DH really wanted to do Napa Rose but I think the kids will not handle it after days in the parks! Youngest will be nearly 4 but with severe CAS so break time and easy evenings are on the agenda. I don't think we'd even wait for any of the shows. We ate outside at Cafe Orleans and had enough sight of fireworks to make the kids happy.
We will have 2 nights in DL and one DCA. I was thinking of booking CO again. We also have The Cove, Alfresco tasting terrace, Carnation Cafe, Rancho del Zocalo and River Belle terrace as places we'd like to try so we have some narrowing down to do!
CAS: I assume apraxia? DS has dealt with speech delays related to his autism and the early years were rough. There was a point in time when he was around your youngest's age where he was getting so extremely frustrated because he could not communicate with us in a way we understood. At the same time, he was quite advanced with spelling so I would get him to spell the word he was trying to say. Now that he is older, it is much easier but he still sounds like a child a few years younger than he really is. Do you use a visual communication system? We never went that route but I know that PECS boards can be a wonderful tool.
If you do another trip and stay at one of the DLR hotels you can take advantage of the kids club, Pinocchio's Workshop. We have sent our son there twice while the adults went to Napa Rose. Now that DS has almost aged out of PW (it only goes to 12), we gave him the option of going there or coming to dinner with us.
Cove Bar is nice but they don't take reservations and the line can be quite long. We lucked out the time we went and were seated almost immediately. We all love the Alfresco Tasting Terrace, especially the wine flights! It is only open from 2:00-9:00 and it has a very limited menu but we have enjoyed the charcuterie and cheese board as well as the arancini balls (they call them "aged cheddar risotto bites"). On our last trip we did the WoC dessert party and had a late lunch/early supper at the tasting terrace which worked well before the dessert party.
I don't know if it is on your list but it might be worth it to put in the time and wait to get a table at Carthay Circle Lounge. Like Cove Bar, they do not take reservations and you just have to wait in line but it was a lovely break and the food was really good. They do have a kids menu here as well, DS loved the puff pastry wrapped mini hotdogs.
Carnation Cafe is one of our favourites, we like to book a late breakfast there and it is always lovely to meet Chef Oscar. Definitely make reservations!
Another on our "must do" list is the fried chicken at the Plaza Inn, we typically have it for lunch on our first day. One adult portion is more than enough to share between the two adults.
You mentioned 2 nights in DL and one in DCA, have you considered getting park hoppers?