My friend is going to ruin my trip!!!!!! UPDATED #84!!

[Alice's Mommy]

I need some help with dealing with a friend who insists on visiting me and my family during our trip to Disney.

A brief history: She lives in FL. My DH does not care for her. I love her but I have never enjoyed being around her children. As they get older I like them even less. (Long story short: they're lazy, mouthy, sneaky and whiny...and they're both teens!) This is our very first trip to WDW and our very first family vacation as well. She goes to WDW every 6 weeks for a day trip and stays at the park for a week every year with her husband and friends (no kids). She plans on coming out for at least three of the 5 days we'll be in the parks.

My DH and I had a conversation about the upcoming trip two nights ago. He was very resistant to going to WDW and I literally worked YEARS to get him to agree to go. He's put in a ton of OT at his job to help pay for this trip. He was not happy when he found out that my friend was planning on coming to visit and he told me that if she shows up on our trip he's going to be upset. In the recent past I've tried telling her how excited we were about it being just the four of us but she hasn't understood that to mean she shouldn't come. So yesterday I had to tell her in no uncertain terms.

I told her that DH and I would prefer she not join us on our trip, that we were really looking forward to the trip being just the four of us, and that we would plan for a visit the next time. (DH and I have already decided that we'll go back.) She said "Disney is a public place and you can't control where I show up. My kids were looking forward to hanging out with your kids so that's what they'll do."

I told her that Disney was a public place and she was right, I can't keep her from showing up. I also said that my children are 6 years younger than her youngest child so really that argument doesn't wash. I asked her to respect my feelings and keep her distance from our vacation. She just said NO and then made an excuse to hang up.

So what do I do now? She knows where we're staying. She knows a basic guideline of our plans. I can alternate some of my park plans but I have reservations at certain parks...and she knows about them. If she shows up DH will be unbelievably upset with ME and he may not want to go on vacation again. (Seriously...I worked for YEARS!)

Any ideas on what to say to this friend to get her to understand and respect my feelings?

 

[OceanAnnie]

She is not a friend. She is not respecting you or your family. I understand why your DH doesn't like her. I would consider changing resorts if there is another you are interested in for the same or roundabout price.

She should have accepted your request. She doesn't sound very nice or stable. I would never contact her again.

 

[princessmom29]

She sounds more than a little crazy and I don't think she is friend you need to keep. If she shows up just contact park security and let them know she is harassing you and your children. She likely won't risk being banned from the parks to follow you around.

 

[Danibelle]

She is not a friend. She is not respecting you or your family. I understand why your DH doesn't like her. I would consider changing resorts if there is another you are interested in for the same or roundabout price.

She should have accepted your request. She doesn't sound very nice or stable. I would never contact her again.

I would consider not only changing resorts but also ADR's and theme parks. It might not be your first choice but in this instance, sounds like a better plan than getting all upset.

 

[cvjw]

I would just change my daily plans around. Disney is such a huge place, she could never find you if you don't want her to.

 

[treehugnmama]

What she Said is not a normal response. Is this her regular character? It sounds possible that if this is not her normal character many she was hurt and didn't know what to say????

If it is a friendship you want to keep I would explain that dh and yourself really need so e bonding time with the kids. If she still insists on coming I would not contact her again and sever all ties. who Forces themselves on someone like that?

 

[Alice's Mommy]

What she Said is not a normal response. Is this her regular character? It sounds possible that if this is not her normal character many she was hurt and didn't know what to say????

If it is a friendship you want to keep I would explain that dh and yourself really need so e bonding time with the kids. If she still insists on coming I would not contact her again and sever all ties. who Forces themselves on someone like that?

I knew that she was going to be upset. She has gotten upset in the past when friends from up north have visited WDW without calling her. She has this territorial thing about Disney due to literally hundreds of visits in her lifetime.

My DH doesn't like her for lots of reasons. She's kind of hard to deal with but I have literally known her since the day she was born. I'd prefer the friendship not end...not over something like this.

Changing my hotel is not an option. We don't have the funds. We're currently working on saving money for spending during the trip. We only have one ADR, but we do have a reservation at Harmony Barber Shop that I could try to change at this date.

I agree though...if she shows up then I am going to end the friendship. I'm hoping that it was anger that had her talking like a crazy person and that she stays home.

 

[cmwade77]

She is right the WDW is a public place. That being said it is also a huge place. Don't tell her anything about your plans. Don't tell her where you are staying. Don't tell her what reservations you have for dining. Don't tell her which parks you will be in on which days. If she calls your cell phone while you are there do not answer (background noises can be recognized over a cell phone). If you do this, then the chances of her finding you are slim to none.

If you do come across each other say hi and be nice, then tell her you have to go and that it was nice seeing her. If she follows you, report her to security for stalking you. Again she is right that it is a public place, but that doesn't give her the right to follow you around when you have told her that she is not welcome to do so. You may even want to tell her uP front that if she tries to follow you around that you are going to do this. Stalking is illegal in most states, but even if it's not in Florida, Disney will revoke their passes without refunding any money on the mere acusation of stalking, with some proof of course, i.e. Video tape asking her to leave you alone, etc. (at least if they handle things like they do at Disneyland)

 

[cmwade77]

Also, as others have said she is not a friend and if it were me, I would cut all ties with her at this point.

I also just saw that it sounds like she knows what hotel you are going to be at. My suggestion is to leave instructions at the front desk that noone is to be put through to your room's phone or messages taken, unless they know your room number and that noone is to be given your room number without showing photo identification that they are on the reservation under ANY circumstances.

Again though, if she does show up and follows you (or shows up at your hotel), first tell her that this is a family trip and record this, if she continues to do so, report her to security, even show them the video.

 

[CampbellScot]

Maybe her response was partly due to the fact that she was embarrassed or her feelings were a little bit hurt? I agree though that her response to your request was not a "normal" response to the request you made.

If you want to keep the friendship in tact you'll probably need to speak to her again. Perhaps if you called and told her that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings it might lessen the "You can't tell me what to do" response you received the first time. Acknowledging her feelings might go a long way in getting her to understand that your vacation "boundaries" weren't meant to be hurtful. That being said, a real friend would respect the boundaries you put forth and not try to cross them just b/c she is angry or hurt. If she is still insisting that she WILL find you, then she isn't being a friend at all. At that point you may need to re-evaluate how important it is to have someone in your life that is willing to force herself on you even after you've clearly told her NO.

At the end of the day, you can't stop her from coming to the parks, but as others have said Disney World is so big that it's unlikely she'd randomly find you.

I hope it all works out.

 

[LMCT88]

I would try to change my plans around, from what park I am going to be in. I would also make any adr's in a different last name (use my mothers maiden name), if she is that off the wall, whats to stop her from calling and pretending to be you, to find out what time any adr's you made are for. I would enjoy my vacation with my family, and if you should happen to run into her, I would politely say this is not the time nor the place, and I would just walk off (if she does continue to follow you and harass you, then I would notify a CM in the park, because that is just not right). Maybe you will be lucky and she won't show up, she may just have been alittle hurt and upset. Try not to let it spoil your vacation. I hope you have an awesome time

 

[duffy]

She sounds like a stalker! You're talking about how to duck her, how to keep out of her way...scary!

It looks like you're staying at POP Century-isn't it the same price as any of the All-Stars?

 

[OceanAnnie]

Maybe her response was partly due to the fact that she was embarrassed or her feelings were a little bit hurt? I agree though that her response to your request was not a "normal" response to the request you made.

If you want to keep the friendship in tact you'll probably need to speak to her again. Perhaps if you called and told her that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings it might lessen the "You can't tell me what to do" response you received the first time. Acknowledging her feelings might go a long way in getting her to understand that your vacation "boundaries" weren't meant to be hurtful. That being said, a real friend would respect the boundaries you put forth and not try to cross them just b/c she is angry or hurt. If she is still insisting that she WILL find you, then she isn't being a friend at all. At that point you may need to re-evaluate how important it is to have someone in your life that is willing to force herself on you even after you've clearly told her NO.

At the end of the day, you can't stop her from coming to the parks, but as others have said Disney World is so big that it's unlikely she'd randomly find you.

I hope it all works out.

Part of me thinks it's possible that your friend feels rejected and hurt and lashed out. It was a pretty big, outlandish lashing if that was the case.

But maybe it can be smoothed over. If you contact her, proceed with caution and whatever you do don't divulge any further vacation information.

OP, I hope it all works out too.

 

[3BoysRDisneyFreaks]

If you don't want to change your plans around and she hasn't gotten the hint that you don't want to see her during your trip lie to her.

Call her up all upset that something came up and you have to change your dates and you are thankful you bought the trip insurance because you can rebook and then just go as planned. I am sure she was planning on going when you were going just to see you, so if you tell her your trip has changed you might not run into her during your trip.

I would agree that she isn't a good friend if she isn't listening to you. I don't think I would have shared all of my trip details with her either. 1/2 of the time DH doesn't know our plans and he is going on the trip.


Sarah

 

[JacksLilWench]

If I were you, I would totally change my plans around. And I would let them know at the front desk of your hotel to not let ANYONE know what room you're in, etc. If she is as "insistent" as you say she is, she sounds like she might show up at the hotel and lay it on thick to find out what room you're in. Call and see if you can change any of your reservations(I hope so!!) Don't answer your phone if she calls. I would just leave it off (even if I carried it with me) so if she calls you don't accidently pick up.

I'm so sorry this is putting a damper on your vacation! Hopefully she'll calm down and realize what she said before you guys leave and all this won't be an issue.

I do hope you enjoy your trip!!

 

[grandmadebby2]

Changing motels and reservations is probably very doable and probably not going to cost anything. But really anyone that would try and cause problems on a family vacation can not be much of a friend. Disney is big. We travel in a large group of 14-24 when we go and other than our designated meeting places we rarely run into each other so chances are she won't see you. Good luck and I hope you have a great vacation.

 

[bdcp]

She'd have to actually be a friend for this to affect your "friendship". Just because you've known her your entire life doesn't make her your friend.

This is your family's vacation and you shouldn't have to change anything. As for her issues with others coming to WDW and not seeing her, you think maybe they have good reasons for that? This is not a healthy relationship just based on this one aspect. I can only imagine how she is about everything else.

Friends respect each other's boundaries and family time. It's really none of her business where you go or what you do. I'm thinking you gave her too much information to begin with if she knows what parks and restaurants you have planned and when.

 

[delmar411]

She doesn't seem like much of a friend.

I would never assume that I had the right to insert myself into someone else's family vacation. Even when we met up with friends at WDW, I wanted to be very careful not to intrude on their family time, yk? I know a lot of people don't get too much one on one time with their kids and spouses so it's a big deal to get away together.

And honestly, what kind of person say they are coming to stalk you??? That would freak me out a lot!

 

[Hannathy]

I know everyone has given you lots of ideas of how to avoid her I'm going to suggest something a bit different.

What if you level with her and say your DH and kids want to do Disney by themselves But you would enjoy getting together just the two of you for breakfast or lunch or a late night drink.

This way you keep the friendship, your DH doesn't have to see her, and in actuality you are probably the only one that wants to spend time with her and you are really the only one she wants to spend time with.

Do you loose a bit of your time with your family yes but you get to see your old friend in the least painful way for your family.

the not telling her you were coming ship has sailed, now it is time for damage control and to me this is a win win for everyone.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I am just in WOW land right now. Your "friend" has absolutely no respect for you or your family time. I understand that her feelings were probably hurt, but threatening to stalk you is just over the top.

I guess if you want to get together with her for drinks or a meal alone that is a way to make peace. I am not so sure I would want to maintain this friendship.

Wishing you all the best for a great trip!