A wedding gift WWYD

[arihillfarm]

Ok really.....a 24 year old towel set?

My mother still has and uses towel sets that she received for her wedding in 1966 and I still have and use towels I bought in 1991 when I started college. Hers and mine are still in great shape and nowhere nearly ready for the rag bin. I guess this is just another example of "they don't make things anymore like they used to".

-Astrid

 

[crisi]

No, $200/4pcs isn't a "nice" or "high quality" set. It's a basic set. For people going on a trip and they don't have luggage.

I'm guessing that if the OPs sister has been borrowing her luggage, and the OP thinks this is a nice set, then the sister will be fine with the quality - it isn't likely to be worse than the set she uses and doesn't own. Likewise, since she uses the OPs luggage, the features of this set of luggage are likely to be adequate to her needs. Its pretty obvious that the sister is not a luggage snob, or she would have purchased her OWN luggage that meets her needs.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Sorry about your inlaws!

No worries. They brought my awesome husband into the world, so I am grateful to them despite it all .

 

[dansamy]

I'm guessing that if the OPs sister has been borrowing her luggage, and the OP thinks this is a nice set, then the sister will be fine with the quality - it isn't likely to be worse than the set she uses and doesn't own. Likewise, since she uses the OPs luggage, the features of this set of luggage are likely to be adequate to her needs. Its pretty obvious that the sister is not a luggage snob, or she would have purchased her OWN luggage that meets her needs.

Um, yeah. You just said exactly what I said.

 

[crisi]

Um, yeah. You just said exactly what I said.

Sorry, I thought you were agreeing with the idea that she should pick out her own nicer set of luggage. But you and I seem to agree - for someone who is happy borrowing someone else's luggage, any luggage is better than no luggage - especially since they are moving and borrowing her sister's luggage will be a lot harder.

(I'm 47 and live in the Midwest).

 

[ariel71]

The last trip the sister took to visit family out west, she borrowed my luggage as hers had broken.

Sorry, I thought you were agreeing with the idea that she should pick out her own nicer set of luggage. But you and I seem to agree - for someone who is happy borrowing someone else's luggage, any luggage is better than no luggage - especially since they are moving and borrowing her sister's luggage will be a lot harder.

(I'm 47 and live in the Midwest).

As far as we know, SIL borrowed OP's luggage ONE time because hers had broken, so she did already have luggage. We don't know how long ago that was, if new luggage was purchased in the meantime, or if she found out about the broken luggage the day before and was in a pinch. Based on OP's statement, I don't automatically assume that this was a regular occurrence or that SIL is luggage-impaired at this moment.

No one wants luggage that may fall apart in a few trips (sometimes en route, which creates its own problems). Sometimes the one suitcase in the set that the manufacturer says is "carry-on" size is really not carry-on size because it's only based on the dimensions of the bag itself, not including wheels and handles. If you have an aggressive gate agent, that can be an issue. I've had many problem flights where due to delays or cancellations I flew into a different airport or had to change flights/airlines because of a missed connection. I have much more flexibility in those situations by using a carry-on and not a checked bag.

Although I live in Chicago now, I grew up in small-town central PA and I understand the more modest economic perspective of small-town living. I'm not knocking the dollar amount, just commenting about value and function. It goes both ways - I don't like Tumi either because I think you're paying far more than you have to for decent quality. People may think I'm trashing the OP, but that's not the intent. If $75 is what the OP is comfortable spending, that's fine, and I do think it is very thoughful to think of something that may very well be useful. I used the word "quality" since that's the term that OP used. We don't know how often they travel. If it's rarely, then sure, this set probably works for most people. If they travel more often, perhaps that $75 is better spent on one nicer suitcase. I just recommend being a little more sure that this would be a welcomed gift and meet their needs.

Anyway, I realize this has become a dissertation and in the grand scheme of things, it's just luggage. But on a cruise to Alaska this summer, one person's super-sized bag created a literal transportation emergency that was only solved with some really creative last-minute thinking. Sometimes size really does matter

As someone noted, is there a way to hint around to see if they need luggage anyway?

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Wow.....way more replies to this thread than I ever anticipated. Thanks to all for your opinions (even if I don't necessarily agree).

For those worried about the durability of the luggage.....I didn't say it was "high end". I did say it was a "quality" set. Its a brand name I am sure the bride and groom will recognize. Yay me for getting in on a FAB sale, right place/right time. Yes its a four piece set, however only two of the four pieces are larger cases, while the other two are small (one carry on, one matching "bag"). Will they last 20 years? Probably not. But they are certainly sufficient enough, IMHO, to carry their belongings on some fun adventures in the initial years of their marriage. We spent what we were comfortable spending on a couple whom we will only see at the obligatory family holidays from here onward, and quite honestly, in our area a $75 wedding gift is considered thoughtful and generous....but we are small-town Canada where our cost of living (and wages) are far below the major city centers.

I am not afraid of annoying or offending the inlaws by deviating from their demands . Trust me, my existence has accomplished that enough . I have been married into this family for 20 years. Yep, they like to drag up stuff from the past and remind me of my inadequacies.....but that won't stop, luggage or cash.

You know what would have been interesting? (because I have one of those statistic-lovin', fact-driven brains) For all of the replies above.........it would have been nice to know some demographics of the various responders. Things like age and where you live (city vs. rural). Just because I'm curious if that is a driving force in how people view what should be done. Hmmmm.....something to think about .

Having celebrated our 20th anniversary on May 1st of this year, I can also attest to the fact that I still have certain items (including a set or two of towels ) from our wedding. I still have the blender we received from an aunt and uncle. I still have the crock pot from my Grandma. I still have the most God-awful homely floral pitcher that I received from my boss at the time. Things do last, if you take care of them.

I didn't realize you had been the inlaw for 20+ years. Do what you think is best. I like to stir the pot every now and again. It gives me a chance to take the temperature in the room and say to myself...Yep! They still hate me.

 

[crisi]

As far as we know, SIL borrowed OP's luggage ONE time because hers had broken, so she did already have luggage. We don't know how long ago that was, if new luggage was purchased in the meantime, or if she found out about the broken luggage the day before and was in a pinch. Based on OP's statement, I don't automatically assume that this was a regular occurrence or that SIL is luggage-impaired at this moment.

No one wants luggage that may fall apart in a few trips (sometimes en route, which creates its own problems). Sometimes the one suitcase in the set that the manufacturer says is "carry-on" size is really not carry-on size because it's only based on the dimensions of the bag itself, not including wheels and handles. If you have an aggressive gate agent, that can be an issue. I've had many problem flights where due to delays or cancellations I flew into a different airport or had to change flights/airlines because of a missed connection. I have much more flexibility in those situations by using a carry-on and not a checked bag.

Although I live in Chicago now, I grew up in small-town central PA and I understand the more modest economic perspective of small-town living. I'm not knocking the dollar amount, just commenting about value and function. It goes both ways - I don't like Tumi either because I think you're paying far more than you have to for decent quality. People may think I'm trashing the OP, but that's not the intent. If $75 is what the OP is comfortable spending, that's fine, and I do think it is very thoughful to think of something that may very well be useful. I used the word "quality" since that's the term that OP used. We don't know how often they travel. If it's rarely, then sure, this set probably works for most people. If they travel more often, perhaps that $75 is better spent on one nicer suitcase. I just recommend being a little more sure that this would be a welcomed gift and meet their needs.

Anyway, I realize this has become a dissertation and in the grand scheme of things, it's just luggage. But on a cruise to Alaska this summer, one person's super-sized bag created a literal transportation emergency that was only solved with some really creative last-minute thinking. Sometimes size really does matter

As someone noted, is there a way to hint around to see if they need luggage anyway?

The OP MIGHT know these things - you know - knowing the person she is buying the gift for and having put some thought into it (because she said "you know, they need luggage" not - "let me run to TJ Maxx and buy the first crystal vase I see") and I've bought temporary luggage that falls apart in a few trips to meet specific needs, so I disagree with your premise.

 

[dsneprincess]

I would give them the gift you bought. You put thought into it, chose something they needed, and that is what I would give. JMO

 

[Sleepy425]

They don't need anything, but they had a shower? How tacky! I owned my house prior to meeting my husband, and so I refused to have a shower because I already owned everything to set up a household. Could we have used newer/fancier things? Yes, but it just seemed gift grubby. For her to have a shower AND ask for cash is awful.

 

[kirstenb1]

Gina, I'm a very infrequent traveler, and it sounds like your soon to be inlaws are too. DH and I still have the suitcases Mom bought us for our honeymoon 24 yrs ago. I think she got them at Penney's, and they're still going strong!! We take 2 trips a year; both driving, so no airplanes.

Each time I grab my suitcase, I think of her. What a great gift!! So practical, but we've used them for so many years. We have some of our china, crystal, a beautiful needlepoint, and a crockpot also, still going strong. The luggage is likely to last, and be remembered!!

 

[kymom99]

I just caught the part where they handed out the wedding invitations at the bridal shower!

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

I just caught the part where they handed out the wedding invitations at the bridal shower!

Yep, they did . And it got better from there.

Another relative was sitting at my table, and was handed her invitation by the bride-to-be. This cousin has two children, 6 and 3. She inquired as to whether the kids were invited to the wedding, or if it was considered a "kid-free" event. The bride told her that "some children are being invited, but only certain ones" and that hers were not among them (and the cousin seemed totally okay with that).

She then looked at the next person, another cousin, who in this case has a year and a half old baby. The bride laughed and says "you can bring your kid, though, 'cause he won't cost me an extra plate of food".

That might actually be the basis of their decision......but who actually comes out and SAYS something like that? OMG!

So yeah. The whole thing is quite something.

 

[kymom99]

Haha! Family can be something else!

I know sometimes people only invite certain kids to a wedding. My niece invited her husband's nieces and nephews but that was it. She knows lots of people with little kids so if she invited them all it would be like a day at Chuck E Cheese! My step-daughter was totally fine to get a sitter for her 2 kids. One of my niece's friends wasn't so happy but she got over it. There are reasons, but saying it is about the food is just uncouth!

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Haha! Family can be something else!

There are reasons, but saying it is about the food is just uncouth!

Amen, sister!!

 

[pigletto]

Just seeing this now Gina. I'm wondering why she thought a cutsey rhyming verse would make asking for cash less tacky? Umm.. sure, it's a poem.. but you are still asking for money in your wedding invitation. Yikes.
I realize that customs vary widely but I don't know that anyone thinks it's a good idea to ask right in the invitation.

As for the advice.. Go with the luggage and forget about it. It's a nice gift. It's also thoughtful and something you know she needs. I wouldn't give it another thought.

 

[JandJ]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I have to agree with those who said what she did was tacky and to go with the luggage, which is a very nice gift.

Don't expect a thank you note, though. This woman sounds so incredibly uncouth she probably doesn't even know enough to write one!

 

[aubriee]

Yep, they did . And it got better from there.

Another relative was sitting at my table, and was handed her invitation by the bride-to-be. This cousin has two children, 6 and 3. She inquired as to whether the kids were invited to the wedding, or if it was considered a "kid-free" event. The bride told her that "some children are being invited, but only certain ones" and that hers were not among them (and the cousin seemed totally okay with that).

She then looked at the next person, another cousin, who in this case has a year and a half old baby. The bride laughed and says "you can bring your kid, though, 'cause he won't cost me an extra plate of food".

That might actually be the basis of their decision......but who actually comes out and SAYS something like that? OMG!

So yeah. The whole thing is quite something.

Whaaaat? My original thought was to give them the luggage. You put alot of thought into getting something they need and went to the trouble to go shopping to get it. However, after reading how this bride is acting, I think I'd take the luggage back, pocket the money, and skip the wedding. What kind of person tells a family member that only certain kids will invited to their wedding, but their kids are not among them, and then in the same breath right in front of that person, tells another family member that her 18 month old is?

Family! Why is it that there is that someone in every family, who makes you scratch your head and wonder what alien brought them to earth. We have my eldest D-I-L. I get along with her fine, except for when it comes to the way she treats my grand daugher (her step daughter). She is just vindictive and cruel to her and even says herself she can't seem to help it. It just comes out.

I had my first run in with her a couple of months before their wedding. I had only met her twice, so didn't really know her. (It was my son's second marriage, her first, and my son had a nine y/o daughter from his first marriage.) Both were well established in their jobs and making quite a bit more money than me. My son had already said they were paying for the entire wedding, as her dad was too cheap. But he called and said she wondered if I'd pay for the wedding rehearsal and band, which I agreed to. Then a couple months out, this girl I had only met twice and wasn't too impressed with anyway, due to the bad way she treated my grand daughter (her future stepdaughter) when I did see them together, called me out of the blue. She just casually mentioned that they were going on a Carribean cruise and it would cost this much. Knowing their financial situation and that she'd put my son up to asking me to pay for the reception and band, I asked if she was sure they could afford it. She calmly and nonchalantly said, "no", "of course the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. I need to pay for it today. When would be a good time to come by and pick it up?" I let her know in no uncertain terms that was not happening and reminded her that both her and my son, as well as her parents were alot more well off than I was, her parents weren't paying a penny on the wedding, and that I was already paying for the rehearsal dinner and the band for the reception. I then hung up on her and called my son who apologized, said she had wanted a Carribean honeymoon and when informed they couldn't afford it and they would have to wait a few months to do so, tried to make him call me for the money. He refused, so she apparently got my number out of his phone, and called me herself to demand the money. We arrived early to help get things ready for the outside wedding they were having and it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut, as she just kept snapping at my little grand daughter the whole time, insisting on using a flat iron on her hair, because her curly hair made her look too much like her mother and she didn't want any reminders of that B-tch at her wedding (my GD looks exactly like her mother), that she'd better not get her dress dirty or she'd have my son beat her, that she intentionally had not let her do anything in the wedding, because she only wanted people she liked in her wedding, etc. It should have been the happiest day of her life and instead she used her wedding day to pick at my grand daughter (when my son was not around). Even her mother finally lit into her and told her to leave her alone and she couldn't believe she was acting that way, (as did her matron of honor, who told her she should be ashamed of herself). My son knew she was extremely jealous of my grand daughter and his exwife, but thought it would get better after they got married. It didn't! Seven years later they hate each other and we just try our best to keep my grand daughter away from her! My son has threatened more than once to leave her over it and she'll keep her caustic tongue to herself for awhile, but then out of the blue will say something bad about my ex D-I-L in front of my grand daughter just trying to set her off.

 

[dpswift]

I am 47 from Central New York. My vote was to go ahead and give them the luggage.

I am familiar with the quality of the luggage OP is talking about. It is something that can be used and enjoyed, however if something happens to it it is not a huge deal.

We still have and enjoy many of our wedding presents from 23 years ago. We received all kinds of gifts, registry, regifts and cash. The 2 oddest that stick out in my mind were a blender which advertised a brand of rum and a half faded bathroom toss rug.

 

[RachaelA]

Whaaaat? My original thought was to give them the luggage. You put alot of thought into getting something they need and went to the trouble to go shopping to get it. However, after reading how this bride is acting, I think I'd take the luggage back, pocket the money, and skip the wedding. What kind of person tells a family member that only certain kids will invited to their wedding, but their kids are not among them, and then in the same breath right in front of that person, tells another family member that her 18 month old is?

Family! Why is it that there is that someone in every family, who makes you scratch your head and wonder what alien brought them to earth. We have my eldest D-I-L. I get along with her fine, except for when it comes to the way she treats my grand daugher (her step daughter). She is just vindictive and cruel to her and even says herself she can't seem to help it. It just comes out.

I had my first run in with her a couple of months before their wedding. I had only met her twice, so didn't really know her. (It was my son's second marriage, her first, and my son had a nine y/o daughter from his first marriage.) Both were well established in their jobs and making quite a bit more money than me. My son had already said they were paying for the entire wedding, as her dad was too cheap. But he called and said she wondered if I'd pay for the wedding rehearsal and band, which I agreed to. Then a couple months out, this girl I had only met twice and wasn't too impressed with anyway, due to the bad way she treated my grand daughter (her future stepdaughter) when I did see them together, called me out of the blue. She just casually mentioned that they were going on a Carribean cruise and it would cost this much. Knowing their financial situation and that she'd put my son up to asking me to pay for the reception and band, I asked if she was sure they could afford it. She calmly and nonchalantly said, "no", "of course the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. I need to pay for it today. When would be a good time to come by and pick it up?" I let her know in no uncertain terms that was not happening and reminded her that both her and my son, as well as her parents were alot more well off than I was, her parents weren't paying a penny on the wedding, and that I was already paying for the rehearsal dinner and the band for the reception. I then hung up on her and called my son who apologized, said she had wanted a Carribean honeymoon and when informed they couldn't afford it and they would have to wait a few months to do so, tried to make him call me for the money. He refused, so she apparently got my number out of his phone, and called me herself to demand the money. We arrived early to help get things ready for the outside wedding they were having and it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut, as she just kept snapping at my little grand daughter the whole time, insisting on using a flat iron on her hair, because her curly hair made her look too much like her mother and she didn't want any reminders of that B-tch at her wedding (my GD looks exactly like her mother), that she'd better not get her dress dirty or she'd have my son beat her, that she intentionally had not let her do anything in the wedding, because she only wanted people she liked in her wedding, etc. It should have been the happiest day of her life and instead she used her wedding day to pick at my grand daughter (when my son was not around). Even her mother finally lit into her and told her to leave her alone and she couldn't believe she was acting that way, (as did her matron of honor, who told her she should be ashamed of herself). My son knew she was extremely jealous of my grand daughter and his exwife, but thought it would get better after they got married. It didn't! Seven years later they hate each other and we just try our best to keep my grand daughter away from her! My son has threatened more than once to leave her over it and she'll keep her caustic tongue to herself for awhile, but then out of the blue will say something bad about my ex D-I-L in front of my grand daughter just trying to set her off.

Why would your son stay married (let alone marry!) someone that treats his kid that way? She knows his threats to leave are BS hence why she keeps doing it. He should be ashamed of himself. His daughter will always remember that her dad stayed married to someone that treated her horribly.