I also consider anything above the minimum federal loans too much. I figure car loan, not house loan! I actually disagree with above poster because I think paying on fed student loans for 10 years or even more is a good investment if needed for a degree with good employment. Imo, the real problems begin when people go with higher loans than the federal student loans offered for undergrad. Another issue is trying to immediately upgrade from living like a student before paying them down. My husband had loans and I am forever grateful he was still living like a student when I met him and had them paid off before our wedding! He is grateful I did the same with my post grad costs.
Our first step with our kids was letting them know early on we were saving for college or technical training and expecting them to do the same when they started summer employment in high school.
We told our kids the amount we could afford to give them (thankfully enough to cover tuition, room, and board at a state school) and that we expected them to cover spending money, books, and travel. Once they had that amount they could use it out of state or private, but only if they had scholarships and or work to cover the rest. We also told them no loans beyond minimum federal or our offer would be withdrawn. They had to evaluate their choices accordingly and both ended up with private options they could consider.
Both chose instate and actually spent less than we had offered due to schoarships, employment, cheap living, and internships. We paid from college funds we had set up, money freed up when we paid off our mortgage, and me going from part time to full time teaching. They both got through undergrad debt free. We tried to make it a team effort and I think they felt that. They knew we were happy we could help them, but that they had a role.
We were open and honest abouts costs and they did the fafsa with us so they knew it was a stretch and the money wasnt just falling from an open pot. They also knew we wouldn't continue to pay if they were failing to progress toward a degree. (Though we made sure they knew not to freak over one bad test or class!) We sat down together once a term to discuss classes, grades, and finances before paying (this lined up with vacation breaks between terms and the few times it didn't we skyped.)
We were pretty brutal because we also gave them a four year limit of our financial support. Obviously we could have changed our minds if there had been extenuating circumstances, but I have friends who wish they had set that expectation. We did not offer support for grad school.
I write this all out because I'm a mom of two employeed fairly recent college grads with no school debt and this is how we managed it. Our stem grad had a job offer before graduation, and it took our liberal arts grad a year to be fully employed in his field, which we expected.