Family Dinners

[dis-happy]

I'd make a giant salad for everyone to eat (or a salad bar set-up where they add their own toppings like salt free poached chicken breast), have a giant birthday cake for dessert, then after everyone leaves go out to dinner with my immediate family.

 

[tlbwriter]

So, it becomes a home cooked, no salt meal for 12 and because I am the cook in our house, I have to cook it!

No, you don't HAVE to cook it. You CHOOSE to cook it. It's important to remember that you have a choice.

Now, normally I think it's impolite to invite people with known dietary restrictions to dinner and not provide food they can eat. However, since your ILs are the ones inviting themselves to dinner, I'd make an exception. I'd cook whatever I feel like cooking, season it however I feel like seasoning it, and inform anybody who complains that they are welcome to take me out for my birthday next year. Or just say home.

Oh, and I'd provide something the nephew can eat, assuming he's a child.

 

[bellebud]

Because MIL is super-controlling and decided when her sons got married, that their wives had to cook for their husbands birthdays (then for their kids as they came along). She used to cook her kids favourite meal on their birthday then passed the torch when they got married. It is basically that she wants us to invite her to a home cooked meal for every birthday in our respective houses.
As a WOHM, I feel that I should not have to cook on my birthday. (SAHM MIL says she used to always cook on her birthday because no one else was going to-FIL does not cook. Now unmarried SIL cooks for her b-day).However, my husband really has no cooking skills -which is ok because I like to cook so on a day to day basis, not an issue. If I really don't feel like cooking DH "cooks" by ordering in or we go out. Works for us. He used to order in for my birthday dinners but now with these dietary restrictions for some family members, we really can't do that anymore. So, it becomes a home cooked, no salt meal for 12 and because I am the cook in our house, I have to cook it! It's crazy I know! I am not sure what to do without running myself ragged (for my own b-day) or severely pissing off the inlaws.

Your mil can only control you if you allow her to. Traditions can be broken, altered, kept, forgotten, whatever.

If it doesn't bother you (which it doesn't really seem to), do the suggestions of plain meats and easy side dishes. I like the pasta and low sodium sauce idea from another poster too.

Good luck.

 

[NotUrsula]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

A large spinach salad, a large roast in the crock pot, baked potatoes and some steamed veggies done in the microwave (with some left raw for kids who prefer them that way.) All of them are gluten-free if you don't add flour or other grains to anything, and roast meats can be flavored with veggies and herbs and then salted to taste at the table.

That said, it would be a cold day in hades before I'd cook for 12 on my birthday. You really need to stop enabling your MIL -- what exactly is she going to do to you if you don't feed her on YOUR birthday?

Under normal circumstances I would say that a good hostess always makes sure that any guest invited for a meal should be able to find enough food that he/she can eat in order to feel satisfied, but I'd say that this situation isn't normal by any means.

My usual tactic is to make a large variety of things in order to cover all types of tastes or dietary issues. Generally my rule is that unless it is a religious restriction I will not keep certain foods off the table to make a guest happy -- I expect them to deal with the idea that other people who are present may be eating something that they cannot or will not eat. However, if the issues are only gluten and salt it isn't that difficult to come up with something that should cover the bases. (I find that where it gets really tricky is dairy.)

 

[fall08CP]

I'm surprised and impressed that so many people are accommodating to dietary restrictions. I have strict restrictions myself, but never expect to be accommodated, and am pleasantly surprised when there is even one dish I can have.

What's the polite way of bringing it up before the meal? If people haven't eaten with me before, they wouldn't know any better. Of course I would offer to bring a dish to share, but I feel rude bringing it up unless asked.

 

[LisaR]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

Do you have to cater to them? No. Would I invite someone over for DINNER that I know can't eat gluten and serve pizza and lasagna? No. Why invite someone over specifically for a family dinner and offer main courses that they can't have?

 

[dzorn]

Because MIL is super-controlling and decided when her sons got married, that their wives had to cook for their husbands birthdays (then for their kids as they came along). She used to cook her kids favourite meal on their birthday then passed the torch when they got married. It is basically that she wants us to invite her to a home cooked meal for every birthday in our respective houses.
As a WOHM, I feel that I should not have to cook on my birthday. (SAHM MIL says she used to always cook on her birthday because no one else was going to-FIL does not cook. Now unmarried SIL cooks for her b-day).However, my husband really has no cooking skills -which is ok because I like to cook so on a day to day basis, not an issue. If I really don't feel like cooking DH "cooks" by ordering in or we go out. Works for us. He used to order in for my birthday dinners but now with these dietary restrictions for some family members, we really can't do that anymore. So, it becomes a home cooked, no salt meal for 12 and because I am the cook in our house, I have to cook it! It's crazy I know! I am not sure what to do without running myself ragged (for my own b-day) or severely pissing off the inlaws.

I think DH should take you away for your birthday. Problem solved.

Denise in MI

 

[Scornelius]

Your mil can only control you if you allow her to.

This. This whole thing is only an issue because you're allowing it to be. If you don't want to cook for 12 (and clean up after 12, that's a much bigger issue for me!) then just don't. You're a grown woman. No one can make you do anything.

Happy birthday, btw.

 

[lajones81]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

My family always ate a diabetic-friendly meal based on my grandfather's dietary needs. We would sometimes supplement the meal with a non-diabetic food (i.e. regular dessert vs. sugar-free), and he would avoid eating that food. As he got older, we always provided salt-free meals, too, as his sodium levels were greatly restricted. It's really a non-issue for us, as our family always believed in supporting each other in this way.