Best tips for when you don't have another adult to 'share' duties!

[TTMom]

One of the most difficult aspects for my own family situation when planning for Disney, was the (sometimes overwhelming) understanding that there was never going to be another adult around to share duties, or to just be on hand for a few minutes to compose myself if/when a meltdown occurred.

Let me preface this: I love my boy, I'm proud to be a single mother and of how much we have managed to achieve together. But.... I am a BIG believer in parents (single or otherwise) taking a time out for themselves if/when needed.

Doing Disney - a place that, especially on a first visit, can be overwhelming and over-stimulation for the kiddos - and being so far away from an adult family member, or adult friend, who could jump in for a few minutes for re-direction, distraction or just to vent to, terrified me at first.

One of the most valuable lessons that I learned on the DIS was the art of afternoon breaks. They seemed to work wonderfully, since we are typically an early rising kind of family.

What methods do you all have in place to ensure that you don't get overwhelmed? How do you all get a much needed break for yourself, while balancing your child's needs?

 

[Jasesmom]

One of the most difficult aspects for my own family situation when planning for Disney, was the (sometimes overwhelming) understanding that there was never going to be another adult around to share duties, or to just be on hand for a few minutes to compose myself if/when a meltdown occurred.

Let me preface this: I love my boy, I'm proud to be a single mother and of how much we have managed to achieve together. But.... I am a BIG believer in parents (single or otherwise) taking a time out for themselves if/when needed.

Doing Disney - a place that, especially on a first visit, can be overwhelming and over-stimulation for the kiddos - and being so far away from an adult family member, or adult friend, who could jump in for a few minutes for re-direction, distraction or just to vent to, terrified me at first.

One of the most valuable lessons that I learned on the DIS was the art of afternoon breaks. They seemed to work wonderfully, since we are typically an early rising kind of family.

What methods do you all have in place to ensure that you don't get overwhelmed? How do you all get a much needed break for yourself, while balancing your child's needs?

This is our first time going but I plan on treating it similar to when we are home... I will have a friend with me but Jase is pretty much attached! We will have rest/nap time for a few hours in the afternoon! If he doesnt sleep he will atleast lay down for 2 hours for me to recompose myself!

 

[Tiffylv]

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[TTMom]

This is our first time going but I plan on treating it similar to when we are home... I will have a friend with me but Jase is pretty much attached! We will have rest/nap time for a few hours in the afternoon! If he doesnt sleep he will atleast lay down for 2 hours for me to recompose myself!

That was my approach during my first visit with the boy. I didn't think that we could ever be in a financial position to plan for a return trip - so it was trying to find a balance between seeing everything that we wanted to and could - and what would work best for him. This was before we had any kind of official diagnoses, so we were going purely on trial and error.

Now that he's gotten much older (and we have been fortunate enough to return more than once!) our strategy switched to returning to the resort for a swim. I swear... sometimes I think he'd be content with flying all the way to Florida just to be in the ASMu pool!

Having a friend with you will be a lot of fun! We traveled with my sister the first time that we went, and though I never wanted her to feel like she was obligated to help out with my son, and we didn't spend more than an hour or so together each day, I did take advantage of it!

Nothing is better, after a long, hot, sticky day in the MK, than being able to get in a long, cool shower (without someone peeking their head in every five seconds to know what the heck Mom is up to!)

I think the most important thing for us was taking it very, very slow. Even though my son is 7 he still melts down like a toddler because of his issues. I let him go as slow as he wanted and did not worry about how much I spent on things and how much we needed to do to get my money's worth. We also did an afternoon break back at the resort!

We still continue to have this problem. My son lacks the ability to maintain his composure; the smallest thing can quickly escalate into an epic meltdown, often to the point that virtual strangers will point/stare/pass judgment. Navigating the sometimes crowded areas of WDW can make that even worse, and before our first trip, I made sure that I knew where quiet, air conditioned and usually not very crowded places were for me to take him.

We also employ the 'attraction to entertainment' strategy. Though we seem to fare fairly well when it comes to ride lines, I find that the stimulation can send his emotions (and temper!) into overdrive. So we try to hit up a few attractions and then head straight for an indoor show. The darker room, cooler air, and 'down-time' before it starts can sometimes bring a bad situation back in hand.

 

[Tiffylv]

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[englanddg]

Oddly, I actually found it easier just me and the kiddo. One year we did a trip with her mom (my ex) and her uncle (age 10 at the time) and trying to manage the whole group was just a mess. So much so that I suggested we start splitting off into groups of two and meet every few hours.

Not an issue when it's just me and the kiddo. I have been to Disney a lot in my life (Florida Annual Passholder growing up), and so there really isn't much on my bucket list, so I let her drive the plans the first few trips. Now that she's been several times, and she's a tad older, she is easier to reason with.

That said, I did sneak in several "adult oriented activities", such as signature meals, on my trips. It was rather easy, with a little girl. We went back to the hotel, dressed up, and I made a big deal about our "fancy meal". The kiddo likes to have some soda in a wine glass at these meals so we can "toast". Never really had a problem with her accepting such activities, however the trade off are things she enjoys (and I am meh about), like character experiences, etc.

The only duty that I found rather difficult, being that I'm a single father with a daughter on the trips, is bathroom duty. When she was young enough that it was ok to bring her in the men's room, or to use a family restroom (which were godsends!), it wasn't that big a deal. But, once she hit a certain age, her joining me in the men's room, or me joining her in a family restroom, really wasn't appropriate any longer. Waiting for her to "finish" was always a quandry, and our 2012 trips I have some rather interesting stories.

1) At EPCOT she went to the restroom over in World Showcase. The one that's right next to the small snack stand, just to the right as you enter World Showcase. I told her that I was going to get us a soda to share (it was hot) while she went, and pointed out where I would be (it was about 15 feet away from the restroom, and I could see the entrance from the line). Well, she slipped out, I guess while I was paying for the soda, and decided, in proper kiddo fashion and authority, that rather than meet up with me in the line, or wait by the door like I had told her, she wanted to play with the ducks! So, she walked about 100 feet away, to where the ducks were congregated, over by the tree/smoking section, and was having a good ol' time. Me, I was FREAKING out! Granted, she was nearly 9 at the time (1 month away), and astute enough that if she was lost she'd find herself a helpful CM...but, that didn't stop my stomach from turning and a Grade A Class 1 Parent Panic attack to ensue. When I found her, I was so relieved I couldn't even be upset with her.

Same trip, but at Legoland...

2) She had to go to the bathroom while I was in line for tickets. It wasn't busy, and at Legoland they have a public restroom/locker setup within clear view of the ticketing counter. I watched her walk to the restroom, and kept an eye out. Paid for our tickets a minute or two later (it wasn't very long, but potty can't wait!) and walked over to the restroom. The incident at EPCOT had already happened at this point on the trip, so I was watching it like a hawk.

3 minutes passed. 5 minutes passed. I started to get worried, so I poked open the door just a bit and called out her name. Yep, she was still in there!

3 minutes passed. 5 minutes passed. I called again, and yep, still in there!

I asked a nice lady who was entering the restroom if she would mind checking on her for me. A few minutes later, they come out. It turns out my kiddo had gotten a new dress from a store in Mexico on the cruise we'd taken the week before, and couldn't figure out how to get it back on after doing her business, but was too embarrassed to let me know (she was determined to figure it out!). Well, she sortof did. She ended up getting her arm and head through the headhole (is there a proper dress term for this? I dunno, I don't wear dresses...), but couldn't figure out how to get herself unstuck (she was, according to the woman, stuck in there pretty darn well too!).

Yeah...those moments really worried me. But, otherwise our trips have been a blast, and now they are just funny story/memories.

 

[NJMomto2]

My kids are very clingy and afraid of strangers at 18 and 3.

1. I bring the 3 year old's stroller so she has "her place" in the strange crowded park. She enjoys everything from her stroller. She will not get out. She sees characters in the stroller. I put it next to them and they pose with her.

2. I bring small blankets from home. Very comforting.

3. I set a small agenda for the day: 4 or 5 attractions/shows.

4. I split parks into two days. 1st day I go early and do early parade and rides. 2nd day I go for a ride and fireworks/ late parade only.

5. Max 4 hours in a park - either day or night. Rest of day/night is in the hotel pool or movie by the pool/etc.

6. I stop at the dollar store and pick up favorite snacks like sunflower seeds etc. kids really enjoy this even with all the options in the park.

7. I let them nap/watch TV for me to get a break

8. Shower before they wake up.

9. Bring stroller to dining room. Pack up food and bring to hotel room for shy kids. They eat more this way.

 

[nataliej_vk]

My problem is that I am petrified (I mean it's so bad I break out into hives and have since I was 2) of heights!!!! But my now 8 year old LOVES them. The higher the better for her. It's why I love Disney there is only 4 rides I cannot do. Normally my sister or parents come with and do the rides with her. But last trip we solo'd it and she wanted to do splash mountain (but at the time was 6) and couldn't do it alone. She begged so I got in line but as we got closer I had a panic attack! My sweet little girl saw how upset I was and patted my hand sadly, then proceeded to tell me it was ok to not do it. I felt so bad

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

My problem is that I am petrified (I mean it's so bad I break out into hives and have since I was 2) of heights!!!! But my now 8 year old LOVES them. The higher the better for her. It's why I love Disney there is only 4 rides I cannot do. Normally my sister or parents come with and do the rides with her. But last trip we solo'd it and she wanted to do splash mountain (but at the time was 6) and couldn't do it alone. She begged so I got in line but as we got closer I had a panic attack! My sweet little girl saw how upset I was and patted my hand sadly, then proceeded to tell me it was ok to not do it. I felt so bad

What a sweet little girl!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

For me, I just try to...

Stay as close as possible to our home schedule.

Make sure he naps during or close to his normal nap times to keep the crankiness away.

I don't try to fill up our day with a bunch of "go go go" activities.

I don't pre-pay for activities. I just have ideas of possible things to do. Babies/small kids are unpredictable. If DS is still asleep when an activity we planned to do is about to start, I don't wake him. We just show up after he wakes up or skip it all together and find something else to do.

I have a "go with the flow attitude" with realistic expectations for what's typical for DS. I like to remain "flexible and fluid". That way, there's no stressing about the "perfect" vacation.

I don't worry about "missing out" on things. Disney and ports of call have been around for a long time. They aren't going anywhere. We can always return when DS is older and do different things.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

Oddly, I actually found it easier just me and the kiddo. One year we did a trip with her mom (my ex) and her uncle (age 10 at the time) and trying to manage the whole group was just a mess. So much so that I suggested we start splitting off into groups of two and meet every few hours.

Not an issue when it's just me and the kiddo. I have been to Disney a lot in my life (Florida Annual Passholder growing up), and so there really isn't much on my bucket list, so I let her drive the plans the first few trips. Now that she's been several times, and she's a tad older, she is easier to reason with.

That said, I did sneak in several "adult oriented activities", such as signature meals, on my trips. It was rather easy, with a little girl. We went back to the hotel, dressed up, and I made a big deal about our "fancy meal". The kiddo likes to have some soda in a wine glass at these meals so we can "toast". Never really had a problem with her accepting such activities, however the trade off are things she enjoys (and I am meh about), like character experiences, etc.

The only duty that I found rather difficult, being that I'm a single father with a daughter on the trips, is bathroom duty. When she was young enough that it was ok to bring her in the men's room, or to use a family restroom (which were godsends!), it wasn't that big a deal. But, once she hit a certain age, her joining me in the men's room, or me joining her in a family restroom, really wasn't appropriate any longer. Waiting for her to "finish" was always a quandry, and our 2012 trips I have some rather interesting stories.

1) At EPCOT she went to the restroom over in World Showcase. The one that's right next to the small snack stand, just to the right as you enter World Showcase. I told her that I was going to get us a soda to share (it was hot) while she went, and pointed out where I would be (it was about 15 feet away from the restroom, and I could see the entrance from the line). Well, she slipped out, I guess while I was paying for the soda, and decided, in proper kiddo fashion and authority, that rather than meet up with me in the line, or wait by the door like I had told her, she wanted to play with the ducks! So, she walked about 100 feet away, to where the ducks were congregated, over by the tree/smoking section, and was having a good ol' time. Me, I was FREAKING out! Granted, she was nearly 9 at the time (1 month away), and astute enough that if she was lost she'd find herself a helpful CM...but, that didn't stop my stomach from turning and a Grade A Class 1 Parent Panic attack to ensue. When I found her, I was so relieved I couldn't even be upset with her.

Same trip, but at Legoland...

2) She had to go to the bathroom while I was in line for tickets. It wasn't busy, and at Legoland they have a public restroom/locker setup within clear view of the ticketing counter. I watched her walk to the restroom, and kept an eye out. Paid for our tickets a minute or two later (it wasn't very long, but potty can't wait!) and walked over to the restroom. The incident at EPCOT had already happened at this point on the trip, so I was watching it like a hawk.

3 minutes passed. 5 minutes passed. I started to get worried, so I poked open the door just a bit and called out her name. Yep, she was still in there!

3 minutes passed. 5 minutes passed. I called again, and yep, still in there!

I asked a nice lady who was entering the restroom if she would mind checking on her for me. A few minutes later, they come out. It turns out my kiddo had gotten a new dress from a store in Mexico on the cruise we'd taken the week before, and couldn't figure out how to get it back on after doing her business, but was too embarrassed to let me know (she was determined to figure it out!). Well, she sortof did. She ended up getting her arm and head through the headhole (is there a proper dress term for this? I dunno, I don't wear dresses...), but couldn't figure out how to get herself unstuck (she was, according to the woman, stuck in there pretty darn well too!).

Yeah...those moments really worried me. But, otherwise our trips have been a blast, and now they are just funny story/memories.

I'm with you. I'd rather travel alone with DS. It's less stressful for me. That way, no one is messing up our "system". We aren't on anyone else's schedule, but our own. If DS decides he wants to stay in the room and play, rather than go to a "planned" activities, I'm okay with altering our plans and staying in. When you travel with others, you have to consider what they want. Besides, I LOVE hanging out and having mother/son bonding time. We are creating memories that are ours alone.

 

[englanddg]

I'm with you. I'd rather travel alone with DS. It's less stressful for me. That way, no one is messing up our "system". We aren't on anyone else's schedule, but our own. If DS decides he wants to stay in the room and play, rather than go to a "planned" activities, I'm okay with altering our plans and staying in. When you travel with others, you have to consider what they want. Besides, I LOVE hanging out and having mother/son bonding time. We are creating memories that are ours alone.

That exactly. I love the time alone with my daughter! And we see the "world" just fine the two of us. I don't feel like we are missing out on anything at all! (guess who was my other "cameraman" for this vid?)

In fact, that trip we brought her mother and uncle in, she asked her Mom for her own time with me (as she remembered the previous trip). I should be frank, we planned that (her mother and I) because we do NOT want her to favor one parent over another, it's just that these trips work for us (as parents). We did it so she wouldn't see me as the "Disney Dad" while her Mom was the "Boring Mom"...seems to have worked (after years of other stuff), but after we both decided that we love each other, but don't care to be together, we are darned sure we don't want our kiddo to suffer because of it!

The Disney thing is OUR thing, and I can't wait to see her again in a month!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

That exactly. I love the time alone with my daughter! And we see the "world" just fine the two of us. I don't feel like we are missing out on anything at all! (guess who was my other "cameraman" for this vid?)

In fact, that trip we brought her mother and uncle in, she asked her Mom for her own time with me (as she remembered the previous trip). I should be frank, we planned that (her mother and I) because we do NOT want her to favor one parent over another, it's just that these trips work for us (as parents). We did it so she wouldn't see me as the "Disney Dad" while her Mom was the "Boring Mom"...seems to have worked (after years of other stuff), but after we both decided that we love each other, but don't care to be together, we are darned sure we don't want our kiddo to suffer because of it!

The Disney thing is OUR thing, and I can't wait to see her again in a month!

That's a very mature approach.

By the way, when I clicked on the video, it gave an error message. I couldn't view it. Sorry.

 

[englanddg]

That's a very mature approach.

By the way, when I clicked on the video, it gave an error message. I couldn't view it. Sorry.

Could be youtube.

Embedded media from this media site is no longer available

Same video.

 

[cbellasmomma]

Subbing on this thread! I call myself a singleish mama. I am remarried but dd (9 soon to be 10) is very attached to me. We are going to the World this summer. It is her first time and my first time since I was 15. We will be there for 3 days and then my husband is meeting us for the other 3 days - the best of both worlds for me. I am so excited to have mama and me time with her but also a little nervous about figuring this all out myself.

My plan was to get on a monorail resort so we could get back to the room quickly for a midday break and so I didn't have to rent a car. To that end we are mostly doing MK and not hopping. I also reached out to some DIS moms and I am meeting up with one on our longest day so I am hoping that helps (her and me!). Still searching for a pool friend - anyone at the Poly 8/17-8/22?

 

[TTMom]

Oddly, I actually found it easier just me and the kiddo. One year we did a trip with her mom (my ex) and her uncle (age 10 at the time) and trying to manage the whole group was just a mess. So much so that I suggested we start splitting off into groups of two and meet every few hours.

We have had that same experience! Planning with more than just the boy and I can always be a struggle. It's not just a matter of trying to figure out what kinds of rides everyone wants to go on - but dealing with the different way that they want to see the park! On every vacation that we have enjoyed with others, we end up splitting off.

My usual plan of attack is to plan one meal together each day (table service), and we establish prior to leaving what BIG things we want to do together. This year's vacation has 6 kids in total; we have figured out one ride per day that we will all do together - and then I've already let people know that the plans end there, and everyone is on their own!

The only duty that I found rather difficult, being that I'm a single father with a daughter on the trips, is bathroom duty. When she was young enough that it was ok to bring her in the men's room, or to use a family restroom (which were godsends!), it wasn't that big a deal. But, once she hit a certain age, her joining me in the men's room, or me joining her in a family restroom, really wasn't appropriate any longer. Waiting for her to "finish" was always a quandry, and our 2012 trips I have some rather interesting stories.

I had that problem in reverse! I experienced the problem of a LARGE group of men coming out of the bathroom all at once, and my boy got caught up on their other side; the one that I wasn't watching. He thought I left, I thought he took off.... now we plan a meeting spot instead of me just sitting there waiting on him to come out!

Subbing on this thread! I call myself a singleish mama. I am remarried but dd (9 soon to be 10) is very attached to me. We are going to the World this summer. It is her first time and my first time since I was 15. We will be there for 3 days and then my husband is meeting us for the other 3 days - the best of both worlds for me. I am so excited to have mama and me time with her but also a little nervous about figuring this all out myself.

My plan was to get on a monorail resort so we could get back to the room quickly for a midday break and so I didn't have to rent a car. To that end we are mostly doing MK and not hopping. I also reached out to some DIS moms and I am meeting up with one on our longest day so I am hoping that helps (her and me!). Still searching for a pool friend - anyone at the Poly 8/17-8/22?

I wish I could help with the pool friend! But we will be there in late September and staying at the ASMu. Is there anything in particular that you were nervous about? My post count is low (I've always just been a lurker!) but as a mom of a boy with very specific limitations, I have done a LOT of research into these kinds of things!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

Could be youtube.

Embedded media from this media site is no longer available

Same video.

Adorable! Thanks for sharing your video.

 

[luvmy2babies]

We just take things really slow and pace ourselves. We area generally there in the summer so it's important we do not over do it. I try to keep eating and sleeping schedules (especially eating) on schedule. I don't get any alone time; but like other posters have said, it's easier if it is just us. If I did have anyone along, I'd want it to be people who could easily go and do their own thing, not one person who would be with us all of the time. Someone else might not understand our obsession with Philharmagic LOL. Not that we haven't tried to invite other family. People tend to shy away at the expense, which I handle by planning and paying for the better part of a year. Other people in my life don't seem to want to do that.

 

[rapunzelmom]

My biggest tip as a single parent with an only child is to have lots of stuff to do in my backpack. I always had small toys, paper a marker, snacks and a water bottle with me at all time. For her and really for a lot of kids a nice protein snack can either head off a melt down help shorten one. Of course not all kids but cheese sticks and slim jims were/are lifesavers for us!
When I needed a break I brake out the activity. Once in line at the Nemo show at AK I had about 10 kids making pictures with the 3x5 cards and colored pencils! Now that she is getting older I can shove the phone at her for a few minutes, but when I need 30 of peace I still bring a craft for her to do. Michael's has these wooden frames, door hanger things that come with little markers, they are complete junk but for a dollar I get 20 minutes and a glass of wine in peace!

Also I am unapologetic that I use TV or DVD as babysitter when necessary, and LOVE that the Disney channel is on 24/7 in the hotel! Haters can hate but sometime you just need to clean out the dishwasher or finish something for work! Now that she is older Netflix is my friend!

 

[loves to dive]

I'm a single mom of a now adult DS, we have been going to WDW every other year since he was 3. Most of the time it was just the two of us, sometimes my Mom would come and in her later years one of my brother's would come because she was in a wheelchair. I never had any problems being there just the two of us. Bathrooms could get challenging since he loved to play in them and I was known to ask a man coming out if he noticed the little man in there. We would just take it easy and go with the flow, if he got tired, back to the room we would go. We only went every other year because it took me that long to save and we always stayed in the deluxe resorts. His father and I divorced when he was 10 months old so I pretty much always took him everywhere with me. He was just as comfortable in a TS restaurant as he was at McDonalds. He loved to travel (still does) and I raised him to explore and enjoy history so WS at Epcot was one of our favorite spots. We still go at least every other year, now his wife joins us and I go solo every once in awhile between the trips with him but he grew up at WDW, is not ashamed to admit to anyone that he loves going with his mom. We didn't ride anything that he felt he might be uncomfortable on, I never forced him to either. I didn't carry a bunch of stuff with us, after he was about 4 no more strollers so I wasn't going to lug around a bunch of stuff and try to keep track of him too. If he got too dirty for words, we would just go back to the room and change. We spent a lot of time at the pools, he loves to swim. He was happy watching TV so cartoons were a life saver, I didn't leave him at any of the kids activities until he was around 10 and could go to the arcade by himself, if I wanted an adult beverage, it was at dinner or in the room.