Need some opinions here. I have 20 year old college student who lives away in a college town. We are planning a trip to
Disneyland for her younger sisters high school graduation next summer. At this point we don't plan on paying for my college daughter to go. She is welcome to go but would need to pay her own way.
Here is some insight on what our situation is...my youngest who will be graduating high school is bringing a friend as it will be her senior trip. (We did the same for my oldest but her younger sister also went because she was still school age and living in the house.) We will have a hard time paying for my oldest to go because it will be hard enough to for 4 of us. My college student also hasn't done well at college and has lost her financial aid because she isn't meeting the requirements. That has lead to larger personal loans. She does work part time but mainly lives off her loans.
My feelings...I have some guilt because we have always paid until now. I still have some anger because she hasn't done well in college and still continues to rack up debt. She hasn't taken ownership for her poor performance in school and gets mad if I try to talk to her about it.
She did just go on a 7 day trip to Mexico with her dad. My husband is her stepdad.
You have multiple issues here and I think you are using them to validate not taking your oldest on this trip.
First, you are irritated with your daughter becuase of her grades, etc, and I get that. My oldest was not serious in college. I refuse to pay for bad grades, He got one second chance. Period. After that he had a choice: pay your own freight or do not. Any discussion we had concerning school and grades was always separate from how he was treated as a family member.
Second, your finances are going to be stretched with the trip if your oldest joins you, and you still are upset over the higher costs of her education. Personally, I would not have assumed the additional costs, but would have had a come to Jesus meeting about my expectations in regards to her educational and my financial assistance. I am not sure how you handled this, but I see no correlation between a family trip, and this is a family trip no matter how youframe it, and her grades.
Third, You seem to think she already had her vacation becuase she went with her Dad. But what about your family? She stays home ?
I tend to agrees with
@Mackenzie Click-Mickelson in that you are using her grades as a validation to leave her home. I would not suggest you do this. You get very little time to have your adult children to join you so I would create a budget that would include her.
Thank you everyone, it's been a good discussion. I feel a little better having all of your input. Just have a tough decision to make. It's still a year away so I can see how this next semester of college goes before I decide
You need to be clear about the connection between her performance and joining you on the trip if this is what you base hte decision on.
I don't know what I want to do. In a perfect world we would have plenty of money and there would be no question about bringing her. Unfortunately that isn't the case. I want her to go. We have always taken both girls but the situation has changed and they are older now.
It never really gets easier. I have adult children, and all are married. I know that while we do not always pick up the whole bill, we do what we can so no one gets left behind if we plan a family trip.
I keep hearing that you maybe can't afford the older one. I am also hearing that her losing financial aid is directly impacting your ability to take her on this vacation. If those things are really the case, then, no, I don't think you have to take her, but I would have an adult conversation about finances. Heck, my 11 year old wanted (and kind of needed) a new computer for his 10th birthday, so we had a discussion that he would not have a party that year but we would put money towards the computer. His siblings had there birthday party that year (but got inexpensive gifts). There were no ill feelings because we explained. It wasn't a punishment it was a financial reality.
Personally, I would pay for my older child to go in this situation if I could. It would not be tied to school performance except if paying more for college made it not feasible financially.
I agree that as our kids grow they need to be taught responsibility. And consequences, but those consequences need to be clear before they experience them.