW without calling her.

And know you know why they did that!

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have to say that telling your "friend" all about your upcoming trip and all the details even though you knew your husband didn't really care for her was your mistake. While I don't condone her response to your request to stay away, can you blame her for feeling a little hurt? It's kind of like spending a whole year telling someone about your wedding plans then at the last minute saying "Oh, but you're not invited".

No, it is not the LEAST bit like that. It's normal to invite people to weddings. It's not expected that you should invite them on your vacation.

One way to lose someone you don't want to be with is to not stop when she wants to use the restroom.

Heh.

 

[DisneyChula]

She is not a friend. She is not respecting you or your family. I understand why your DH doesn't like her. I would consider changing resorts if there is another you are interested in for the same or roundabout price.

She should have accepted your request. She doesn't sound very nice or stable. I would never contact her again.

I agree with this. A friend respects the wishes and requests of their friends. This woman blatantly said no and is trying to strong-arm her way into your vacation. (That is really creepy btw, especially since she visits the parks as much as she does.) I would tell your husband about her response so he is prepared. It's a shame that you may have to alter your plans to avoid this whackjob, but it's not looking like you have many options. It also seems that even with the headaches of rearranging, the final result would be worth it. Your husband would have a right to be upset if she showed up after your request, but he should be mad at her not you. You cannot control people, especially people that are this headstrong (I have other words, but they are not as nice). You can only control your actions and reactions to situations like this. Don't give her the power to ruin your trip. If she is going to bulldoze your wishes, I would bulldoze hers right back! I know two wrongs don't make a right, but in this case, it may be the only way to deal with her. Good luck and remember, you and your family are what will make this vacation special. The only people that can take away from that are those who you allow to do so!

 

[piperdown]

So what do I do now? She knows where we're staying. She knows a basic guideline of our plans. I can alternate some of my park plans but I have reservations at certain parks...and she knows about them. If she shows up DH will be unbelievably upset with ME and he may not want to go on vacation again. (Seriously...I worked for YEARS!)

Any ideas on what to say to this friend to get her to understand and respect my feelings?

You've gotten a lot of good advice on how to handle your "friend". In my opinion, she is definitely not a friend, and more of a stalker.

However, based on the bolded part above, you really need to have a serious discussion with your husband and explain that you've done everything you can to prevent her from crashing your vacation. Ultimately, you can't control her actions, and your DH needs to be prepared for that and not be upset with you if she decides to act on her threats.

I think you're now realizing that she's not the friend you thought she was, and realize that from this point forward you're going to have to limit your interactions with her. If you explain all this to DH, and he still gets upset with you because your "friend" shows up during your trip, I think you've got an even bigger problem.