Parenting a 19 year old in College. Help

[DLgal]

I can't see why you'd want to vacation in any of those places. It may be safe for you or I, but kids that age are stupid. They can get themselves into trouble especially when alcohols involved. The Sonora state is listed as a level 3 due to crime and kidnappings.

I'm pretty travel savvy and I wouldn't wander around any of those cities alone at night.

I get that. I mean, I'm DONE going to Mexico. I won't even take a cruise that goes there. I was just pointing out that it's a LONG border, and not all border cities are equal in terms of risk.

 

[OhhBother]

That is very very sweet of you! The rental they have is in North Myrtle Beach. Thank you!

That's actually good news! Not to generalize too much, but North Myrtle Beach tends to be more "sedate" than the strip in the heart of Myrtle Beach. Lots of nice condos in the NMB area. I was just up there last weekend at the Disney outlet. LOL

I will say spring break here doesn't rise (or sink, depending on your perspective) to the level of more famous spring break destinations. I've lived here almost 10 years now, and - while there's plenty of spring break fun to be had - it's not typically absolute mayhem.

 

[NotUrsula]

The truth is that even in the most notorious of US Spring Break destinations, absolute mayhem has become a lot rarer in recent years, because local residents are tired of dealing with it, and have decided that the profit margin just isn't worth the aggravation. In recent years most US coastal resorts have clamped WAY down not just on drug dealing, but on underage drinking, public nuisance behavior, and hotel-packing; and will now welcome a lot more youngsters to spend a night in the local lockup when they violate local ordinances.

 

[VandVsmama]

Re: your son’s food allergy -
He’s 19. And has been an adult now for a year dealing on his own with his food allergy. I would bet that you don’t have to worry about him in that regard.

And don’t call other people you know or kids of friends or anything to do sleuthing about the other people he’s going on this trip with.

You need to consider finding a better outlet for your anxiety over it all. Find a hobby. Go on a walk. Talk to somebody about it. Something.

 

[Allison]

Thank you....only us Moms of boys can relate girls are a different scenario....much more responsible and aware, less impulsive, less reckless etc. IMO boys need a little more hand holding at 19. It's a fact. I am right there with ya! Good luck to you too! My son told me some of his college friends drove over the mexican border from AZ. I was like OMG!!!!! NO WAY!

Do you have daughters? Be careful stating something as fact. Circumstances differ.

 

[monsterkitty]

Thank you....only us Moms of boys can relate girls are a different scenario....much more responsible and aware, less impulsive, less reckless etc. IMO boys need a little more hand holding at 19. It's a fact. I am right there with ya! Good luck to you too! My son told me some of his college friends drove over the mexican border from AZ. I was like OMG!!!!! NO WAY!

Do you have daughters? Be careful stating something as fact. Circumstances differ.

The OP never met my sister...

 

[SirDuff]

The OP never met my sister...

The OP never met a whole lot of daughters.

 

[lukenick1]

Do you have daughters? Be careful stating something as fact. Circumstances differ.

I have 6 nieces around his age so yes I do have experiences with daughters. They are close to me like daughters. Also best friends who have all daughters so I do have some girls to compare.

 

[lukenick1]

UPDATE>>>>>>>>>>My son decided on his own not to go on the trip. He is not a fan of long car rides and once he saw the weather forecast at the destination that sealed the deal for him not to go. Thank you for the parental feedback, it is much appreciated.

 

[Kitty 34]

UPDATE>>>>>>>>>>My son decided on his own not to go on the trip. He is not a fan of long car rides and once he saw the weather forecast at the destination that sealed the deal for him not to go. Thank you for the parental feedback, it is much appreciated.

.....and now you can RELAX!!!

 

[Allison]

I have 6 nieces around his age so yes I do have experiences with daughters. They are close to me like daughters. Also best friends who have all daughters so I do have some girls to compare.

That's good but still be careful of blanket statements. Teenage daughters can also be quite challenging.

 

[bjscheel]

Relax until next time...
I get your worries, DH fussed so much at anything DD21 wanted to do. Basically he stresses over anything vehicle related and if there could be an accident. So then anytime something came up, I got secondhand anxiety mainly because I knew he would be uptight and it wasn't fun. And we still own her car for a bit longer due to certain situations but now out of college she doesn't go on road trips except to come home and BF comes with so DH has relaxed.

 

[mjkacmom]

My daughter FaceTimed me this morning, the went bar crawling last night, didn’t have to buy a single drink, rode a mechanical bull at 3 am after drunk karaoke, going on a biking bar crawl tour now, then dinner, then a concert. Girls…

 

[PezRuth]

I have 6 nieces around his age so yes I do have experiences with daughters. They are close to me like daughters. Also best friends who have all daughters so I do have some girls to compare.

That's good but still be careful of blanket statements. Teenage daughters can also be quite challenging.

This. Honestly, it is the not the same at all as being an Aunt as being a Mother in this situation. For example, my daughter is wonderful to everyone but with me it can be tricky. Sometimes she doesn't treat me as well as I would like her to. The reason, because I am her soft place to land and she knows that no matter what I am always there for her and always will be. Preteen and teenage daughters are often very very challenging. Blanket statements are almost always a bad idea.

 

[mjkacmom]

This. Honestly, it is the not the same at all as being an Aunt as being a Mother in this situation. For example, my daughter is wonderful to everyone but with me it can be tricky. Sometimes she doesn't treat me as well as I would like her to. The reason, because I am her soft place to land and she knows that no matter what I am always there for her and always will be. Preteen and teenage daughters are often very very challenging. Blanket statements are almost always a bad idea.

Sounds like my oldest (who is now lovely at 26), apparently she saved her venom for her family.

 

[PezRuth]

Sounds like my oldest (who is now lovely at 26), apparently she saved her venom for her family.

It is very common and actually in some ways a good thing because it shows that that child knows how much she is loved and cared for and will always be there.

 

[NotUrsula]

It is very common and actually in some ways a good thing because it shows that that child knows how much she is loved and cared for and will always be there.

Very true, but it's hurtful and infuriating in the moment. I love my DD, but there have definitely been times when I didn't like her very much.

(Her older brother wondered if she was out of her mind, overhearing something nasty she said to me. He apparently later texted her asking if she had a death wish, LOL. He never talked back to or defied us the way that she does; it's just his personality to actively avoid confrontations of any kind.)

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Very true, but it's hurtful and infuriating in the moment. I love my DD, but there have definitely been times when I didn't like her very much.

(Her older brother wondered if she was out of her mind, overhearing something nasty she said to me. He apparently later texted her asking if she had a death wish, LOL. He never talked back to or defied us the way that she does; it's just his personality to actively avoid confrontations of any kind.)

Hopefully he doesn't become so conflict avoidant it causes issues because it certainly can for not just him but for any significant others he has or even friends and workplace environments. Being so conflict avoidant is not healthy not just for interpersonal relationships but also how our bodies manifest it.

 

[Lilsia]

I have 6 nieces around his age so yes I do have experiences with daughters. They are close to me like daughters. Also best friends who have all daughters so I do have some girls to compare.

A parent doesn't worry any less for their daughter than they do for their son. It is probably the opposite considering the dangers that woman, especially young woman face that men do not. For example, not one of the issues that you were concerned about was having your son being sexually assaulted and murdered. Trust me, parents of girls worry about that.

 

[bluezy]

This. Honestly, it is the not the same at all as being an Aunt as being a Mother in this situation. For example, my daughter is wonderful to everyone but with me it can be tricky. Sometimes she doesn't treat me as well as I would like her to. The reason, because I am her soft place to land and she knows that no matter what I am always there for her and always will be. Preteen and teenage daughters are often very very challenging. Blanket statements are almost always a bad idea.

Exactly!! I have 3 sons and 2 daughters. I also have nieces and friends who have daughters. And I have a sister who is 13 years younger than me. Having nieces (who I'm close to), friends, and a much younger sister is not like having a daughter. I helped out a lot with my younger sister when she was a teenager because my father was battling cancer and my mom was very focused on helping him. And when my father eventually passed away, my mom was an emotional mess (she never thought he was going to die -- she was sure he was going to recover even though the doctors were always very clear that he was *not* going to survive. My mom was sure we'd get a miracle.). A few weeks after my dad died, my mom decided to go spend 2 months in another state -- staying with friends -- and left my sister at home with me (without really discussing it -- just said, "I'm going to FL for a few weeks...."). I knew my mom needed to clear her head and plan her future, so I was happy to help out with my sister. It was a long 2 months as my sister was also having issues with dad's death and that was only compounded by our mom not being there with her. I thought I knew what it was like to have a daughter because of that experience. HA! Fifteen years later, I realized I only knew what it was like to worry about someone else's teenage daughter. Having my own daughters was a whole different ballgame and a whole different level of worrying.