I don’t do military funerals at all since my dad died, if I can avoid it. And have actually asked ahead of time. When my sister’s fil died, I didn’t go to the funeral because it was military but I kept all the babies in the church nursery. I simply cannot hear Taps with breaking down or having an anxiety attack. It’s better now but unless it’s family, I don’t go.
After losing my dad and brother a month apart, my bil, fil and nephew all within 10 months one year and now losing my mom, I cannot handle the smell of flowers at a funeral home. It makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me. Not every funeral home is the same but at some the smell can really be overwhelming. So I choose not to go to some for that reason. But I try to do other things instead, take care of the food at the family’s home, oversee the dinner after the funeral, etc.
If possible, I will go to the viewing and see the family. I just tend to avoid the room the casket is in if I can.