Disney Doesn't Deal Well With Grieving Guests

[buffalobasingal]

Our family had a huge loss this year of my husband and my kids' father. It has been devastating to say the least. Our whole world has been turned upside down not having the person who mattered most to us in this world in our lives anymore.

Disney has always been my happy place and so I turned to it for comfort multiple times this year. Unfortunately, I have found that Disney has not been the place of comfort that I thought it would be. I have heard how Disney does such a great job with families who have special needs and people with medical accommodations that I thought they would know how to handle grieving guests as well. But, sadly, I think that this is an area that is overlooked. I've heard that Disney sometimes reads posts on the DisBoards, so I thought this might be helpful if other guests can share their experiences after going to Disney for comfort over the loss of a loved one.

The first thing that I experienced was when booking our resort stays and cruises. I was asked if we were "celebrating" anything special. So, I told one CM that sadly I was taking my kids to the Happiest Place on Earth to help them through the loss of their Dad. I was surprised that instead of receiving condolences I was met with a CM that proceeded to say how she could write a book on how hard her life had been. Another just ignored what I said and did not offer any condolences. So, I stopped telling CMs after that and just said we were not celebrating anything. Don't get me wrong, I am glad they ask if we are "celebrating" anything and think they should continue to ask. I'm just thinking that they should be ready to respond to guests who are dealing with a difficult time in their lives.

I did finally say something about our loss when we were on our first night of our first Disney Cruise when they tried to seat us next to other people. I had to explain that the kids' had just lost their father and that talking to strangers tends to lead to them asking where their dad is. We were trying to get away from all of that and so being sat at dinner with people we didn't know was not comfortable for us. I am grateful to the CMs in guest services who offered heartfelt condolences and went above and beyond for the rest of the cruise. They reached out to the dining team and for the rest of the cruise the dining team sat us at our own table and went out of their way to make us feel special.

After our most recent trip, I sent an email to Guest Correspondence about our experience and told them about our loss. But, once again our loss was not acknowledged and no condolences were offered.

I have to say it is shocking to me that Disney doesn't seem to know how to comfort grieving guests with small gestures such as offering condolences. And, the larger efforts were simply non-existent as we did not receive any magical moments during any of our multiple Disney trips this year. Has anyone else had experiences of going to Disney after the loss of a loved one and any feedback on how Disney could better handle guests who are grieving?

 

[gottalovepluto]

I’m sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom.

Celebrating is easy, anyone can relate to a celebration. As soon as you offer condolences you start a rocky path- it could be acknowledged and fine or it could upset a person or lead them to tears. Much easier to move on and keep it to business.

I think at the end of the day you went to Disney expecting something they simply don’t offer.

 

[buffalobasingal]

Thank you for the condolences. Yes, I think you are right that I was expecting something that Disney does not offer. I'm wondering if it is something that they could better prepare Cast Members on how to acknowledge when a guest brings it up. Sadly, I know I am not the first and will not be the last person to go to Disney for some comfort from their grief. Appreciate your response.

Happy new year to you, friend!

 

[fla4fun]

Our family had a huge loss this year of my husband and my kids' father. It has been devastating to say the least. Our whole world has been turned upside down not having the person who mattered most to us in this world in our lives anymore.

Disney has always been my happy place and so I turned to it for comfort multiple times this year. Unfortunately, I have found that Disney has not been the place of comfort that I thought it would be. I have heard how Disney does such a great job with families who have special needs and people with medical accommodations that I thought they would know how to handle grieving guests as well. But, sadly, I think that this is an area that is overlooked. I've heard that Disney sometimes reads posts on the DisBoards, so I thought this might be helpful if other guests can share their experiences after going to Disney for comfort over the loss of a loved one.

The first thing that I experienced was when booking our resort stays and cruises. I was asked if we were "celebrating" anything special. So, I told one CM that sadly I was taking my kids to the Happiest Place on Earth to help them through the loss of their Dad. I was surprised that instead of receiving condolences I was met with a CM that proceeded to say how she could write a book on how hard her life had been. Another just ignored what I said and did not offer any condolences. So, I stopped telling CMs after that and just said we were not celebrating anything. Don't get me wrong, I am glad they ask if we are "celebrating" anything and think they should continue to ask. I'm just thinking that they should be ready to respond to guests who are dealing with a difficult time in their lives.

I did finally say something about our loss when we were on our first night of our first Disney Cruise when they tried to seat us next to other people. I had to explain that the kids' had just lost their father and that talking to strangers tends to lead to them asking where their dad is. We were trying to get away from all of that and so being sat at dinner with people we didn't know was not comfortable for us. I am grateful to the CMs in guest services who offered heartfelt condolences and went above and beyond for the rest of the cruise. They reached out to the dining team and for the rest of the cruise the dining team sat us at our own table and went out of their way to make us feel special.

After our most recent trip, I sent an email to Guest Correspondence about our experience and told them about our loss. But, once again our loss was not acknowledged and no condolences were offered.

I have to say it is shocking to me that Disney doesn't seem to know how to comfort grieving guests with small gestures such as offering condolences. And, the larger efforts were simply non-existent as we did not receive any magical moments during any of our multiple Disney trips this year. Has anyone else had experiences of going to Disney after the loss of a loved one and any feedback on how Disney could better handle guests who are grieving?

First, I am sorry for your loss.

I think (and it’s simply my personal opinion, nothing more) that considering how difficult it can be to know the right thing to say or do when you know the person well, it’s doubly difficult in a professional or business situation. People grieve differently and although you would have preferred some acknowledgment of your loss, other people prefer not to. The CMs run the risk of offending the guest no matter which way they choose to handle it. I would not be surprised if it has been addressed as part of their training, and they have been given guidelines to follow. Those guidelines didn’t fulfill your needs at the time. I am sure they did not mean to cause you any further pain. I hope your next trip is better in every way.

We have gone to Disney many times after a loss, but our preference has always been to not share the information as we did not want reminders of the loss. As I said, everyone is different in that respect, and our way isn’t better or worse than anyone else’s.

 

[buffalobasingal]

Thank you and I am sorry for your losses as well. Yes, I completely agree with you that people do grieve differently and it can be so difficult to know how to respond to each individual. And, yes, I would never think that they were trying to cause any further pain. I would be curious to know if there are any guidelines on how to respond to guests who are grieving. I have found that a lot of people have a hard time not knowing what to say and so I give them a lot of grace since as you say everyone is different.

Part of the reason I was sharing was so that the Cast Members would have a heads up so that they would not ask the kids where their Dad was because our preference as well was to not have a reminder of our loss. Honestly, I almost started balling at one moment when a CM asked me where their Dad was and I had to explain in front of the kids how he had passed a few months ago. That was the reason that I tried to share that information while they were not present before our trip started hoping they would make a note about it to protect my kids from those difficult conversations.

Appreciate your insight. Happy New Year to you friend!

 

[fla4fun]

Thank you and I am sorry for your losses as well. Yes, I completely agree with you that people do grieve differently and it can be so difficult to know how to respond to each individual. And, yes, I would never think that they were trying to cause any further pain. I would be curious to know if there are any guidelines on how to respond to guests who are grieving. I have found that a lot of people have a hard time not knowing what to say and so I give them a lot of grace since as you say everyone is different.

Part of the reason I was sharing was so that the Cast Members would have a heads up so that they would not ask the kids where their Dad was because our preference as well was to not have a reminder of our loss. Honestly, I almost started balling at one moment when a CM asked me where their Dad was and I had to explain in front of the kids how he had passed a few months ago. That was the reason that I tried to share that information while they were not present before our trip started hoping they would make a note about it to protect my kids from those difficult conversations.

Appreciate your insight. Happy New Year to you friend!

The most difficult grief situation for me was when my cousin lost her little toddler after a long illness. She wanted to talk about him a lot and I was so afraid I would accidentally say something that would cause her pain.

 

[buffalobasingal]

That is so sweet of you that you to think of her and do what you could to not bring her more pain. You said it so well that it is so difficult to know what the right things to say are. So sorry for her loss as well. Thank you for all of your kind words!

 

[NaptownMom]

I think it’s very very hard to come up with any kind of protocol for grief. What one person appreciates, another person chafes at. My lifelong best friend lost her mother a couple years ago. After I mentioned to her a couple of times things that had reminded me of her mom or made me miss her, my friend finally let me know it wasn’t appreciated because it would throw her back into a more emotional state at a moment when she wasn’t thinking about the loss. But the thing is, I was doing it expressly because I had been told by someone else grieving that that’s how they liked to receive condolences—by other people sharing in the grief and bringing up memories.

Long story short I’m not sure there’s any corporate policy that can really cover grief, especially children grieving a parent or a spouse grieving a spouse.

 

[AnnaKristoff2013]

Our family had a huge loss this year of my husband and my kids' father. It has been devastating to say the least. Our whole world has been turned upside down not having the person who mattered most to us in this world in our lives anymore.

Disney has always been my happy place and so I turned to it for comfort multiple times this year. Unfortunately, I have found that Disney has not been the place of comfort that I thought it would be. I have heard how Disney does such a great job with families who have special needs and people with medical accommodations that I thought they would know how to handle grieving guests as well. But, sadly, I think that this is an area that is overlooked. I've heard that Disney sometimes reads posts on the DisBoards, so I thought this might be helpful if other guests can share their experiences after going to Disney for comfort over the loss of a loved one.

The first thing that I experienced was when booking our resort stays and cruises. I was asked if we were "celebrating" anything special. So, I told one CM that sadly I was taking my kids to the Happiest Place on Earth to help them through the loss of their Dad. I was surprised that instead of receiving condolences I was met with a CM that proceeded to say how she could write a book on how hard her life had been. Another just ignored what I said and did not offer any condolences. So, I stopped telling CMs after that and just said we were not celebrating anything. Don't get me wrong, I am glad they ask if we are "celebrating" anything and think they should continue to ask. I'm just thinking that they should be ready to respond to guests who are dealing with a difficult time in their lives.

I did finally say something about our loss when we were on our first night of our first Disney Cruise when they tried to seat us next to other people. I had to explain that the kids' had just lost their father and that talking to strangers tends to lead to them asking where their dad is. We were trying to get away from all of that and so being sat at dinner with people we didn't know was not comfortable for us. I am grateful to the CMs in guest services who offered heartfelt condolences and went above and beyond for the rest of the cruise. They reached out to the dining team and for the rest of the cruise the dining team sat us at our own table and went out of their way to make us feel special.

After our most recent trip, I sent an email to Guest Correspondence about our experience and told them about our loss. But, once again our loss was not acknowledged and no condolences were offered.

I have to say it is shocking to me that Disney doesn't seem to know how to comfort grieving guests with small gestures such as offering condolences. And, the larger efforts were simply non-existent as we did not receive any magical moments during any of our multiple Disney trips this year. Has anyone else had experiences of going to Disney after the loss of a loved one and any feedback on how Disney could better handle guests who are grieving?

I wouldn’t take it personally, it is very hard to know how to respond to a stranger who is grieving. Even something as simple as saying “I’m sorry for your loss” can be taken as condescending, etc, and the cast members may feel like they put their foot in their mouth when they ask what you are celebrating only to find out that you are grieving. I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Mommb]

I am very sorry for your loss and that many cast members did not respond in a way that helped.

For future reference for you or others in this situation, it is possible to request a private table before a Disney cruise through the Special Requests section of the DCL app and website. (This is easy to miss.) I don't think it's possible to give a reason, and it is a request not a guarantee.

To check whether the request has been granted, or if you were unable to make a request in advance or want to provide additional information to the service team, you can go to the location for dining changes once you are onboard. This location will be listed on the DCL website once you are on Disney WiFi at the port. If you will have your kids with you and don't want to go into an explanation that they will hear, you could write a brief note in advance and pass it to the head server when you reach the front of the line, explaining why you want a private table and that you don't want to discuss the loss of your husband with your server.

I hope that future Disney trips give you the comfort and escape that you and your family are hoping for.

 

[buffalobasingal]

I am very sorry for your loss and that many cast members did not respond in a way that helped.

For future reference for you or others in this situation, it is possible to request a private table before a Disney cruise through the Special Requests section of the DCL app and website. (This is easy to miss.) I don't think it's possible to give a reason, and it is a request not a guarantee.

To check whether the request has been granted, or if you were unable to make a request in advance or want to provide additional information to the service team, you can go to the location for dining changes once you are onboard. This location will be listed on the DCL website once you are on Disney WiFi at the port. If you will have your kids with you and don't want to go into an explanation that they will hear, you could write a brief note in advance and pass it to the head server when you reach the front of the line, explaining why you want a private table and that you don't want to discuss the loss of your husband with your server.

I hope that future Disney trips give you the comfort and escape that you and your family are hoping for.

Thank you for that advice. It was a surprise to us that they even sat people from different cabins at the same table on Disney cruises. We had never bene on one before and we had never had that happen at any other dining experience at Disney or any other cruise or restaurant for that matter. I'll be sure to request that on any future cruises. Appreciate your response.

 

[buffalobasingal]

I think it’s very very hard to come up with any kind of protocol for grief. What one person appreciates, another person chafes at. My lifelong best friend lost her mother a couple years ago. After I mentioned to her a couple of times things that had reminded me of her mom or made me miss her, my friend finally let me know it wasn’t appreciated because it would throw her back into a more emotional state at a moment when she wasn’t thinking about the loss. But the thing is, I was doing it expressly because I had been told by someone else grieving that that’s how they liked to receive condolences—by other people sharing in the grief and bringing up memories.

Long story short I’m not sure there’s any corporate policy that can really cover grief, especially children grieving a parent or a spouse grieving a spouse.

Thank you for your condolences. I guess that is my hope that this forum will give other people like us a chance to give Disney some feedback on how they could help grieving guests better in the future. If it helps another family in the future then I'm glad that I put my story out there to give them some comfort.

I hear you on how it can be had to know what works for each person. A good friend of mine said that before she reached out to me she asked a good friend who had also lost her husband a few years ago what she should do. Her friend told her to just listen. That is exactly what I needed at the time. I am one of those people who wants to talk about my husband and all of the great memories we shared with him. But, I also know that other people close to him have a hard time talking about him because it is too difficult for them.

You are a good friend to have reached out and been there for her. It sounds like you did everything you could to be there for her and comfort her through the loss of her mom.

 

[Mary Pops In]

This is a timely topic for me, as I was speaking to a castmember the other night about my upcoming trip. Previously, I noted we're celebrating a personal experience. The CM asked what we are celebrating and I replied "Multiple things. My daughter graduating from college and my retirement." I hesitated a moment and added "We're celebrating my mom's life, as she blessed us all by introducing us to the magic of Disney." The CM replied by saying those are wonderful celebrations and your mom sounds like a winner. I then asked him not to note celebrating my mom's, as my sister might not appreciate the sentiment. We chuckled together and agreed that not everyone shares the same thoughts on death. I felt he connected perfectly with me.
Although my trip and my experience for telling the CM are different then yours, I appreciated his good nature.

My condolences to you and your family. My father died at a young age and my mom took us to Disney to help us build back our lives after a long illness. It wasn't our greatest trip but the 5 of us were able to smile, laugh and recall memories of an amazing man, that somehow became a kid during our Disney vacations.

I wish you and your family well during this extremely difficult time.

 

[Lsdolphin]

I raised my nephew and he was like a son to me. We visited Disney world several times a year. My nephew was on Autism spectrum and had a few other issues. Disney was his Happy Place and CMs always made his trips special in many different ways. He passed away unexpectedly 4 days before we were to leave for stay at Poly. A friend called to explain and cancel our trip. I received a full refund. I thought I would never return to WDW but a year later I returned to the Poly and when I checked in at front desk the CM read out his name along with mine when she brought up the reservation. I was in shock and just stood there…I couldn’t speak I had a huge lump in my throat. I just looked at her and then she asked if I was ok. I was finally able to answer and told her I was alone. I couldn’t hold back my back my tears and when Inexplained that the reservation should have just been for me and that he had passed away she started to cry too. Later I went to meet friends for dinner and when I returned to my room there was a card with a beautiful flower arrangement. The next afternoon I stopped by the front desk to thank them for the flowers.
I come to Disney now for the memories and although I sometimes feel teary I also have so many wonderful memories and feel he is with me again. Once when I was at WL Donald Duck was in lobby and I felt the tears come and when a CM came over and asked if I was ok I told her I had lost a child who especially loved Donald. We talked for a few minutes and later when I went into gift shop that CM came over to me and gave me a hug and a bag with a small plush Donald and a Snow Globe.

 

[buffalobasingal]

This is a timely topic for me, as I was speaking to a castmember the other night about my upcoming trip. Previously, I noted we're celebrating a personal experience. The CM asked what we are celebrating and I replied "Multiple things. My daughter graduating from college and my retirement." I hesitated a moment and added "We're celebrating my mom's life, as she blessed us all by introducing us to the magic of Disney." The CM replied by saying those are wonderful celebrations and your mom sounds like a winner. I then asked him not to note celebrating my mom's, as my sister might not appreciate the sentiment. We chuckled together and agreed that not everyone shares the same thoughts on death. I felt he connected perfectly with me.
Although my trip and my experience for telling the CM are different then yours, I appreciated his good nature.

My condolences to you and your family. My father died at a young age and my mom took us to Disney to help us build back our lives after a long illness. It wasn't our greatest trip but the 5 of us were able to smile, laugh and recall memories of an amazing man, that somehow became a kid during our Disney vacations.

I wish you and your family well during this extremely difficult time.

Thank you. My heart goes out to you losing your father at a young age. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man and that he made amazing memories with your family while he was with you. It gives me hope that my kids may be able to find some comfort from these Disney trips as well.

My husband is the greatest man I have ever know and I miss him dearly. My hope is that by taking my kids to Disney and on adventures that it will ease their pain somewhat. It seems to have helped and I am glad that we went on this trip during Christmas because it would have been so hard to be at home without their dad. Even if it wasn't exactly what I expected, it was still had more wonderful moments than not.

All the best to you and your family as well!

 

[buffalobasingal]

I raised my nephew and he was like a son to me. We visited Disney world several times a year. My nephew was on Autism spectrum and had a few other issues. Disney was his Happy Place and CMs always made his trips special in many different ways. He passed away unexpectedly 4 days before we were to leave for stay at Poly. A friend called to explain and cancel our trip. I received a full refund. I thought I would never return to WDW but a year later I returned to the Poly and when I checked in at front desk the CM read out his name along with mine when she brought up the reservation. I was in shock and just stood there…I couldn’t speak I had a huge lump in my throat. I just looked at her and then she asked if I was ok. I was finally able to answer and told her I was alone. I couldn’t hold back my back my tears and when Inexplained that the reservation should have just been for me and that he had passed away she started to cry too. Later I went to meet friends for dinner and when I returned to my room there was a card with a beautiful flower arrangement. The next afternoon I stopped by the front desk to thank them for the flowers.
I come to Disney now for the memories and although I sometimes feel teary I also have so many wonderful memories and feel he is with me again. Once when I was at WL Donald Duck was in lobby and I felt the tears come and when a CM came over and asked if I was ok I told her I had lost a child who especially loved Donald. We talked for a few minutes and later when I went into gift shop that CM came over to me and gave me a hug and a bag with a small plush Donald and a Snow Globe.

Wow! Your words bring tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you over the loss of your nephew. It is clear how much more he was like a son to you. What a great way to remember him and feel close to him still. My husband went on one of our WDW trips and now certain things there remind me of him just like you were saying you feel like your loved one is with you again.

I guess what you experienced from the cast members is what I was thought we would find at Disney. I will say that while we were at Walt Disney World there was only one cast member that I told about our loss since they asked where the kids dad was. That was while we were fishing, so it was natural that it would come up during a 2-hour guided tour and they sincerely expressed their condolences. Also, the cruise line guest services, dining team and spa cast members were wonderfully comforting as well. The spa was having an open house, so I went there to find out more about their services. The masseuse commented on how tense I was and it all came spilling out. They were nice enough to treat me to a complimentary aromatherapy during my massage and she hugged me and comforted me as well. It really was appreciated that those cast members showed so much understanding and sympathy.

Much love to you. I hope you continue to receive comfort and feel your nephew's presence every time you visit the places and characters in Disney that he loved!

 

[gopherdame]

I'm sorry for your loss. I am really surprised that the CM would ask where their dad was. That was totally inappropriate to me. With so many divorces these days, that should never be asked. While it's not as bad as losing their father, they could still be upset by a divorce.

 

[buffalobasingal]

I'm sorry for your loss. I am really surprised that the CM would ask where their dad was. That was totally inappropriate to me. With so many divorces these days, that should never be asked. While it's not as bad as losing their father, they could still be upset by a divorce.

I thought the same thing at first, but then realized they probably asked because I still wear my wedding ring. So, I think they thought that Dad was probably back home working or with us on the trip, but out golfing or something else.

 

[disneyseniors]

Buffalobasingal, I just wanted to say that you are not alone. My daughter lost her husband when the kids were little. I know the heartache and pain you are going through. I hope these posts helps you in some way. Bless you and your children

 

[buffalobasingal]

Thank you for your kind words and blessings! My heart goes out to your daughter as well since I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for her little kids and her helping them through their grief while going through hers. I hope that they have blessings come their way to ease their pain as well.

These posts have definitely helped. It is such a great community of people who love Disney since they have such big hearts and caring spirits! It does bring us comfort to be around folks who believe in the magic and have that spark of joy when they are at the parks. Every time I go to Disney I find myself enjoying watching other people who are having fun and hearing about their stories and memories!