CHAPTER 3 Meet My Family or Characters of THE BIG, FAT DISNEY VACATION
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As laid out by the late great Trip Reports of our generation, a cast list so you can better know and hopefully relate to this redneck family from Utah
Ill save myself for last.
DH46 (acts youngish)/Goofy Daddy/Ron/ Mr.Utahmama./ Listen, for MY trip report, and because I say so, please substitute the Darling or Dear for Doofus or Ding-a-ling when youre reading this in your head. It just fits better. Dunno. If DH was a Disney character, he would for many reasons be Goofy. Hes tall, skinny (now that hes lost 40 lbs. In the same time it took me to lose 4 thankyouverylittle). He can stand on his head while riding a jet ski. Youre not ever the same once youve witnessed this in person. He can do a back flip on a trampoline. He can jump 7 kids on a bike(at least he could when he was a kid. I guess theres a funny story with this.All I know is it wasnt good to be #8). Before he was married, he had jet skis, a boat, 4-wheelers, motorcycles, money, a big Dodge truck, snow mobiles, and
money. He teases me about all that. We still have some big boy toys but not as many. I guess Im all he can handle now. This is a Family Show where running so I wont GO THERE (I know you did!). He traded his toys for a family and an expensive Disney habit. DH can imitate Goofys voice so well, its uncanny. Not allowed to do this voice when were, um, alone.Weve been married nearly 10 years coming up on Aug. 3rd and hes my cutie bug and the worlds greatest daddy to the kids. Even changes poopy blow-outs so hes a keeper.
DS17 Jordan- In case you just raised a questioning eyebrow, hes from my previous marriage. My practice marriage if you must know (Oh, we must!). As far as Disney goes, Jordan likes the villans and says when Im mad I remind him of Ursela (ouch!). He jokes that he likes the princesses because theyre HOT especially Jasmine and Ariel- The Girls Gone Wild of the princesses. Hookers! The minute he was able to drive, he bought a nice red truck, got a cell phone, and a sweet girlfriend, and grew out his hair all hippyish. Hes going to be a senior this year, which makes me old. We hardly ever see him because he has a girlfriend and works at a fast food place. Apparently teens need money these days. We know hes here because sometimes theres food wrappers on the kitchen counter or dirty socks on the floor
clues! Blues Clues! This kid is a VERY, very funny guy! Youd LOVE him, I swear! Even if you met him for a minute, which is more than I ever see of him. I can probably lure him out of his lair with a hot meal or a princess. Since hes a good sport and I love to embarrass him whenever an opportunity presents itself
which looks like now: Years ago, We potty trained him by putting Mickey Mouse big-boy underpants on him and told him not to pee-pee on Mickey because thats not nice! It worked! Soon, he said I no go pee on Mickey Mouse OMGosh! I can still hear his little boy voice in my head. I miss the little boy voice! Jordan collects the villans pins and the more funny ones like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
DS8 Dallen- This is one smart kid. He seems older than he is because hes so smart and hes big for his age. Hes reflective and thinks about deep things like the sad story of the girl whos gone missing here in Utah. Things like that make him truly sad. Im touched at his sensitivity. He can be naughty and silly and LOUD! Hes a dare-devil and has never been afraid of the scarry or dark or fast rides at Disney World. Hes easily jealous of his siblings like we have a grand conspiracy to cheat him out of a ¼ Cup of popcorn or ½ inch less milk in his cup! Hes my child who still kisses me good-by at school in front of his friends and could care less. Hes a popular dude. He holds my hand during parades or will hug me after Wishes. Dallen collects Stitch, CARS, and Pirates of the Caribbean pins and crap.
DS6 Riley/ Riley Bear/ Bear-Bear/ Pooh-Bear/ Pooh-head- Riley was always mistaken for a girl when he was a baby. Boy hair, boy clothes, a neon sign pinned to his shirt that said BOY and people thought he was the prettiest girl theyve ever seen. He would be a fabulous child model except hes shy! What??? I have a shy child??? This effects our vacation a smidge because he wont participate in say the stick horse parade at Whispering Canyons (our family favorite!)or shake the shakers for the Festival of the Lion King, dance for Play House Disney etc. I tell him these people dont care and youll never see them again anyway but he wont have it. So we pick our battles with Riley. Theres lots to choose from. Hes very stubborn and very silly and fun when its just us! Hes the second most ticklish human being on the planet. Can you guess who the first most ticklish human being on the planet is? This year is the first year hell be able to ride the Rock n Roller Coaster! He wont admit it but hes nervous of the loops. The Tooth Fairy came to our house the other night!!! This is a BIG deal to Riley. She left him a $20. bill (oops!!! Should have been a $1.00 bill.) I heard this, SWEET! Ok, so the Tooth Fairy must be a dingy blonde at 4:30 in the morning when she hasnt had her diet Pepsi yet. Well, at least she remembered this time! Riley collects Buzz Lightyear, Stitch, and Lightning McQueen pins.
DD almost 2 on Aug.26(well just say DD2)/Norah/ Stinker Bell, Tinkers evil twin. We knew we were in trouble the moment she was born. What a pretty little girl. Blonde silky hair, big blue eyes, rose-bud lips, and a cry that could test Mother Theresa and Jesus. Its more of a Howler Monkey screech, only worse. IT serves her well because once you hear IT youll give her anything to shut
IT
up!!! But now Im on to her. Once IT starts I put her soundly in her crib and close the door. The second IT stops, I go in to her and praise her! Im really consistant, just like the Supernanny says to! She has GoofyDH wrapped! I swear, how did that happen? Girls are SOOOoo different from boys. She has a shirt that says Warning: Mood Subject to Change Without Notice! Lately, she meows in public. Its cute I guess. Better than IT. I was glad for this surprise from God (at least we hope it was from Him!) because I finally had a girl. A girly-girl too! She loves Rella-Rella (Cinderella) and Rariel (Ariel) and Minnie MOWse, and her twin sister Tink. Norah is handy to have for baby-swapping so my DSs can ride the cool rides twice because DH rides first with DSs and I wait with DD and then we switch and I pass DD to DH and go ride with DSs
See? Easy-Peasy Lemon-Squeezy! Its a wonder people wait till their babys are older to go to DW!
Yikes, time for ME.
Me38 ½, Virgo: Since youre still reading this, youve gathered bits and pieces about me. Some you may relate to. Some you question. Im just me, take it or leave it. For my blog, Ill just list some favorites of mine and you can feel free to judge.I describe myself as slightly overweight (30 pounds overweight is probably more than slightly) 58, perfect size 16, not-natural blonde hi-lights, self-tanned, got my first wrinkle and my first grey hair this year (thanks DD!) Confident, easy-going, cant sing, dog person, perpetual dieter.
Favorite color, Lime green and pink and brown.
Food: not picky, nothing on Fear Factor.I like seafood, grilled veggies, shrimp, mickey mouse pancakes, cheesey snacks
Drinks: A LOT of Diet Pepsi. No alcohol.(no drugs, smoking etc.) Diet pepsi with cherry or lime with an umbrella served by Capt. Jack Sparrow
Books: I love beyond all reason the books by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie Plum ones. Those of you who have a clue about this treasure are nodding in agreement.
Movies: Funny ones. Dumb and Dumber, Napolean Dynamite, Fun with Dick and Jane ("We're in a pickle, Dick")
Tv: Desperate Housewives, My Name Is Earl, The Office, All My Children, Mad TV, Reno 911
Music: This varies. Greenday, Offspring, Rascal Flatts,Dixie Chicks, Gretchen Wilson, Aerosmith, Disney Princess sing along songs, 5 Browns (5 Juliard trained teen-age siblings who play classical piano together..it is beautiful! Their Rhapsody in Blue by Gershwin is to die for!)People with a lot of different musical taste are like rainbow sherbet
lots of flavor!
Former Career prior to DD2: Hair colorist in hoity toitysalon. Hair color is my game. Love hair. I hate mullets! My DH and I have an on-going mullet game. If we find a dude or lady with one we get 1 point. If it has a perm,2 points. If its on a balding head, 3 points. I wont apologize if you have a mullet and Ive offended you. Ok, yes I do apologize, I just HATE mullets and have a gift of getting rid of them.
15 minutes of fame: Utahs 2004Foster- Mother-of-the-year! Big honor.
Moto:Mangez la glace et courez tout nu which means Eat ice cream and run naked which to me means to not take yourself seriously
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Life Credo: Pretend everyone you come across has a sign that says, Make me feel special
Disney characters: Miss Piggys diva, Pollyanna's attitude, Belles love of books, Donald Ducks temper (ouch). Dory's short term memory!
No idea when Chapter 4 will manifest. Probably right before we go. Reminder. POR Sept. 5th-14th
) and Diet Coke. Really, I live on Diet Coke. My students count the cans on my desk and laugh.
Last year I stayed at Riverside, but I got soooo tired of the walk between my room and civilized world after walking and standing all day - so I'm going for a smaller resort this year.
Unfortunatly, someone has to parent so we take turns! J/k
