Diane's Journal to a Happier/Healthier me...encouragement welcome!

[Goofydiane]

Wow...you are really excercising a LOT! How do you have time to work?!?!

I don't think my body would like that very much.

I'm on vacation this week, so this is my work, however I think I would much rather be at the office! Today is lower body with Tim and that is going to hurt. Tonight we are supposed to do a spin class and that really intimidates me - there are serious bikers in this class and I just want a leisurely bike ride!

 

[Goofydiane]

Day 2 of boot camp and I'm starting to feel the pain....today was lower body so between the walking and running a day of leg focus really hit the spot.

Am I weird in saying that I'm enjoying this boot camp week? I'm really enjoying spending time where I am the most important person. It feels like this is what I needed to get me back on track.

I think work took my threats seriously, my work cell phone hasn't run in 2 days!

I need to spend time on the boards catching up on other journals. Hopefully tomorrow. I also need to figure out a name for my dog and then teach him how to go up and down stairs!

Today:

50 minutes cardio in the morning
30 minutes cardio warm-up
70 minutes with Tim
70 minutes of wind sprints
50 minute walk

Food was all on plan.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, somehow I missed where you said you got a dog! Congratulations, I can't wait to see pictures and hear what you named him!

Good luck with Boot Camp, I am proud and impressed!

 

[Goofydiane]

thankfully, today was more of the 'rest day' of boot camp if you can call it that. We did a boxing circuit for 60 minutes and that was really tough after all the walking, jogging and leg work I've been doing. Tomorrow is either pushes or pulls, I can't remember.

Took the dog to the vet for the free check-up and just like I suspected, he has tapeworms. I can't imagine how anyone couldn't see this before the adoption, but it is treatable with 2 pills that the vet gave him and once cleared up it shouldn't come back. He probably got them because he had fleas when he as surrendered. As soon as I decide on a name (I'm really, really close) I'll post a picture and name.

50 minutes cardio
40 minutes cardio warm-up
60 minutes boxing circuit with Tim
60 minutes yoga/stretching

 

[DisDee]

Diane, I think its great that you took a week to focus exclusively on yourself and your fitness plan. You're working out like crazy so I'm sure you'll see some great results both mentally and physically. Now what are you going to do to reward yourself for all the hard work? I think a massage or some other spa treatment is in order!

Congrats on the new doggie! We had the same problem with the tape worms when we adopted a stray and pregnant cat. The pills cleared up the problem, so your new friend should be ok very soon.

Keep up the good work!

 

[Goofydiane]

Diane, I think its great that you took a week to focus exclusively on yourself and your fitness plan. You're working out like crazy so I'm sure you'll see some great results both mentally and physically. Now what are you going to do to reward yourself for all the hard work? I think a massage or some other spa treatment is in order!

You are right - I should be posting my reward for making it through He(double toothpicks) week. It is no longer called boot camp, it is He(double toothpicks) week.

Sunday at 5:15pm, I've got a 90 minute massage scheduled!

Good news, I think I've got a dog name chosen and he finally figured out how to climb up the stairs, now I just have to get him down the stairs!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, hope the pills make your new guy all better! I can't wait to hear the name! Dan and I were about ready to go down to the shelter and get a dog, I know they are full due to the economy but then I realized that with my sister's situation, we could end up with her two dogs here with us and if I have three of my own, we'll be over our limit. So we are putting that on hold for awhile. But your story made me want to go rescue a fur baby and bring it home!

Glad He** week is going well! Your idea of a vacation puts me to shame!

So proud of you for doing this and doing it well!

 

[Goofydiane]

I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it.

Both with the 3,000 minute challenge and getting through He** Week. I've only got one injury and that is a blister on the bottom/inside of my ring toe. Do you call it a ring toe if it is the fourth toe over, just like a ring finger? Either way, it is partly on the ball of the toe so each step I take is just a little slice of pain.

I am really proud of myself - I accomplished my goal of completing boot camp and honestly, if I didn't have to work and support myself, I'd really like to do it again next week. It was a lot of fun and a lot of work, but I have such a feeling of accomplishment. I had down time to relax at home. All in all it was a great week to get rid of some stress and go back to work on Monday with a different attitude, different boss and different cube. Yep, I have to move cubes when I return.

I had lunch with my old boss today, he is doing really well and has a line on a position that he should hear about in the next day or two. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him.

I watched my neighbors kids tonight so they could go to a movie. I call them play dates and volunteer to come over and watch the kids so they go out and have a nice night. They did dinner and a movie and really enjoyed themselves.

Todays workouts:

100 minutes cardio in the morning
40 minute cardio warm-up
60 minutes with Tim

 

[Goofydiane]

Totally forgot to post about the dog's name. I am still figuring out the pictures, but his name is Kirby.

I will work on posting a picture over the weekend.

 

[Goofydiane]

Back to the real world today and it wasn't that bad. I started moving my cube today, as I'm changing cubes with the reporting to the new team.

Work wasn't as backed up as I thought it might be, thankfully I wasn't pulling hair out as I walk in the building.

Kirby survived his first day home alone. I'm not sure what he does all day as when I'm around he is at my feet or on my lap. The neighbor kid walks him after school as a way of earning some extra cash and it is nice because then he gets a walk in about 8-9 hours after I leave the house. I do like having the dog around, but it is tough to get used to a few things, like the dog seems to think where he wants to lay is set in stone and I have to adjust around him....things like that.

My March challenge is almost over and I'm going to make it! Now I have to think of what I'm going to do for April.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I love the name Kirby! Too cute. Every dog I have ever had has liked to lay where they want to lay down and to heck with everyone else!

Hope your old boss got a new job. Tough times and its tough to see people we care about hurting.

And very big congrats on completing boot camp!!! I am so proud and impressed. I knew you would do it. You have come so far and are an inspiration to me!

 

[maroo]

that is so funny...

I have always wondered what Muffin did when I was gone!

Sometimes she comes running to the door from my room...and I can't figure out where she sits in there? Probably on a pile of laundry!

You are doing a great job! I can't exercise that much!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks everyone for all your support! I haven't been online for a while and I'm working through some stuff and I've reverted back to comfort zones of hiding out and keeping everything inside.

One decision I made - I'm going back to Weight Watchers this weekend. I need to start putting myself first on a list and not last on a list.

Need a new challenge for May.

 

[DisDee]

Hi Diane, Glad to see you back, and yes, you are # one! You've inspired all of us with your determination and progress, so I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with for your May challenge. Hang in there and post often!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, so glad to see you, I have missed you! You can nip this in the bud quickly and I think going back to WW is a smart move. Don't bottle it in, come on here and let me give you cyber hugs , encouragement , and if need be a kick in the pants! You can do it. You aren't that old Diane anymore, so don't let her bad habits become anything but a quick little ripple. You can do this, I am sure of it!!!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Denise and Amy! After a terrible April, I'm getting things back on track. I posted a May challenge for me. Focus on less exercise time and higher calorie counts!

I'm going to try and get up to date on my journal tomorrow and catch up on reading others.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I am so glad to know you are feeling better about things and that May is off to a good start. I have been worried about you! Sounds like you have a good plan, sometimes we all just need to regroup and rethink our strategies! Here is to a good week and month!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Amy....I can admit I've got a long way to go and I'm not going to get there overnight, but I'm starting to feel better about everything.

I know I went right back to my comfort areas when things started getting tough - which is to stress eat, quick putting me first and run myself into the ground and such.

I've made some decisions that I know are going to benefit me. I went back to Weight Watchers this morning. I need to have someone else hold me accountable and I really like the meetings. Today we talked about the seeds in our garden and while it sounds a bit corny, it made a lot of sense. The message was that if you are planting seeds of negativity in your garden, then that is what is going to grow. It talked about the negative messages we say to ourselves and turning them into positive messages. This gives me something to focus on for the week. I'm so scared of being successful with this journey, after 46 years, I know what fat Diane is like and I know what to expect out of life with me. I don't know what to expect from success and how to behave as a smaller person and that scares the daylights out of me.

I'm also going to update my resume and start seeing what may be available. I work in a specialized field and businesses are always looking. My boss got a new job just 8 weeks after being let go and I've been talking to him as well as some others. I can't continue to 70 or more hours a week without any help and I just found out that I won't be getting any help. I'm tired all the time and I've cut back on working out because there isn't enough hours in the day. That is stopping and the calorie challenge has been really helpful. I need to see what is available and look and see if there is anything available for me. It may not result in changing jobs, but I need to be ready. I've got 8 weeks vacation accrued and I don't feel like I can take any of it because I only continue to fall further and further behind when I'm out of the office.

I'm going to look at what I could list my house at if I were to put it on the market. I'm not sure I would sell, because I have a lot of equity in the house and even with the market the way it is, I would still have a house payment similar to what I have now. I am thinking of going to a smaller house or townhouse so maybe I could downsize my job and enjoy life for a while.

I've been so frustrated with work, I just found out this week that the budget I need to be held to, wasn't adjusted for new uses on the system I manage and the budget is off by about $500,000. That's about 20% difference and in this economy, I can't wait to tell others about this. I talked to my boss about it and have done some investigating, but regardless of who was involved in the decisions and what led to those decisions being made, I'm the one who is going to take the hit for this one.

Why is it when things go crazy and there aren't enough hours in the day the person that suffers is you. I do everything for everyone else and leave myself no time at all. I feel like I'm letting Tim down because I've gained weight and I don't feel like I'm in as good of shape as I should be. I'm tired and cranky with him and it isn't his fault. I'm so blessed that he doesn't quit on me, even when I've felt like quitting on myself. I know I'm doing something right because through all of this, I've continued to see Tim 3 times per week, sometimes those 3 sessions have been the only 3 workouts I've gotten in during a week, but I just don't want to let him down. I'm not sure why I think it is ok to let myself down, but not let others down.

Maybe I should have chosen the trip to Africa instead of a year of Tim. I know I'm just saying that because I'd be out of the country for 3 weeks and people couldn't find me there and it would be like running away from life for a while. Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like? If so, I'm going through one.

I just found out this morning that a friend of mine checked herself into an eating disorder clinic. I'm so proud of her for being such a strong person to recognize the issues within herself and taking that first step to admit there is a problem. She has had a really tought 18 months, in addition to fighting some real emotional issues for over 20 years that her friends are just learning about. I remember last summer asking a friend if they though that she was anorexic due to some behaviors I had observed and now I kick myself that I didn't say anything to her at that time. I don't think she would have been ready to do anything about it then, I'm just so proud of her for doing something now. Both of her kids have some issues; one is autistic and the youngest is showing agression issues due to the situation at home. She is so scared of losing her kids and I'm just so proud of her for getting some help.

I really need to get back to the DIS and journal, it's got to be my therapy. If I don't do it here, I'm going to have to go into therapy and I don't know if there are enough hours in the day for that as well.

Thanks everyone who has stuck with me.

 

[Goofydiane]

I feel so much better after doing a head dump over the weekend. I found out today that I'm not the only person putting a resume together and looking to leave our department. That is nice because it confirms to me that it isn't all in my head.

Tim told me that every workout I come in not ready to work, or in a crabby mood, he is going to increase the intensity and push me further and further. Need to remember to go to the gym in a good mood! Today was a good day at work to, I don't think that I'm making much progress in getting caught up, but I'm not going to let it bother me. There are only so many hours in the day and I get done what I can get done in that time. What doesn't get done, will get done some day in the future.

Love the challenge I gave myself this month....I like calories so much more than time. Will probably do this one again in June.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, you are doing some really deep soul searching, good for you! It takes courage to address areas of your life like a job, food, house, etc. You are taking some strong steps forward. I am so glad you have Tim. Africa isn't going anywhere, you can take that trip another time, your health however can go away however, so I think you very much made the right choice.

I hope the job search goes well, I think getting started is the hardest step, and you've done that!

Good job tackling calories too. I know you can do this, you've come this far and you'll see it through. Some stalls and delays are normal for any process. Its getting back into the game that counts.

Congrats on WW, it is a great program!