When a Good Friend Suddenly Disappears

usnuzuloose said:
Wow what a wonderful friend you are. I wish I had a friend like you. Right now I would just keep praying for her. And you could drop her a nice card in the mail now and then and at least she may read it. That may be comforting more than you know. I know for myself I am going through things and I can't leave the house much either. And everyone needs some sun and fresh air. But don't take it personally, because it is not. I am sure she still loves and cares for you and above all I am sure she misses you as well. I will keep her and you in my prayers as well.:hug:
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What a sweet, sweet thing to say! I'll be honest, post kids living at home, it gets harder and harder to make friends. Almost all of my friends have moved out of state and I am sooo lonely! And now my daughter is moving. My friend just down the street...she was the one I would call and say "Come with me! Let's just drive around town! I'm on the way to pick you up! I'm in my pajamas, haha!" Man, I miss that.

Yall, cherish your friends. Sow into their lives. You just never, ever know when everything will change.

Grumpy's Gal said:
What if she died?
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I'll be honest, I have thought of this but I know her husband and have shared too much 'heart' time in his presence. He would have left me know right away. They are both very private. But not that private.
 
Hisgirl said:
What a sweet, sweet thing to say! I'll be honest, post kids living at home, it gets harder and harder to make friends. Almost all of my friends have moved out of state and I am sooo lonely! And now my daughter is moving. My friend just down the street...she was the one I would call and say "Come with me! Let's just drive around town! I'm on the way to pick you up! I'm in my pajamas, haha!" Man, I miss that.

Yall, cherish your friends. Sow into their lives. You just never, ever know when everything will change.



I'll be honest, I have thought of this but I know her husband and have shared too much 'heart' time in his presence. He would have left me know right away. They are both very private. But not that private.
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You are never alone, sometimes it sure feels like though...and you are sweet and yes I feel lonely to.....
 
My husband had 2 strokes last year and I can tell you it is not easy as the caregiver or on him. He went from being an active 58 year old man to something different. He worked 7 days a week, now he can't work. He is almost legally blind, has mood swings, he is just different. I have people argue with me that he is depressed, needs to get out more, needs to do this, needs to do that. He isn't depressed, at least in his mind and I don't think he is really. He is content to watch sports and the history channel all day, it makes him happy. He talks on the phone to his retired co-workers and once a month they go out for breakfast with someone driving him there. That is what is hard for him, being dependent on other people.

The thing is he cannot see very well, he cannot drive anymore and the man he was is gone. I have to deal with him and all of his appointments. I still have to watch the grandkids and do all the things that were part of my life pre-stroke. Our son who has always called and talked with his father barely calls. Life is different for all of us and it is an adjustment. My husband tries to make things easier on me by asking the kids for help with appointments. This is why our son is distant because his wife is a problem to deal with and she likes to curse me out for being lazy and self centered, not understanding that my husband is behind the calls for rides.

Your neighbor may be having a difficult period right now and the husband may be having a difficult time dealing with the changes too. She may also be having some health issues and doesn't want anyone to know. Keep in touch and just let them know you are there, maybe ask the husband if he needs someone to talk to. That is the hard part for me, just being able to talk to someone.
 
Hisgirl said:
I have a friend who lives on my street, is about 72, and I adore her.

She has always been like a spiritual mama to me over the years. We lunch, pray, laugh, eat, play with the dogs, talk about books, laugh, eat....for the past 15 years.

Then...almost 5 years ago she had a massive stroke.

She went through the 'mean' stage and struggled with speech. Then that got much much better.

Our lunches out turned into house visits and lots of phone calls.

Over time, mainly phone calls as I became the caregiver for my parents. But we always stayed in touch.

Then ...suddenly ... she stopped calling. She stopped returning my calls.

Instead, her husband calls me back and says things like "She is going through a tough time." "She needs rest, so that's what she's doing, resting." "She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now"

It's not just me.

She isn't talking to anyone. Any girlfriends at all.

This has been going on for months. Months and months.

I normally saw her out walking the dog with her husband, going for a drive...but now she won't leave the house.

Her husband told me he can't even get her to go to the doctor.

She is very strong willed and he is very passive. I asked him yesterday if he thought she A. had had another stroke. B. Was depressed. He said no to both.

She has completely 100% pulled back from life.

That does sound like depression to me.

I'm so sad and frustrated. I miss her like crazy. And yes, I did stop by the house but he just met me at the door and said she was resting upstairs.

And again, it's not just me. No girlfriends have spoken with her.

Has anyone seen this with a stroke survivor? I find myself wondering what would happen if something happened to him as he is older. They have one adult son, who lives an hour away but does not call them anymore. No more family. No church family.

I'm frightened for her and know she most likely needs medical care but her husband can't force her to leave the house. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I miss my friend!!
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I would have been as concerned as you seem to be months and months ago. Hopefully you figure this out. :hug:
 
This is an easy one, no matter how carefully, we plan and love, this is to be true of everyone of us


For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.
time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
 
So you could do something neighborly like make them some food or a dessert or something and some flowers and just stop by to drop them off. Don't ask to be let inside the house. Just tell the husband when he answers the door that you were thinking of both of them and you made this dish for them. Then bid him farewell and good wishes.

She's probably depressed. But there's nothing you can do about that.
 
I wanted to give yall an update on this.

This week, the husband called me at the 'emergency' hour...you know the one, the phone rings and you look at the clock and say 'Uh oh'.

My friend was dead.

:worried:

She had passed during the night.

I have since learned details I wish I didn't know.

I'm numb with grief and so sad, angry, shocked.

Yes, I'm struggling with anger.

Her service is today.

She loved me with a fierce mama's love. So very beautiful.

She believed in grace and glory and I expect to see her again one day. Until then, I have my memories.

But I just wanted to update yall.
 
Last edited:
Hisgirl said:
I wanted to give yall an update on this.

This week, the husband called me at the 'emergency' hour...you know the one, the phone rings and you look at the clock and say 'Uh oh'.

My friend was dead.

:worried:

She had passed during the night.

I have since learned details I wish I didn't know.

I'm numb with grief and so sad, angry, shocked.

Yes, I'm struggling with anger.

Her service is today.

She loved me with a fierce mama's love. So very beautiful.

She believed in grace and glory and I expect to see her again one day. Until then, I have my memories.

But I just wanted to update yall.
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Oh no! I am so very sorry, and want you to know that you and your friend are in my prayers.
 
Hisgirl said:
I wanted to give yall an update on this.

This week, the husband called me at the 'emergency' hour...you know the one, the phone rings and you look at the clock and say 'Uh oh'.

My friend was dead.

:worried:

She had passed during the night.

I have since learned details I wish I didn't know.

I'm numb with grief and so sad, angry, shocked.

Yes, I'm struggling with anger.

Her service is today.

She loved me with a fierce mama's love. So very beautiful.

She believed in grace and glory and I expect to see her again one day. Until then, I have my memories.

But I just wanted to update yall.
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I'm so sorry. She sounds like an angel and I'm sure she is in Heaven now. :littleangel: If you ever want to share more, we're here to listen.
 
Hisgirl said:
I wanted to give yall an update on this.

This week, the husband called me at the 'emergency' hour...you know the one, the phone rings and you look at the clock and say 'Uh oh'.

My friend was dead.

:worried:

She had passed during the night.

I have since learned details I wish I didn't know.

I'm numb with grief and so sad, angry, shocked.

Yes, I'm struggling with anger.

Her service is today.

She loved me with a fierce mama's love. So very beautiful.

She believed in grace and glory and I expect to see her again one day. Until then, I have my memories.

But I just wanted to update yall.
Click to expand...
May you be comforted by the great memories that you shared. Take care of yourself also!:grouphug:
 
Thank you for the kind words. Truly, they do help.

I went back to church this morning, one I haven't been to in over a year. My friend used to come too. She knew the pastor from years back and she loved the worship.

We are outdoors....there is a lake, with a fountain, children were sitting on a bridge pointing at insects on the water, all ages and colors of people were singing and lifting arms, elderly and children alike.

A breeze blew.

Canadian geese flew overhead.

As I approached the grounds, I was walking across a bridge over water, to get to the other side. There was an African American woman I'd never seen before, bald as can be, wearing a gorgeous long dress...and the whole time as I was walking across the bridge, she was standing on the other side, staring at me, smiling, bolted to the ground with her arms spread wide.

Waiting for me to arrive so she could wrap around me...her hug.

This stranger right about the same age as my friend.

She stood there and didn't move a muscle as I walked this long bridge. Staring at me, arms out, poised and ready.

I didn't know this woman, and honestly, kinda peeked over my shoulder to see if she was actually looking at someone coming from behind.

But it was me. She was waiting for me.

She had the biggest wrap-around hug ready, cheek against cheek.

Just like my friend used to do (she was never the first to let go)

The symbolism wasn't lost on me. Yes, I had tears today. And the pastor actually mentioned my friend as a spiritual mama to the community. The talk was, "Start strong and end strong" and he lifted her name up in honor.

We leave in 15 minutes for her service.

I keep seeing her sitting in my husband's leather chair, her smart blond hair and nordic blue eyes. She never stopped smiling and laughing unless I was hurt, and she would shed tears as I spoke. What a lover. What a true heart friend.

Thank you for sharing this time with me.
 
Hisgirl said:
Thank you for the kind words. Truly, they do help.

I went back to church this morning, one I haven't been to in over a year. My friend used to come too. She knew the pastor from years back and she loved the worship.

We are outdoors....there is a lake, with a fountain, children were sitting on a bridge pointing at insects on the water, all ages and colors of people were singing and lifting arms, elderly and children alike.
.
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Oh my Gosh...Life is EVER SO FRAGILE. I am sorry for your pain, but so HAPPY that you shared this update and these words with all of us...very very powerful! May your very dear friend, who brought light to so many rest in peace!:rose:
 
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