Depressed Disney Trip

[discat73]

Ugh. Where to even begin. I’m scheduled to fly to Orlando on Friday for a few solo days at the parks and then a week long conference at the Swan/Dolphin. Normally no big deal on the solo trip. I wind up in Orlando for work a few times a year and try to fit in Disney whenever possible. My husband has always joined me when he can.

The twist. My husband told me a week ago that he “unexpectedly reunited” with his high school girlfriend (we are in our 50s) and they are “madly in love.” I clearly have all sorts of feelings about this but this post isn’t really about that. It’s about my trip.

I’m depressed and heartbroken and blindsided by all of this. I can’t sleep but also struggle to get out of bed. I don’t eat. I rarely make it through more than a few hours without crying. I’m still working from home and have managed to keep things relatively together on the work front. I have no choice but to go to this conference and I will suck it up and figure out how to stop the waterworks.

But I have no idea what to do about Disney. It’s paid for and I’m past the refund period. But I have no desire to go and to see things that I’ve seen with him. I’m normally a planner extraordinaire and a rope drop commando. I can’t even look at my spreadsheet. Frankly, I could use the change of scenery and I wish that I wanted to go. Disney is my happy place and I know I’ll find my way back there. But I don’t even physically know how to do right now.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice on how to approach the parks when you are overwhelmed and depressed and tired and tearful maybe. Suggestions from anyone who’s been in a similar spot. Maybe someone to just tell me to throw away the money and let it go.

 

[pixiedust2u]

I’m just here to say I’m really sorry that you are going through this I hope you have a support network of friends and family that can support and love you through this. Give yourself time and grace to be upset.

Honestly… maybe call Disney and as crazy as it sounds, open up to a cast member and explain your situation. They may very well give you a credit to use another time.

 

[Disneylover99]

Ugh. Where to even begin. I’m scheduled to fly to Orlando on Friday for a few solo days at the parks and then a week long conference at the Swan/Dolphin. Normally no big deal on the solo trip. I wind up in Orlando for work a few times a year and try to fit in Disney whenever possible. My husband has always joined me when he can.

The twist. My husband told me a week ago that he “unexpectedly reunited” with his high school girlfriend (we are in our 50s) and they are “madly in love.” I clearly have all sorts of feelings about this but this post isn’t really about that. It’s about my trip.

I’m depressed and heartbroken and blindsided by all of this. I can’t sleep but also struggle to get out of bed. I don’t eat. I rarely make it through more than a few hours without crying. I’m still working from home and have managed to keep things relatively together on the work front. I have no choice but to go to this conference and I will suck it up and figure out how to stop the waterworks.

But I have no idea what to do about Disney. It’s paid for and I’m past the refund period. But I have no desire to go and to see things that I’ve seen with him. I’m normally a planner extraordinaire and a rope drop commando. I can’t even look at my spreadsheet. Frankly, I could use the change of scenery and I wish that I wanted to go. Disney is my happy place and I know I’ll find my way back there. But I don’t even physically know how to do right now.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice on how to approach the parks when you are overwhelmed and depressed and tired and tearful maybe. Suggestions from anyone who’s been in a similar spot. Maybe someone to just tell me to throw away the money and let it go.

I’m so very sorry!
Are these separate tickets or part of a package?
If they’re separate tickets, you can use them another time.
See how you feel once you arrive. Maybe you’ll even feel like going to a park once you’re there.

 

[Gabby01]

Wow. He may be in his 50’s but it sounds like he never grew up and learned how to have a committed adult relationship. Good riddance, I say. Go to Disney and get all the bells and whistles. Victoria and Albert’s will treat you with the dignity you deserve. Go, and have fun, and if you must cry, then cry into a delicious, fancy cocktail. You might not realize it now, but this is when your life BEGINS.

 

[misspiggie]

I have been a long-time lurker here but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.

My parents (late 60’s-early 70s) are splitting after 40+ years together because my dad decided his life would be better without my mom, who has always treated him with abundant love and patience (when many other women wouldn’t have tolerated him). My mom is doing better now compared to when he first dropped the bombshell a couple years ago, but of course it is still a struggle sometimes.

My parents never took me to Disney when I was a kid, but I fell in love with WDW after taking my son for his 5th birthday in 2015. Since then, I have brought my mom along several times and have enjoyed watching her light up and escape reality. It is therapeutic when you can suspend disbelief and allow yourself to be a kid again.

Perhaps there is someone else in your life, a friend or relative, who you could bring along with you? Maybe if you can create new memories with someone else, it can still be your happy place. It may take time for the hurt to fade away, but it would be a shame to let a man take Disney away from you.

 

[AprilsZoo]

What are all the things you’ve enjoyed and he has done only because you wanted to?
What are things you’ve wanted to do but he has vetoed?
What things have prioritized on trips when he didn’t join you?

Those are the things to do alone. For now, skip anything that reminds you of your “together times”… unless you’ve really enjoyed them as much or more on you “alone” trips.

From there, try to find some new things to forge your own memories. It’s sometimes easier to get ressies for just yourself. Maybe there’s somewhere you’ve wished to try, but it was too much of a splurge, esp. with 2 people. Well, when better to treat yourself.

Most of all, no matter whether you go to the parks or not, keep telling yourself that this is his choice— crappy as it is. You are not responsible for his poor decisions. You are going to get thru this, and likely be stronger for it, though it may not feel like than now.

Nowadays there are a multitude of tele-health options for therapy. Avail yourself of one of them. Your insurance may be able to point you in the right direction. You need to get some help to pull yourself back to a good mental place. Some crying and depression are ok. This is the death of a relationship. You are grieving. It’s possible you may benefit from pharmaceutical treatment. That will be for your doctor or mental health provider to determine. Just don’t be afraid of it.

PP was correct, that wholly unused tix can be used in the future. They won’t lose their value, even if they expire. If they do expire and tix prices go up, the value will apply toward new tix and you’ll pay the difference.
Just remember to cancel your reservations if you decide not to use them. (This is assuming you don’t have AP’s)

 

[Traveling on cc points]

I’m so sorry for what you are going though.
Take my advice with a grain of salt. You have to do what is right for you.

You don’t have a choice on going to the conference and it probably wouldn’t be good for you mental health to just sit in your hotel room every night thinking about how your life is changing. Your husband has taken enough from you, please don’t let him take away your happy place too.
There are so many new things in the parks that you probably haven’t done with him that you can still enjoy. If there is a particular restaurant or attraction that brings back too many memories then skip it this trip and maybe you will be ready to see it again on your next trip.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[TCRAIG]

I can somewhat relate in that my husband passed away unexpectedly in April. I ended up going solo in Sept. For me-the hardest part was going on rides, since we used to do that together and it carried too many memories…but I did end up enjoying some things. I didn’t make any dining reservations but ate at either QS or sit down dining walk up…I got up when I wanted and went to the parks at my own pace…I spent most of my time people watching, looking in the shops, visiting the different resorts, enjoying the fireworks, and different street type entertainment. It helped that I’m DVC and have an annual pass. I really enjoyed going to MNSSHP. It was rough-I miss my husband so much-but I’m glad I went just to see if I could do it. I’m actually kind of looking forward to my December solo trip.

 

[AnnaS]

 

[bsmcneil]

I'm also very sorry about this - my heart is with you. I didn't go with this sort of thing hanging over me - but I have gone a couple of times in similar situations (pre-paid, no reason to skip it - something significantly off or down going on). And, at least when I did it in 2021 - I really got a lot out of it. Didn't do my usual stuff and it was a wholly different experience. But I definitely soaked in the atmosphere more (I used to be more of a commando-style person). I took the time to feel sad, alone, whatever was going on - and I also did some of the things I knew would get me out of my head (roller coasters). I stayed away from the things I normally enjoyed but felt trite (Jungle Cruise) though I realize people can also appreciate those in that mood.

The only other thing is that I went - as I have on previous trips in similar situations - with an outlook that I wanted to do some people watching, connecting with people to hear their stories (most often CMs - and to thank them for their work), and then share my own little pixie dust when/if I could. Little things, mostly. I was delighted to let a friend and her husband stay in the room for a while - I had a week booked and plans changed and so I went for the first two days, had one night overlapping with the friends, and they had it - for free - for the rest of the time I had pre-paid.

Take care of yourself (spa? special food?). I hope you get whatever it is you need from this time and trip.

 

[discat73]

I’m just here to say I’m really sorry that you are going through this I hope you have a support network of friends and family that can support and love you through this. Give yourself time and grace to be upset.

Honestly… maybe call Disney and as crazy as it sounds, open up to a cast member and explain your situation. They may very well give you a credit to use another time.

Thank you for this. It helped me to realize that one of the biggest mistakes I’m making right now is not talking about this. I need to bring in a few people from my village for support.

I also ended up having a long heart to heart with a Disney booking person. There wasn’t much to be done about the package but she very kindly moved me from AKL (too much history) to the Contemporary so at the very least, I can watch the fireworks from my balcony and dip into MK without the hassles of a bus.

I’m so very sorry!
Are these separate tickets or part of a package?
If they’re separate tickets, you can use them another time.
See how you feel once you arrive. Maybe you’ll even feel like going to a park once you’re there.

Package unfortunately, but I hope you are right.

Wow. He may be in his 50’s but it sounds like he never grew up and learned how to have a committed adult relationship. Good riddance, I say. Go to Disney and get all the bells and whistles. Victoria and Albert’s will treat you with the dignity you deserve. Go, and have fun, and if you must cry, then cry into a delicious, fancy cocktail. You might not realize it now, but this is when your life BEGINS.

He’s honestly lost his mind - the words he says don’t even make sense. You may have hit a nail with crying into a big fancy cocktail. Thank you for making me laugh between tears.

I have been a long-time lurker here but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.

My parents (late 60’s-early 70s) are splitting after 40+ years together because my dad decided his life would be better without my mom, who has always treated him with abundant love and patience (when many other women wouldn’t have tolerated him). My mom is doing better now compared to when he first dropped the bombshell a couple years ago, but of course it is still a struggle sometimes.

My parents never took me to Disney when I was a kid, but I fell in love with WDW after taking my son for his 5th birthday in 2015. Since then, I have brought my mom along several times and have enjoyed watching her light up and escape reality. It is therapeutic when you can suspend disbelief and allow yourself to be a kid again.

Perhaps there is someone else in your life, a friend or relative, who you could bring along with you? Maybe if you can create new memories with someone else, it can still be your happy place. It may take time for the hurt to fade away, but it would be a shame to let a man take Disney away from you.

Thank you. And hugs to your mom from me.

What are all the things you’ve enjoyed and he has done only because you wanted to?
What are things you’ve wanted to do but he has vetoed?
What things have prioritized on trips when he didn’t join you?

Those are the things to do alone. For now, skip anything that reminds you of your “together times”… unless you’ve really enjoyed them as much or more on you “alone” trips.

From there, try to find some new things to forge your own memories. It’s sometimes easier to get ressies for just yourself. Maybe there’s somewhere you’ve wished to try, but it was too much of a splurge, esp. with 2 people. Well, when better to treat yourself.

Most of all, no matter whether you go to the parks or not, keep telling yourself that this is his choice— crappy as it is. You are not responsible for his poor decisions. You are going to get thru this, and likely be stronger for it, though it may not feel like than now.

Nowadays there are a multitude of tele-health options for therapy. Avail yourself of one of them. Your insurance may be able to point you in the right direction. You need to get some help to pull yourself back to a good mental place. Some crying and depression are ok. This is the death of a relationship. You are grieving. It’s possible you may benefit from pharmaceutical treatment. That will be for your doctor or mental health provider to determine. Just don’t be afraid of it.

PP was correct, that wholly unused tix can be used in the future. They won’t lose their value, even if they expire. If they do expire and tix prices go up, the value will apply toward new tix and you’ll pay the difference.
Just remember to cancel your reservations if you decide not to use them. (This is assuming you don’t have AP’s)

Thank you - appreciate the advice and finding a therapist is definitely high on the list. The trip is definitely happening at this point, for good or bad. I’m trying to look forward to the idea of just taking it slow and seeing what it all looks like when not running around doing All the Things.

I’m so sorry for what you are going though.
Take my advice with a grain of salt. You have to do what is right for you.

You don’t have a choice on going to the conference and it probably wouldn’t be good for you mental health to just sit in your hotel room every night thinking about how your life is changing. Your husband has taken enough from you, please don’t let him take away your happy place too.
There are so many new things in the parks that you probably haven’t done with him that you can still enjoy. If there is a particular restaurant or attraction that brings back too many memories then skip it this trip and maybe you will be ready to see it again on your next trip.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you so much.

I can somewhat relate in that my husband passed away unexpectedly in April. I ended up going solo in Sept. For me-the hardest part was going on rides, since we used to do that together and it carried too many memories…but I did end up enjoying some things. I didn’t make any dining reservations but ate at either QS or sit down dining walk up…I got up when I wanted and went to the parks at my own pace…I spent most of my time people watching, looking in the shops, visiting the different resorts, enjoying the fireworks, and different street type entertainment. It helped that I’m DVC and have an annual pass. I really enjoyed going to MNSSHP. It was rough-I miss my husband so much-but I’m glad I went just to see if I could do it. I’m actually kind of looking forward to my December solo trip.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with me and giving some ideas on how to approach this. I hope your December trip gives you even more comfort.

I'm also very sorry about this - my heart is with you. I didn't go with this sort of thing hanging over me - but I have gone a couple of times in similar situations (pre-paid, no reason to skip it - something significantly off or down going on). And, at least when I did it in 2021 - I really got a lot out of it. Didn't do my usual stuff and it was a wholly different experience. But I definitely soaked in the atmosphere more (I used to be more of a commando-style person). I took the time to feel sad, alone, whatever was going on - and I also did some of the things I knew would get me out of my head (roller coasters). I stayed away from the things I normally enjoyed but felt trite (Jungle Cruise) though I realize people can also appreciate those in that mood.

The only other thing is that I went - as I have on previous trips in similar situations - with an outlook that I wanted to do some people watching, connecting with people to hear their stories (most often CMs - and to thank them for their work), and then share my own little pixie dust when/if I could. Little things, mostly. I was delighted to let a friend and her husband stay in the room for a while - I had a week booked and plans changed and so I went for the first two days, had one night overlapping with the friends, and they had it - for free - for the rest of the time I had pre-paid.

Take care of yourself (spa? special food?). I hope you get whatever it is you need from this time and trip.

Thank you - these are all really great ideas!

 

[nw6675]

Best wishes to you. I won't share my details because it sure wouldn't put me in a good light. I will say DH and I divorced for a year and the first time I went back to Disney after we remarried was very difficult for both of us emotionally.

I purposely stayed away from certain places, focused on the positives, did new things - go on a fireworks cruise, treat yourself to the spa at GF, take an AK tour. Just go and make new memories and make Disney yours and yours alone.

 

[goofyernmost]

I had a similar problem after my wife left me because she "just didn't want to be married anymore". That was after 29 years. I went to Disney and I am so glad that I did. I remember sitting on a bench thinking about all the happy times spent there with my family. I was justifiably a real Debbie Downer.

After a time of reminiscing and self pity I decided to do something and, in my case I went to the Carousel of Progress. Now for the sake of background, I went with family to CoP when the theme was "Now is the best time of your life" and at the time it was. This time the theme was back to "There's a great big beautiful tomorrow". Something connected in my mind and made the decision to stop looking at the world so negatively and do something to reassert myself into life.

Mine was recognizing that I could do or be whatever I wanted and made plans while still in the parks about what I was going to do when I got back to the real world. I did and got my self assurance back and moved ahead instead of looking back. I did maintain the memories because they are now important for me to remember what was, but to be happy with what is.

I'm not saying, go to CoP and you will be OK. I'm saying that you just need to find your new path and heck it just might be something that is in the place the fires up your imagination and realize that even though there was a time when we depended emotionally on others to define ourselves, we are a force within ourselves and are capable of whatever we wanted to be in the end.

I know how internally painful it is, but I also know that it is possible to make lemonade out of a pile of lemons. It can hurt now but it can end up sweet if we allow it too. In the meantime, I do hope you feel better and reignited soon. There a a lot of details that must be attended to, but when accomplished it can once again be "the best time of your life".

 

[Alicefan]

I say go and drop the spread sheet. Go and take your time to stop and enjoy just people watching and smell the roses. I did this by myself the week after my mom passed and I found it very calming. It was something I didn't know I needed. I really loved the quiet and I never realized just how much time had always been spent on idle chatter like, "Do you want to stop and eat a snack and then we'll head over to Test Track?" etc. I sat when I felt like sitting and I got up when I felt like moving on and I didn't have to run it by other people. I was scared that I would be trapped in my own head with no words being spoken, but it was surprising how many people end up talking to you randomly when you're alone. It seems impossible right now, but every day you will get a percent of a percent better and one day you won't even have tears for him any longer. I promise. Hugs to you.

 

[ambula603]

Just wanted to offer some hugs and say it is okay if you go and it isn't 100% happy or normal. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Allow yourself to have a trip that isn't planned, perfect, or even predictable. It may be cathartic to let it go (pun intended).

I hope you can find a few places and moments to make new memories of how STRONG you are. How WORTHY you are. And hopefully, those can carry you through the coming weeks and months.

If you feel up to it, please return and let us know how the trip went.

 

[Nicnicnic.nic]

I took myself and my daughter to WDW for the first time 6 months after my husband left me. I didn't have the issues of memories but I was worried seeing families would trigger me but this feels a little not ok to say but I really enjoyed hearing other couples especially couples with young children argue. And I realized it was really nice to not have to consider him (he could be quite difficult) and me and my daughter who are very much more on the same page could just have fun. The only thing I wish I had brought was headphones so I could listen to either audiobooks or podcasts on my phone because sometimes my daughter would be asleep in the stroller and I had to keep moving to keep her sleeping and I didn't feel like talking to other people because I was still sad sometimes. I'm sorry for what you're going through. For me it's been a year and I'm still angry sometimes and still sad sometimes but much less often. The first few months it was a struggle to just get to the end of the day.

 

[Coolsbreeze]

Wow that really sucks, sry to hear that. Sounds like you need a vacation after that news. If the trip is already paid for then you should just go.

 

[RedK]

I'm really sorry. I've been there, and the way it changes everything in your world is really hard. I had to find a balance between grief/anger/sadness and deliberately trying to build a new life.

I really liked what @goofyernmost said. What if you took the train around MK and asked yourself "what do I like about MK?" Or sit at the tables outside of the Safari at AK, eat a dole whip, and ask yourself "what are the things I have the most fun doing in this park?" Maybe this can be part mourning, and part figuring out who you are as a single, solo, wonderful, amazing Disney lover.

I hope this trip is the start of you building the fabulous new life you deserve. Good luck!

 

[jimmymc]

The phrase I've always heard is "I'd rather be depressed on a yacht than at home." I would 100% do the solo trip and throw in a few splurge meals.

 

[AgentMama]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Figure out the pace that works for you when you get there and just put one foot in front of the other. I've found when I'm at a rough spot emotionally, sometimes it's surprising what I actually find comforting vs. what I thought would be comforting. Sounds like a good opportunity for some self care on your own. Is there a friend who might want to meet up with you for a day or so?