Graduation Invitation Etiquette

[DisneyHardin]

Having lived in the same general area my entire life, it's always interesting when these kinds of discussions come up to learn what is and isn't tradition in other parts of the country. Where I grew up in Central Kentucky, graduation announcements were definitely a thing - the Balfour representative came to school and showed the options and you ordered fancy announcements and little cards with your full name that went inside the fancy announcements. If your family was hosting a party too, then you also included the information about that with it and mailed them off to all your friends and family. I'm so surprised to here that so many people didn't really celebrate their high school graduation. I realize some people are saying it wasn't celebrated because it was "expected" and not an accomplishment, but we celebrate lots of other things that aren't accomplishments - It wasn't really an accomplishment to get to my 10th birthday, but we did a big party at the skating rink anyway.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Having lived in the same general area my entire life, it's always interesting when these kinds of discussions come up to learn what is and isn't tradition in other parts of the country. Where I grew up in Central Kentucky, graduation announcements were definitely a thing - the Balfour representative came to school and showed the options and you ordered fancy announcements and little cards with your full name that went inside the fancy announcements. If your family was hosting a party too, then you also included the information about that with it and mailed them off to all your friends and family. I'm so surprised to here that so many people didn't really celebrate their high school graduation. I realize some people are saying it wasn't celebrated because it was "expected" and not an accomplishment, but we celebrate lots of other things that aren't accomplishments - It wasn't really an accomplishment to get to my 10th birthday, but we did a big party at the skating rink anyway.

It's celebrated here with a formal dinner dance for the grads and a date usually same week as the ceremony. (I guess our version of a prom? - it's the only formal dance in school)

 

[mom2rtk]

It's celebrated here with a formal dinner dance for the grads and a date usually same week as the ceremony. (I guess our version of a prom? - it's the only formal dance in school)

That sounds very much like prom here. Grad parties are entirely different. It's about families gathering and celebrating a moment in time. My kids didn't want one so we just had a nice dinner out with grandparents. Tons of their friends had grad parties though. It's a great way to gather and see everyone one last time before scattering to the wind.

 

[bjscheel]

I remember a thread from a few years ago where I said what you are saying; that graduation from high school is expected. I was eaten alive and had people telling me that they felt sorry for my kid and that I shouldn’t have had her if I wasn’t willing to celebrate things. It was bonkers.

And when I came here to get tips for putting on a baked potato bar for DD's grad, someone told me I should tell DD to "pound sand" and not give her an open house like every other kid in her class was doing. I just wanted to know how people had baked them and kept them warm

But in regard to the OP, I wouldn't worry about sending anything. Maybe it's a cash grab, maybe it's just an update and they didn't want anyone to feel left out of the loop. Maybe both, who cares. My MIL sometimes complains about receiving one and being expected to send money but a person can also just throw it away and not give it another thought.

 

[prairie_girl]

We sent them out for all 4 of my kids. It's normal here to do that and it is basically a cash grab. But, it's known here for that. We did send them to most of my cousins on my dad's side (but I see them 3-4 times a year and speak either on the phone or facebook also). I did not send them to my cousins on my mom's side as they are in England and I haven't seen them in 20 years but do talk on facebook. It is common with my family so it's no big deal to us. We usually put a $20 in a card.

Thank you for owning the fact that it is a cash grab. Why else would you (not actually you, a pp) send a notice to someone overseas, and after the fact?

Signed, a non flummoxed Canadian

 

[TheIncredibles!]

What is the etiquette for sending/receiving graduation invitations/announcements? I just received a graduation invitation from a relative for their son graduating from high school. I haven't spoken to this relative in years, they do not interact with anything I post on social media. We live on different coasts (CA vs NJ) so will not be able to make the graduation party in June. I'm assuming they do not expect us to come to the graduation party, just want us to send $$$.


I was a little taken aback because of the lack of interaction up until this point. What is your take?

Send your regrets, you can send a card congratulating them if you like but a gift is DEFINITELY not required at all.

 

[robinb]

What is the etiquette for sending/receiving graduation invitations/announcements? I just received a graduation invitation from a relative for their son graduating from high school. I haven't spoken to this relative in years, they do not interact with anything I post on social media. We live on different coasts (CA vs NJ) so will not be able to make the graduation party in June. I'm assuming they do not expect us to come to the graduation party, just want us to send $$$.


I was a little taken aback because of the lack of interaction up until this point. What is your take?

Not everything is a money grab.

I sent college graduation announcements for my DD and expected absolutely nothing from the people I sent them to. I was simply proud that my DD had graduated from college and I wanted to share with friends and family. And yes, I even sent one to a cousin who isn't really talking to me.

If you don't want to send a card or money, I would message your relative on FB and send congratulations that way.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Thank you for owning the fact that it is a cash grab. Why else would you (not actually you, a pp) send a notice to someone overseas, and after the fact?

Signed, a non flummoxed Canadian

In my family you are taught to not even look at the cash or gift card, it's not the important part, it's not the reason for the celebration. When you get a card we were taught to casually but quickly move that off to the side. What was important was the thought into it.

For years one of my mom's aunt's who I never remembered would send me a card with $1 in it. It was her thing. Did I care about the $1? Of course not. And even if I didn't remember her because the relationship was so distant to me I still appreciated her thoughts.

People may be happier in life if they stopped viewing things like it's an opportunity for cash (both on the receiver and the giver).

And yes I caught your flummoxed comment but pretty sure teaching such as my family did transcends boundary lines.

 

[nw6675]

Not everything is a money grab.

I sent college graduation announcements for my DD and expected absolutely nothing from the people I sent them to. I was simply proud that my DD had graduated from college and I wanted to share with friends and family. And yes, I even sent one to a cousin who isn't really talking to me.

If you don't want to send a card or money, I would message your relative on FB and send congratulations that way.

I don't think it's always the sender meaning for it to be a grab, but may perceived that way by the recipient. Especially where it's customary to give a gift.

 

[robinb]

I don't think it's always the sender meaning for it to be a grab, but may perceived that way by the recipient. Especially where it's customary to give a gift.

Well, that's on the recipient isn't it? So people should send no announcement because someone else might assume it's an uncouth money grab? You know what they say about the word "assume" .

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think I'm in the minority (not unusual here on the DIS lol) but I actually keep all the cards I get.

It's overkill 100% but I love keeping them. It might surprise people to know I still have my graduation cards (both high school and college). The wedding cards, the anniversary cards, the birthday cards, the Valentine's Day cards, the Christmas cards, the end of the year here's how I'm going cards (often Shutterfly picture cards), random other holidays because sometimes we've received St. Patrick's Day or Halloween ones randomly.

I actually have run out of space and need to get another box from Hobby Lobby or Michaels.

I still remember the first wedding anniversary of my husband and I nearly 10 years ago when we both got each other the same card from two different places and two different cities.

Some people who have given cards over the years have passed away, some have moved far away, some we've just lost touch. But at least I have those cards to remember. Who cares about what was inside it (where trust me plenty had nothing)?

 

[AussieFan8]

I went to a trauma-informed training on managing change the other day. The part that stuck with me the most is differentiating between the facts of things that happen and the stories we tell ourselves about things that happen. I know I am guilty of assuming intentions and meaning when something happens, and it leads to unnecessary stress, anger, etc. In this case, the fact is that you received the announcement; you can choose to do with it whatever you think is right. There is no way to know the intention behind the announcements, so do what you think is best/right.

FWIW, I grew up in a family that never announced anything because we were so worried about it looking like a cash grab. When my daughter graduated high school, I asked my mom if she wanted me to send announcements to her siblings, and I was surprised when she said yes. She was simply proud of my daughter and wanted her aunts and uncles to know of this accomplishment. She did receive some very nice cash gifts, but not from all of them, and that was fine. It was not expected.

 

[tzolkin]

Sometimes it's easier to send it than to send it and risk someone being offended others got one but they didn't.

Look at it as an announcement rather than an invitation.

This is how I usually view things like this. I know so many people who are offended by little things like this and will still talk about it decades later-- "I've gone to everyone's graduation parties, but Suzie never even sent me an invitation for her kids. Must be because they didn't want me there"

My MIL will complain about how she was purposely left out of all sorts of things because she wasn't invited. But, then when she is invited, she will make a snide comment about how she was only invited because they are greedy and expect a gift. Everyone has a different interpretation, so it's really impossible to make a decision that makes everyone happy.

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

It was very common in my area of Ohio to send high school graduation announcements when I graduated, which was a long time ago. However, it’s still common here to hold high school graduation parties and send announcements via e-vites or Facebook. I’ve attended many high school grad parties of family members and children of my friends over the years.

I’ll be sending an invitation for my son’s graduation party this summer and include his graduation picture. If people can’t attend or don’t send a card, we won’t be offended.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It was very common in my area of Ohio to send high school graduation announcements when I graduated, which was a long time ago. However, it’s still common here to hold high school graduation parties and send announcements via e-vites or Facebook. I’ve attended many high school grad parties of family members and children of my friends over the years.

I’ll be sending an invitation for my son’s graduation party this summer and include his graduation picture. If people can’t attend or don’t send a card, we won’t be offended.

The electronic invites are on the rise. I believe we got an FB invite to a grad party a few years back, totally fine by me! I'd even be fine with a text actually, just say when and where.

My cousin's kid's college graduation last year they still did the actual invitations but thinking back to my graduation they were less fancy (and I don't remember going uber fancy either) than mine was. Last year my husband found some of his high school graduation invites (leftover ones not sent out), it was like a time capsule haha.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I think I'm in the minority (not unusual here on the DIS lol) but I actually keep all the cards I get.

I save all my cards too. Your boxes are fancier than mine. I just put them in Ziploc bags in the cedar chest, but I do love looking back through them every now and then.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I save all my cards too. Your boxes are fancier than mine. I just put them in Ziploc bags in the cedar chest, but I do love looking back through them every now and then.

I got them at mostly Hobby Lobby but maybe one or two at Michaels years back. They were considered photo boxes but I used them for cards. It's been a few years but I think they still sell them? At least I hope.

When my grandpa passed away in 2009 and when my grandma in 2019 I took a moment to look through the boxes. I loved seeing my grandmother's handwriting (because my grandpa didn't sign the cards but still it got me nostalgic for that). A few years back when we were getting ready for a garage sale I found about half of the high school graduation ones (the other ones already being in a box) and boy there were some laughs then mostly how silly my friends and I were or seeing how my family members have grown (mostly my cousins) since a few pictures were included in some of the cards. Good times

 

[NotUrsula]

Thank you for owning the fact that it is a cash grab. Why else would you (not actually you, a pp) send a notice to someone overseas, and after the fact?

Signed, a non flummoxed Canadian

I'll answer, because it was me: because they like knowing what this side of the family is up to, and particularly our kids, who they don't know as well as they do our generation. You can bet my cousins send me photos of their kids dressed up for their Leaver's Ball, and I like seeing those, too. We don't expect gifts for such news; it's just news. I don't send gifts to their kids, and they don't send gifts to mine.

As I age, I also really value having contact information for the younger generation of the family, even if I don't know them very well except for photos (which I do keep, btw. Not all of the cards & letters, but always the photos, even if I just scan them.) For one thing, it helps when one of the family of my generation dies, so that they can be notified, or so that I can send condolences.

 

[prairie_girl]

I'll answer, because it was me: because they like knowing what this side of the family is up to, and particularly our kids, who they don't know as well as they do our generation. You can bet my cousins send me photos of their kids dressed up for their Leaver's Ball, and I like seeing those, too. We don't expect gifts for such news; it's just news. I don't send gifts to their kids, and they don't send gifts to mine.

As I age, I also really value having contact information for the younger generation of the family, even if I don't know them very well except for photos (which I do keep, btw. Not all of the cards & letters, but always the photos, even if I just scan them.) For one thing, it helps when one of the family of my generation dies, so that they can be notified, or so that I can send condolences.

That definitely makes sense. I have cousins (that I live in the same city as) who I wouldn’t be able to pick out of a lineup. My mom has an address book with everyone’s address, phone number, and their children’s names. It seems like a more older generation thing, and not a bad one.

 

[ronandannette]

That definitely makes sense. I have cousins (that I live in the same city as) who I wouldn’t be able to pick out of a lineup. My mom has an address book with everyone’s address, phone number, and their children’s names. It seems like a more older generation thing, and not a bad one.

Guilty as charged. I'm a little regretful not to have made more effort to keep in touch (but only a little ). My now-elderly sister has become the "keeper of the address book". I would have to go to her if ever there was a reason for reaching out to most of our cousins or more distant relatives.