If the same issues happen with my next baby, I would have a hard time considering going down the same route again. And if the next baby does decide to breastfeed and I hated it, I would probably ditch it. It has been stressful and I feel like I could have done things better over the past few weeks if I hadn't been so worked up over feedings. I have decided to reduce the number of pumping sessions each day, even if it does lead to a decrease in my supply and eventually wean when I get closer to the 3 month mark. I just can't keep up with this schedule. I want to spend more time enjoying my baby and less time worrying about how I am going to fit in one more pump session. It has just taken time for me to come to terms with everything and to overcome my disappointment.
I had a similar experience with my oldest, and my one big regret about my time home with him is that I let the guilt/worry about breastfeeding not working out over shadow our time together. I was stressed out so he was stressed out. The best thing I did for us was to give up breastfeeding. He was full, he was happy and slept. When I got more sleep, things started looking up.
I tried again with my second child, and he breastfed like a champ. For whatever reason with him, I wasn't able to get anything out when I pumped. He gained weight, but I knew I couldn't keep up with breastfeeding because I was going back to work. We switched to a bottle and he did just fine. The difference with my youngest is that I didn't feel guilty about it and enjoyed my time home with him.
We all have a picture in our head about how things will work out when the baby comes, and it's ok to be sad if it doesn't quite work out. The best advice anyone ever gave me about kids was that the thing that works is the right thing to do. If your baby hates the sling, stop using it. If breastfeeding doesn't work, fed is best. If the name brand whatever doesn't work, use generic. It's ok. Hang in there. There really is a lot of truth to the saying that the days are long but the years are short. My babies are almost 6 and almost 3 and it feels like I just had them.