Update: My last post was just days before DS's 18th birthday and I really thought we were working our way out of the "dark teen side"
I took him and his GF to Universal for five days in February as his 18th birthday/graduation gift. I was reluctant to take GF and had hoped that he was going to pick a ski vacation with his male friends but... anyways, we went, had a good time with only a few issues regarding $$ spent on the motel card but overall, FUN.
Fastforward a few weeks and, after at least a dozen times of asking/telling him he needed to clean up his space downstairs (he has a walk-out with bedroom, playroom, and laundry room that is essentially his because DD and I don't go down there at all), I grounded him for a week. After a week, he still hadn't made much progress so I grounded him for another week. At the end of that week, again, a little progress but come on already, get the moldy dishes
upstairs to the kitchen and the mildew laundry out of the washing machine
, vacuum a little, and start fresh. All told, he could have probably cleaned the entire area very well in under three hours. Well, when I went down to check again, I lost it! I left him a note on his bed that if it wasn't cleaned up in the next 24 hours I was taking away his truck keys. So he cleans it a bit and we decide that he'll remain grounded (but keep his truck) until it's spotless. In the midst of all this, he and his GF broke up and it was very diffficult for him. First GF and all...
He calls on Friday and begs to have a burger with his best friend so he can "talk" to him because he really needed to talk to someone. Doesn't come home for three hours. Then on Easter Sunday he supposedly went to his Dads and then to work until 7 but doesn't show up until 10 pm because he had been with GF's foster parents talking with them. Allrighty then!
Three days later he still hasn't completed the cleaning (it's now on week three) and asks very nicely if he can go out for a couple of hours because "I've been stuck in these house for weeks".
Yeah, if you don't count school, baseball every day, and work on the weekends. Answer: NO, and don't ask again until the room is clean.
HE FREAKS OUT! Tells me he can't stand living here anymore, I make his life miserable, he's 18 and doesn't have to clean his room, and this goes on for a good twenty minutes before it gets real nasty, doors slamming, items flying
and he finally gets in his truck and leaves with a final "don't wait up for me".
So, I checked up on him over the next week and left some of his dirty clothes, baseball uniform and work clothes on the seat of his truck in the school parking lot the next day. I called work to make sure he showed up over the weekend, called the school the following week,etc. so I knew he was safe but no one in my family knew where he was staying.
A week later, DSis calls and says he has asked to live with them and she says "yes". So, there he is still! I call him every few days, go to all his baseball games, and paid his senior class dues for him last week but other than that, I'm not supporting him financially or otherwise. (I shut off his gas card the night he left out of anger but probably a good thing anyways because he was getting into too much debt without a repayment plan).
I'm really upset that he feels it was so bad here but want him to make his own decisions. He knows that my sister's house is very relaxed, there are no chores or expectations there for him (or her children) and he gets along well with both DSis and his cousins. She actually puts gas in his truck, lol. He is 18 and will graduate in May and then leaves for Air Force bootcamp on August 26th. Unfortunately, the school called yesterday and he has been tardy three times this week! I called DSis and she says she knows about this but she is letting him deal with the consequences of his actions. Just so you know, he has NEVER been late to school in the 13 years he lived here. He never had to be woken up or talked to in the am. The expectation is that you set your alarm, get up, get yourself ready, and get to school on time, whether it be by bus or car, but you WILL be there on time. BTW, I have always got up with my kids and cooked them a hot breakfast every day before school.
So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it
I'm just hoping that we can repair our relationship before he leaves for bootcamp. I've asked him to talk to me about coming home, but he says he has no interest in coming back right now
. I am guessing it was based on reps and improvement over the semester(and tests..I could always ace a test
