Traveling with an anxious child-tips please!

[devine5829]

This our first family trip by plane. My 51/2 year old girl is fine with everything. My 7 year old girl is already starting to get herself all nervous about everything i.e. (What if I get plane sick, what if we don't like our room, what if we're bored ((IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT ONE)). We leave the weekend of Labor Day weekend-staying for 7 days. Anyway, any tips from people who have anxious children. She's afraid of characters (even though I thought she was getting over that). I have tried to assure her that they won't come to you if they don't want them too. Just need anyones wisdom!

 

[Rebecca12345]

hi devine 5829: Does your child sometimes get overanxious about other things - school, friends, etc? If so, how have you helped her through that?

I found if I kept things low key abt something my child used to get 'worked up' abt & told him gradually what the plans were, it worked out better for him (He has out grown that behavior now)

Sometimes too much information got him too anxious - it was the "UNKNOWN"... I think he worried about. It was a fine line to tell him what was planned & the rest 'just happened' & he would enjoy it without being worried.

I'd make sure on the day of event, he was well rested & ate properly so not stressed by being tired & feeling icky from junk foods.

Calmly explain, that people sometimes do get sick in cars or on a plane. There are bags & bathrooms nearby & (if she is prone to travel sickness I'd take some Lg ziplock baggies & hand wipes to freshen up ..in case..maybe an extra change of clothes too.

Also do not discount her fears or worries. It is important to let her know you are listening to her concerns & of course will be there to help her have a good time.

Perhaps show her some of the cool photos some of the scrapbookers on the other board have posted &/or talk to friends who have already gone & they can share with her the great time they've had. Tell her she will get to go swimming etc at hotel that is something kids really look forward to.

She is old enough to use a camera - maybe she would like if you got her her own disposable camera. You could tell her she can take photos of the characters (maybe that would help her feel at a 'safe distance' from them.) Once she sees how mild mannered they are, it won't be an issue.

Have her make a list of her fav snacks & fun activities to pack in her own backpack for the plane. Tell her you will have some little presents wrapped in her pack. Every so often, she can choose one to open. (Like a small play doh -great for plane, fun little toys, book, etc) It will give her a sense of control over her activities & she will feel comfortable & excited & the travel time might go quicker.

Don't forget the gum for (her ears) on the plane & a water bottle, as the stewards don't always come by right away. Ask for a pillow & blanket as soon as you board too.

Good luck & hope your trip is wonderful!!

 

[Angel717]

I think a lot of anxiety is caused by the feeling of having no control. The closer it gets to vacation time, the more she's thinking about things, worrying about this and that, especially if you are talking about it a lot!
Whenever she brings up a particular worry, I'd talk with her about what makes her the most worried and what her options are. For instance, if she asks what if it's boring, asking her what she thinks would be fun and then let her choose an activity she finds fun. Let her help with the planning and decision making (where should we eat, what ride should we do next, etc.). If she feels more in control, it might lessen her anxiety.

I hope everyone has a good time!

 

[timbud1]

Hi! Well, my DD's, 7 and 9, did AWESOME! The 7-y-o was SO negative about the trip. She was excited about the idea of it all, and really wanted to go, but she was worried about EVERYTHING. She tends to get upset about one tiny thing and then it snowballs into total negativity until she takes a break and calms down. Anyway, I gotta love her!!!

She really did well. I have to say, her first ride of the trip was Peter Pan. ..the girl dug her fingernails into my arm so hard I thought it would fall off!! She said she hated it and would never go on it again. I kept my cool, but I was obviously concerned about the rest of our trip!!!

We proceeded to do the rest of Fantasyland (skipping Snow White!!) and she adored it all. Moving on to Country Bears followed by Haunted Mansion - she loved them!!! From then on it was a breeze at MK. Even rode Splash which she didn't like, but handled fine. LOVED Thunder Mountain, Pirates, and everything. We only skipped SW , Space, and Alien. The rest of our parks were great too - she was willing to do almost everything and when she didn't like it, she took it in stride. 3-D attractions were not the favorite of either child, but they just closed their eyes. She absolutely shocked us by riding every single slide at TL!!!

Characters were not a problem for her - she does like them as long as they don't hug her. We got lots of great pictures. Did breakfast at CRT which she loved (except for the food). We don't take many vacations and my girls aren't used to getting what they want at the store, etc. We used this magical trip to say "yes" to almost everything reasonable and it was a wonderful experience. She was in quite a good mood for most of the trip and very open to new things. We did "gently push" her into some things by saying that she had her turns to choose, and now it was our turn. She never got so upset she cried or anything.

Now, she did end up in our bed alot....what if there was a fire or a bug or who knows what else!!!

Go and have a great time! I feel certain your daughter will find the magic in her own way, and there's always another trip to plan when they're a little older...I'm already doing it!!! Pixi dust to you!

 

[ahutton]

My DDs are younger but I've found that it's helpful to take a favorite toy (maybe a stuffed animal) as a security item for them to hold onto, and a blanket from home. We keep it in the diaper bag or stroller basket and when they start to get stressed we find a quiet place without so much stimulus and have a little down time. It helps them to sleep at night too. For bedtime I also carry a nature sounds machine that has similar sounds to what we use at home and it helps things feel more familiar in the dark. Suckers are a good thing for the plane - hard candy that they can hold onto without getting too sticky.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

I think that most kids go through a fear stage and it just so happened that my DS went though one the summer after the 2nd grade when we were planning a trip. He had MANY worries about that trip with the biggest one that he would get lost at the parks!!! Others were that the rides might break down while we were on them, that someone might break into our room and that the elevators might break down.
Well, this was also during the time that he was dealing with all these other non trip related fears, like people he knows dying, his gettin sick etc. What we tried to do before the trip was to answer any question as quickly , simply but honestly as we could and then change the subject to someting fun that we were going to do on the trip. I assured him that he could hold my hand anytime he felt he might get seperated, and reminded him that he would be in the same room as him dad and i, and assured him that WDW kept their rides in very good condition. The phase stated about 6 mo before our trip, and he was much better by the trip. These things do pass, though it did take him almost a year to get beyond some of the issues.
On the trip, there was to much fun to get boggled down with many of his concerns. We were there off season so the crowds were not as bad as he had thought they would be and he tended to only need my hand as we were leaving crowed shows etc. He did have some anxious feeling over some rides but for some reason the presence of a CM made him more relaxed and he ended up ridding everything excet Alien, which I would not let him ride! He even rode TOT but then refused to get on the elevator back at our resort. Oh well, Parenting mistake 2220. He is still a little anxious in elevators but says he will do TOT this year. He is also ready to do AE now at 11. This can be a tough stage and requires a lot of patience and understanding. It will too pass and remember that the smartest kids are the ones that have these fears. Good luck!!!!

Jordan's mom

 

[Slartibartfast]

devine5829 ,
I think your DD 7 and my DS6 (almost 7) were made for each other!
I don't know about yours, but I know with mine, it's not a phase, it's just the way he is. We work around it, and things that absolutely HAVE to be done (like a plane ride) we stay as low key about as possible.

Although our son is a nervous ninny, once he does something, he's fine. What I worry about is another personality trait of his: he's overly serious most of the time. I can't figure how I've managed in only 7 years to raise a cynical 1st grader. He doens't see the point in doing something just for the heck of it. He gets very upset if I attempt humor in public in any way. I'm afraid the whimsy of WDW will be totally lost on him. The rest of my family is really looking forward to Chef Mickey's, 50s PT and WCC, but I'm afraid he'll need some kind of medication after going to those restaurants!

Anyway, just have fun! It's infectious! Even grumpyheads and nervous ninnies catch on after a while!

 

[goofy4tink]

Your child sounds just like my 9 y/o dd's best friend. They just got back from WDW and I believe that little girl only went on 3 rides the whole time!! She is very nervous about everything. she makes my dd look like a daredevil! I would suggest getting her Birnbaum's WDW for Children Guide. She can go through it at her own pace. We gave one to my dd's friend and it helped a lot (or so her mother says). Tell her that she won't have to do anything she doesnt' want to do. My dd gets really beside herself with worry if she thinks we're going to 'make' her try something. Let her help with as much planning as she wants. Do not force the issue of characters. I have a picture, taken by Disney photographers, of my dd, then 6, with Mickey for the first time. Her face is priceless. She said she was very nervous doing that the first time. The other thing that I do with my dd when she is worried about something is to ask her..."What is the worst thing that can happen?" In the case of an attraction failing, I tell her that Mayor Mickey doesn't let things like that happen. And so on. It's very trying, I know. Just take it really slowly. You may be surprised with the reactions you get when you get there!!

 

[laceemouse]

I have had severe motion sickness ALL of my life. Many of our family trips were misery for me until we discovered dramamine! If your daughter has never gotten sick in the car or anything before she will probably be fine on the plane. You can bring some dramamine just in case. If she does get sick, you can even give it after the fact to calm things down. Motion sickness does not just go away after you barf, I have felt sick for DAYS after getting sick, luckily we have good drugs to stop this!!!

 

[perpetualplanner]

My DS(nearing 7) has also ALWAYS been high anxiety. In my opinion giving them some small amount of control helps. Nothing too large or that will make things worse. Maybe something like you'll get to pick where lunch is or even a choice or which ride next - Usually this works best if he's given 2 choices. More than 2 choices causes more anxiety (sometimes even 2 is too much). Usually he just needs reassurance. He would get in line with us for a ride he wanted to do and as we neared the actual ride burst into tears. Rather than get out of line we would talk to him about everything on the ride and what he was afraid of. He knew if he was still scared at the end we would chicken walk with him so he didn't have to do that by himself either. Showing him the "chicken" doors really seemed to calm him and knowing he wouldn't have to go by himself made him feel better. Saying all this he never once chicken exited. BTW we didn't call it that at the time I think we said escape door or something. He did refuse Haunted Mansion but he's done that before and LOVED it and his FAVORITE ride was BTMR even though he was crying in line before the FIRST ride. GOOD LUCK they are a challenge

 

[RumpleMom]

Just sharing some thoughts from a Mom with teenagers. We first went to WDW when kids were 7 and almost 4. We went through the scared of the dark and not liking the automatic flushing toilet stages.

We told the kids, Mom and Dad were always with them so they were safe and anything scary was made by Disney magic, of course, Walt Disney, who was a real man and a Daddy, planned the fun things in the parks for families to enjoy.

We showed them the CM nametag and told them these were safe people. Also we put a pin with the name of our resort on them, so they remembered our "home" away from home. It gave them a sense of belonging, but didn't give away their name to anyone.

I think these things are pretty common suggestions, but I have two more.

I have always told the kids about what we would be doing the rest of the summer when we got back home. Sometimes we focus on the trip and forget about coming back to the usual home routine. There is a comforting feeling about knowing that we will come home to do laundry, go to the grocery store for milk and bread, and have a play date with the usual friends, etc.

Also I have told them that in their lifetime they are capable of doing anything that I have done. If I have done it, it is a given that they can do it. Plus, they will do a whole lot more in their lifetime, just as I have done more than my mother did. She never drove a car or flew on an airplane. This thinking has produced two spunky girls who are now teenagers. This summer one went on a school sponsored trip to Mexico and the other travelled by herself to visit a friend in Hawaii.

 

[devine5829]

Gosh-Great suggestions so far. It's good to feel like I'm not alone. I told my daughter last night that I read that some other mothers said they had children who were nervous like her etc.. and that seemed to help her a bit not feel so alone. We are already starting to have sleep issues reoccur. Told hubby that we were going to tone down the Disney talk given that we have about six weeks until we go. Yikes-I hope it all works out okay. Keep those pointers coming-I will keep reading

 

[devine5829]

OH-yes-

And anxious dd reminded me of how the kid got lost in the airport in Home Alone. She said she was going to hold my hand the whole way (which of cousre is fine). (gulp)

 

[Aubrey]

Absolutely wonderful suggestions. As a parent of one serious/anxious child and one flighty/anxious child, I can sympathize. Just so happens, I'm also a child psychologist One thing that I use for clients as well as my own kids is a modified form of systematic desensitization, a cognitive therapy technique. Have your child get comfy in a chair or on the bed, close his/her eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Explain that you are going to practice relaxing all the muscles of the body until they feel "loose, warm, and heavy like cooked spaghetti noodles". Explain that the brain sends signals to the body to tighten the muscles and make our breathing light when we are scared and that by breathing deeply and keeping the muscles loose, warm and heavy, we send a signal back to the brain that there is nothing to be afraid of. The images of heaviness and warmth are essential because they instinctively induce relaxation. When the child is relaxed and calm, begin to talk about aspects of the trip. Begin with reassuring images of holding hands with Mom/Dad, looking at pretty flowers, riding somethig easy like the train. Remind the child to keep those muscles "loose, warm, and heavy". Then slowly begin to add more challenge to the images, talk about riding a new ride, about the feeling of minor turbulence on a plane, about any mildly scary thing that child has worried about. Once again remind the child to stay "loose, warm, and heavy". Have the child express the things they are worried about while concentrating on spaghetti arms and legs at the same time. If he/she becomes tense, remind him/her that these are just words, he/she is safe and comfy and just practicing thinking about things in a new way while staying relaxed. Ask him/her to notice how different it feels to think about scary things when the muscles are loose. It makes us feel braver to stay relaxed while thinking about worrisome things and then we can think of solutions more easily. Have him visualize carrying out those solutions while staying relaxed.
When you get to the point that the child has experienced getting a little anxious and calming himself by relaxing, then stop for the day and praise him. Another day you can start from close to that point and gently take on some slightly more anxiety provoking images while practicing staying "loose, warm, and heavy".

It takes 4-6 practice sessions for most children to master this but it is very powerful once they "get it" and can begin to use it to self-soothe their anxieties with less coaching from you. Remember to praise and tell them how proud you are of them for learning how to use their body to comfort their worried brain.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Wow, I'm glad I read this thread! My 8 yr old DD does fine at WDW(I guess since we have been many times since she was young). But she has lots of anxieties at home! In fact, since we arrived HOME from our latest trip, they have intensified. She is scared at bedtime-of bugs(ants in particular), of being alone(since we were all in the same room at CR!), of her stuffed animals falling off the bed etc. I don't know what to do with her! I will try the above technique tomorrow!
Good luck devine, and all you other parents!

 

[crazybus]

What a great post ! We are going on our first WDW trip this October which includes my daughters' first plane trip. DD (10) is a silent worrier. She becomes overexcited and gets those dreaded butterfiles in her stomach! Unfortunately she also has a nasty gag reflex. You guessed it - she becomes ill. Aubrey - the technique you posted earlier - can I use that for her to fight her butterflies? Unfortunately with her gag reflex she fights taking pills because they come back up 95% of the time. Does anyone also have children whose worries become a physical ailment? Fortunately once we get there she will be okay and absolutely loves rides, etc. It will just be our traveling day....

 

[devine5829]

My friend told me that her pediatrician suggested bringing childrens Tylanol and Childrens Benadryl with us. She said to give the child a dose of Tylanol about 1/2 before the plane ride. She said to tell them its to prevent a cold so know one gets sick before Disney. She said its supposed to help a little. She said the Benadryl is for if they get really freaked-out. The Benadryl will sort of make them sleepy. Of course, before doing anything, check with your doctor which is what I am going to do. But its a nice back up plan in case...

 

[BevS97]

Unfortunately with her gag reflex she fights taking pills because they come back up 95% of the time.

I was like this as a child, in fact until early adulthood, and I still don't like taking pills although I can manage it now if I have to.

When I was a teenager, a Doctor suggested taking the center out of some bread and squishing it up into a pill shape about the same size as the pill I needed to take. If I took the bread pill first, it seemed to calm me enough to be able to take the real pill straight after. It's completely psychological, but somehow I knew the bread pill wouldn't hurt me, so I could swallow it, and having swallowed that, I used to be able to manage the real one.

My mum still makes herself a bread pill if she has a large pill to take.

Bev

 

[Aubrey]

The systematic desensitization will help with the stomach flutter if the child concentrates on relaxing the stomach muscles (if she is young have her imagine the butterflies folding their wings and nestling in to sleep in the warm nest, also have her imagine a heating pad lying on her stomach making the muscles warm and heavy). but if the "gag reflex" originates in the throat and is really a "peristalsis reversal" (the contractions which move food down the esophagus begin to spasm in the wrong direction) then relaxation alone won't help. The reason the bread pill works is only half psychological, the other reason is that swallowing stops the reversal by forcing the contractions to go the right direction. Children often can't make themselves swallow when they are afraid of throwing up. An alternative is to have them suck on a tiny piece of ice. This causes increased salivation (drooling) and they begin taking tiny near-empty swallows which usually stops the gagging.

 

[crazybus]

Thanks BevS97 and Aubrey. Those are great suggestions. Alot of people have told me to "hide" the pill in something - that does not work. I never thought about using the bread pill first to get her body to accept the swallowing motion. She is definitely afraid of throwing up so she makes herself more upset. The ice is a fabulous idea too. I think the relaxation exercise will just help her in general - take the anxiety away. Thanks to both- you may have just saved my vacation!!