Birthday Present Question

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

So we always send our nephew (about to be 5) birthday presents from his amazon wishlist. And it really bothers me his mom gives him the presents whenever they arrive instead of waiting for his birthday, I send them early to make sure they get there on time. Am I weirdo for wanting his aunt and uncle to give him presents on his birthday and not the week before? To be clear, I haven't really said anything because it's not worth ruining a good relationship but I dont like it, My feelings about this might not be valid so I'm asking how everyone else would feel.

 

[kdonnel]

When my kids were young, my wife and I learned quickly that we could not control what happened with the kids when they were at their grandparents. A different set of rules at their house was the penalty for us getting time to ourselves.

I think that sentiment applies in your situation. You can't control or dictat what happens in someone else's home.

If you really want the presents to be given on the birthday have them sent to your home from Amazon and then pay for overnight FedEX or UPS to ensure delivery on the birthday.

 

[luvthatduke]

I have a friend who I think doesn't like it that we DO wait until DS's birthday
to give him any gifts or cards from family/friends.
Interesting...

I will assume that you send the gift(s) from your address?
If so, maybe next year wrap it in the giftwrap that says "No peeking" or similar.
Or use something like this (below) as a hint?
Others will likely disagree w/me but if you're the one
sending the gift I think you should at least be allowed to make your request.
However, be prepared to graciously accept a negative response.
I do understand walking on eggshells around family .

 

[georgina]

Wouldn't bother me at all. Perhaps the parents think it is better to have the gifts spread out a bit instead of all coming on one day? He is their child and it is their prerogative.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Wouldn't bother me at all. Perhaps the parents think it is better to have the gifts spread out a bit instead of all coming on one day? He is their child and it is their prerogative.

I agree with this. For little kids, it's sometimes kind of overwhelming to get 15 new toys at once.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I wouldn't even think anything of it.

 

[slo]

Your feelings are valid.
Personally......I think I'd like that they get the gift early so they can focus on the gift. So many times at birthday parties, where there's loads of gifts, the child doesn't really focus much on each gift, because they are a child - they are just so excited about having presents to open. They sometimes are totally overstimulated between people there, cake, presents and etc - so much going on at once. Definitely try and look at the silver lining with this, which is that the child can calmly open their gift and be excited about just that gift from you.

 

[Mle8308]

How does a 4 year old have an Amazon wish list?

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

How does a 4 year old have an Amazon wish list?

Because his mom creates one which is helpful because all of the family lives out of state and she doesn't provide the link unless you ask for it. I find it extremely helpful to not duplicate things he already has and to make sure his presents align with his current interests. We are only able to see him in person maybe 1-2 times per year.

And I guess this is just a weird quirk of mine which is totally fine. I do understand not being overwhelmed by presents on one day. That makes sense. It really isn't a huge deal and as I said we have a great relationship and I wouldn't bother saying anything about it because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, but I wanted to see what other people thought. Thanks everyone!

 

[clh2]

I can see both sides of this situation.

One of my favorite quotes from years ago, describing a post-Christmas scene: it looks like ToysRUs threw up in my living room.

I would try to understand and accept that the parents want your gift to be special for the couple of days it is an only gift, instead of one of many!

 

[John VN]

in Our House = it's Our Traditions

for all other's = not our business

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

in Our House = it's Our Traditions

for all other's = not our business

Thanks so much for the lesson. I asked the question genuinely and said it might be silly that I care. No need to be rude. Of course they can do whatever they want in their house.

 

[Turn the Page]

I don't think your feelings are invalid but I also don't think the parents' feelings are invalid.

I know some people put great importance on celebrating an event on that particular date. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. That never bothered me at all. DH and I got married in late October (it will be 10 years this fall. I'm not sure how that happened lol.) but it is unlikely this year that we will do much of anything on our actual anniversary. DD14 is in marching band now and will likely have a band competition downstate the day before. Last year we spent our actual anniversary at the competition which was actually quite fitting given our history of being band nerds. But I digress. We certainly won't be going away for our actual anniversary this year.

We may go to WDW later on for a long weekend, or we may not. Either way, it's fine. The specific date doesn't matter a hoot to me. But if it does to you then I suppose that is ok too. If it bothers you that much then maybe start shipping the gifts later? I know you want to make sure they get there for his birthday but if the parents insist on giving him the gifts when they arrive and you want to wait until his birthday it may be the best option. If they arrive past his birthday, oh well. They will have no one but themselves to blame and he may very well like a surprise additional present anyhow.

 

[pezgirlroy]

Your feelings are valid. I would not let this bother me personally especially with him being so young. My kids get so many presents at Christmas when ones come in from the mail from others they can open them when they come in just because it makes it a bit easier.

 

[sam_gordon]

Obviously anyone can feel however they want. But as a parent, I don't understand the request*. I agree with others that the amount of presents getting opened on the birthday can be overwhelming, especially with kids that age. Having him open the gifts early gives him time to enjoy the gift before getting overwhelmed with all the others.

*I would understand the gift if it was shipped early, the gift giver was going to be on site for the birthday and wanted to be there to see the reaction when the child sees the gift. Other than that? Yea, no. Sorry.

 

[AppleDumpling]

So if I were the parent, and a family member asked me to hold it until the birthday, I would honor their wishes. However, I don’t think it’s a big deal and not worth getting upset over.

To be honest, as the giver, I wouldn’t mind either way, as long as the gift was acknowledged, ie. the parents teach their child to show gratitude.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This question has come up before on advice columns and almost universally the answer is what others have already touched on that you don't really and can't really control when a gift is given furthermore what gift traditions you have are your traditions but not someone else's. I've seen it answered in advice columns also that once you start putting so much stipulations to gifts they start to not feel like gifts. Of course this is for a 5 yr old where this concept is not as tangible but given time and age it can start to affect the actual feeling behind receiving a gift from a loved one.

Your desire to have the gifts given on their birthday is valid, the family giving the gift when they see fit is also valid.

This sorta reminds me of how for some families they open a gift on Christmas eve, for others that's not something they would consider doing but for others it's just how they like it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Of course your feelings are valid; they're feelings and you just...feel them. You don't choose how you feel.

I do think you're right not to act on that particular feeling though, because I agree that each present gets more attention when they're spread out instead of opened all at once.

The parents know the child best, and have probably experienced him getting overwhelmed with too many gifts at one time and want to avoid that.