Family Dinners

[cari12]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

 

[LuLuO]

I am gluten-free and my son is dairy and tomato free. I don't expect anyone to make us special meals or to cater to us in any way, though it is a lovely gesture and much appreciated when they do. I always bring things for us to eat just in case there is nothing there we can have.

That said, when I am hosting I try to make sure there are some things available for visitors who have special diets. For instance, my FIL is diabetic so I make a special treat for him that is sugar-free.

 

[Sadie22]

As a general rule I would hope that you might avoid adding salt as you cook. That is healthier for everyone. Those who want to add salt at the table can do so. We've been doing that for years. (Once you start doing that you soon will not miss the salt, and foods with added salt may begin to taste too salty.) That is a small way you could help accommodate your FIL, which I hope you will always do.

I'm not sure what woudl be necessary to accommodate a glutenfree diet. I would speak with your nephew or his parents and see what you might do. His parents may very well be prepared to provide food for him.

I am a Type 2 diabetic and I have started being more proactive about family dinners and asking for menus and mealtimes ahead of time when invited to sitdown dinners so I can run unfamiliar items through my nutrition software and so I can plan whether to eat a snack before I come or when I arrive. Otherwise I know what and how much I ought to be eating. I have stopped MIL from throwing sugar over fresh strawberries or throwing a lot of salt and butter on fresh green beans and the like. My DSs are very healthy and want to stay that way. They do not want the added salt, sugar, and butter that she was used to adding to most dishes, and of course it throws off my planning so I won't eat a dish so mistreated.

I wish I had learned to cook healthy meals before I was forced to by my diagnosis.

 

[minniecarousel]

Can you make something, like a casserole or lasagna on the weekend, freeze it and cook on the day of the party? You can control the amount of salt used. Make sure there are salt shakers on the table.

The gluten-free diet is trickier. My daughter-in-law's sister brings her own food in cases like this. She's so sensitive, she can't trust that the food is truly gluten-free, even if the cook tires to make it so.

I have no problem trying to cater to dietary restrictions. But it is awkward having food on the table that someone would like to have, but can't.

 

[jrmasm]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

I wouldn't host my own birthday dinner. Go out. Problem solved!

I have stopped MIL from throwing sugar over fresh strawberries or throwing a lot of salt and butter on fresh green beans and the like. My DSs are very healthy and want to stay that way. They do not want the added salt, sugar, and butter that she was used to adding to most dishes, and of course it throws off my planning so I won't eat a dish so mistreated

Surely I misunderstood. You tell your MIL how to cook in her own home?

 

[nmmom95]

I think if you are inviting someone to a dinner, it is your responsibility, as the host, to ensure that there is something for everyone. I have several people among family and friends that require special accommodations, so I have had to do it myself in the past, but I don't think you should invite someone to dinner without considering their eating habits.

 

[Sadie22]

Surely I misunderstood. You tell your MIL how to cook in her own home?

We started bringing the entire meal with us to her home. MIL does not host family dinners anymore, so that problem has been pretty much eliminated. I host the family dinners now. I accommodate her by cooking her vegetables longer than everyone else's since she learned to like them soft. Then she adds the seasonings she prefers. Yes, we have stopped her from ruining dishes for everyone by throwing several cups of sugar over a single dish of strawberries and the like. It was a habit, not a necessity. We insisted that salt, sugar, and butter, respectively, can easily be added at the table by the one or two people who want some. Would you sit and watch someone poison your food before you ate? Diabetes and high blood pressure are at epidemic proportions. We used to eat at MIL's house a lot, so suffering in silence for the sake of misguided politeness would not have been wise. I think we may have even helped her live longer.

 

[jrmasm]

We started bringing the entire meal with us to her home. MIL does not host family dinners anymore, so that problem has been pretty much eliminated. I host the family dinners now. I accommodate her by cooking her vegetables longer than everyone else's since she learned to like them soft. Then she adds the seasonings she prefers. Yes, we have stopped her from ruining dishes for everyone by throwing several cups of sugar over a single dish of strawberries and the like. It was a habit, not a necessity. We insisted that salt, sugar, and butter, respectively, can easily be added at the table by the one or two people who want some. Would you sit and watch someone poison your food before you ate? Diabetes and high blood pressure are at epidemic proportions. We used to eat at MIL's house a lot, so suffering in silence for the sake of misguided politeness would not have been wise. I think we may have even helped her live longer.

Still not clear. Did you or did you not tell your MIL how to cook in her own home?

 

[cari12]

I wouldn't host my own birthday dinner. Go out. Problem solved!

Well, that 's what I would do if I had reasonable inlaws. MIL and FIL would not come. MIL wants to be invited to a home cooked meal for every birthday dinner (regardless of who's birthday it is).

 

[cari12]

As a general rule I would hope that you might avoid adding salt as you cook. That is healthier for everyone. Those who want to add salt at the table can do so. We've been doing that for years. (Once you start doing that you soon will not miss the salt, and foods with added salt may begin to taste too salty.) That is a small way you could help accommodate your FIL, which I hope you will always do.

I'm not sure what woudl be necessary to accommodate a glutenfree diet. I would speak with your nephew or his parents and see what you might do. His parents may very well be prepared to provide food for him.

I am a Type 2 diabetic and I have started being more proactive about family dinners and asking for menus and mealtimes ahead of time when invited to sitdown dinners so I can run unfamiliar items through my nutrition software and so I can plan whether to eat a snack before I come or when I arrive. Otherwise I know what and how much I ought to be eating. I have stopped MIL from throwing sugar over fresh strawberries or throwing a lot of salt and butter on fresh green beans and the like. My DSs are very healthy and want to stay that way. They do not want the added salt, sugar, and butter that she was used to adding to most dishes, and of course it throws off my planning so I won't eat a dish so mistreated.

I wish I had learned to cook healthy meals before I was forced to by my diagnosis.

I don't use much, if any salt when cooking. My problem is a time issue, not so much a how-to-cook issue.

 

[Chelley00]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something?

Whatever you decide you need to make sure that you communicate with them. If I'm cooking, I cater to everyone's needs because I invited them over and I feel like I should provide the meal I invited them to.

If you are set on pizza/lasagna, either find a place that provides gluten free pizzas or have a frozen gluten free pizza on hand.

I have food allergies and so does DD. I don't expect people to cater to our dietary needs, but I would need to know ahead of time so that I could cook something to bring. We've been places where nothing was provided for us to eat, and it's not only humiliating to be a bother and have to refuse food, but it's a little disheartening to sit and watch everyone else eat while you starve. Put yourself in other people's shoes and ask how you would feel to be invited to someone's house for dinner and not be able to eat anything.

 

[marmalade]

In my circle of family and friends that would be invited to my house for a meal, I have one with celiacs (gluten free), a strawberry allergy, a vegetarian and a no pork product (religious reasons). I always have something for every one of them to eat. I would never invite someone to my house for dinner knowing that had a dietary restriction and not prepare them a safe food to eat.

 

[disykat]

It is almost impossible to find take out food that is low sodium. Even harder than gluten free!

I would say "I don't have time to cook for my birthday. We'll be having take out pizza if you'd like to join us." Let them deal with thier own allergies. And, yes, we have food allergies in my own family.

What I'd like to say is "I'm spending my birthday however I darn please. I'll see you when you're cooking YOUR birthday dinner!"

There is a difference between inviting someone to your home and having time to plan and serve accordingly and being expected to provide meals at command occasions when it is inconveninent for you.

 

[suzannen]

Well, that 's what I would do if I had reasonable inlaws. MIL and FIL would not come. MIL wants to be invited to a home cooked meal for every birthday dinner (regardless of who's birthday it is).

I guess I don't understand why your MIL and FIL get to decide what YOU do on YOUR birthday?

I would simply say "for my birthday, we are going out to eat a such-and-such restaurant." Select a place that offers things like simple grilled meats, chicken and/or fish as well as more elaborate dishes. Then your gluten-free person could order a grilled entree and vegetables and those who want no salt, sugar, etc. can order what they want. Many of the restaurants I go to now a days will have several gluten-free and healthier options, if you simply ask.

 

[Sadie22]

I don't use much, if any salt when cooking. My problem is a time issue, not so much a how-to-cook issue.

If you can prepare lasagna ahead of time and freeze it until ready to cook, that might help. Chili is another dish that can made ahead and frozen.

Well, that 's what I would do if I had reasonable inlaws. MIL and FIL would not come. MIL wants to be invited to a home cooked meal for every birthday dinner (regardless of who's birthday it is).

MIL paid for my last birthday dinner, but there were only four of us. She insisted it was her gift to me. (Only one son was able to be there.) When the boys were younger and the extended family got together, I seem to recall serving lasagna or chicken tenders a lot.

Still not clear. Did you or did you not tell your MIL how to cook in her own home?

Of course I have taught her some healthier cooking methods, just as her daughter, a health professional, has, just as she has taught us many things over the years. I have also stopped her from falling for some scams. DH gets her car serviced and fixes things at her house. We look out for her all the time, and she is grateful.

 

[Disney845]

I think there is a big difference between having a "sit down" family dinner where you invite people with the intention of feeding them a meal you prepared vs you having a birthday party get together and providing pizzas and other finger foods that people may or may not choose to eat.

For example, when I am invited to a dinner party where I will sit at a table with the other guests and eat foods prepared by the hostess I know that is the purpose of my visit (perhaps not the only purpose) and the intention is that I eat. However if I was just invited to hang out with others at a get together for someone's birthday I wouldn't feel compelled to eat if I didn't like or desire to eat what was offered. I could easily eat before or after.

If the purpose is specifically to eat, then I think as the hostess you should provide an option for guests that you know have strict dietary concerns (or don't invite them if you can't or won't). I am not saying you should change the meal plan for everyone else, but just provide an option.

Regarding your desire to please the MIL and FIL that won't come to a birthday dinner unless it is home cooked... I would do whatever I wanted for "MY" birthday. If they wanted to attend they would be welcome, if not, catch you later!

 

[cari12]

I guess I don't understand why your MIL and FIL get to decide what YOU do on YOUR birthday?

Because MIL is super-controlling and decided when her sons got married, that their wives had to cook for their husbands birthdays (then for their kids as they came along). She used to cook her kids favourite meal on their birthday then passed the torch when they got married. It is basically that she wants us to invite her to a home cooked meal for every birthday in our respective houses.
As a WOHM, I feel that I should not have to cook on my birthday. (SAHM MIL says she used to always cook on her birthday because no one else was going to-FIL does not cook. Now unmarried SIL cooks for her b-day).However, my husband really has no cooking skills -which is ok because I like to cook so on a day to day basis, not an issue. If I really don't feel like cooking DH "cooks" by ordering in or we go out. Works for us. He used to order in for my birthday dinners but now with these dietary restrictions for some family members, we really can't do that anymore. So, it becomes a home cooked, no salt meal for 12 and because I am the cook in our house, I have to cook it! It's crazy I know! I am not sure what to do without running myself ragged (for my own b-day) or severely pissing off the inlaws.

 

[kirstenb1]

Gluten free is tricky. But for your FIL, just throw together some pasta and low sodium sauce, add some chicken, and have it in the kitchen if you need to pull it out. My FIL is supposed to be watching everything (early heart attack), but lets himself cheat during family celebrations.

 

[bellebud]

When hosting a family dinner (this one will be for my birthday), do I need to ensure that the meal covers a couple of guests that have dietary restrictions or is that up to them to offer to bring something? One nephew has a gluten sensitivity and FIL is supposed to eat a no salt diet (however Tim Hortons chili & donut on a regular basis and eating out when they spend the day at the casino seems to be OK). MIL expects I will cook a no salt meal for the 12 of us. I have done this in the past (probably my first mistake!)
Also, DH's and my schedules are pretty crazy right now so just getting the house "guest ready" will be a stretch. I was thinking of ordering pizza/lasagna with salad and raw veggies(BIL doesn't eat lettuce and my kids prefer these over salad). I would appreciate any thoughts on how you would handle it...

Well, that 's what I would do if I had reasonable inlaws. MIL and FIL would not come. MIL wants to be invited to a home cooked meal for every birthday dinner (regardless of who's birthday it is).

Wowwwwwwie!!!

I'd do 1 of 2 things... let dh know he needs to handle this, meaning he may cook the bday dinner for me and his family (however he sees fit - gluten free, sodium free, or not, I wouldn't care either way), or he may tell everyone he's taking you out to bday dinner, and invite them or not, his choice.

Now, that's what I'd do.

For what it seems you may do... you're already obviously into pleasing mil and fil (I am not saying that in a negative way - if that's your cup of tea and you're comfortable with it and want to do it, great).

So, to please them in the celebration of your bday, I'd have a plain grilled meat or two available to everyone (chicken pieces and some steak maybe), then a few side dishes. One side dish gluten free, one side dish sodium free, and one that you love. That's it. Maybe raw veggies w/ dip too.

 

[scrapquitler]

Because MIL is super-controlling and decided when her sons got married, that their wives had to cook for their husbands birthdays (then for their kids as they came along). She used to cook her kids favourite meal on their birthday then passed the torch when they got married. It is basically that she wants us to invite her to a home cooked meal for every birthday in our respective houses.
As a WOHM, I feel that I should not have to cook on my birthday. (SAHM MIL says she used to always cook on her birthday because no one else was going to-FIL does not cook. Now unmarried SIL cooks for her b-day).However, my husband really has no cooking skills -which is ok because I like to cook so on a day to day basis, not an issue. If I really don't feel like cooking DH "cooks" by ordering in or we go out. Works for us. He used to order in for my birthday dinners but now with these dietary restrictions for some family members, we really can't do that anymore. So, it becomes a home cooked, no salt meal for 12 and because I am the cook in our house, I have to cook it! It's crazy I know! I am not sure what to do without running myself ragged (for my own b-day) or severely pissing off the inlaws.

Sorry, but this would NOT fly with me. I'd be telling my MIL. No wait, MY DH would tell my MIL, "It's HER birthday, its her choice what she eats. If you don't want that, then you can just join us for cake and coffee at 7:30".

No way in the world would I be cooking a sit down meal for 12 on MY birthday unless it was MY choice to do so, and if I did, I would be choosing the menu.

I DO try to accomodate the needs of my family members, but I'm not going to totally derail my plans. More likely I"m goin gto make what I want and then add a few extra dishes that will fit in with the diets that need to be dealt with (salad, raw veggies, extra side dishes, an extra desert, etc) Anyone with a lot of dietary restrictions can either eat the parts of the meal that DO fit in with his/her dietary restrictions, bring a dish to share that fit into her menu plan, or eat before they come. But I'm not going to be dictated to about what I MUST make. If I don't want to serve a sit down meal, I won't (and I don't even do Thanksgiving as a sit down, plated meal...I put it on a buffet table and everyone makes their own plate).