Dating question: Is it weird or creepy to ask someone out at a public place like the local gym or grocery store?

[Poohlove]

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[Nabas]

Are you talking about a stranger you just met? If so, I would at least try some innocuous conversation, perhaps about the type of equipment at the gym or the produce at the grocery, to see if you get the feeling they are open to something more. If the person continues the conversation, it’s a much better sign than if they mutter a word or two in reply and turn away.

Before there were dating apps, many people met new people at the grocery that ended up being a long term partner. Be sincere. Don’t be pushy, do listen to what they are saying, and if the initial answer is no, accept it the first time.

I met someone at the grocery store. She asked my opinion on a brand, and that led to a nice conversation.

We dated for a year before she moved to another state for a better job. She asked me to move with her, but I really liked the job I had.

She didn’t think a long distance relationship would work, so that was that.

I met my wife at a “drinking establishment” in another state. We had a long distance relationship before getting married. Been married for 30 years now.

So I guess long distance relationships can work.

 

[sam_gordon]

I am never sure if I am reading the signals correctly. Plus at this point I want the guy to want to ask me out. I know it is silly but the few relationships I have had I always felt like I was the one keeping things going. So now I figure if they wanted to ask me out they would.

Obviously that's your choice, but the guy may be thinking the same thing. And, in this post #metoo time frame, may be concerned that any attempt at flirtation could result in false accusations.

 

[sam_gordon]

@Buzz Rules, doesn't your local soccer team have get togethers or tailgating or something? That would give you an opportunity to talk about something you KNOW you have in common.

 

[ronandannette]

Stigmas in society in the dating world is also an issue nowadays too. If a 30 year old guy asks a 40 year old woman out, society’s response is usually that the guy wants something more automatically then getting to know the person. I wish society could just let people be genuine people.

That can only happen if individuals actually experience one another, and trust what's right before their eyes without ruining it for themselves by distorting it through all the ridiculous filters that now get applied. The whole "nice guy/red flag" thing is a perfect example. Being single at 30 doesn't automatically make a man an incel (even if he still lives with his family), and not all women are automatically going to accuse someone of harassment if a person makes a gesture of interest towards them. Defaulting to the assumption that everyone is a threat in some way has made the world a much colder, sadder place, IMO.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That can only happen if individuals actually experience one another, and trust what's right before their eyes without ruining it for themselves by distorting it through all the ridiculous filters that now get applied. The whole "nice guy/red flag" thing is a perfect example. Being single at 30 doesn't automatically make a man an incel (even if he still lives with his family), and not all women are automatically going to accuse someone of harassment if a person makes a gesture of interest towards them. Defaulting to the assumption that everyone is a threat in some way has made the world a much colder, sadder place, IMO.

Since I'm the only one that mentioned it you must be referring to my comments. Please take a moment and see that you're the one making assumptions automatically. No one is calling the OP that, no one is saying anyone who does that is that. No one here has to convince you of why it was mentioned, you can do the research yourself to see it, but please for the women out there don't act like it doesn't exist. No one is even defaulting to any assumption except for those pushing so hard to ignore that there are people out there like that. From what I can tell those doing so are not and have not been in the dating game for many years. Perhaps that explains it, IDK.

 

[Timandalicia]

Dating question: Is it weird or creepy to ask someone out at a public place like the local gym or grocery store?

Everything a man does is creepy if you’re not attractive to the woman you’re doing it to.

 

[disneychrista]

Obviously that's your choice, but the guy may be thinking the same thing. And, in this post #metoo time frame, may be concerned that any attempt at flirtation could result in false accusations.

I'm okay with it being a missed connection. If it was meant to be it would be. As for the flirtation attempts leading to false accusations, I think that is just silly. I can't believe we are at the point where a guy can't ask a girl out for fear of being accused of I am not even sure of what.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm okay with it being a missed connection. If it was meant to be it would be. As for the flirtation attempts leading to false accusations, I think that is just silly. I can't believe we are at the point where a guy can't ask a girl out for fear of being accused of I am not even sure of what.

Well, you wouldn't believe that people would call the cops because they don't think others belong in the area, but here we are.

 

[fla4fun]

Stigmas in society in the dating world is also an issue nowadays too. If a 30 year old guy asks a 40 year old woman out, society’s response is usually that the guy wants something more automatically then getting to know the person. I wish society could just let people be genuine people.

I wish society would mind their own business. If it’s okay for a man to date a woman twenty years younger, it should be fine for a woman to do the same. I am such a poor judge of how old someone is that I could easily fall for someone much older or much younger, and if we are compatible our respective ages shouldn’t matter (barring an adult dating a minor of course, which is wrong).

 

[disneychrista]

Well, you wouldn't believe that people would call the cops because they don't think others belong in the area, but here we are.

I'm glad I am not of that mindset.

 

[frog3101]

I started a thread regarding dating after divorce or the end of a long term relationship. It didn't get any traction, and maybe it's because nobody is really dating anymore. I mean, dating sites seem to be full of fake profiles or people only after hook-ups, and meeting someone in person seems to be frowned upon, (not sure if that is the best term, but can't think of a better one at the moment) so what is the answer? I joke with my friends that I'd really just like meet someone in the produce section...like the good ol' days. I am not crazy about online dating, but it seems much more acceptable than meeting someone the "old fashioned" way. I realize meeting someone in the produce section could mean they are a creep, but you can just as easily meet a creep online, at the gym, or in a social group that meets for specific interests (hiking, board games, sports, etc.). Creeps, unfortunately are everywhere...men and women. But, I guess I am not so jaded to think that having casual conversations at the gym or even the grocery store could not lead to something more. I'm not talking about somebody walking up to a complete stranger and just asking them out, but if you see someone regularly at the same place, (gym, coffee shop, grocery store, etc.) and have chatted with them regularly, what is the harm of asking them out? I know, I know, there is a chance the person being asked will freak out and accuse the asker of harassment or worse. Yet, I just can't let myself believe this is the norm.
Meeting someone through friends or family is pretty slim too, for me anyway. I live in a pretty rural area and everyone is 2 maybe 3 degrees of separation. I'm tied to staying here for the foreseeable future, so it is just what it is. I feel for anyone trying to date right now.
So, instead of starting another thread, how did you meet your significant other? If you are up for it, let us know your age or age range and how long ago you met. It'd be interesting to see how the trends have changed. I do think there was a thread about this awhile ago, but bringing it back, since it seems relevant/ties well into this discussion.

 

[disneychrista]

So, instead of starting another thread, how did you meet your significant other? If you are up for it, let us know your age or age range and how long ago you met. It'd be interesting to see how the trends have changed. I do think there was a thread about this awhile ago, but bringing it back, since it seems relevant/ties well into this discussion.

I asked this question a few years ago. Here is the thread if you are interested:

https://www.disboards.com/threads/where-did-you-meet-your-significant-other.3773001/

 

[nancipants]

I'm okay with it being a missed connection. If it was meant to be it would be. As for the flirtation attempts leading to false accusations, I think that is just silly. I can't believe we are at the point where a guy can't ask a girl out for fear of being accused of I am not even sure of what.

False accusations are wrong.

On the other hand, we unfortunately live in a world where sometimes men ask women on dates and refuse to take no for an answer, going so far as finding out their work location to ask again, or trying to follow them home, or various other “persistent” methods. So I don’t blame people for being hesitant when approached when running errands or at the gym. (Yes, I know, not all men.)

 

[GreatLakes]

Why would it be? I went out with a few people I met at the gym, charity events, and at races. Dating is a numbers game. The more people you go out with the more likely you'll meet the right person.

 

[DLgal]

I started a thread regarding dating after divorce or the end of a long term relationship. It didn't get any traction, and maybe it's because nobody is really dating anymore. I mean, dating sites seem to be full of fake profiles or people only after hook-ups, and meeting someone in person seems to be frowned upon, (not sure if that is the best term, but can't think of a better one at the moment) so what is the answer? I joke with my friends that I'd really just like meet someone in the produce section...like the good ol' days. I am not crazy about online dating, but it seems much more acceptable than meeting someone the "old fashioned" way. I realize meeting someone in the produce section could mean they are a creep, but you can just as easily meet a creep online, at the gym, or in a social group that meets for specific interests (hiking, board games, sports, etc.). Creeps, unfortunately are everywhere...men and women. But, I guess I am not so jaded to think that having casual conversations at the gym or even the grocery store could not lead to something more. I'm not talking about somebody walking up to a complete stranger and just asking them out, but if you see someone regularly at the same place, (gym, coffee shop, grocery store, etc.) and have chatted with them regularly, what is the harm of asking them out? I know, I know, there is a chance the person being asked will freak out and accuse the asker of harassment or worse. Yet, I just can't let myself believe this is the norm.
Meeting someone through friends or family is pretty slim too, for me anyway. I live in a pretty rural area and everyone is 2 maybe 3 degrees of separation. I'm tied to staying here for the foreseeable future, so it is just what it is. I feel for anyone trying to date right now.
So, instead of starting another thread, how did you meet your significant other? If you are up for it, let us know your age or age range and how long ago you met. It'd be interesting to see how the trends have changed. I do think there was a thread about this awhile ago, but bringing it back, since it seems relevant/ties well into this discussion.

First of all, I don't think it's "the norm" that people will freak out and claim harassment at being asked out in a public place. I think that narrative is WAY overblown. I have a lot of single friends and have never heard anything like this going down.

Second, my husband and I met at work in college. We both worked in a video store (remember those)? Anyway, we ended up on a date kind of by accident when the third person in a group hang got sick and bowed out. I asked him out 2 weeks later, officially. This was in 1997. Still together.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Why would it be? I went out with a few people I met at the gym, charity events, and at races. Dating is a numbers game. The more people you go out with the more likely you'll meet the right person.

Was any of this post #metoo?

 

[Buzz Rules]

First of all, I don't think it's "the norm" that people will freak out and claim harassment at being asked out in a public place. I think that narrative is WAY overblown. I have a lot of single friends and have never heard anything like this going down.

Second, my husband and I met at work in college. We both worked in a video store (remember those)? Anyway, we ended up on a date kind of by accident when the third person in a group hang got sick and bowed out. I asked him out 2 weeks later, officially. This was in 1997. Still together.

This is one reason I miss the 90’s. Peoples’ first reaction wasn’t always going immediately to something negative. Thanks for sharing.

 

[bcla]

Shouldn't it be baby steps first? Certainly meeting new people at public places has been a thing since forever, but I'd think maybe a phone number first and then some conversations (even messages these days) before getting to the point of talking about a date.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Shouldn't it be baby steps first? Certainly meeting new people at public places has been a thing since forever, but I'd think maybe a phone number first and then some conversations (even messages these days) before getting to the point of talking about a date.

Fair point. But because more people seem to be on their guard even more than 10 years ago, I think women are more likely not to give out their number (fearing a nice person could stalk them). In my experience, most just want to know the time and place of the date when asking them out and want to drive themselves there.