Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[KimBean]

You've hit the nail on the head Nancy. Everyone says plan, which I can easily do. My friend however, wants control and input over every single minute detail. I am not exaggerating on this point. For example, in regards to the villa--she needed to know if her bedroom would have a hard chair, a desk on which to place her luggage (it cannot go on the floor), a tv, a private washroom, does the bed have a bedspread or triple sheeting. This is only one example. There are more in regards to air arrangements, our Universal arrangements, our driver from the airport, even the quality of Disney restrooms.

Planning everything without her will only result in eight million questions and as many changes.

When agreeing to this trip, I knew she was nervous. I had no idea the level of obsessive behaviour however. I've made my own bed....

OH Wow.... You are dealing a passive aggressive, indecisive procrastinator, obsessive compulsive????? You need to go back in time and say no. My MIL had OCD. I didn't realize how bad until she was sick (cancer) and had to move in with me. And she was easier to travel with...

 

[DekrRini]

Sounds like you're going around the same time as I am. Last year when I tried to make ADRs as early as I could at 180 days, I couldn't get some the the ones I really wanted on the day I wanted. It took a lot of stalking to get the BOG ADR on the day I wanted, but even then it wasn't the time I wanted. Sci-Fi was also hard to get. My advice with ADRs is to get the ones you want and then cancel if she doesn't want to go. Or go without her. But given your daughter's allergies, her needs must take presidence over your friend's germaphobia.

Given your friend's level of germaphobia I'm surprised she even agreed to come to WDW. She is going to freak out when using some of the restrooms in the parks. I've seen varying levels of cleanliness, but I suspect none will fit her requirements. Perhaps some of her stress, even subconsciously, is the fact she knows she's going to be uncomfortable almost all the time. Could her stalling with buying plane tickets be a way of backing out at the last minute? As in "Oops! Plane tickets too expensive can't afford to go now."

As others have said, making the plans you know you want and then cancelling is probably the best way to go. Your daughter might have an inkling of what her friend wants to do even without asking. Just do the best you can and have a magical time.

 

[quandrea]

Sounds like you're going around the same time as I am. Last year when I tried to make ADRs as early as I could at 180 days, I couldn't get some the the ones I really wanted on the day I wanted. It took a lot of stalking to get the BOG ADR on the day I wanted, but even then it wasn't the time I wanted. Sci-Fi was also hard to get. My advice with ADRs is to get the ones you want and then cancel if she doesn't want to go. Or go without her. But given your daughter's allergies, her needs must take presidence over your friend's germaphobia.

Given your friend's level of germaphobia I'm surprised she even agreed to come to WDW. She is going to freak out when using some of the restrooms in the parks. I've seen varying levels of cleanliness, but I suspect none will fit her requirements. Perhaps some of her stress, even subconsciously, is the fact she knows she's going to be uncomfortable almost all the time. Could her stalling with buying plane tickets be a way of backing out at the last minute? As in "Oops! Plane tickets too expensive can't afford to go now."

As others have said, making the plans you know you want and then cancelling is probably the best way to go. Your daughter might have an inkling of what her friend wants to do even without asking. Just do the best you can and have a magical time.

Oh I know getting ADRs will be tricky. Seventy plus trips under my belt. Dining is very popular at this time of year. I'm just going to make all the dining for six. If she comes along, great, if not, well at least dd is looked after.

No in regards to the plane ticket. She just has a tough time dealing with each thing as it comes up. She won't do online purchases so she had to call the airline, pay more for that, which upset her. She was very upset that we are not seated together. I won't pay for seat selection as I don't mind if I'm separated from the kids. They can all handle themselves. That was a real sticking point for her. It was quite the ordeal.

 

[quandrea]

OH Wow.... You are dealing a passive aggressive, indecisive procrastinator, obsessive compulsive????? You need to go back in time and say no. My MIL had OCD. I didn't realize how bad until she was sick (cancer) and had to move in with me. And she was easier to travel with...

Yes I know. No chance of turning back time so I must bend and adapt! The OCD came as a surprise to me. Shows how even knowing someone for years, that there can still be big surprises.

 

[DekrRini]

I thought she hadn't bought the tickets yet. I must have misread the post. It seems like she does everything wrong in the sense of getting what she wants and then gets upset about it. Not a good way to live in general.

Since you want to make this trip as magical as possible for the daughter, I'd focus on her wants and hope for the best.

 

[leebee]

You've hit the nail on the head Nancy. Everyone says plan, which I can easily do. My friend however, wants control and input over every single minute detail. I am not exaggerating on this point. For example, in regards to the villa--she needed to know if her bedroom would have a hard chair, a desk on which to place her luggage (it cannot go on the floor), a tv, a private washroom, does the bed have a bedspread or triple sheeting. This is only one example. There are more in regards to air arrangements, our Universal arrangements, our driver from the airport, even the quality of Disney restrooms.

Planning everything without her will only result in eight million questions and as many changes.

When agreeing to this trip, I knew she was nervous. I had no idea the level of obsessive behaviour however. I've made my own bed....

OK, this makes me nervous for you, but I think you can still have a great trip! If I were you, I'd plan which days to go to which parks and make an ADR for each location (or nearby... we always eat at Boma on AK day, for example). Make the ADRs you want for the entire party; if they don't want to join you, that's fine, but at least this way everyone's covered. I am not sure I'd tell her I'd made these plans/ADRs; I'd just steer the planning conversation/meeting (if it actually happens) in that direction. You know... "We really should go to this park on this day because of..." EMH, crowd level, eating at BOG, whatever. Make your case for the actual park days and steer the conversation in that direction, without saying you've already made this plan in your head. It sounds devious, but it's only sensible. I am sure she can't wrap her head around a vacation that's not happening until next Nov/Dec.! Get the ADRs you want. If she isn't on board, you can try for what she wants and if they are available, decide if you want to change your plans or not.

A hard but necessary conversation might be the one about daily routine. If you are rope droppers, tell her that you and yours will be leaving Kidani by X time each day; she and her DD are welcome to join you, meet you later, you'll take her DD with you, etc. You can flex your plans a bit... if she doesn't want to rope-drop, maybe meet her at lunch time at AKL and hit the parks together for the afternoon. (doesn't sound like she's going to want to grab a bus and meet you someplace, but maybe...). Also let her know that if the stress is too much, she is welcome to hang around AKL and you'll take the kids to the park. You can change the constraints on all this as the vacation unfolds and she becomes more comfortable with the surroundings. OH... and bring plenty of hand wipes- sounds like she's gonna need 'em!

 

[marcyleecorgan]

Huh. If another family wanted to come with us to WDW, but couldn't spare an hour to chat about meals and rides, they would NOT be going with me.

Make your reservations, buy your plane tickets, make your ADR's, make your FP+ for YOU and your family.... why is any of her poor planning your problem? Don't make it your problem.

Tell her she can take care of this stuff like a responsible adult, or be left at the airport crying like an irresponsible teenager who just dropped their iPhone in the toilet, with her tweenage daughter berating her appropriately.

I get it, most people don't usually micro-manage their lives outside of WDW, but it's not like the stressors of say, Space Camp! Just decide that, "Yeah, having steak for lunch would be good. Oooh I like Chinese food." Goodness how hard can this be? "Funnel cake or ice cream? Or BOTH?" LOL

 

[marcyleecorgan]

Maybe so. I am doing it for our girls. They are best friends. My friend's daughter has wanted this trip for four years.

Sounds like you just need to take the daughter and leave her mother at home!

 

[Nancyg56]

Wow! It's a good thing for this woman that you care so much for her daughter. Make the best of it and know you did a nice thing.

No good deed ever goes unpunished though! Lol!!

 

[TravelandLeisure]

You've hit the nail on the head Nancy. Everyone says plan, which I can easily do. My friend however, wants control and input over every single minute detail. I am not exaggerating on this point. For example, in regards to the villa--she needed to know if her bedroom would have a hard chair, a desk on which to place her luggage (it cannot go on the floor), a tv, a private washroom, does the bed have a bedspread or triple sheeting. This is only one example...

Wow... that's a lot of concerns/demands for someone who isn't footing one dime of the hotel bill. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen!

 

[marcyleecorgan]

You've hit the nail on the head Nancy. Everyone says plan, which I can easily do. My friend however, wants control and input over every single minute detail. I am not exaggerating on this point. For example, in regards to the villa--she needed to know if her bedroom would have a hard chair, a desk on which to place her luggage (it cannot go on the floor), a tv, a private washroom, does the bed have a bedspread or triple sheeting. This is only one example. There are more in regards to air arrangements, our Universal arrangements, our driver from the airport, even the quality of Disney restrooms.

Planning everything without her will only result in eight million questions and as many changes.

When agreeing to this trip, I knew she was nervous. I had no idea the level of obsessive behaviour however. I've made my own bed....

.... DUDE WHAT? WUT WUT WUT? I have absolutely no tact and I'd tell her she could sleep in a cardboard box in the hallway if she's that irrational about a hotel room. Yes, hotels are "gross" by their very nature, and my DH and I always joke about bringing a blacklight, but we DON'T. And let her puzzle out what might happen if security were to find her in said box... Germo-phobes don't do so well at Disney... it's just impossible to ignore all the body fluids from everyone, everywhere. And using sanitizer all over everything is even worse... gahhhh I don't let my child drink alcohol, why are people smearing it all over everything she will touch? We touch things, then we go to the sink and wash our hands.

Anyway, one usually gets some kind of illness during the last few days, or the flight home when you visit. There's no way around it.

 

[lmcarr49]

I hope you post after the trip. I have to see how this mess turns out.

 

[quandrea]

.... DUDE WHAT? WUT WUT WUT? I have absolutely no tact and I'd tell her she could sleep in a cardboard box in the hallway if she's that irrational about a hotel room. Yes, hotels are "gross" by their very nature, and my DH and I always joke about bringing a blacklight, but we DON'T. And let her puzzle out what might happen if security were to find her in said box... Germo-phobes don't do so well at Disney... it's just impossible to ignore all the body fluids from everyone, everywhere. And using sanitizer all over everything is even worse... gahhhh I don't let my child drink alcohol, why are people smearing it all over everything she will touch? We touch things, then we go to the sink and wash our hands.

Anyway, one usually gets some kind of illness during the last few days, or the flight home when you visit. There's no way around it.

You had me laughing out loud! Thanks for that. Need a good laugh every day. I remember getting that email about the hotel. We were a day off my dvc eleven month window. I was walking to the bus at Boardwalk Villas on my way to Disney Springs. I remember it blowing my mind. Sent her off a few pics of the room for "approval." Should have known then. But as Nancy says, I care about the daughter and I've been biting my tough. I just come here to regale you all with the antics!
Appreciate having the platform to do that!

I hope you post after the trip. I have to see how this mess turns out.

I will.

 

[Skywise]

Not really trying to go off on a tangent but that's really a very oversimplication broad blanket statement.

Things like park hours, crowd levels, weather, heck your own actual interests come into play plus more stuff.

No it's not.

Park hours, crowd levels and weather are going to affect ANY theme park. I was able to hop off a plane, get to disney via magical express, then taxi'd to universal studios, getting there around noon and hit about 70% of the rides in both parks (including all the harry potter rides and hogwarts train... twice) and ate at the Witches Broomstick. Did I do EVERYTHING? no - but my point is that I did ALL of
that without 6 months of pre-planning OR fast passes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No it's not.

Park hours, crowd levels and weather are going to affect ANY theme park. I was able to hop off a plane, get to disney via magical express, then taxi'd to universal studios, getting there around noon and hit about 70% of the rides in both parks (including all the harry potter rides and hogwarts train... twice) and ate at the Witches Broomstick. Did I do EVERYTHING? no - but my point is that I did ALL of
that without 6 months of pre-planning OR fast passes.

Random question did you have EP? You only got 70% done?? You said you can easily do all of both parks in one day. What all did you do and not do? And my comment was phrased in regards to Universal and your comment. Not about pre-planning or whatever. You made a broad simplified blanket statement about getting both Universal parks done in one day. That was what I was responding to.

 

[focusondisney]

I still agree with you that this is what she should do, but I believe the friend asked her to come along, the friend didn't ask her if she could tag along on one of her trips. But, semantics really. Money spent, vacation time, not worth not enjoying yourself!

No, in one of her posts the OP said the friend asked if she & her daughter could join the OP & her family some time because the friend would be too stressed with the planning. So IMO, that means this is the OPs trip & the friend is joining her.


Doesn't matter actually. Seems like the OP is just gonna let the friend dictate things anyway & is excusing it as doing it for the kids. Different people have different tolerances. OP is willing to put up with this behavior so good luck to her. 8 pages & despite all the comments she is still excusing the friend's behavior. No matter what, it will be a vacation to remember.

 

[Farro]

At this point it's only a problem because you are letting it be one.

Tell her what you need from her, give a deadline and that's that. If she doesn't answer, plan the trip for your daughter/daughter's friend and let the chips fall where they may. If the mother is upset, she'll get over it. Or she won't.

There doesn't need to be drama unless you want it....

 

[quandrea]

At this point it's only a problem because you are letting it be one.

Tell her what you need from her, give a deadline and that's that. If she doesn't answer, plan the trip for your daughter/daughter's friend and let the chips fall where they may. If the mother is upset, she'll get over it. Or she won't.

There doesn't need to be drama unless you want it....

I did just that! Thanks for all the replies. I think we can put this thread to bed!

 

[Amelia :)]

I've just realised we probably arrive around the same time as you! We are at AKL Nov 25th to Dec 9th I hope your trip goes as smoothly as it can. Maybe see you round!

 

[abh413]

No advice... But this almost reads like a soap opera. So sorry for your troubles but I'm enjoying reading this saga. That may say something more about me. Hmmm.